This is our mock Leo interview (duh! That means it's fake). Everything on this interview is totally and completely based on our imagination, and whatever the heck we can come up with. In other words IT'S NOT A REAL INTERVIEW!!!So, nobody sue us!(Hey, it's not like you can get anything out of suing us. We're dead broke)
Announcer: Tonight on Later...Preston Manning interviews Leonardo "Retardo" DiCaprio. Yes, folks, we screwed up our scheduling yet again.
Preston Manning: And now, I present our guest for the evening, Leonardo DiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiCaprioooooooooooooooooo!(half the audience goes deaf, the other half boos at the sight of Leo)
Leonardo DiCaprio: Hey, why aren't any of my fans here?
Preston: Uh, that's because the producers of this show try to pick members of the audience with the highest I.Q.
Leo: Oh, I see. What's an I.Q?
Preston: Trust me Leo,an I.Q. is something you don't need to be a teenybopper idol like yourself. Or a teenybopper for that matter. So Leo, tell me. What was it like filming Romeo and Juliet.
Leo: Well, I wanted to call it Romeo and Romeo, but the producers wouldn't let me. They said they had to have a girl in the movie.
Preston: You don't like girls?
Leo: No! Wait, I mean, yes. I mean I'm a heterosexual guy. Heterosexual guys like girls. Y-yeah I like girls not guys. Girls I say girls!
Preston: I didn't say you liked guys(Preston moves his chair away from Leo) Anyway...tell me how you became an actor
Leo: Well, I got a job selling toothbrushes. They gave me 12,000 toothbrushes to sell, and I sold them all. You know how? I'll tell you how. I went home and made my favorite pizza, and then I went to the mall and set up a stand and made a sign that read "Free Pizza". Everyone said it tasted like sh..I mean doggie doodoo, and I said "it is doggie doodoo, wanna buy a toothbrush?"
Preston: Leo, Leo, Leo, what the heck does that have to do with acting?
Leo: Acting? I'm an actor? I thought my job was to sit there and look pretty so all the teenyboppers will come to see my movies a thousand times.
Preston: So..what did you think of working on the movie Titanic?
Leo: Well..it was pretty cool, except for one thing, how come it looks like a boat?
Preston: That's because it is one! The story took place on a ship that hit an iceberg and sank. Haven't you ever heard of the Titanic?
Leo: Of course I have! It's a story about a pretty boy who drowned!
Preston: No, Leo. Titanic the ship, not the movie.
Leo: What ship?
Preston: The one we just talked about, the Titanic, you moron!!! Leo, just out of curiosity, what kind of grades did you get when you were in school?
Leo: Oh, I was a straight F student! And F stands for fabulous, right?
Preston: No, F stands for a four letter word that rhymes with "puck" that describes you. Anyway, what do you have to say to the critics who say you have absolutely no talent whatsoever?
Leo: Hey, I do too have talent! I'll prove it by singing this song that Preston Manning wrote about me! (Leo starts to sing)...My name is Leonardo, I am a Retardo, I live on the thirty first street, I sit on the steeple and spit on the people, and they say "Hi" and I say "Hi" and they ask "What's your name" and I say " My name is Leonardo I am a retardo... (After th fiftieth time singing this song, Leo realizes what he is singing) Hey!!! You're a dead man Manning!!!
Preston: Haw..Haw..Haw. Oh...I'm sooooo scared.
Leo: You will be scared, Manning!!
Preston: You wanna see something real scary? (Preston holds up a mirror to Leo's face)
Leo: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! GET IT AWAY FROM ME!!! IT'S HIDEOUS!!!!!!!
Preston: I rest my case. So, fellow Canadians, on election day, vote Preston Manning for Prime Minister. I will do what no Prime Minister was able to do before...I will rid the image of Leo from all Big Bopper and Tiger Beat Magazines...of course, with a few minor prices to pay, such as 10% tax increase, and an increase in the net flow of extraterrestrial beings, aka people from Planet Preston, into our country...
Preston Manning's campaign manager: Great news Mr. Manning! Your ratings just rose by 90%!
Preston: Excellent...Haw Haw, Haw Haw
