You have framed the restraining order he signed for you
You have enough Leo pictures to wallpaper your four storey home
You have just gone down to city hall and legally changed your name to wife of Leonardo DiCaprio
"Leo for President" billboards can be seen on your lawn
You make the sign of the cross every time you hear Leo's name
Leo is your imaginary friend and whenever people sit in an empty chair you scream at them and insist that Leo is actually sitting there and they have just squashed him
You think the "D.C." in Washington D.C. stands for DiCaprio
You keep sending him nude sketches of yourself
You have petitioned for your town to be renamed "Leo Lover Land"
Whenever you're on the ferry, you look down at the water and scream,"Don't leave, Jack!"
Your boyfriend is really a blown up dummy with a picture of Leo's face stuck on it
