WARNING: THIS REVIEW CONTAINS HAUNTED DIMENSIONS! WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T CLICK ON THE PICTURES!!!!!!
THE HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL
It was Halloween, I spent the entire day feasting on horror flixs' on the old tube. I saw Godzilla Vs. about every thing imaginable, Michael stab a dozen people or so, Chucky say fuck a lot and chase poor Andy, and naked chicks run rampant through Crystal Lake while Jason made Sloppy Joes out of them. "Hey Jason hello its naked chicks don't just grunt and kill get ya some! Damn man!" When the sun finally started to set it was time to watch one more scary movie and there is no better place than the local cine-plex. Of course that brings us to the review. The movie ..... The House On Haunted Hill. The cast.....Geoffrey Rush, Taye Diggs, the soon to be Jean Gray in the X-Men movie Famke Janssen, Peter Gallagher, Bridgette Wilson, and SNL's own Chris Kattan. Okay first off its not even a house its an insane asylum on a hill. The story goes as follows..... Five people are asked to stay the night in a haunted house....errr...insane asylum. Whoever survives gets one million dollars. Well things go ballistic after a short introduction of the characters. Leaving nine trapped inside to fend themselves against ghosts or man.....or maybe both. Here the most intriguing parts unfold. Is it an illusion or real? Well its pretty obvious some dark force is afoot but is there others involved? For the money, to rid oneself of a lousy spouse? The movie keeps things rolling through out the middle. There is gore aplenty and a few frights. A reason for the madness is exposed but not really clarified. To this point the movie had me involved but then in the last ten minutes the movie turned to a rushed CGI shitty ending. What a waste. I think I even heard someone yell NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO! In slow motion. They must have felt my disappointment.
There is a few things I want from a horror movie. Did this movie fill it? 1. To be on the edge of my seat because at any moment something might jump out and make me shit my self. 2. Cool characters to watch get picked off one by one.
3. A plot beyond something killing something. 4. Naked flesh ( you know the usual shower scene) cause if the movie sucks at least you can say you saw some big hogans. 5. And a ending that full fills the tension and suspense that has been growing.
Many times I found myself waiting for the next moment.. What's around the corner I thought? So yes to question One. The characters where cool but very underdeveloped. Only because of Rush and Kattan will I give it ½ for effort for question two. Question three a big yes it did have a plot. Question Four...Damn! No naked chicks. The ending as I've mention sucks ass so for question five a big HELL NO! So 2 ½ of my requirements were full filled and that's exactly what I rate this one a big 2 ½ .
RATING ** 1/2