Phishing for Inspiration

a conversation with my Methosmuse

Methos? Methos, what are you doing?

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm hunting through the fridge for a beer."

Well, from here, all I can see is your butt sticking out from behind the door. Butt it's a nice view, so I'm not complaining."

"Ha, ha. Very funny. So, where's the beer?"

Um, there isn't any. After you left for Bora Bora, my roommate pawned it off on one of our co-workers. We don't drink that much, you know.

"Oh, great. I come back from beaches, beautiful women in swimsuits and long days of doing nothing, and you can't even remember to keep some bloody beer around for me."

Why are you being so nasty? I would think that those warm climates would have improved your temper.

"Well, maybe I'm being a little nasty because I've been neglected for almost four months."

How many times do I have to apologize for that?

"Since you finished with "A Life in Progress" in early January, you have written two stories about that bumbling "Xena" character Joxer and none about me. On top of that, when you did go back to "Highlander" fiction, you chose to write about Claudia Jardine. Claudia! Whatever possessed you?"

That was a fanzine submission that I had to get done, and you know that as well as I. Deadlines, you know.

"Yes, well, just because the fanzine is about women doesn't mean that you had to totally eliminate me from the story. You included MacLeod."

Methos, I've explained this before. The story takes place during "Indiscretions," which means you were already busy with Morgan Walker.

"You're a writer. Be creative."

I can't.

"What?"

Methos, since you've been mad at me, I've had a serious case of writers block. I am trying very, very hard to write the outline for my next story -- the next installment of your adventures with Lindsey Allen -- but the story refuses to come because you spend all your time complaining and none of it helping me.

"Serves you right."

Please, Methos. I bought you a whole pint of Ben and Jerry's Phish Food ice cream -- I'll even buy you a beer if you want. Just please forgive me and help me!

"I'll think about it. So, what's the problem?"

What do you think, you stubborn muse? I have a beginning and an ending to the story, but no middle.

"Tell me the beginning, and we'll go from there."

OK, well, it opens with Lindsey walking across town and feeling an immortal. Then she hears a baby crying. She follows the sound and finds an infant in a Dumpster, and she realizes that the child is the immortal. Apparently, the mother had just abandoned her kid, hoping it would die, but it didn't. Lindsey can't just leave it there, so she brings it home with her.

"I suppose I'm not very happy about that."

Unhappy is an understatement. When you come home and find Lindsey with the baby, you offer to take it outside and cut off its head.

"Delightful. But isn't that a little extreme?"

Not really. You explain to your student that this child will never get a day older, and it will become a major liability. Some immortal could use it as leverage against Lindsey.

"That makes sense. Don't forget to include some snide comment about changing diapers for all of eternity."

As a favor to you.

"Thank you. And I take it that Lindsey, being the stubborn girl that she is, refuses to get rid of it."

Exactly. She throws back some advice that her grandmother gave her about having mercy on those who can't help themselves. That leads to a flashback on the night you took Lindsey as a student, after the car crash, when she returns to the hospital in search of her dying grandmother.

"I'm glad you're planning on going back to explain the grandmother. She was an important influence in "The Hitchhiker," and then you dropped her completely in "A Life in Progress."

Well, that's partially to placate my mom. She insists that I just left that plot thread dangling, and she's right.

"People should listen to their mothers more often. Then what happens?"

Back in the present day, you stomp off, insisting that you want nothing to do with the baby.

"So far, so good. What happens next?"

I don't know.

"Well, then, how does it end?"

Oh, I can't tell you that here. If I say how it ends, none of my potential readers will have any reason to read the story. Let's just say that even though no one important dies, it's not a warm, fuzzy ending.

"You're not giving me much to go on, you know."

But you're such a talented muse, Methos. I know you can help me get past this block and write a great story.

"I'll do my best, but you'll have to buy me an entire six-pack for this job. Or maybe two."

Fine, fine, whatever. Just send me some inspiration.

"Like I said, I'll do my best. By the way, where are you keeping that Phish Food ice cream?"

Return to home page
Return to Fanfiction

Posted April 14, 1999