Prisoners in Paradise

by Jennifer Campbell

by Europe
from the album 1982-1992

Julie's got the word today
She lost her job, just one last pay
Life don't come easy anymore

Still struggling on by herself
Got a picture of Jimmy there on the shelf
And she looks at him and says
Why did we let it go?

I know that sometimes baby
We didn't see things eye-to-eye
But I got just one question
Did we have to say goodbye?

Oh, just like prisoners in paradise
Still far from Heaven's door
Yeah, we had it all but still we wanted more
Now I realize that I can't turn back
The future's here to stay
But hey, we're just children of tomorrow
Hanging on to yesterday

Well, Jimmy still recalls the night
When he took his guitar and headed on out
To find the big time, yeah that was his dream

He gave up his past and made it all right
But there's something missin' in his heart tonight
Sometimes what you want ain't what you need

He misses driving down to the lake at night
Holdin' his baby in his arms so tight
Ain't it hard to find illusions
When you're livin' in a memory

Oh, just like prisoners in paradise
So close but yet so far
There will come a time no matter who you are
When you ask yourself was it right or wrong
For me to turn away
But hey, we're just children of tomorrow
Hanging on to yesterday

Prisoners in paradise
Prisoners in paradise....

We're just prisoners in paradise
Still far from Heaven's door
Yeah, we had it all but still we wanted more
We're just prisoners in paradise

So close but yet so far
There will come a time no matter...
no matter who you are
When you ask yourself was it right or wrong for me to turn away
But hey, we're just children of tomorrow
Hanging on to yesterday

===============================

None of the characters belong to me. If they did, there'd be a whole lot of happy couples wandering around the Xenaverse, and I'm not talking about Xena and Gabrielle. I make no profit off this, unfortunately.

This story was written as part of the eighth Lyrics Challenge, offered by yours truly to the Gabrielle and Joxer Romantics Society. I was given the following set of lyrics by fellow participant Chris Shultz (thank you!) and had two weeks to write a story.

Everything here is rated G. Spoilers follow the end of fifth season. If you're the type to cry at sad endings, pull out your handkerchief now.

===============================

The last day of her life dawned bitter but clear, with a hint of snow in the air. Of course, Gabrielle did not know that on this day she would die. For such a momentous occasion, she might have changed her routine and not fed the chickens or collected their eggs. Forget about cleaning house or occupying several hours reading musty scrolls. Not on her last day.

No, she might have done something special for herself, like indulged in one last nostalgic visit to the weapons shop in town. That would have been fun. The shopkeepers, as always, would have shamed her with their pitying looks and humoring words, but maybe, just this once, she could have ignored them. For old time's sake. They could not know by looking at her that she had once been a warrior.

But, as it was, she did not know her future, so she followed her routine. As she finished with her chickens and hobbled back into her modest home, she was all too aware of how heavily she had to lean on her cane. Just as she was aware of the deep lines etched into her once beautiful face and the wrinkled skin sagging loosely over her frail frame.

So this is how Joxer felt, she thought absently as she critically examined her face in a mirrior. I can't blame him for wanting to join us on one last adventure. If only I could revisit my youth, I would do it, too.

Polite knocking drew her attention, and she slowly, carefully made her way to the front door. She opened, and smiled broadly at what lay beyond. Virgil stood proudly with his hand draped lovingly around the shoulders of his wife, Eve, and she cradled in her arms a beautiful surprise.

"Oh, she's lovely," Gabrielle cooed, as a tiny face turned to her with an innocence only an infant could achieve. "She has her grandmother's eyes."

"Yes, she even has Mother's dark hair. Look." Eve smiled as she lightly touched the dark fuzz on the child's crown. "We even named her Xena."

"It was only fitting," Virgil added quietly.

"Please come in." Gabrielle stepped aside for her guests and shut the door behind them. As Eve and Virgil settled at the dining table, Gabrielle went into the kitchen. "I wasn't expecting anyone today, but I can make some food. Or would you just like something to drink?"

"We're fine," Eve assured her. "We ate before we came."

"Are you sure? It's no trouble, really."

Virgil laughed softly and beckoned to her. "Really, we're fine. Please, come join us."

With a self-depreciating smile, Gabrielle did as Virgil asked. As she approached the table, she noted how happy they looked, sitting together as a family. She could not help but feel a little jealous. Of all her regrets, one of the strongest was that she had never allowed herself to settle down and live a normal life. She and Xena always had another village to save or another war to stop. Years passed, and then Xena was gone and it was too late.

"Sorry," Gabrielle muttered as she sat and propped her cane against the table beside her. "It's just that you haven't been here for so long."

Eve and Virgil exchanged guilty glances.

"I know," Eve said as she adjusted baby Xena in her arms. "First there was the pregnancy, and then we had to wait awhile before traveling with this little package." She smiled wistfully. "We don't have the same confidence that Mom had with me. Toting a newborn around the wilderness right from the start."

Gabrielle chuckled. "We didn't have a choice. We had gods chasing us around." As the memories flooded back, she continued quietly. "But even if we had the chance to settle down, I don't think we would have. Home, a family, normal things, they just weren't in Xena's blood."

At that, Gabrielle sadly bowed her head. It all seemed like yesterday. She would cherish that last adventure always, when she, Xena and Ares had defeated Kurgan the Warlord. He had been a nasty one, getting his kicks torturing children. That had been right before Xena got sick and Ares, unable to watch his love die, had convinced Aphrodite to give him ambrosia to restore his godhood. Then he'd abandoned them. At least Gabrielle had not watched Xena die alone. Eve and Virgil had refused to leave the bedside, and together they watched the life slowly drain from their hero.

Blinking back tears, Gabrielle had to turn away. She wiped her face with her sleeve. How could those memories still haunt her so many years later? Virgil passed her a handkerchief, which she took gratefully.

"We visited her grave on the way here," he said comfortingly. "We left her some more flowers, but those ones by the tombstone are still blooming."

Gabrielle nodded knowingly. "Ares and Aphrodite left those flowers. They'll probably always bloom, even after the grave is gone."

"We visited Joxer, too. And Meg." Eve murmured. She glanced at her suddenly somber husband and laid her hand over his. "We had to clear some weeds from around Joxer's tombstone, but that's nothing new. For some reason, plants of all sorts are always springing up from his grave."

"Maybe that's because he loved life, in all its forms." Gabrielle smiled softly at the couple. "Let the weeds grow. I think he would have liked it that way."

They talked all morning and into late afternoon, speaking of good memories and hopes for the future. Gabrielle basked in the warm love that radiated into her home, so much like a crackling fire on a cold night. It held back the pain of a lonely old woman who could not let go of the past.

Finally, though, baby Xena began to cry, and Eve and Virgil took their leave, saying they had to find a place to stay for the night but would return in the morning. Gabrielle yearned to offer them her home, but she knew the tiny house could not accomodate four people, one of them a infant; so she let them go. She hugged them, and as their wagon rolled down the road and out of sight, one tear dripped down her weathered cheek.

That night, she lit a fire and a few candles. Just as the chickens stopped their incessant clucking for the night, leaving her with a silent home, Gabrielle pulled out a blank parchment and her quill. Late into the night she wrote, and when she finished, she neatly put everything in its place and retired to her bed. She fell sleep making plans for a tomorrow that would never come.

===============================

The next morning, as they pulled up, Virgil did not notice that the chickens had not been fed and were clucking madly in their pen, scratching for food that was not there. When his knocks received no answer and he slowly opened the door, he did not notice that Gabrielle had forgotten to blow out her candles the night before and wax had hardened into milky pools on the dining table.

Eve pushed past him into the house, baby Xena gurgling contentedly in her arms. "Gabrielle," she called. "Gabrielle, are you here?"

They searched the silent kitchen and living area before finally entering the bedroom. There they found her, stretched out on her bed, eyes closed and a small smile on her face. In her hands, folded neatly across her chest, she clutched a rolled parchment.

Eve turned to her husband with a small gasp, and Virgil could see tears blurring her eyes. He leaned over to check Gabrielle's pulse, but he already knew what he would find.

"She's gone."

He sat on the edge of the bed in shock. Eve joined him, and he subconsciously wrapped an arm around her to pull her closer. She lay her head on his shoulder and sobbed quietly.

"I can't believe it," Eve murmured.

"She died peacefully," Virgil reassured her. "In her sleep. I can't think of an easier way to go."

Then, remembering the parchment in her hands, Virgil gently disengaged himself from Eve and slipped the scroll out from under Gabrielle's fingers. He unrolled it carefully, almost as though he were afraid it would crumble in his hands, and began to read aloud the neat, broad handwriting:

This is not my life, anymore. My time and place slipped away long ago, and I never even noticed until they were gone. Now, I am simply an old woman who clings to yesterday and cannot look into the future with any sense of hope.

My best friend has been in her grave for the past twenty years, yet I cannot let her go. Xena could defeat any evil set before her except one. She could not defend herself against her own weak body. I miss her. I thought eventually the pain would fade, but it never did. She is a part of me that I have lived without for too long.

And Joxer. Dear Joxer. He is my greatest regret. After Perticus died, I promised myself that I would never again let myself get that close to another man. I would not be able to survive the pain of such loss a second time. But Joxer would not give up, and he loved me so much that I could not distance myself. I never told him how much I loved him, how much I wanted Virgil to be my own son and not Meg's. I sometimes imagined it was so. It isn't hard to find illusions when you're living in a memory.

For anyone who finds this scroll, take from it what you will. I was happy once, and the key was my family and friends. Xena, Joxer and Lila. Virgil and Eve. Once they left, my life ended. So take this advice from an old, lonely woman: There will come a time, no matter who you are, when you ask yourself, was it right or wrong for me to turn away. I will tell you now that if you turn away, you are wrong. When you find those you love, cling to them with all your strength and never let them go. They are all you will ever have.

"Virgil?" Eve's small voice seemed to come from far away. He returned his attention to her beautiful face, gazing up at him.

"Yes?"

"I love you."

Virgil could not help but smile as he brushed his fingers along her cheek. "I love you, too."

Then, as one, they rose from the bed. That afternoon, they lay Gabrielle's body in the back of the wagon and drove away, toward the place they agreed she should spend eternity: at Xena's side. The scroll they left on the bed for others to find, but they took the words with them, never to forget.

The end

home