When I emerged, I heard people screaming all around me, and Jack was nowhere to be found. I called out his name again and again and then I felt someone climb on me as I went under the water. I could not get him away from me and my lungs began to burn as I struggled for air.
Suddenly I was free and I saw two fists beat the man unconscious. His limp body floated away and then I heard Jack's voice. He said he needed me to swim and I started to swim as best I could. I could no longer feel my legs. I saw a piece of debris floating in the water and I slowly made my way to it. Jack helped me climb onto the debris but when he tried to climb on himself, it started to flip over.
Jack swam over to the front of the pile of debris and hung on facing me. All round us people were screaming for help. I heard a whistle blow and someone called for the boats to return. Jack told me to hold on, that the boats would soon be here. I nodded to him, barely able to speak because my teeth were chattering so badly from the cold.
Soon most of the voices grew silent and the water was so black and still that I could see the reflection of the stars above me. I told Jack it was getting quiet and he said to hold on a few minutes more because the boats would be returning. He tried to lift my sprits but I could only weakly laugh. Jack could always manage to smile despite the circumstances.
I told Jack I loved him and he took my hand and told me that I should not be saying my good byes and not to give up. Then he told me I would get out of this that I would not die here in this place this night. That I would have lots of children and die an old woman warm in my bed. My body was completely numb from the cold and I told Jack I could not feel my body.
Jack was having a hard time speaking as he told me that winning that ticket was the best thing that ever happened to him because it brought him to me and he was thankful for that. Then he looked directly into my eyes and told me to promise him that I would survive, that I would never give up no matter what happened or how hopeless and to never let go of that promise. I made him my promise and he again told me to never let go of that promise. I told him I would never let go. He managed a weak smile and he squeezed my hand gently. Those were the last words he ever spoke.
I cannot be sure what happened after that. I vaguely remember staring up at the heavens and following a shooting star with my eyes. The day before when I was with Jack after the party, I saw a shooting star and he told me his father said it was a soul going to heaven. What bitter irony. The next thing I remember was seeing the light of an approaching boat. I turned to Jack and told him the boat was coming. He did not hear me and looked like he was asleep. I gently shook him thinking he would wake up, but he did not respond. His face was pale and he was very still and quiet. Then I understood and the shock hit me. Jack was dead. My heart shattered into a thousand pieces as my sorrow overcame me. All desire for living left me and I abandoned myself to what I thought was my fate. I closed my eyes and waited to die.
Then I remembered my promise I had made to Jack and my body seemed to reawaken with a determination to live. I opened my eyes and called out for the boat to come back. My voice was so weak that I doubted that they could hear me. I arose from the plank and looked one last time at Jack. His hands were frozen to the debris and I broke the thin layer of ice around the board by breathing on his hands. I held them in mine for one last time before releasing him. I tearfully told Jack I would never let go as I watched his body slowly sink into his watery cold grave. His hand seemed to wave goodbye to me like a spirit returning to the other world. Maybe it was just my imagination.
The boat was past me and my voice was too weak to shout. I looked around and saw a gleam in front of me. It was the officer's whistle. I moved off the debris and swam to the body grabbing the whistle around its neck and began blowing it. I kept blowing the whistle until they had reached me. I could feel myself getting weaker and when they lifted me into the boat, everything went black.
I felt as if I was floating and soon I thought I was back on Titanic. There was a crowd of people in the first class reception area and I could see Jack at the stair landing by the clock. I approached the door to go inside, but the gentleman that was standing there looked at me and softly said, I'm sorry miss, but you are not supposed to be here yet. I was going to tell him that he was mistaken. then I heard another voice that said, Saints be praised, she is breathing again.
I opened my eyes and I saw this man looking down at me. He said you had as worried there lass, we thought we were too late and the waters had claimed another one. He asked for another blanket and as he draped it over me he told me to lie still so that I could regain my strength. I believe my spirit left my body and then returned. I can never tell this to anyone, they would think I was just hallucinating.
After what seemed like hours, there was excited shouting as someone exclaimed that there was a ship ahead! A short time later, there were more voices as I heard someone say, is everyone okay here? They said they were then the officer that was caring for me told the other men that they might want their ship's doctor to check this one, referring to me. He placed his hand on my forehead. I felt someone step into the boat and then two men lifted me up into another boat.
When we reached the ship, they carried me into a small room where the doctor immediately examined me. He said I was fortunate because had I been in that water another 10 minutes, I would have been dead or at the very least lost a limb from the frostbite. He told the nurse to give me some hot tea and to dry my clothes and keep me warm. As he was leaving I asked him if he could please tell me where I was. He told me I was on the Carpathia. Then he asked me how many were on board the Titanic. I told him I believed there were 2200. His voice became a choked whisper and he replied dear God have mercy on their souls.
After resting a few hours, I was beginning to feel a lot better and when the doctor came back to look in on me I asked him if I could leave. He examined me again and had the nurse return my clothes. He told me to rest and keep bundled up and he gave me an extra blanket. I got dressed and then I thanked him for his help. He told me I was welcome and as I was leaving he said I was a very lucky girl and that it was a miracle of God that I was still alive.
I spotted a steward and asked him to direct me to the steerage section of the ship. He escorted me to the area and then he left. If Cal and mother had been looking for me I knew they would have found me had I remained in the first class area.
All around me I could see people with blank stares on their faces, mostly they were women. One tearful woman was asking a steward if he had seen her husband. He sadly replied he had not. I saw two children numbly playing hand games with each other. Then I caught something out of the corner of my eye that made me tremble. It was Cal. I saw him start down the steps and he was looking carefully at each face he passed. I knew he was looking for me. I pulled the blanket around my head and turned away. He never recognized me. I watched as he stopped a minute to talk with a steward and then he went back up the stairs.
If Cal thinks that I died on Titanic, I can finally be free of him. I am sorry to have to hurt mother this way, but I have no choice. If she knew I was alive, she would only make me go back to Cal.
After the ship had docked in New York, I waited until most of the people had gone before I finally left. The weather was cold and it was raining. It was as if heaven were weeping for the victims of Titanic. I stood silent, looking up at the Statue of Liberty and meditating on my own new liberty, when an officer who asked my name interrupted my thoughts. I was about to give him my real last name, but then I paused and said Dawson, Rose Dawson. He thanked me and left.
I thought of myself as Jack's wife, presently his widow, and I knew Jack would have been happy that I chose to have his name be my own. The laws of men may have not married us, but in my heart, I knew our souls were united and would be forever. Nothing would change that. Smiling I pushed my hands deeper into my pocket and that is when I discovered The Heart of the Ocean.
April 30, 1912
This morning I stopped at a vendor who was selling flowers and bought one red rose from him. I went out to the edge of the pier and dropped the rose. As I watched the tide carry it out, my thoughts were interrupted by an older gentleman who had been watching me. He asked me if I was okay because I seemed so deep in thought. I told him that I was fine, and that I was just saying good bye to a friend.
Last night I had a dream about Jack. It was the most unusual dream I ever experienced. I could actually feel him as we embraced and held each other. He told me he could not stay long and I pled with him to take me with him. He smiled and said, Rose you know I cannot do that. I tearfully told him that I was so lonely without him. I saw tears in his eyes as he looked at me and smiling said, your promise has unlocked the door to your heart for me. You will never be alone Rose, wherever you are I will always be with you. One day we will be together forever. The necklace will remind you until you return it to where it belongs. Then I asked him, Jack where does it belong? He told me, When the time comes Rose, you will know. Then I woke up.
May 27, 1912
I have been feeling a lot better lately. I won't lie though it still is hard at times. Sometimes I think I can even sense Jacks presence with me and it gives me the strength I need to go on.
Rose-Dewit-Bukater is dead but Rose Dawson is alive. Jack, what you did was the noblest thing a person could ever do. You gave your live so that I would live. You never said in words that you loved me but your heroic act that night was the ultimate expression of love. I can never repay you for that. Had you asked me to marry you, I would have gladly accepted even though you thought you had nothing to give me. You had something that Cal did not. You had integrity. Cal scoffed at you because you were not a gentleman. You were more a gentleman than Cal could have ever hoped to be.
I do not know where my destiny lies, but I am going to take life one day at a time and make each day count. Yes Jack, I will keep the promise I made to you. I know with every fiber of my being that we will one day be together again.
This was the last entry. Rose kept other diaries throughout her life but none of them ever mentioned Jack or Titanic. Neatly folded beside the diary was a faded chiffon dress.