Awakenings

Author: Gwyhn
Email: gwyhn99@yahoo.com
Rating: PG - for mature subject matter.. no physical stuff
Category: bit of angst, POV story
Pairings: Sam/Janet, friendship
Spoilers: season 3, Point of View
Date: December 2000
Archive: only here, at Alternate Reality and Area52
Summary: last scenes of Point of View from Janet's and Sam's POV.. confused yet?

Authors Notes: I highly recommend watching the third season ep "Point of View", not just because it's a brilliant ep, but also because this story won't make too much sense if you haven't. Feedback is much appreciated, praise and criticism alike, as long as it's worded in a constructive manner. Flames will go directly to the flame-folder on my system, where they will be encouraged to multiply exponentially and then fly back to where they came from. If that didn't make sense: just don't flame me, it's not nice. Enjoy the story!

Feedback: yes, please send to gwyhn99@yahoo.com This is my first foray into SG-1 fic, and I'd love to hear how you think I did.

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I am looking at Sam Carter. She's standing in front of the Quantum Mirror, watching Colonel O'Neill and Dr. Samantha Carter on the other side. Daniel and Teal'c just stepped through the mirror and are standing to Sam's right. General Hammond is behind her.
The expression on her face is stoic, but it's not fooling me. We've become so much closer over the past year since Cassie moved in with me, and in all that time I've come to know Major Samantha Carter a bit better. I can see through her usually unreadable expression.
Oh sure, Sam laughs and smiles, a lot even. Especially when she's around Cass and me. And when she's pissed off, oh boy! Do you ever know when it's time to run and hide!
But raw emotions like fear, sadness, pain, confusion, those never really show on Sam's face. At least, not to the untrained eye. But I've had a bit of practice, and what I'm seeing now worries me.

Sam's standing, nailed to the ground, her eyes focussed on the scene on the other side of that mirror. I can't see what's going on on the other side from where I'm standing, way over to Sam's right, but I can make a pretty accurate guess. I've seen Dr. Samantha Carter around Colonel O'Neill. The pain and longing were ever so clear in every look, every gesture of the woman. It was so unlike my Sam...

Not that these emotions surprised me in the least, I mean, this alternate version of Sam is so deeply in love with her Jack, they even were married. And to be confronted with someone who looks the same, talks the same, thinks the same, yet isn't the same, only 3 days after loosing the love of your life. I can't even begin to imagine what that must be like.
I can image doing the very same thing that Dr. Samantha is doing right now: kiss this Jack that isn't quite her Jack, but oh so close. And Jack won't be resisting, I know he won't..

Poor Sam, look at the confusion in her face. No wonder when you're watching yourself, yet not yourself, kiss one of your best friends, and that friend kissing you, yet not you, back. It'd throw anyone off balance!

Daniel's throwing an apologetic look Sam's way, but she doesn't notice, entranced by what she's witnessing. Yes Daniel, I know, I feel for her too..

Sam briefly looks at the floor, and the look on her face changes. It looks like a smile. It's there for only a second before it changes into... into.. panic? I don't understand. What has her smile and then panic?

What if.. what if Sam just smiled, because this kiss made her realise that if Jack is willing to kiss her twin, he'd probably feel the same way about her? What if that idea pleases her? It's not like there's no attraction between those two..
They both know it's impossible with the regs and all and frankly, I think that's the only thing that's keeping them apart. That and the fact that they'll never fess up, because they're both damn stubborn and damn proud too.

But if Jack's display of affection towards Dr. Samantha made her happy because of what it implies, then she probably panicked because she thinks it was clearly visible on her face and General Hammond is right there!

She doesn't need to worry, it wasn't that clear..

But oh Sam, why can't you let him go.. it's not gonna work. You're both too hurt, too weary, especially after this Alternate Universe business. And I honestly thought your affections had been shifting elsewhere over this past year. You really need to work some stuff out girlfriend, this is going to kill you... and me..

Looks like Colonel O'Neill is coming back, she's waking up from her trance. The smile is back, albeit a bit melancholy. I wonder what that means. That she's accepting their predicament, and will have peace with it, until something changes about their 'chain of command' situation?

God I hope not...

Jack appears on this side of the mirror and starts to walk past Sam. He changes his mind and turns to face her, his back to me. I can't see the look on his face, but I can see Sam nod. He turns and walks away..
Why isn't Sam following him? That's odd..

Oh, she's looking at me.. with that brilliant smile of hers.. the one that always melts my heart, like it does right now. I can't help but smile back, that smile is so intoxicating..

I feel my legs move, but I have nothing to do with that.. what are they doing? They're taking me to her, oh goodness, they're taking me to her.. Snap out of it Fraiser, before you make a big ol' fool of yourself!

I'm in front of her now, and I put my hand on her forearm
" It's been a long day," I hear myself say, " How about a quiet dinner at my place after you finish your debriefing? Cassie's staying over at a friend's house, so it'll really be quiet."

Sam's smile deepens.. was I wrong with all my worries?
She takes my hand and gently squeezes it.. I guess I just may have overreacted a little bit there, right?

"I'd love to, thank you," she replies.

No Sam, thank you.

= = = = = = = =

I'm standing in front of the Quantum Mirror. Daniel and Teal'c just stepped through, and they're standing to my right. I can feel Daniel's presence, but I can't keep my eyes from the scene on the other side of the mirror. Colonel O'Neill has stayed behind to say goodbye to Dr. Samantha Carter. Me, but the me from another reality. It's mindboggling, really. I still can't get over the hair, and the fact that she =didn't= join the militairy. I can't imagine what her life must be like.

I can't hear what they're saying, but I don't need to. My counterpart's eyes speak volumes. There's a strong mixture of love, pain and grief flowing my way, and the mirror isn't doing anything to stop it.
I see the love surface and take over on Samantha's face as she leans in to Colonel O'Neill.

Holy Hannah!! I thought she was going to give him a hug! She's kissing-... and he's kissing-... Why is she kissing him? Why is he kissing her back?

She must really really love him. No, no, no, not this Colonel O'Neill that she's kissing now, but her Jack. She must really totally and utterly love her Jack, who she watched dying only 4 days ago. The Jack she'd been married to.

Wow..

And this is her only chance to ever kiss that man again. And she's taking it. Really taking it..
I can't help smiling. Good for you, Samantha, you go girl!
It's not like I wouldn't do the very same thing... If I loved someone that much..
If I ever will..

What if I never will? Love someone like that? What if I never find someone I feel for that deeply?
True, Jack and I share a very deep friendship, which has led to a very uncanny way of knowing what's on the other's mind. But I don't love him like Samantha loves her Jack. I just don't. He's my best friend, nothing more, nothing less.

Is there anyone I feel that deeply for though?
None of the guys I ever dated really qualify. Definitely not Jonas, mistake of biblical proportions.. Although he was one of the few who wasn't initmidated by the fact that, even though I am a blonde, I do have a brain. And a fully functional one at that. But there's definitely no ex-boyfriend who'd qualify here, is there?

How 'bout the people I've been around these past few years?
Jack? My CO, fellow soldier, best friend. Daniel is like a little brother. He's the only one who fully understands the perils of being a brainiac! Teal'c, Teal'c's my silent protector. Heck, he's that to all of us. So none of them really qualify, no matter how much I love them, it's just not the same.
Who el-

Janet
How the hell could I forget Janet?!?!
See, I do think too much!
Janet, beautiful, sweet Janet..
My best friend, definitely my best friend. Sorry Jack, you make an awfully close second, but Janet has become my best friend over the past year.
Best friend, best giggling partner, best heckling partner. There's just no one I can make the guys cringe with better than Janet!
Best mom to Cassie, sweet, beautiful, caring..

I feel a smile creep across my face at the thoughts of Janet.
Wow, I never realised the mere thought of her makes me smile.
Gotta watch that!

And wow, imagine what it takes to open my eyes!
It takes a visit of an Alternate Reality version of myself to make me realise I've been loving someone for quite a while now.. I suppose it's grown so slowly that I never really noticed.. I mean, it's not quite as deep a love as Samantha feels for her Jack, but it could very well head that way..

Wow..

That's all sweet and everything, I may just have realised I love the good Doctor, but who says she feels the same way?
Who am I kidding anyway? Janet's got better things to do than fall in love with a soldier.. and a female soldier for that matter.

Oh, hang on, Jack's coming back this way.
He steps through the mirror and is about to walk past me. But he changes his mind and turns to me. I turn to face him, and ask him with one look if he's allright, like I can only do with him.
He gives me his patented "Everything's just peachy Major" look, but I don't buy it. I can see it in the way he holds himself standing. He's just as confused by this whole thing as I am. I let him go, he obviously wants to be left alone, and besides, I just spotted Janet over his shoulder, standing off to the side.
And I don't like the worried look on her face.

Jack walks away, and I stay where I am, sending my brightest smile to Janet. I'm so glad she's here.
I see the worry leave her face, and a smile comes to her eyes, before it ever reaches her beautiful mouth. It lights up her face, it makes her more beautiful than she already is. I don't know what I'm getting myself into, but she's just too wonderful to let go without ever trying.

I watch as she walks over to where I'm still standing in front of the mirror. She stops in front of me and puts her hand on my forearm.
"It's been a long day," I hear her say. " How about a quiet dinner at my place after you finish your debriefing? Cassie's staying over at a friend's house, so it'll really be quiet."

My smile widens. How does she do it? Do the right thing like she does?
I take her hand from my arm, and squeeze it gently. "I'd love to, thank you," I tell her.

"Anytime, you know that," I hear her say softly. "If you don't mind, I'll go ahead and get the groceries. That way you can come home straight after your debriefing, and I can get some proper food into you. I'm guessing it's been a while."

I can't help but laugh at the way she slips into Doc. Fraiser mode.
"Doctor, you've got yourself a deal," I tell her, with the laughter still in my voice.

As we leave the room together, I decide to contemplate the implications of Janet using the word 'home' later. Much later, after the debriefing. That one's gonna be rough and it'll need my full attention.

Home.. later..

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