Email: gwyhn99@yahoo.com
Date: 1 June 2001
Archive: ummm… rather not, thanks.
Rating: PG for mature subjects
Classification: Vignette, Romance, Angst
Keywords: Mulder/Scully, friendship
Spoilers: season 8 flashback ep called Per Manum. This story is set somewhere in the 7th season though, about a month before All Things (which is when I think Per Manum actually took place).
Summary: Scully contemplates Mulder's answer. Warning: contains spoilers for the season 8 flashback episode Per Manum!!

Authors Notes: well well well, the second vignette in one week spawning from the deep dark depths of my brain... before I know it this'll be a series! I guess that Gladiator-like soundtrack that Mark Snow has come up with to be the Scully/shippy/angst theme for season 8 has really struck a chord in me, so to speak...

~+~+~+~+~+~+~

Certainty

"As weird as it may sound, and I know it sounds really weird.. I don't want this to come between us, Scully."

His words echo in my mind. He said yes, but he's afraid. He clamped it down and pushed it away. For me. Because he knows how much this means to me and he doesn't want to burden me with his insecurities.

Some part of me understands his fear. I don't want to lose him anymore than he wants to lose me. I cannot imagine my life without him being an integral part of it. I don't want a life without him. After all we've been through together, I don't think I even =can= live without him.

And that's the part of me which doesn't understand his fear. After everything, his mother's death, his father's death, Missy's death, my cancer, Antarctica, Russia, Africa, and a million other places where we almost lost each other, how can anything come between us?
After being there for each other when losing a loved one, when losing a battle with our own bodies, after giving each other strength, a shoulder, a hug, a kiss, and after coming =so= close to losing each other so many times, how could anything as wonderful as sharing a life pull us apart?

But I understand his anxieties. He wonders what kind of part he'll have in our child's life. He wonders how he could possibly make a good father, if given the chance. And most of all, he fears anything, anything that could take me away from him.

After I'd recovered from my ordeal with Duane Barry, Missy told me about the state Mulder had been in while I was missing and when I was returned in a coma. Later, after my miraculous recovery from the cancer, Mom informed me in no uncertain terms of Mulder's frame of mind when I'd been on what we all thought was my deathbed.

So I know he fears anything that might take me away from him.

Well, Mulder, let me tell you. I can't think of anyone, =anyone=, who I'd like more to be the father of my child. I know you will make a wonderful dad.

I won't leave you. Not as long as I have anything to say about it. Cos I need you just as much as you need me.

~+~+~+~+~+~+~

[Home]