Email: gwyhn99@yahoo.com
Date: 2 June 2001
Archive: ummm… rather not, thanks.
Rating: PG for mature subjects
Classification: Vignette, Romance, Angst
Keywords: Mulder/Scully, friendship
Spoilers: season 8 flashback ep called Per Manum. This story is set somewhere in the 7th season though, about a month before All Things (which is when I believe Per Manum actually took place).
Summary: Scully is hurting after some devastating news. Warning: contains spoilers for the season 8 flashback episode Per Manum!!

Authors Notes: third vignette in a series of Scully POV's I seem to be writing... so far it's number 2 as far as chronology is concerned. I have no idea what else my muse will throw at me, and how it'll fit into the chronology of the show. My muse is a strongheaded one.. does whatever she pleases, whenever she pleases.

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Hurt

I don't know exactly how I got here, but I'm standing in front of Mulder's apartment. I do know what brought me here. I need his strength. I need his soothing words. I need him.

The last thing I remember is being in Dr. Parenti's office, some distant part of me listening to his words about how these IVF treatments usually don't take the first time around.

But we didn't have a second chance. It was this one time, or never.

It turned out to be never.

Which is why I am here now, with my knuckles against his door. I can't deal with this. I can't. Not alone. It hurts so bad that it feels like the pain is swallowing me whole.

The door opens, and there he is. My friend, my constant, my touchstone.

He takes one look at my eyes, and I know he knows. He motions for me to come in, gently touching my elbow as I step inside. He looks at me again and says, "It didn't take, did it?"

I'm afraid to look him straight in the eye. I feel like I've let him down.

"I guess it was too much to hope for," I manage, before he shakes his head and pulls me into his arms.

Oh, how I need him right now.

I welcome his warmth, his strength. I hold onto him like my life depends on him. And in an odd way it does. If he wasn't here for me, I'd curl up in a tight ball and die.

After an eternity he lets me out of his arms.

He kisses my forehead, then leans his against it and says the words I need to hear.

"Never give up on a miracle."

It's Mulder's way of letting me know that I haven't let him down… and that he's not about to give up on anything.

I thank him the only way I can at this moment. As I flee back into his arms, I brush my lips across his cheek, hoping he'll understand the "thank you".

We stay like this for a long time. Wrapped in each other's arms with me pulling on his strength. Until the events of the day catch up with me. I shiver vehemently, overcome by sudden chills of exhaustion, while my legs decide to give way.

Mulder feels me go down, and holds me up, pulling me tighter to his chest.

"Easy, Scully," he whispers in my ear, "Here, lemme just-" And he bends to lift me off the floor like a feather.

"Mulder-?" I start to protest, but he hushes me, while he carries my shivering body into his bedroom.

He puts my feet back on the floor, and leans over to pull away the covers with one hand, the other gently placed between my shoulderblades to keep me upright. I crawl into his bed as soon as the covers have been pulled aside. He scoots in behind me, spooning me and pulling me close to his chest. He wraps himself around me in an attempt to warm me, but the shivers are out of control.

He makes reassuring noises, while rubbing my stomach, and I feel some of the tension flow away.

"Sleep Scully. Just close your eyes and sleep," he murmurs in my ear.

And I do.

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