Email: gwyhn99@yahoo.com
Date: 30 May 2001
Archive: ummm
rather not, thanks.
Rating: PG-13 for language
Classification: Vignette, Romance, some Angst
Keywords: Mulder/Scully, Scully POV
Spoilers: season 8 flashback ep called Per Manum. Its set
at the end of season 7 though.
Summary: Scully looks back on 7 years with Mulder. Warning: contains
spoilers for the season 8 flashback episode Per Manum!!
Disclaimer: Not mine, never have been, never will be. Just playing. Will return unharmed. No use in suing me, Im broke.
Authors note: this just came to me, in a very crowded uni commissary, over lunch, with the Gladiator soundtrack playing on my cd-player. I was taking a break from studying for my exam that afternoon and scribbled this down in about 20 minutes. Made some additions while typing it up, but thats it. Thanks heaps to Little Miss and Garnet for beta-ing this for me :-)
Please be nice and dont flame me for this one, okay? Ta.
I have to dedicate this to Gillian
Anderson. So people always look amazing when you watch a compilation
of their best scenes, but any actor who can make me cry is just
amazing. By god, that woman can emote!
Okay, Ill stop before I get lost in a total gushing session
;-)
On with the story, which is prolly shorter than this intro stuff!!
~+~+~+~+~+~+~
Basking
Mulder has become my shadow, my rock, the only truth in my life. Im not sure when this change in our relationship truly started, but I do know that it has taken on a decidedly more physical nature after the failed IVF treatment. For some reason, that took away the physical barriers wed kept in place for so long.
No, were not sleeping together. Nothing as drastic as that. Weve just become more physical.
Mulder has always been there, right behind me, watching my back, but after the IVF debacle, hes been one step closer behind me, if that were possible. I can feel his presence more strongly than ever before.
And it scares me.
It scares me when he pulls me into his arms. It scares me when he holds me close to comfort me or himself Yes, he hugs me to comfort himself. To make sure Im still there. To make sure he hasnt lost me.
It scares me when he looks into my eyes to see if Im really all right. The intensity of this man scares me. Because it stokes a fire deep within me. A fire that is so intense and all-consuming that Im afraid itll swallow me whole.
And now were back in Oregon, where it all started. Where our bond was forged. I cant help but be in awe of the difference between then and now. The difference in each of us and between us.
Back then, Mulder took the first step towards giving me his full trust. I did the same.
Since then, weve slayed some of Mulder's demons, and weve stumbled upon new ones, for both of us. Weve fine-tuned our play where he comes up with his "out-there theories" and I counter them with my "rational scientific explanations".
Ive seen things that even Mulder has trouble believing, yet Ive always stayed his sounding board, like he has always been mine.
Weve been to hell and back for each other. My hell was Antarctica, and Marthas Vineyard, his not knowing where I was taken, what was done to me, and whether Id even survive the repercussions.
Weve both lost our innocence, but weve always found strength in each other, both mentally and physically.
Like now. I am pulling on his physical strength, and he offers it to me freely and willingly. I will always, always be grateful to him for that. I dont know where Id be without him.
Ive been feeling ill these past few
days. Very ill. Not unlike the cancer or the chemotherapy. I fear
that despite all the signs and assurances to the contrary, the
cancer may be back. So I lean on Mulder, trying to keep the demons
away for as long as possible. Until I will finally have to give
in, and let him take me to a hospital. Until then, I will bask
in the warmth his arms provide me, and enjoy every second of innocence
we can share.
~+~+~+~+~+~+~
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