Falling from Grace 8/16

by Christina, kenobijedione@yahoo.com

Rating: this chapter PG

Warnings, disclaimers, etc. in part 1

Chapter 8: The Vanquished Mission

Obi-Wan walked at a clipped pace down the hall to the Queen's chambers. Anakin practically had to run to keep up with his Master. The younger Jedi had tried a million times to connect to the link between himself and his teacher, to find out what was going on, but to no avail. Master Obi-Wan was completely shut off, and had been that way for days. As they approached the chamber doors, Obi-Wan turned to his Apprentice and spoke for the first time in what seemed like forever.

"Keep your hood on, Padawan," he instructed.

He said no more. Anakin asked why but his Master did not answer. He merely strode through the door and took his place in front of the Queen, bowing deeply as he did so. Anakin did the same, taking one step back as the Queen had requested to see Obi-Wan and not him. He kept his hood on as his Master instructed, but felt slightly uncomfortable doing so. Staring at the ground, Obi-Wan shifted on his feet and waited for the Queen to speak first. She did, but only to ask him to speak of himself.

"Jedi Kenobi, what is this I hear of you leaving your mission to protect myself and the Princess until the mystery behind these dark figures is revealed?" she asked sternly.

"The dark figures are Sith. Evil Jedi who killed my Master and are now after you."

The Queen sighed. She would receive all of this information from the Council or her assistants. She had other matters to discuss with the Jedi. "Your release—" she reminded him pointedly.

Obi-Wan spoke softly and evenly. "I petitioned the Council to release myself and my Padawan from the mission, my Queen, my apologies to you of course."

"So it is true," she said softly. She furrowed her brow and leaned forward slightly. "Might I get an explanation, Jedi Kenobi? Standing before me with your hood drawn indicates repentance. Are you saying you have done something wrong?"

Anakin looked up and quickly dropped his hood. He stared openly at his Master and spoke out of turn. "Master?"

Kenobi did not turn to his Apprentice. Instead, he lowered his hood as well and spoke directly to the Queen. "I feel that my Apprentice has served you well, my Queen. Sena's death was unfortunate, but there was nothing he could have done to stop it. His first duty was to you, and to you he went at the sign of danger. I am proud of him for that. However, he may not continue on the mission without my accompaniment. And I am afraid that I have not served you to the best of my ability. I allowed personal feelings to hinder my ability and I feel that another Jedi will serve you better."

The Queen absorbed this information quietly first, then spoke softly. "Personal feelings," she mused, repeating his words. "For my daughter."

It wasn't a question, but Obi-Wan answered anyway. "Yes."

No hesitation, no embarrassment. Anakin stole a glance at the Queen's guards and servants standing on the perimeter of the room. They made no movement, no indication that anything they heard surprised them. The Queen did not seem surprised either. In fact, she took the question further.

"You love her?"

Again, without hesitation, looking the Queen directly in the eye, Obi-Wan answered strongly. "Yes."

The Queen smiled. She leaned back and looked at the Jedi almost pitiably. "May I ask, my sweet boy, why you feel that someone would protect my daughter better than the man who loves her?"

Obi-Wan looked down, studying the floor. How did he explain that the Princess distracted him to a dangerous point? How did he explain that the only person he could protect was her because he was completely oblivious to everyone else when she was around? How did he explain that he wasn't at the house when Sena was killed because he was making love to the Princess on the lawn? Obi-Wan felt sick. He shook his head, completely unsure of how to answer. Finally he said, "I'm afraid, my Queen, that the Princess does not wish me to be her protector any longer. I must respect her wishes and keep my distance."

There was no mistaking the sadness in his voice. The Queen frowned. "She is grieving, my son," she said affectionately, the term of endearment cutting through Obi-Wan's heart like a saber blade. How many times had he thought about the possibility of actually taking Kalyia as his wife? Too many times for him to count. And now the Queen, calling him son, it was all too much. He only shook his head. The Queen spoke again. "She is angry but she adores you, you must know that?"

Obi-Wan sighed. "I don't--" he paused. "I don't know, my Queen. I am sure that another Jedi will serve you and your daughter to your satisfaction."

His voice had a finality about it that caused Anakin's heart to break. He knew his Master was hurting and wished there was some way to help. But the wall Obi-Wan had erected around himself told the boy he didn't want help, he didn't want contact, he didn't want anything from anyone, except perhaps from Princess Kalyia Amaya. Anakin turned his attention back to the Queen. She sighed sadly.

"If that is your choice, Jedi Kenobi, I will not force you to continue a mission you do not wish to serve."

Obi-Wan replaced his hood and dipped his head, speaking in a low, hoarse voice. "It is not my choice, my Queen. It is, I'm afraid, your daughter's. Please know that if either of you require my or my Padawan's presence, we will be here without hesitation."

The Queen smiled. "I am glad to hear that, dear Obi-Wan. Do not keep a heavy heart; she will surely find her way in time."

The Jedi nodded slowly, then bowed at the waist. Anakin followed suit hurrying after his Master. When the two were in the corridor alone, Anakin caught his Master by the arm, urging him to stop his pace.

"Master, please."

Sighing heavily, Kenobi turned, eyeing his Padawan with tired eyes. "Padawan?"

Anakin lowered his head, biting down hard on his lower lip. "I just--I'm really sorry about what happened--I don't believe--" he paused, stumbling over his words and shaking his head in frustration.

Padawan, clear your mind and concentrate on what you are trying to say. Formulate your thoughts, then speak from your heart.

Anakin nodded at his Master's message and took a few moments to sort through his mind. Finally, he breathed in and spoke. "I do not believe you are at fault, Master, any more than I for Sena's death. The Sith that killed her went to her first. Whether or not you had been in the house, you would not have been in her room. There was no way to save her."

Anakin did not expect his Master to comment, but he did, speaking low as he had with the Queen. His voice was gravelly with strain and emotion. "Perhaps the Sith would have been intercepted before he entered Sena's room," Obi-Wan countered.

"I did not feel any disturbance in the Force," Anakin replied shaking his head in disagreement. "I did not know anything was wrong until I heard Sena's scream. I went to the Queen first, but I believe had I gone to Sena first, it would have been too late anyway."

Kenobi dipped his head. "We shall never know," he conceded and began to turn away. His Padawan stopped him again.

"No, we shall never know for sure, Master," he argued, unwilling to let it drop. "However, I recall you teaching me that the Force works in and around us all the time. Everything happens for a reason. Master Qui-Gon believed it. I know you do too." The boy's tone was accusatory, almost challenging.

Obi-Wan did not have the energy to fight such arguments. He'd endured Kalyia's wrath because he was at fault. He'd pulled down every defense on a whim, a desire that had consumed him beyond all reason. He'd behaved irresponsibly, carelessly, and he should not go without punishment. Only there was no punishment to be handed out. No one willing to tell him the truth. Except for Kalyia. Nothing but lust and desire had kept him from being present when the Sith attacked. He could not allow himself to be put in that position again.

"Please leave Master Qui-Gon out of this, Padawan," Obi-Wan said tiredly.

Anakin groaned in frustration. "That does not discount what I just said. Had you been in the cottage, at the lake, or on another planet, unless you were in Sena's bed there is no way to have saved her from that death blow!" He laughed softly. "You know what is so ironic Master? I had to fight myself to remain out of her bed. I had to tell myself over and over that it was not appropriate, and that I had no business being there. And I won! My conscience won. I was so proud of myself for my successful restraint. Only to find that if I hadn't had such restraint, Sena might be alive today." He shook his head sadly. Obi-Wan listened, self-hatred consuming him. Blood boiled in his veins. He clenched his fists and turned.

"If only I'd had such restraint," he muttered, storming away. His anger was so pronounced, it left Anakin quivering in it's wake.

A pounding settled into his head and he moaned softly, leaning against the wall of the royal corridor for support. In vain, he tried to shut himself off from the Force, but only succeeded in making the ache stronger.

"Damn!" he muttered, placing a hand over his forehead and closing his eyes. He took several deep breaths but didn't bother to attempt to heal himself with the Force. Instead, he turned slowly and followed the path his Master taken, contemplating his last words.