By DarthSolo

Copyright 1999

The sleeping Corellian finally roused, snaking his arms around her waist. "Morning, sweetheart," he drawled.

She smiled as he kissed the back of her neck, then her ear, playfully nipping at it.

"You are insatiable," she said, turning around to face him. "What do you have to say for yourself?"

His lips formed a lopsided grin. "I plead guilty, your Highness."

"Scoundrel," she said teasingly, shaking her head. Her hand rested on his chest as her expression grew serious. "Han, I have something I want to talk to you about."

"What is it?

"I didn’t say anything before now but I think you should know."

He looked at her expectantly; still not sure if what she had to tell him was good news or bad.

"I’m a week late," she said.

It took him a few seconds to figure out what she was referring to but when he finally did, he grinned at her. "You’re pregnant!"

She shook her head. "I don’t know that for sure. I was going to have the Falcon’s computer run a medical diagnostic on me to confirm it.

"Of course you’re pregnant," he insisted. "How could you not be, after the last month?" He winked at her and she blushed. She was still not immune to his charms and thought it was likely that she never would be.

"Well, I’d still rather know for sure. Will you help me run a medical diagnostic on myself?"

His eyes were full of mischief, one corner of his mouth drawn slightly upwards. "Sure, but what’s in it for me?" he said suggestively. "For all I know, this might be the last time you let me touch you."

"That’s right," she said sweetly. "Just like the Degobah spider, I’ll have no more use for you."

The smile left his face. "You are joking, aren’t you?"

"Perhaps," she said coyly. She couldn’t keep a straight face for more than a second, however and before he had time to respond, she grinned at him. "I had you," she chuckled.

He shook his head. "Not even for a minute, sweetheart."

"Oh yes I did! I saw it in your eyes."

The smile once again faded from his lips as he gazed at her. "What do they tell you now?" he said huskily.

Leia swallowed hard. This was getting serious. She was unsure of what to do; or what to say. Was it still too soon to tell him how she really felt about him?

He kissed her slowly, sensuously. "I’m in love with you," he said hoarsely.

"So am I. I mean… I’m in love with you, too."

He smiled, breaking the tension and she smiled back at him.

His gaze focused on her lips as he pulled her close for another long kiss.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

It was almost noon before they got up. Both of them were almost too nervous, too giddy to finish eating breakfast. Leia’s appetite was never that good and his was unusually poor this day. "Let’s just forget about breakfast and go run the medical scan," she pleaded.

He shook his head. "No. First you eat," he insisted.

She sighed and gave him a dubious glance. "Well, alright then. But you have to eat too."

Well, it was only fair, after all, he thought.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"What does it say?"

He shook his head in confusion. "This must be wrong. I’m going to run another diagnostic."

She sat up on the edge of the bunk. "What do you mean? Let me see the readout," she said.

He handed it to her, mumbling to himself about getting a new computer as soon as they got off this gods forsaken rock.

Leia read the report. It said she was not pregnant. Not even a trace of elevated hormones. In fact, just the opposite. Her eyes scanned further down the report until she got to a redlined value for body fat. She had lost a lot of weight - that was no revelation. Dread washed over her face as she saw just how much. She knew from her human biology studies that female humans stop ovulating if their body fat reached a low enough level.

Han was still busy fussing with the medical computer when she went to him and gently placed a hand on his shoulder. "You don’t have to run another scan," she said calmly.

He turned around; his gaze fixed on her downcast face. "It’s no big deal. The damn thing was probably just not set correctly," he said, trying to encourage her.

She looked up at him and the expression on her face told him what he was desperately trying to deny. "I’m not pregnant."

"How do you know?"

She handed the report back to him. "My body fat is too low. I’ve stopped ovulating."

"Permanently?" he said, confused.

She shook her head, "no. It’s not permanent. Only until the body fat goes back to a normal level," she said wearily.

"Where are you going?" he said, as she headed for the hatchway.

"I just want some time to think. I’m going to take a shower," she replied.

Han stared after her until she disappeared then he looked back down at the report in his hands. The enormity of the situation finally caught up with him. He stumbled as he moved to sit down on the bunk. His head fell into his hands as his spirit sank to the depths of a deep, dark canyon.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The Falcon seemed particularly restless that night, groaning and creaking as the wind outside stirred up a rainstorm. Leia was just as restless. When she did manage to fall asleep, it was fitful and filled with bad dreams. Han too was unable to sleep. He was about to lose the love of his life. Even though he knew rationally there was nothing he could have done to prevent today’s terrible revelation, a small part of himself wouldn’t accept that. There was something inside of him that relented; tortured him with its nagging little voice. You should have done something as soon as you found out she was sick. He thought about Luke. The kid was going to lose it when he learned about Leia. Han suddenly felt like he was personally responsible for ruining and destroying countless lives. Those of his friends, the Rebel Alliance and the person he cared most about; Leia. He tightened his arms around the sleeping Alderaanian, holding her close. He held onto her through the long suffering night, shielding her from the ominous reach of death.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The high-pitched beeping from within the Falcon’s cockpit startled them out of slumber.

"What’s going on?" Leia asked.

Han flew out of bed, hastily donning his trousers. He looked at her briefly before heading to the cockpit. "We’re getting a transmission," he said excitedly.

Leia got up and threw on a pair of trousers and replaced her nightshirt with a regular shirt then headed after him.

Han slapped the com button. "Solo."

"Han! I’ll bet you’re glad to see us," said Luke.

The Corellian grinned, "you have no idea, kid.

There was a long pause then Luke engaged the com again. "How is Leia doing?"

Han’s eyes squeezed shut as he felt Leia’s arms wrap around him from behind. "She’s…" He swallowed hard.

Luke interrupted him. "She’s got the degordee virus."

Leia moved to Han’s side and they both stared at each other blankly.

"How did you know that?" Han asked.

There was a small chuckle on the other end of the com. "Well, I’ll tell you but you’re not going to be happy about it."

They both stared at the com in anticipation.

"It was Threepio. Apparently the princess is lucky to have such a nosey droid at her service. I thought he was suffering from space delirium until I talked to General Riekan. He requested Leia’s last medical checkup from the med center, which confirmed Threepio’s suspicions. We can get her treatment started as soon as we set down."

The com went silent again as Luke realized he never got an answer about Leia’s condition from Han. "Is Leia still…"

Han grinned widely, wrapping his arms around Leia. He hugged her then activated the com.

"She’s going to be fine, kid. Now get yourself down here. And hurry!"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Han stood in the doorway to Leia’s room at the Hoth medical center. She had always insisted on being treated no differently than anyone else and for once, they had followed her wishes. She was in a semi-private room. Her roommate was asleep with a book on his chest. His attention returned back to the sleeping princess. She slept soundly, no longer haunted by bad dreams. He quietly pulled a chair up next to her bed and sat down, unable to take his eyes off her. It had seemed like forever since he’d been able to relax. His mind reflected over the events of the past few weeks, which almost seemed dream-like. His mind still wrestled with the fact that he had seriously considered doing something that could have scarred her for life. But here she was, alive. Not because of anything he did or did not do. Her fate had been out of his hands all along. He wondered if she had somehow always known that, at least on a subconscious level. He also wondered how she would feel about him now. He imagined that she would quickly become well and just as quickly distance herself from him. It would be back to business as usual. Her illness was kept confidential; Riekan had ordered it. As far as everyone else was concerned, she was being treated for a severe case of Casdian flu. In no time at all, she’d be back in command of the Rebel Alliance. There’d be no room for personal relationships. He knew from the day that he first met her that nothing would stand between her and the rebel cause. But that knowledge did nothing to ease the pain in his heart. He loved her. He would do anything for her; die for her, fight for her…leave for her.

Leia felt his presence even before her eyes opened. His expression was sad; defeated. The far away look in his eyes reached out to her heart, gripping it with a powerful force.

He met her gaze and for a brief second, she saw pure joy in his eyes. Then his expression turned sober; cool. "How do you feel?" he asked.

"Just fine, now that you’re here," she said, smiling.

He avoided her eyes as he stood up. "Riekan said you’ll be out of here in a few days."

She couldn’t help but notice his dispassionate behaviour. Her heart filled with dread as she realized what was going on. He was trying to distance himself from her. But why? She thought back to that last morning they had made love. He’d told her he loved her. He had also thought she was pregnant. She dropped her gaze and stared at the floor as her mood turned melancholy.

"Well," he said in a low voice, "I should probably let you get some rest." His gaze slowly moved to her face when she remained silent.

Leia began to weep as she realized he was going to walk out that door and never come back.

Han couldn’t take it. Against his better judgment, he went to her and wrapped his arms around her.

She buried her head against his chest and her body shook; wracked with grief as her weeping intensified. "I thought you loved me," she cried out.

The man in the next bed, awakened by the commotion was now sitting upright, staring at them. He recognized Captain Solo and was taken aback when he finally identified the crying woman who clung to him. "Excuse me," he said, getting out of his bed.

Han held up his hand, "it’s alright, you don’t have to leave."

"That’s okay. That damn medical droid would’ve come after me before long anyway."

Han rested his palm on the back of her head, stroking her hair. "I do love you," he said firmly. "But we both know how things are going to turn out. You’re not going to have room in your life for anything but work."

She looked up at him. "But…"

"It’s okay. I admire you for who you are. The Alliance needs you. The fate of millions of people; hundreds of worlds, rests in your hands and I can’t…I won’t be responsible for interfering with that."

Leia was silent for several seconds. She wiped the tears off her face and looked him in the eyes. "I don’t want to lose you. If you leave me now, I might as well have died on that planet."

"Don’t say things like that. You’re not a quitter. You’re a fighter. You fought for your life, just as you’ll continue to do so; with or without me."

She looked at him with renewed courage. Her voice steadied as she said, "Promise me you won’t leave. Promise me you’ll be here when the war is over." Her voice wavered slightly as she held back her emotions. "Promise me we’ll make love again when that day comes." Tears once again began to roll down her cheeks. "Promise me all those things so that I might once again look at life through the eyes of hope."

Han choked back all the emotions that threatened to come undone inside him. He kissed her on the forehead then her cheek. "If that’s what you want, sweetheart." He gave her a kiss filled with love and hope. "I promise," he whispered.

END