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SPOILERS/WARNINGS: No spoilers. Warning – this story is rated NC17 for its sexual content, and is meant for readers over the age of 18. If this isn't you – turn back now…
"And how we'd wished to live in the sensual world.
You don't need words, just one kiss, then another…"
–Kate Bush – The Sensual World -
The door to my quarters opens with a quiet hiss. Behind me, I feel Julian's presence pressed close, our fingers still entwined as they had been during the short walk here. Thinking about this, I let a small smile escape my lips. Here we are, two Starfleet officers, sneaking around to my quarters like two love-starved teenagers expecting to get caught. It was my fevered idea to come back to my quarters after our . . .adventures. . . on the turbolift. I know we had said we didn't want the relationship to get beyond friendship – but it was a lie born out of fear, plain and simple. When the cards were down, we found that what we feared was little more than a paper tiger. And so here we are, outside my door. We have only one motive to be here – and the expectation about what is to come makes me shiver.
The living room is dark and quiet, a peaceful refuge away from the chaos that rains unending in this war. From outside my windows, distant stars slowly sail by as the station makes its gentle revolution of orbit. At the moment, I don't even notice as I sometimes do, my stomach twirling in time with the motion. The heady, dizzying feelings I have now have little to do with space sickness, and everything to do with the man I see before me in the dim starlit shadows of the room.
Before my quicksilver thoughts can further evolve, I am caught up in Julian' s arms, held fast like a lifeline. And so I am, and he to me. The relief alone of finally letting my pent up feelings for his man out is almost enough for me. Almost. What I want most now is action, not thought – the time for that has long passed. We've wasted enough time, with far too many miscommunications. I want Julian to understand tonight exactly how much I love him –and how very badly I need him right now.
"Julian." My lips form a quiet prayer with his name. He watches me with heavily-lidded eyes, lulled into a state of bliss at just the thought of being here with me. He is a study in quiet anticipation, his eyes shining as he holds me fast with his gaze, watching every move. I do not want to disappoint, a plan already forming in my mind as to exactly how I want to thoroughly seduce this man.
I reach out to gently cup his face between my hands, letting my fingers fall lightly on his lips, softly circling a random pattern. I love his lips. The small teardrop of his upper lip that perfectly fits into the full, luxurious softness of his lower. I love the vulnerability that he can express with one imploring pout, and his dimple-filled, divine smile. I feel a smile of my own cross over my face at the thought, letting my light fingers follow a trail from his lips over his chin and into the hollow of his throat, all the while moving achingly slow. Watching his eyes carefully, I see that wonder has made him radiant, a slight flush warming his skin, the rich darkness of his eyes swimming in my gaze.
I find I can't bear to be without the taste of his lips any further. In one smooth, quick motion, I descend on his perfect mouth, aggressively initiating my open mouthed kiss. I want to shock him, throw him off guard and let his temperature rise – I don't think he'll mind. I let my tongue circle his lips slowly, not quite begging for entrance, but teasingly hinting at the possibility.
Julian lets out a low, silvery moan, his hands now buried in my hair. I think I have his full attention, and my pulse quickens with the possibilities. The seduction has begun, a slow, primal, ancient dance.
Moving back from our kiss reluctantly, my own head reeling with desire, I hear him whisper as he leans down to my ear. "Someone wants to play dangerously tonight…don't they?…" I look up to see a wicked gleam in his eyes. "That was nothing compared to what I'm gonna do to you tonight…you haven't seen anything yet."
I feel my eyes go unfocused at the words, my body instantly rushing with adrenaline at the picture those words paint. Ultimatum set, he moves his lips to mine slowly – so exquisitely slowly I think for the span of a single heartbeat, that I will die from want. He intends to tease me as mercilessly as I just did . What goes around, as the old saying goes. In this instance, I think I'll thoroughly enjoy retribution.
His lips are velvety soft and tender as they finally make unhurried, intimate contact with mine, barely brushing my mouth with delicate whisper kisses. One, two, three – I stop counting as his teasing seduction begins to take its toll – liquefying me with total abandon. Far too many weeks of frustrated desire should not be dissolved like this – kiss by aching kiss, tormentingly slow. In the end, I find I am caught in the spider's stratagem of his sensual web – trapped to do little except melt in to the soft, enticing sensations he is creating with his lips alone.
Where did the good doctor learn this type of erotic seduction? The thought is barely in my mind for a nanosecond before I am overtaken by another sensual round of teasing. His sweet mouth makes it way down the hollow of my throat, searing my skin with hot kisses. I shiver involuntarily as I feel his lips move up my neck to an exquisitely sensitive spot behind my ear. His teasing kisses and swirling licks still run at an unbearably slow pace. Truly, I am getting my payback. Time slows to a standstill – I hold my breath – waiting for each kiss.
With a shocked thought, I realize I am gripping handfuls of his shirt in my passion, moving slowly against him in a futile attempt to get still closer to his body. Julian, I note, has tightened his grip around me as well, his gentle hands teasingly roaming now over my back, mirroring the movement of his lips. After a few more moments like this, letting our lips and hands have full range over one another, I find I can take no more of this blissfully tormenting foreplay.
"Love me, Julian." My gentle supplication, issued from my kiss-swollen lips like a holy prayer. In truth, we are far beyond words – we are pure sensation, gentle touch, and sensual movement. Part of me, though, wanted to hear the simple but powerful words out loud, as if speaking the desires of my heart could transform them any faster into solid reality.
His whispers his response with a low voice in my ear, "Ezri." He speaks in deep, intimate tones, like sandpaper and silk, the word tinged with an edge of raw passion I cannot wait to explore. And then, he seals the force of my name with a hot-searing kiss, the heat of his tongue enrapturing my mouth, eliciting from me a low, quiet moan. I am caught up suddenly in his arms, cradled, as he takes long, sure steps to my bedroom. I hardly notice the movement, as my lips are still transfixed on his, kissing deeply, drinking in the other's soul, savoring each taste and sensation.
The pillowy heaven of my bed makes contact with my back. I open my eyes slowly, taking in the long, dark shadows of the room as we descend into the soft folds. Julian's face is a study of mounting desire and rapidly falling control. I find myself breathing quickly as well, anticipation no doubt written over my face.
I let my lips join his for another round of sparing – jab and parry, forward and retreat, a different form of dueling. I let my hands roam freely over my lover's form, boldly teasing. Lover. I like the sound of that. Already I'm discovering that Julian is a gentle, passionate lover, quick to learn exactly what I like and more than willing to see that I am thoroughly pleasured. For the hundredth time tonight, I am cursing myself for having waited this long to let my feelings show. With a silent vow, I promise that we will make up for lost time, beginning with tonight.
We reach a point at which the barrier of clothing is unthinkable. With swift, sure hands and tender kisses, I peel his clothes away in layers. I am the seductress, a nocturnal goddess, reveling and awed by my power over him. And at last, when he is bare to me – soul and body – I let my gaze linger over my hard won prize. Julian is athletic and slender, and muscular in a way I love most, the sleek muscles of his chest and arms wrapped in his warm, golden skin. Watching him slowly in the dim shadows of the room, I find I can't tear myself away from drinking in the sight of him.
Julian Bashir is a patient man, letting me do with him as I please, all the while watching me with soft and reverent, love-filled eyes. My earlier feelings of guilt at being on the receiving end of so much pleasure quickly fade as I see the drowsy look of contentment in his eyes. Reaching out from my position above him, I place one small hand on his chest, feeling his pounding heartbeat while I cradle his face with the other – leaning in to give him yet another soul-searing kiss.
In one quick, swift movement, the room spins as Julian smoothly twists me under his long, lean form. A smile plays over his lips as he takes in our reversed positions. "Turn about is fair play – Lieutenant." I let out a delighted smile at his playful comment. Gods, how I love this man.
Using his delicate, precise surgeon hands, Julian begins to unwrap the gift that I offer, the gift of myself. With each movement, each tingling sensation as my bare flesh encounters the cool air, I feel myself opening up to him, like a flower unfolding its petals. The last of my clothes shimmer to the floor in a rustling pool, and I catch his eyes go wide as he drinks me in. As I move to sit up, I notice what he is fascinated with – in the dim light of the room, my pale, bare skin looks almost translucent, giving the moment a surreal, sacred air. His assault on my lips begins anew and within moments, he has moved his seeking mouth along the hypersensitive, spotted skin along my neck. Not content to make me shiver and moan uncontrollably by those actions alone, and the feel of his bare, warm skin on my own, Julian bends down to trace his tongue along the dip between my breasts and leisurely encircles, teasing me even further.
Pushing me gently back down on the mattress, Julian renews his efforts four-fold, raining hot kisses on my neck, my shoulders, my breasts… where ever he can reach. Along my thigh, I can feel him sliding against me in increasing tempos, rocking back and forth with a delicious friction that makes me want to scream.
After a while, his long, delicate fingers follow the heated trail of his tongue, drawing long circles around both breasts. Caught in the erotic fog the good doctor has emerged me in, I wait with bated breath for his mouth to return – and when it does he suckles gently yet urgently, settling in snuggly against me. I wrap my arms around him and hold him close to me, sweetly aroused by the sensations and the position he is now in. In his movements, I am an erotic madonna, offering nourishment for the soul and satisfaction for desire.
Moving up slowly, he lowers his face back to mine and lightly brushes his lips against my own again and again, until I finally capture them and drink him in. In that instant, he has moved within me, one swift thrust, filling me with total completeness. The sensation is beyond thought or description, and I breathe a low "oh." The sound of his own ephemeral sigh joins mine as our lips still cling to one another. Julian slowly moves his mouth over my cheek, my eyes, down to my throat, where he lingers to suck at my throbbing pulse. He does not move, content to make this moment of our union last as long as possible.
Still keeping his eyes focused on mine in a way I find captivating beyond belief, he slowly begins a gentle rhythm, rocking softly as he watches just which movement takes me closest to the edge. I am an apt pupil to his administrations and quickly respond, listening to my own sighs as if they were somewhere far away.
After the span of several heartbeats, I twist my own smooth motions counterclockwise to his – like a variation on a theme in music, echoing and complementing. The sensation results in a low, fierce growl from deep in Julian's throat, and I thrill to the idea I can make him that aroused. We rush head long into the abyss – our tempo at a maddening pace – frenzied and fierce. I hear Julian murmur my name over and over, like a chanted mantra, and my own breath comes in short gasps, racing toward the edge.
With one last deep thrust, I let go in a burst of grateful joy, followed immediately by Julian. In that moment, I am caught beyond time – I am pure sensation and bliss, I exist in him, and he in me. I float back to reality slowly, like a light feather on the wind, feeling totally complete of body and spirit. Reluctantly, he pulls away, still raining kisses, and I settle myself into the crook of his arm, where we drift into that contented place between sleep and reality. The last sensation I have before the peaceful serenity of sleep takes me completely is the feel of Julian's lips on my forehead, giving me a gentle kiss as he murmurs softly, "I love you Ezri." In a child-like, sleepy voice, I hear myself reply, ". . .love you…"
*
"You will never know how much I love you.."
I hear his voice whisper low in my ear, his warm breath sending a sudden thrill through me, waking me fully. The words register deep in my soul, and I fight back the need to smile at them. Julian thinks I'm still asleep, cocooned as I am with my eyes closed in the warmth of his arms wrapped around me, my bare back to his lightly muscled chest. I'm content for now to let him think I'm still asleep – I want to savor the plethora of sensations, right here in this quiet moment. I feel his heart beat, steady and strong, reverberate against my bare back. His head is nestled beside mine on my pillow, sharing a space between my own head and shoulders, with his warm breath still tickling the very sensitive spot behind my ear. Even with my eyes closed, I can imagine how he is wrapped around me as we lay – clutching me with gentle hands and strong arms, as if I were a sacred object or a holy vessel.
He is not all together correct in his statement, though. In the quiet morning mist of my sleepy thoughts, I do understand what I mean to him – I am his alpha and omega, his beginning and his end, the bearer of life, shattering his once lonely existence. I know he is afraid of losing me now – I am his treasure found, safe and warm in his arms. I fear losing him as well. I didn't fully understand what I could acquire when we surrendered to each other last night. Now I do. I feel those empty places within me, places I wasn't aware of, filled now with him. He needs me, a thought that brings me unexpected joy. And I need him – he is nourishment to my soul, the final missing piece in my quest toward wholeness after being Joined.
I stir myself from my sleepy contemplations, and slowly open my eyes. Behind me, I feel him respond to my movements. Reaching out, I interlace my fingers into his, gripping tightly.
"Julian." My voice is warm and smiling, reassuring him that this is what I want, what I need. That I won't leave him in these early morning hours. That this is no mere one-night stand.
Still resting his own cheek on mine, I feel his mouth curl up in a smile of its own. "Ezri," he whispers low again into my ear, and then I feel a gentle, almost holy kiss on my neck, right along my line of spots. I shiver unexpectedly with delight, and his arm goes further across my chest and holds me to him, to warm me. But I feel warm, and loved.
"I love you," he murmurs quietly. There is absolute truth in his voice, and I feel my heart swell with love for him at the sound of his confession. I reply without words, softly kissing the tips of his fingers in my hand. I had never stopped to consider how wondrous his hands could be – these strong and gentle hands that devote themselves to healing. When imbued with his intimate knowledge of the human body, and fueled as they were last night by his own fiery passion for me, his hands transform into a sensual vessel, conveying his desire of me without words.
Almost as if he senses my thoughts, he withdraws his hands from my grip and begins to trace a leisurely path up my bare arm. His touch is light and gentle, almost a whisper on my skin. I am still brand-new to his searching fingers, and he takes his time learning every plane and curve of by being. His fingers reach the junction of my spots near my shoulder, and then follow their brown-speckled path down past my ribs and the gentle curve of my hips, as far as his long arm can reach. I find myself holding my breath with anticipation as he makes his slow way back up, skimming the top of the sheets that shroud my lower half into mysterious folds and valleys. He moves lightly over my inner leg and thigh, slowly taking his way back up toward my face, purposely missing my most sensitive spots. "Tease," I murmur through my reawakening desire.
I hear Julian chuckle low in my ear, clearly loving the way I respond now to his touch. Without pause, he assaults my ear with a sensual attack, swirling his warm tongue and nipping at my earlobe. I let out a long sigh, from the bottom of my soul, and squirm up against him with ultimate delight, feeling as I do his own growing arousal.
Turning myself around quickly, still wrapped in his arms, I look up into his eyes. They are filled with the same deep emotions I am sure are mirrored in my own. Behind their smiling, crinkling edges, I see deep, smoldering desire, reverence and joy – and most of all love. His smile as he looks at me is soft and radiates his face, warming my soul. I may never know what this is that we share – this bond of love. Wise men and women have contemplated the origins, the very nature of love for eons. Even after eight lifetimes, I know no more or less than those scholars. But what I do know is this – real love, simple, pure and true, is the greatest of gifts – a gift I have found in this man.
~The End~
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