Starting Over

By G. Noelle Morrow (Ginomo)

I have decided to come out of my Fan Fiction “retirement” of almost 3 years to write one last story.  Why?  I felt that after Jadzia’s death, I never gave Worf a proper send off.  So, here it is.

In this story, Worf overcomes the pain from his past and finds love again.  It is set directly after the DS9 series finale, “What you Leave Behind.”

~~~~~

Starting Over.  He should be used to it by now.  He always seemed to be starting over.  

Worf stood in his new office, located in the capital city on the planet Qo’noS.  He looked out of the windows and could see the tall spires that were indicative of Klingon architecture.  Transport shuttles whizzed by and people walked along the streets. 

This was the place he’d always wanted to be.  Since he was a boy, he pictured returning to the Klingon home world, the member of a great house (though he’d always assumed it would be his own hose) with honor, respect and authority.  Well, he had all that now.

“And still I am empty,” he whispered to himself.  The last time Worf found himself starting over, he was certain he’d gotten it right.  He fell in love and married the amazing Jadzia Dax.  But, she was taken from him too soon.  Just as they were beginning their life together, it all ended.  He left Deep Space Nine and left his command track career in Starfleet to become the Klingon Ambassador to the Federation.  He could now live in both worlds, and still be respected and honored in both. 

On Worf’s desk was his first set of daily briefings as the new Ambassador.  He sat down and began to go through them.  He stopped scrolling when he got to a communiqué at the bottom of the screen.

“Alexander.”

It was a letter from his son, and it was sent from Earth.  Worf opened it and began reading. 

“Father,

I am sorry that you and I have spoken so little since Jadzia’s death.  My post on the Klingon ship has kept me very busy, and I have had to work very hard to even keep up with the others. 

I have not proven to be the warrior that you would have me be.  It has been hard for me to settle myself with that fact.  I have wanted noting more than you approval and for you to be proud of me.  So, now I am doing something that I hope you will be proud of.  I have decided to enter Starfleet Academy.  I know that you were able to find your place in this universe there, and I am hoping that I can find the same for myself. 

I ask only one thing of you… as a Klingon I need a graduate to sponsor my entry into the Academy.  I thought long and hard on whom to ask, and I feel there is no one better to sponsor me than you. I would be honored if you would accept.  I am on Earth right now taking the entrance exams.  I look forward to hearing from you.

-Alexander.”

Worf read the letter again.  As much as he did not want to admit it, Starfleet was the most logical choice for his son.  Alexander was not a warrior.  Perhaps one day he would be, but it was time Worf came to terms with the fact that his son’s life was not going to take the course Worf wanted it to.

And why did he really want that?  Jadzia once told him what she thought of the situation. It angered Worf because he knew she was right; Worf wanted Alexander to be everything he’d never been able to be.  And now Alexander was following in the exact path his father had. 

“Jadzia” he whispered to himself.  It had been over a year since her death.  In that time, Worf traveled a hard road to accepting the fact that the love of his life was gone.  But there were still times when the thought of her, the mention of her name made him feel like he was back in the infirmary, howling over her dead body, wondering why his happiness had to end so soon. 

Worf shook his head as if to shake away the thoughts of her.  He sent a short reply to his son.  He was proud of his decision and would be honored to sponsor his entry into the Academy. 

~~~~

Alexander’s first year in the Academy was a successful one.  For the first time in his young life, he really felt like he belonged somewhere.  And slowly, Worf and his son were coming together the way a father and son should.  It was as if they finally had something to unite them.  As Ambassador, Worf was able to visit Earth often.  He’d just returned from a short stay the day Martok came to give him a new assignment. 

“Worf!  How was your visit with Alexander?”

“Very good, “Worf paused, “He plans to become a Doctor.”

“The healer of warriors, he who mends their wounds so they can fight another day.  An honorable profession, and one fitting of your son.”

Worf tried not to take that as an insult, he knew Martok didn’t intend it that way, but Worf would much rather the profession of warrior be fitting of his son. 

“I came to tell you that I am sending you away for an extended assignment,” Martok began to pace “We have decided to fortify our position along the Romulan border once again.”

“Has their been any Romulan activity there?”

“No, all has been quiet, and we want to keep it that way.  During the Dominion war, we found ourselves allied with the Romulans, but now the war is over and we must make certain we don’t grow too comfortable with our old enemy.  That is when they are most likely to strike.  We are fortifying our military forces on Khitomer.  We will be expanding the base there, adding a shipyard and as a result, expanding the civilian population.”

“And you want me to oversee this?”

He nodded, “Yes.  The Federation will be working with us on this; they also want a presence in this part of the galaxy.  You will put together a staff of Klingon and Starfleet officers who will oversee the colony.”

The idea of living on Khitomer for an extended period of time made Worf uneasy.  He had not been back there for any length of time since the massacre when he was only six years old.  “How long do you think I will be there?”

“Indefinitely.  I will need you occasionally for other assignments, but, for now, consider yourself relocated to Khitomer.  I can think of no one else better suited to facilitate the joint outpost, and no better place for the office of the Klingon Ambassador the Federation to be based.  And, from what I hear, Khitomer has some of the best hunting of any planet in the Empire!”

Worf smiled, “I have heard the same.”

“Do not worry, my friend,” Martok said, “I can tell you are uneasy about being stationed to one place.  But you’re not getting any younger.”

Worf narrowed his eyes “What does that mean?  You captained the Rotarran full time until just over a year ago,” he pointed out.

Martok nodded, “True.  But you and I are different.  And as the leader of your house, it is time you settled yourself and gave serious thought to your own house.”

“My own house?”

“Yes.  You are a man of high position now.  You need your own house, your own identity in the Empire.”

“Be that as it may, I am without the key elements to having a house.  My only son is in Starfleet Academy and I my wife is no longer…” Worf’s voice trailed off, but Martok knew where he was going.

Martok’s voice softened when he spoke, “I mean no dishonor to the memory of Jadzia.  Klingon or not, she was a glorious woman and her soul now rests in Sto-Vo-Kor.  But you cannot mourn her forever.  You need a wife to—“

Worf could feel his temper flaring, “We have had this discussion before.  I will not have it again.  Jadzia is my par’machi.  There will be no one else.”

“Worf, you cannot—“

Worf abruptly stood and pounded his fists on the desk, “I will not speak of this any further!”

Martok would never condone such an outburst from any other man, but in this situation, he knew he had crossed the line.  He knew that Worf’s feelings for his wife were stronger than he’d ever known any man to love a woman.  He did not always understand Worf’s unwavering loyalty to Jadzia, even when it had now been two years since her death, but he respected it.

“I apologize,” Martok respectfully nodded his head, “I will have the official work order sent to you this afternoon.”

Once he got home and cooled off, Worf immediately regretted his outburst at Martok.  The Chancellor was one of his closest friends and his greatest ally.  And he knew that Martok was only looking out for him. 

The place where Worf lived was anything but a home.  He hadn’t decided on permanent living arrangements yet, so he was still living in the temporary apartment he moved into when he began the position of Ambassador.  Worf looked around the room.  Maybe Martok was right.  Maybe it was time that he settled himself and moved on. 

“No, I cannot think of that,” he said aloud.  Even though much time had passed since Jadzia’s death, Worf still kept their pictures up.  He still hung their bat’tlehs on the wall with their marriage crowns. 

People spoke of moving on, like it were as easy as boxing up belongings and changing quarters.  Everyone asked him if he’d “moved on.”  “You need to move on, Worf,” he heard time and again.  Move on to what?  He left DS9.  He changed careers.  Was that not enough? Didn’t they know that it was a comfort to him to carry her memory in his heart?  That as long as he remained loyal, faithful and true to Dax, that he could convince himself that he still had her?  These days, feeling pain for her was better than feeling nothing at all.  And if all he had left of her was the pain of her memory, then he’d hold on to that pain forever. 

~~~~~

Within the month, Worf found himself back on Earth going to one boring meeting after another, discussing the plans for expanding the Khitomer outpost.  Now he knew why Martok sent him on this assignment; not many other Klingons could sit through all of this mind numbing diplomacy. 

As soon as he could get away, Worf decided to surprise his son with a visit to the lab that he worked in.  Alexander was always going on and on about the medical research he got to participate in, and about the doctor who headed the lab. 

“Father!”

Alexander spotted Worf walking towards him in the hallways of the medical building.  Alexander walked towards his father, wearing a big smile on his face, and a gray and blue cadet’s uniform.

“Son, it is good to see you.”

“I wasn’t expecting to see you today.”

“I took a little break,” Worf said as they began walking down the corridor together, “and I decided to take a look at some of the work you do.”

“Great!” his son beamed, “I’ll show you the lab, and introduce you to Dr. Ktana.”

“This is the doctor you spoke of… the one that has been helping you?”

He nodded, “Yep.  And I bet you didn’t know that there was another Klingon in Starfleet.”

Worf narrowed his eyes, “I did not know that.  I always thought I was the only one, until you of course.”

“Dr. Ktana is a Klingon.  She just graduated last year, she now works in research here at Starfleet medical.  I think she’ll be excited to meet you,” Alexander stopped in front of a door, “Here we are,” he placed his thumb over the lock and the door slid open.

The sight of the woman standing at the lab table took Worf’s breath away.  He quickly looked at his son to see if he’s noticed his reaction.  Alexander had not, he had been too busy smiling at her himself.

“Alexander, you didn’t tell me you were bringing someone today,” Her voice didn’t have the same light intonations that a human woman’s voice did.  Instead, it was deep and rich.  She stepped from behind the table and approached them.  Her skin was deep brown and her hair, which hung halfway down her back, was a mass of jet-black curls.

She extended her hand to Worf, and he did his best to maintain his composure as she shook it, “Ambassador Worf, it is an honor to meet you,” she said in that rich voice of hers, “My name is Dr. Ktana.”

Worf respectfully lowered his eyes, “The honor is mine.”

“I work here in Dr. Ktana’s lab once a week.  I get to see all the latest discoveries firsthand when I’m here.”

“Your son is a fast learner.  He is going to be an excellent physician when he graduates.  I was quite surprised to see a young Klingon enter the Academy.  I of course knew about you, Ambassador.  I have studied your career in hopes to find how I, as a Klingon, would fit in Starfleet.  I decided to meet Alexander as soon as the term began and have him work in my lab.  I knew that as a Klingon entering Starfleet, it would be nice to have someone like him to help him along.”

 “Thank you, I wish I’d had someone like you when I entered.” Worf replied.

She smiled, “So do I.”

“What brought you to the Academy?” Worf asked her.

“I grew up on the Klingon outpost Khitomer—“

“I lived in Khitomer, and I will be living there again soon.”  Worf interjected

She nodded, “Yes, I know, you were one of the few survivors after the massacre.”

Alexander’s comm badge chimed and far-away voice filled the room, “Hey, Alexander, I thought we were playing racquetball at 1400?”

Alexander answered it “Sorry, I forgot, I’m on my way.”  He turned to his father, “I’ve got to get going Father, but I will meet you for dinner this evening?”

Worf nodded, “Yes of course.”

Alexander sprinted out of the room, and Ktana continued, “After the Khitomer massacre, my father was sent to help rebuild the colony, along with a Human delegation from Earth.  That is where he met my mother, and where I was born.  My mother died when I was very young.  I spent my life there living among both Humans and Klingons, but I always felt a little more comfortable with my Human friends, which is why I ended up here.”

Worf found his eyes traveling down the length of her figure as she spoke.  He was shocked at how powerful an attraction he felt towards this woman.  It was a carnal, deep, lustful feeling that forced him to do everything in his power not to take her right then and there. 

“Is your father still on Khitomer?” he managed to ask her.

“Yes, he is.  So what about you?  How did you become the original ‘Starfleet Klingon’?”

Worf told her of his adoptive parents here on Earth and of his lifelong struggle with his identity and living between the two worlds.

“It seems we have a few things in common,” Ktana said, “But you’ve found the perfect position.  As Ambassador, it is now your job to live between those two worlds, it is expected of you.  I still have not found a balance for myself.”

“I do not know if one truly exists.”

“You are probably right.” she paused.  There was an unusual silence between the two of them.  As if they both wanted to say something that they could not find the words for.  Ktana spoke again “I am sorry to keep you, I am sure the Ambassador has better things to do than ramble on with a doctor.  It was an honor to meet you, though.”

Worf stammered.  He finally was able to say, “An honor for me as well.”

Once in the hallway, Worf remembered the last time he felt his way about a woman and the idea of it angered him.  It was the day that he first laid eyes on Jadzia.  He stood there for a moment and promised to himself, “Even in death, I will never betray you.”

~~~~~~~~

Dr. Ktana stood in the center of her lab staring at the door that Ambassador Worf has just walked through.  She was beaming.  She knew so much about Ambassador Worf.  She’d followed his career in Starfleet; it is what gave her the inspiration to join.  She’d read about how he defended his house against charges of treason on Khitomer, and how he won a seat on the council for his family.  Then, years later, how he gave it all up when Gowron decided to go to war against the Federation.  He had been in instrumental part of the Federation’s victory over the Dominion, and, most of all, how he’d killed Gowron, and act which made Worf new Chancellor.  But, Worf was not swayed by power; he knew Martok would be a better ruler, and he passed the position on to his friend. 

Meeting the man that had virtually been her idol was indeed a great honor.  But there was something else that she had not expected.  She could not quite identify it, but she did know that she definitely hoped to see the Ambassador again. 

~~~~~~~~

Worf shook his head “I cannot wait to get off this planet and get some decent food,” he thought to himself.  The only Klingon food he could get was by replicator, and it was terrible.  He’d lived with that for 7 years aboard the Enterprise, but got spoiled by the fresh food he could get on DS9 and now on Qo’noS.  He hoped Martok was right about the hunting on Khitomer, a leg of lingta would taste wonderful right about now. 

He took his tray of replicated food (and prune juice) and found a seat in the bustling cafeteria.  This was his last day on Earth before he made the trip to Khitomer to begin his work there.  He had such mixed feelings about this new assignment.  His eyes wandered around the room as he thought about it, until something caught his attention.  Dr. Ktana was wandering about looking for a seat. 

Ktana had been thinking about Ambassador Worf since they met days ago.  She was so eager to speak to him, to learn more about him.  She had never known anyone who was so much like her, and she didn’t want to let him leave Earth without speaking more to him.

That, and she wanted more information about the goings-on at Khitomer.  Her father’s health was not well, and she wanted to be back home to care for him.  If she could manage to get an assignment there, she could work and take care of her father.  So Ktana checked the daily logs to see what the Ambassador’s meeting schedule was, and planned to “accidentally” run into him here at the cafeteria.

She spotted him sitting alone and having lunch.  She didn’t rush to him; instead she headed to the bank of replicators and ordered lunch.  She wandered around the cafeteria for a bit, trying to catch his attention.  To her surprise, not only did their eyes meet, but he stood and ushered for her to come and join him. 

“Doctor, please, join me,” he said as she got closer.

“Thank you Ambassador.  It can get really busy here at this time of day.”

Worf pretended not to notice the many empty tables.  He was glad to see her, but found himself at a loss for words.  Ktana spoke up for him, “How much longer will you be here on Earth?”

“My transport leaves for Khitomer tomorrow.”

Here’s my cue, she thought to herself, “If I may ask, why would Starfleet and the Empire send their Ambassador to an insignificant place like Khitomer?”

“It has been decided that we need to fortify our military position at Khitomer.  And with the Klingon-Federation alliance being as strong as it is, Khitomer is going to be the center of the alliance.  As you know, it has had a mixed Human-Klingon population for many years.  I cannot think of a better place for me to be stationed.”

“I see… so I suppose there will be some expansion of the infrastructure already in place?”

Worf nodded, “Yes.  We want to expand the civilian population, civil services, and add a military base.”

Ktana’s mind was racing… expand civil services…perhaps a new hospital…

“I would imagine a new hospital would be apart of the expansion. The current one is lacking in much of the latest health care technologies.”

“Yes,” Worf answered, “That is apart of the expansion.  I went over a report on that just yesterday.  And, I believe your name was mentioned as someone who will be asked to join the team.”

Ktana’s face lit up, “Really?  I mentioned that I was interested in being transferred there, but I didn’t know I was actually being considered.”

“Who would be better for the job than a Klingon trained at the best medical facility in the galaxy?  It is not final yet, but many people, including my son, think very highly of you, so I will put in a good word for you.”

She blushed, “Thank you very much, sir. It would mean a lot to me to return to Khitomer.  My father is there and I am the only family he has.  We have a house near the center of Khitomer city.  It is one of the first structures rebuilt after the massacre.”

Memories of the massacre instantly flooded Worf’s mind and he lowered his eyes.  He knew that he would have to face up to all the feelings that still lay within him, all the memories that he’d suppressed.  “You are fortunate to not have seen the horror that occurred that day.  Returning to Khitomer will not be easy for me.  I have few memories of my father and mother, but they are all there, at Khitomer.  I know that I will have to face those memories when I return.  I seem to be haunted by memories of sadness and--” Worf stopped himself.  He suddenly realized he was probably sharing too much with someone he hardly even knew, “Doctor, I apologize, I should to be going now.”

Ktana’s eyes widened, “Oh, I—“

“It was very nice to see you again.”

Worf took his things and left.

~~~~~

Worf quickly knew why Khitomer was one of the most desirable places to live in the Empire.  The weather was warm (the Humans felt it was too hot), the days were long, the ground was fertile and the forests were filled with every type of beast imaginable.  Worf had not expected to be overtaken by the feeling of “home,” but he was.  His apprehension slowly melted away with each passing day.

His thoughts of Jadzia, however, only intensified.  She would have loved this place.  She loved nature and the outdoors, and this planet, aside front he heat, would have been her dream.  Every night Worf went on a solitary run through the forest to exercise and clear his thoughts for the next day.  He spent most of those runs thinking of Jadzia.

~~~~~

“Daughter!”  Kadar met his daughter Ktana at the door and gave her a huge hug.  She smiled in her father’s embrace.

“How are you father?”

“Oh, I am fine.  Old, but fine.”

“Have you been feeling well?  I went to the clinic and your doctor says he has not seen you since I was last here on a visit.”

“It is a curse having a daughter that is a doctor, “Kadar mumbled, “I do not need to see any doctor other than you.  What happened to the days when old warriors were honored and allowed to die in peace?”

Ktana rolled her eyes, “Times have changes, and I am not going to let you die in any way, peacefully or not.”

“What are you doing here anyway?”

Ktana poured out his glass of blood wine and instead began preparing coffee, “You should not be drinking this anymore.”

“Bah!” he threw up his hand, “Answer my question.  Are you only here to check up on me?”

Ktana smiled, “No.  I have been offered a position at the new hospital that is being built.”

“That is wonderful news!” Kadar replied.

Ktana sat the coffee in front of him, “I have wanted to move back here, and this is the perfect opportunity.  It is not a big job, it is actually a bit of a demotion from what I was doing on Earth, but, I get to be here.”

Kadar narrowed his eyes “You want to be here to keep and eye on me.  You worry too much, Ktana.  I am fine.  You cannot stop your life for an old man.”

“I am not stopping my life, father.  I have always wanted to return her to live.  And now there is an opportunity for me to do so.”

“Why, then, would you take a lesser position, if not to keep tabs on me?”

Ktana sat down at the table with him, “I am staying here, and that’s that.”

“You know, it is high time you settled down and found a husband.”

“Father, we have had this discussion before…”

“Yes, we have, and you didn’t listen to me then just like you probably won’t listen now.  I do not want to die and leave you alone.”

“I can take care of myself.  Why do you bring this up every time I come home?”

“It is important.  You are my only child,” Kadar paused before continuing, “And I know of a man that would be honored to meet you.”

Ktana rolled her eyes, “Alright, let me hear it.”

“His name is Mobek.  He is part of the military delegation that has been assigned here, second in command at the new base.  I told him that you would be here soon.  He will probably call on your sometime this week.”

“You told him I would go out with him?”

“No, not exactly.  But listen Ktana, his father was an old friend of mine when I was in the military.  He has an honorable house and would make a fine match for you.  He could take care of you.  And since he is permanently based here, you would not have to travel the galaxy, you could live here like you want to.”

“You have already planned my life with this man and I haven’t met him!”

Kadar hated to see his daughter upset.  She was all he had and he knew that he gave in to her wishes and whims far more than he should have.  Any other Klingon father would demand that his daughter make this match or face dishonor.  It was a good move for the family.  But Kadar had never been harsh with Ktana, and it would be difficult to start now. 

Kadar sighed, “It is up to you.”

Ktana smiled at him, came over to him and kissed his cheek, “Thank you, Father.  I know you are worried about me.  But, let me worry about it, okay?”

He nodded in defeat.

~~~~~~~~~~~

While Kadar was trying to marry Ktana off as soon as he could, she had other plans.  Her first stop was to see the Ambassador and thank him for his hand in getting her the position.  His assistant let her into his office and she found him making his way through a stack of reports.

“Ambassador?”

Worf looked up and got the same feeling the first time he saw Ktana.  She was standing in his doorway, with her hair flowing onto her shoulders.  She wasn’t tall, but still had a commanding air about her, something that just made you want to look at her.  She didn’t have the same intense, harsh look that most Klingon women had.  You could see youth and vitality in her eyes.  Her Starfleet uniform fit her well, and once again he found himself forcing his eyes upward.  She was not wearing the lab coat that hid her figure this time.

“Dr. Ktana, it is an honor to see you again.” Worf stood and came around the desk to greet her.

“I don’t want to bother you; I just want to thank you for helping me get the position here.  It means a lot to me.”

“You are most welcome.  Though, Alexander was not too happy at my transferring you away from him.”

“I will miss him too, but I know I’ll see him when he comes to visit you during his breaks.”

“Yes.”

There was another awkward silence between them.  Ktana looked up at Worf; he was a foot taller than she.  His shoulders were broad and she could tell that under that under the uniform was a well-defined and incredibly strong body.  His eyes were dark and hard to read.  Her breathing quickened. She couldn’t remember ever having this strong a reaction to any man before. 

“I…I don’t know if you are busy.” she began, stumbling through her words, “But I would love to show you around sometime.”

“I would like that very much,” He replied quickly.  Worf glanced back at the stack of reports on his desk, “I am free now, actually.”

~~~~~

Much had changed in the over thirty years it had been since Worf lived on Khitomer.  He enjoyed seeing how the colony had developed, and how it still preserved many Klingon traditions and ways of life while blending with human culture as well.  He had never seen so many interspecies couples and children.  He thought of Jadzia again, and how well the two of them and the family they wanted would have fit in here.

Ktana suggested they have dinner at an old Klingon restaurant, one of the few structures that survived the attack.  After weeks on Earth, Worf enjoyed the food very much, and most of all the singing.  He and Ktana talked for hours about everything and nothing, joined in on several verses of a Barak Kadan opera, and then put away more blood wine than they should have.

“My wife hated Barak Kadan,” Worf said as he took a large drink from his glass.

“Alexander’s mother?”

Just then Worf realized something.  In all their discussions today, throughout dinner and song he never once mentioned Jadzia to her, “No, no, I…I was married for a short time, a few years ago.”

“So, did you leave her for her poor taste in music?”

“No,” he paused, not knowing if he should just leave it at that or tell her, “She was killed.”

Ktana felt instantly sobered, “Oh, Ambassador, I am terribl—“

Worf shook his head, “No need, you did not know.”

“Alexander never mentioned her to me; just that his mother died when he was very young.”

Worf took another drink, “Her name was Jadzia Dax and she was also a Starfleet officer.  She was one of many casualties in the Dominion war.”

“I am very sorry,” Ktana put her hand over his and squeezed it.  She expected him to pull away, but he did not.  She could feel the immense sadness in him.  He’d lost so much in his life.  The fire and life that had been in his eyes moments ago had quickly drained away. 

“I speak of her to no one,” Worf said, and Ktana knew what he meant.  Just him sharing that small bit to her was his way of opening up to her as he had to no one else. 

“Perhaps we should go,” Ktana suggested and Worf agreed. 

~~~~~

After their first evening together, Worf and Ktana continued to see one another quite regularly.  Soon, he was able to open up more about Jadzia to her.  Ktana knew that Worf was not completely over his wife, and that he may never would be.  She learned that when he got that far away, empty look in his eyes that in his mind he was with her. 

The day she knew for certain that he still carried Jadzia close to his heart was when she stopped by his apartment to bring him breakfast.  Pictures of Worf and Jadzia sat displayed on shelves.  Two bat’tlehs hung on the wall with two ceremonial marriage crowns displayed between them.  It was as if Jadzia still lived with him, and in a way, she did. 

Even so, as the weeks passed, Ktana found her self drawn to him more and more.  He was unlike any Klingon she’d ever met.  He was so much like her it was scary. He was faithful to Klingon honor and tradition and could handle a bat’tleh or a mek’tleh better than any warrior she’d ever met.  But at the same time, he was calm and gently.  It annoyed Ktana how aggressive and loud some Klingon men could be, but Worf always had an air of calm restraint about him.  His voice was like music, especially when he spoke softly to her. Worf was also a bit older than Ktana.  He was close to forty years old, while she had just finished Starfleet medical and was only twenty-seven.  She liked that he was older than her, she always felt cared for and protected when they were together.

She also learned that she was unlike his wife in many ways.  For one, Ktana remained faithful to Klingon traditions and honor in the same way Worf was.  Though his wife Jadzia knew much of Klingon ways, she often thought many were archaic and outdated.  Jadzia was the only woman that could hold her own against Worf in combat, and Ktana had only held a bat’tleh in her hands twice in her life.   Jadzia was tall and strong, Ktana was small and petite, especially for a Klingon woman.  But both women were quick witted and not afraid to speak their minds or stand up for themselves, a trait Worf admired greatly.

Ktana was falling hard for the stoic Ambassador, but she knew that if she would ever be his par’machi, she would have to either live in the shadow is his lost wife, or find a way to help him put her in the past.

~~~~~

“Where are you taking me?”  Worf asked from the passenger seat of Ktana’s transport vehicle.  He hated when she drove, she always went way too fast. 

“It’s a surprise.  Relax.”

“I do not like surprises.”

She laughed, “I know you don’t, that’s why I wanted to surprise you.”

“Jadzia was the exact same way.”

Ktana bristled at the reference.  Though she was getting used to him constantly comparing her to Jadzia, it still bothered her a bit. 

“It’s just up ahead.”

Ktana led him towards a house that sat on a large piece of land.  The house looked like it had been abandoned years ago.  For some reason, it looked vaguely familiar to him, “I know this place,” he said as he squinted to see the house that was hidden behind the overgrown foliage. 

She stopped the transport and the two got out.  Worf walked around the house for a few minutes, taking it all in.  Ktana stood back, watching him and smiling.  Finally, it came to him, “This was my father’s house.  This is where we lived.  How did you know?”

“I found it for you.  I remember you talking about having a house outside the city and hunting with your father on his land when you were a boy.  I knew that the house was probably still here somewhere.  After the massacre, there was no one left to claim it and the land was made public again.  No one ever purchased it or did anything to it.  It is just as it was on that day.”

Memories flooded Worf’s mind.  He was behind the house when he heard his mother call his name and tell him to come inside.  She hurried him into a closet under the stairs and told him not to come out no matter what.  He was frightened, and sat crouched in that dark closet.  He heard the Romulans storm into the house.  His mother was killed first.  His father tried to fight them but was outnumbered.  He heard his father wail for his mother and then in one piercing moment his father’s wail was silenced.  He then heard the Romulans go up the stairs.  It seemed like an eternity while he sat in the closet waiting for them to leave. 

When they finally did, he disobeyed his mother and came out of the closet.  He saw his mother and his father’s body lying at the entrance to the house, both dead.  It was the last time in his life the Worf cried, but he cried for what seemed like hours.  He lay there next to them all night.  The next morning, the door opened and a strange looking man, a human, came in.  Worf was frightened, and jumped up to run back into the closet.  The man spoke in words that Worf did not understand, but he felt safe and calmed by him.  This human was the man that Worf would later call ‘Father,” Sergey Rozhenko.

Worf turned to Ktana, who was patiently standing behind him as he looked around.

“I want it.”

Her smiled widened, “I hoped you’d say that.”

“What do you I have to do to purchase it?”

“That’s the other surprise… it’s yours.  I went to the registry office and told them that the rightful owner of the property has been identified and now all you have to do is go in to claim it and it’s yours.”

Worf was overwhelmed, “The house… the land?”

“All of it is yours.”

“I do not know how to thank you for this.”

“I didn’t really do anything, I just found it.  It has always been yours.”

He looked back at the house, “It will need a lot of work.”

“But what a glorious place it will be.  It would do great honor to your parents for you to return here and make this place your home,” she paused before continuing, “And perhaps even start your own family here.”

Worf looked intently at her.  In that moment, he realized what had been happening these past several weeks and that he had been blind to it.  Ktana, innocent, optimistic, strong willed and beautiful, was falling for him.  He couldn’t truthfully say that he wasn’t attracted to her.  He thoroughly enjoyed the time he spent with her, and looked forward to seeing her each day.   And at times it was all he could do to not pull her young, petite body into his and take her.  It seemed unlikely as she was so different from Jadzia, but it was as if the differences were refreshing.  Worf thought of Martok’s words, how he needed to settle himself and establish his own House.  Here on Khitomer, with Ktana?  Martok would certainly approve.  But what of his love for Jadzia?  Could that be so easily replaced by Ktana?

~~~~~

Worf threw himself into the renovation of his father’s house.  He divided his time between his work as Ambassador and overseeing the house.  He asked Ktana’s opinion on many aspects of the house, and she was thrilled to help.  It was as if it were their house, not just his.  Not a day went by that they weren’t together in some way, but to Ktana’s dismay Worf was never more than friendly.  He talked with her, laughed with her, sang opera with her, ate with her, and nothing more.  She gave him every opportunity to take things to the next level, but that calm restraint that she admired in him was also getting in the way.   Work on the house was nearing the end, and she decided within herself that if he would not step up, she would. 

Upon its completion, Worf invited Ktana to dinner with him in the house as a way to show his appreciation.  Ktana was determined to make this the night Worf knew she was worthy of being the Lady of his House. 

“For awhile, I thought this place would never be finished.”

Worf agreed, “As did I, but I am very pleased with it.  I feel like it is something that I have done for my father and mother, something to bring me closer to them.”

Ktana raised her glass, “To the House of Mogh,” they both saluted, and took a drink. 

All night over dinner their usual lightheartedness was not present.  It was as if they both had things on their mind that they wanted to say, but did not know how.  Worf felt like something was ending.  All the time they spent together since he moved to Khitomer, and then once work on the house began would be ending.  The house was not as close to the city as his apartment was, and they did not work in the same building.  He would not see her much anymore, and that idea pained him. 

“I, I want to, thank you for all that you have done for me.  I was nervous about moving back to Khitomer, and you have made the transition very pleasant for me.”

“It has been my pleasure.  I,” she took a deep breath, “I really enjoy being with you, Worf.”

He reached across the table and took her hand in his, “You are a very beautiful young woman.”

The small yet sweet gesture took her breath away, “Thank you,” their voices were low and intimate.  Her heart began to beat faster; perhaps he was going to do what she had been wanting all this time.

“I do not know how to say this,” he began, “And I just may regret it after it is said...”

“It’s okay,” She put her other hand over his, “I am listening.”

“I have sensed that you want more than friendship from me.”

Ktana smiled, “You have sensed correctly.”

He sighed, “I am not certain that I can give you what you want.”

His response shocked her; it was not at all what she expected, “What?  Why?”

“Ktana, you are young and—“

“I am not that young,” her voice got defensive and she pulled her hands away from his.

“I just do not think that I am capable of being good for any woman again.”

“I think that you’re afraid.”

Now it was Worf’s turned to be shocked, “Afraid?  I am afraid of nothing.”

“Oh, yes, I know of all your great warrior heroisms, but when it comes to love, you are afraid.  For all that you claim to know of our people, you have never grasped the life, the vitality and the passion that makes us who we are.  Klingons are intense in every way, in battle and in love.  You are more like a Vulcan when it comes to that.”

She stood and walked away from the table over to the window.  Her arms were folded across her chest, which rose and fell with every angered breath she took.  Her words were biting but true.  Jadzia had said the same things to Worf when they first got together.  Worf went to her and stood behind her.

“I am not afraid of anything,” he said again.

She grunted.

Worf put his hand around her waste and turned her around to face him.  He did what both of them had been aching for him to do from the moment he first saw her.  Worf pulled Ktana close to him and kissed her, first softly, then intensely.  He thought of nothing but how he felt for her, how alive she’d made him feel since they met.  How when he was with her, the emptiness he’d become so accustomed to was gone.  He thought of nothing but how delicately erotic her small body felt folded into his large embrace. 

In one sweeping motion, Worf easily lifted Ktana into his arms and carried her out of the dining room.  He carried her up the stairs, taking them two at a time.  He waited to hear her tell him this was too much, too fast, but she said nothing.  Once in his room, their passion ignited like wildfire.  Worf was quickly reminded that even though Ktana spent much of her time among humans, her passion was fully Klingon.  She responded to his every move with a primal urgency that excited him even more. 

The finally made their way to his bed, most all of their clothing had been discarded by the door.  Ktana’s mood softened a bit and she whispered to him “Worf, I have to tell you… I have saved myself for my par’machi.”

His eyes wided, “You have never…?”

She shook her head, “No.”

 “Ktana, I cannot--”

She placed her fingers over his lips, “I want it to be you.  From the moment we met I have wanted it to be you.”

Worf felt his heartbeat quicken.  How wonderful to be with a woman like this, a woman that understand the sanctity of this joining.  At times it seemed that Jadzia thought of sex as nothing more than a complicated handshake.

Jadzia.

Worf blinked his eyes several times as if to get her out of his head.  Ktana pulled him down onto her, and continued to show him all the many facets of her Klingon passion and intensity well into the night. 

~~~~~

Since that night together, Ktana virtually lived with Worf.  There had been many more passionate nights, as well as days filled with hikes through the forest, hunting trips (which she was very good at) and evenings spent simply enjoying each other’s company.

Ktana could no longer hide it; she was in love.  And with each passing day, she patiently waited for Worf to make his intentions known.  After all, she knew that Worf understood Klingon tradition.  They had mated, and it was only a matter of time before he asked her to take the Oath of Marriage, the first step towards her becoming his wife.

Jadzia had been right about Worf.  At heart, he was not much of a traditional man.  He knew what the next step for him and Ktana should be.  He knew it, but he wasn’t sure that he was ready for it.  He liked things as they were.  He liked sharing her company by day, and by night.  He liked her smile, the way she threw her head back in consuming laughter.  The way her alto voice could match every pitch in “Aktuh and Melota,” Worf’s favorite opera.  The way she could spear a wild tarq from 40 meters, and prepare the best roast he had ever had.  Then there was the way she spoke gently, yet candidly to him.  If he wanted an honest opinion, she’d give it, but always find a way to make everything seem alright in the end. 

Worf knew that they should take the Oath.  He’d insisted on it right away with both K’Ehleyr and Jadzia, both of whom turned him down at first.  With both of them, Worf wanted to honor Klingon tradition above all else.  He still regretted not taking the Oath with K’Ehleyr sooner, but he was glad that he and Jadzia had waited.   They needed the time to sort through things before making that commitment.

But that was not the case with Ktana.  She was everything Worf had ever wanted in a woman.  So what was his hesitation now?  He finally had a Klingon woman that held the same values Worf claimed to hold himself.  So what was holding him back?

~~~~~

A visit from the Chancellor was a rare treat that got the whole colony in an uproar.  Martok of course despised all the formalities that his new title brought with it, but he tolerated it.  As Worf said to him, great men do not seek power, it is thrust upon them.

All Martok really wanted to do was see how the colony was progressing and check in on his good friend.  And perhaps spend a day hunting with him as well.   Worf showed him all the progress that had been made, the new military installation, the expanded civilian population and services, and the shipyard that was almost complete.  Martok was confident that Khitomer was becoming the great military outpost that it had once been.

After the formalities were dispensed, Worf took Martok to him home and they spent two days deep in the woods and returned with a bounty of meet that could feed a small army.

In all that time, Worf purposely had not mentioned Ktana.  He did not know how to approach it, and did not want to hear Martok lecture him about ‘moving on’.  But Worf found that he could not longer avoid it.  When he and Martok returned, she was at his house waiting for them.

Martok spotted Ktana in the distance as they approached the house.  “Well, what do we have here?” he asked boldly as they entered the house, both men a mass of dried sweat, blood and filth.

Ktana smiled and lowered her head respectfully, “I am Dr, Ktana, daughter of Kadar.  It is an honor to be in your presence, Chancellor.” 

“The honor of being in the presence of a glorious Klingon woman is mine.”

Worf and Martok laid their kill across the table.  Worf was stumbling for words; he had to find a way to let Martok know who Ktana was to him.  The only problem; Worf wasn’t even sure who Ktana was to him, “Martok, Dr. Ktana is a Starfleet officer and on the staff at the new hospital.  She has been invaluable to me in my transition to Khitomer. ”

“Another Starfleet Klingon?  What good fortune for Worf to find you.”

Martok was giving Worf the look that he’d been dreading.  Luckily Ktana spoke up, “That tarq right there looks especially meaty.  I am going to skin it and prepare a feast fit only for the Chancellor.  Now, I want the two of you to go bathe yourselves before the whole house smells of you.”

Worf was shocked that Ktana spoke in such a forward manner to Martok, but Martok was amused and let out a loud laugh, “Do you have a lady of the house that I don’t know about, Worf?”

Worf’s eyes met Ktana, and he could see that she wanted to hear the answer to that questions juts as much as Martok did.  Worf skirted the issue, “We should go and let Dr. Ktana finish.”

The meal Ktana prepared was indeed fit for a Chancellor, and Martok raved about it all night.  Worf knew what he would have to hear the next day, and sure enough, Martok was in his office bright and early to talk about Ktana. 

“So, Worf, it appears you took my advice and found yourself a good woman.”

“It is not what you think,” Worf said.

“Tell me then, what is it?  I would not let a woman who could roast a tarq as well as she get away.  She is a fine lady, and I think she would make you a good wife.  Throughout dinner, her feelings for you were obvious.”

“So you approve of her?”

“From what I saw last night, of course!  She is not afraid to speak her mind, yet knows the proper time and place to show honor.  You seem to have much in common with her.  And she seems to take great pride in caring for you and your home.”

Worf sighed, “It is just too soon.”

Martok nodded, “I understand. You loved Jadzia more than I have known any man to love his wife.  But Jadzia is gone and you sent her to Sto’vo’Kor in a blaze of glory.  Is it now time that you moved on.”

“You taught me yourself that love is not something that we choose and that when it happens to us we cannot just walk away.  You should know more than anyone that I cannot just ‘move on.’” 

“I also told you that honor is of little comfort when you are alone.”

“So I should dishonor Jadzia just to that I do not feel alone?”

“You think that marrying Ktana would dishonor Jadzia?”

Worf did not respond.

“I will say this and will speak on it no more.  Love can be rare, and to find it again after having it once is even rarer.  Do not be so quick to push this away,” Martok paused, letting his words sink in.  “Now, let’s get back to business…”

~~~~~

“Well, I’d forgotten that you still lived on Khitomer.”

Ktana smiled at Kadar and kissed his cheek, “Hello Father.”

“So to what do I owe this visit?  I went to see my doctor yesterday, so I know you are not here to fuss at me about that.”

“No, no,” she paused, “Worf is away on Qo’noS this week, and I want to speak to you about him.”

Kadar nodded, “Ah.  I wondered when you would come to me about him.”

“You wondered?”

“He has not yet taking the Oath with you.  And forgive my forwardness, but I am no fool.  You haven’t spent a night at home in months.  You have mated with him and now you want to know when he will do the honorable thing.”

“Am I being too old-fashioned?  Is that not how it is anymore?”

“I have kept my tongue because I know that times do change, but in my day, my father would have battled with any man who dishonored his daughter the way Worf is dishonoring you.”

“I love him, Father.”

“I know you do,” he said gently, “But you love a man who is in love with a ghost.”

“I know that Worf loves me.  He is just—“

“There are no excuses,” Kadar said, “We are not humans who postulate over these things for years.  We find a suitable mate and make the commitment, period.  If he were an honorable man, he would have taken the Oath with you by now.  I am not entirely sure I would approve of the match at this point anyway.”

“Maybe if you talk to him… he has spent so much time away from Klingons, maybe he doesn’t know what is expected.  Talk to him, one Klingon man to another, and I know he will take the Oath with me.”

“And if he does not?”

That had not occurred to her, “I know he loves me.  He will.”

~~~~~

Kadar did not get out much, but he would do anything for his daughter, and that meant going to see Ambassador Worf in person.  Worf had just returned from a week on the Homeworld, and was eager to get back home to see Ktana.  Maybe he would surprise her at the hospital for lunch…

He was surprised when his assistant opened his office door and Kadar entered.  The older man used a walking stick to help steady his steps, but still carried the proud look of a wise warrior.

“Sir, come, in,” Worf pulled up a chair in front of his desk, “What can I do for you?”

“I will get right to the point.  My daughter loves you very much.  However, I am greatly troubled at the dishonor you are causing her.”

“Dishonor?” Worf was taken aback.

“You are trifling with my daughter and have not made your intentions for her known.  She is not some human girl that you can have your way with and throw aside.  And honorable man would have taken the Oath with her and be well into the marriage preparations by now.”

Worf was instantly angered at the man’s words, but calmed himself and remembered his place.  “I will be honest with you, Kadar.  I have never courted a fully Klingon woman, and if I have dishonored your daughter in any way I apologize.”

“Do you love my daughter?”

Worf was not expecting that question, “I care for her a great deal.”

“She thinks you love her.  Now I am an old man, and my daughter is all I have, so I am very protective of her.  I will not allow her to be dishonored.  Though we are not on the Homeworld, we are still Klingons and there are codes that we live by.”

“I understand.”

“I also understand that you are a widow.  I am a widow myself, I lost Ktana’s mother many years ago.  I was never able to resign myself to her loss, and I have been without a mate since.  But do not let your grief keep my daughter from living her life.  Make your intentions known.”

With that, Kadar stood and left.

~~~~~

“Worf!”

Ktana let herself into the house and ran up the stairs towards Worf’s room.  She figured that he was probably up there unpacking from his trip.  She always looked forward to seeing him when he came back from his extended trips to Qo’noS or to Earth.

The door to the room was open and Worf was sitting in his armchair and gazing out of the window. 

“Hey there, how was your trip?” Ktana bent down and kissed his cheek.  Worf didn’t look up at her.  “Is something wrong?”

“Please, have a seat,” She sat across from him on the edge of the bed, “I spoke with your father today.”

In an instant, Ktana felt her stomach turn queasy, “About?”

“Us.”

“I see.”

Worf had yet to actually look at her, “I must apologize to you… My inability to let go of the past has caused me to dishonor you and that was not my intention.  You gave me yourself and I have not done the right thing.”

Her breathing got shallow, “I understand, Worf.  I know that it is not easy for you to get back into a commitment again.  I am willing to wait until you are ready, but I need to know what I am waiting for.  We can take the Oath and wait to get married whenever you are ready.”

“I may never be ready.”

She was not expecting to hear that.  Then, something caught her eye.  On the table next to his chair was a picture, a picture that had been put away for months but was back again; his wedding picture. 

“I know my father may have come on strong—“

“Your father was right.  He did what any Klingon father would do for his daughter.  I got the distinct feeling that he would have challenged me if his health were not as it is,” Worf shook his head, “I have spent so much time among humans that I know nothing of Klingon women.”

“Know nothing of Klingon women?  Worf, the time I have spent with you has been amazing.  I cannot speak for all Klingon women, but you certainly know how to make this one happy,” Ktana went out on a limb with what she said next, and spoke words that they had never spoke, “I love you, Worf.”

Worf looked down at the picture of him and Jadzia.  The words he spoke during his vows returned to him, resonated loudly in his ears.  He could not forsake her, not even in death.  His behavior the past few months had been self-serving.  Yes, he enjoyed every moment he spent with Ktana, but in order to enjoy her he had to push Jadzia out of his mind.  He felt guilty for that every night.  He’d even put away all of Jadzia’s things and pictures of the two of them.  How could he?

Worf’s lack of response angered Ktana, “Did you hear what I said?”

“Yes… I never meant to hurt you, but I cannot love you the way you want me to…”

She stood up, filled with anger now, “You know, Worf, I will never be Jadzia Dax.  No one will ever be Jadzia Dax.  I foolishly thought that could help you move on, that my love would help heal the pain her death cause you.  But that was my mistake.  You would much rather love a dead woman than love a living breathing one that loves you back.”

Worf’s voice was cold, “I do not expect you to understand the bond that I had with my wife.”

“Then you have been leading me on all this time?”

 “I voiced my concerns to you before we first mated,” Worf replied, “I told you then that I could not be what you wanted me to be.”

“So what does this mean for us?”

“I cannot take the Oath with you.”

The words stung, even though she knew they were coming, “I see.  You and I have no future and I am not going to waste my time on you anymore.  I will come back tomorrow when you are not here to get my things.”

She walked out of the room.  Worf’s heart told him to follow her, but he did not.  He heard the door slam as she left the house. 

~~~~~

You never know what you have until it is gone.  Or, in Worf’s case, until you see it with someone else. 

The first night he spent without Ktana he could console himself with the thought that he was staying true to his wife.  But after a week, he realized that he missed the feeling of Ktana’s touch.  His house felt incredibly big and empty without her laughter, or the smell of her preparing a meal for him. 

He made his decision out of fear and haste.  He felt backed into a corner by Kadar’s confrontation, and now he began to regret it.  Ktana was amazing, more so than he realized while he had her.  But now it was too late.  His pride would never allow him to go back to her, he’d made this empty bed and now he had to lie in it.  

His feelings for Ktana came to a head one night at the old Klingon restaurant that had been their favorite place to go.  Worf was seated at a table for one, having dinner and going over tomorrow’s briefing when he saw her come in.  He hadn’t seen her since she walked out of his house almost two months ago and she was more striking than he remembered.  She was wearing her Starfleet uniform, which hugged her in all the right places. 

Next to her was a man Worf knew well.  He was the second in command at the Klingon military base, named Mobek.  Worf worked with him often on matters of military strategy here on Khitomer.  And now Mobek was seated across from Ktana, sharing her company and listening to her laughter.

Worf watched intently as she did all the things she did when they were together.  She gave him the same youthful flirty looks.  She laughed the same way her hair fell down her back in that same gorgeous way,

And then it happened, the thing that sent Worf over the edge.  The nightly music began to play, and Ktana and Mobek began to sing.  Well, everyone began to sing, but, it made Worf’s blood boil to see her signing along with that tone-deaf idiot.  Worf stood and rushed over to their table.

“I need to talk to you,” he said and took Ktana by the arm and led her out of the restaurant.  Mobek stood, but Worf gave him a definitive look that let him know he dare not interfere. 

“What is wrong with you?!” Ktana yelled once they were outside.

“Me?  How dare you come here with him?!”

“What is wrong with Mobek? And since when is it your business to worry about where I go and who I go with?”

“He is not right for you at all.  He is too young—“

“He is my age.”

“And he is nothing like you.”

She crossed her arms over her chest and smirked, “Well isn’t this something.  Not only do you not want me, but you don’t want me to be with anyone else either.’

“I just want what is best for you.”

“No, you want what is best for you.  If you wanted what was best for me you would not have treated me like you did,” she replied.

Worf continued, “Have you taken the Oath with Mobek?”

“Not yet, but he has spoken to my father and it will happen soon.”

Worf’s blood was boiling, “You told me you were saving yourself for your par’machi?  Have you slept with him?!”

Ktana shook her head, “You are pathetic, Worf.   Yes, I was saving myself, and I thought you were the one.  I wanted it to be you, but you had other ideas.  Whether or not I have slept with him is none of your concern.”

Worf asked the final question, “Do you love him?”

“I will only answer that question because I want you to hear it.  Do I love him the way I still love you?  No.  You meant everything to me, and you broke my heart.  But he loves me and he wants me and I love him for that.  If he wants to take the Oath with me, I will.  Now if you will excuse me, I don’t want to keep him waiting.”

He grabbed her hand as she walked away, “Ktana, you cannot marry him.”

“Give me one reason why I should not.”

Worf was silent.

She jerked her hand away, “I didn’t think you could.”

~~~~~

Worf was furious.  He wasn’t exactly sure why he was furious but he was.  He had no right to interfere.  Ktana was no longer his.  He went home to his big empty house yet again.  Ktana made this house a home.  Without her, it lost the feeling that he loved about it.  Ktana was the lady of this house. 

There was only one person that could help him sort through this.  He prepared his runabout for a trip to Deep Space Nine. 

~~~~~

It had been a long time since Worf was on the station, and surprisingly, not much had changed.  He did not tell Ezri he was coming, which he probably should have.  The counselor’s office was just off the promenade and when he entered, he was disappointed to see that she was not there.  But just as Worf, turned to leave, Ezri rounded the corner, and the two collided.

“Worf!  My goodness, what a surprise!  What are you doing here?” She stood up on her toes and kissed his face.

“I need to talk to you.”

“Come on in,” she ushered him back into her office, “Gosh, how long has it been since we last spoke?”

“A year go, on the day that I left.”

She rolled her eyes, “And we promised to keep in touch… so what’s up?  It must be big if you came all this way just to talk to me.”

Worf sighed, “I do not know how to begin...”

“Well, tell me what’s been going on?  How has life been for Ambassador Worf?”

“Things are well.  I have been permanently stationed on Khitomer and I base all my operations from there.  I recently came into possession of my father’s old house and I resorted it and now live there.”

“Worf, how amazing!  How does it make you feel, being back on Khitomer?”

Sometimes Worf forgot that Ezri was a counselor, “There have been moments when the memories have been difficult to relive, but I am handling it well.”

“Do you want to talk about those memories?”

“No, no,” Worf took a deep breath, “It is not that… I have met someone.  A woman”

Ezri’s face beamed, “Worf, how wonderful!  Tell me all about her.”

Worf told Ezri of how he and Ktana met and how their relationship grew.  He finished by adding, “Now, I know that there are many aspects of Klingon tradition that you do not agree with.”

“True.  But I respect them because of you.”

“I dishonored Ktana by not taking the Oath with her.”

Ezri understood the gravity of what Worf was saying, “Why is it that you don’t want to marry her?”

“I cannot marry her, I cannot marry anyone.  You of all people should know that.”

“Is it because you don’t love her?  Because based on the way you have spoken of her, I think that you do.”

Worf didn’t want Dax thinking that he loved someone else.  “I love Jadzia. She is my wife and my love will always be with her.”

“I see,” she nodded, “So you came here to show me how you are sacrificing your life in honor of Jadzia?”

“I am keeping my word. My heart beats only for her, those were my vows.  I want her, you, to know that.”

“And how do you think that makes me feel?” Ezri asked.

“You should be honored to know that I am remaining true to Jadzia, even in death.”

“Well, let me tell you how I really feel,” Ezri leaned forward, “It breaks my heart to see you depriving yourself of happiness in some attempt to be noble.  It is bad enough that our marriage was cut short.  I replay that day over and over in my mind, how I should not have gone into the temple, how we were so close to having a family of our own.  And then to know that you are punishing yourself in my name just makes it worse.”

Worf was not expecting her response, “Dax, I never…”

“You didn’t think about it that way, did you?  Worf, what do you think Jadzia would have wanted for you?  Do you think she would want you unhappy and alone?  I was hoping you were going to tell me that you’d found love again, not that you were pushing it away.  Do you love Ktana?”

Worf was amazed at how quickly his answer came, especially since he had spent so much time convincing himself that he didn’t love her, “Very much.  More than I ever thought I could love again.”

“But you feel guilty about loving her?”

“I promised to love Jadzia forever.  How can I so easily forget that and love someone else?”

“Worf, I don’t think that you are coming to this easily. It has been two years since Jadzia died.  Please stop torturing yourself.  It kills me to see it.  Jadzia would want your happiness, Worf, even if that can’t be with her.”

 “Are you sure?”

“I am Dax, you know. Of course I’m sure.   I want you to live your life and be happy.  Jadzia taught you how to really love someone, didn’t she?”

He smiled, “She did.”

“Then honor her by sharing that love with someone else, not by bottling it up inside.”

Worf shook his head, “I have been a fool, and now I fear it is too late.  Ktana is planning to marry someone else.”

“Then you have to tell her how you feel.”

Worf nodded, “Thank you, Ezri.  I really needed to hear his.”

She stood and he stood with her, “Good.  Now go, get right back on your runabout and go get her,” Ezri looked up into his eyes, “She is a very lucky woman,” she said softly.  Sometimes it was still difficult for her to separate her feelings from those of her former hosts.  Right now, she felt like she was still Jadzia looking into her husband’s eyes.

He smiled down at her, “Thank you for speaking with me,” he paused, “And if you do not mind, I would love to kiss my wife one last time.”

She smiled back at him, “Of course I don’t mind,” Ezri allowed Worf to wrap his arms around her and kiss her gently.  When the kiss ended, Ezri whispered in his ear, “Good bye, my love,” and with those words, he knew she was speaking for Jadzia.

It pained him to say the words because he never really had before.  Worf closed his eyes and responded, “Good bye, par’machi.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Upon returning to Khitomer, Worf didn’t even go home first, he want straight to Kadar’s house in the city to look for Ktana. 

Kadar answered the door, and his voice was expectedly cold, “Ambassador, what may we do for you?”

Worf didn’t hesitate, “I have come to ask for your approval in taking the Oath of marriage with Ktana.”

“Why would I give my approval to a man who broke my daughters heart?  A man who dishonored her by not taking the Oath when honored required it?”

“I have made mistakes, and I regret them very much.  But I love your daughter, Kadar, and I—“

“Worf?” Ktana appeared behind her father.

Worf pushed passed Kadar and into the room.  He stood before Ktana, “I came to ask you to marry me.  I am ready.  I,” he paused, “I love you Ktana.”

The words intended to sweep her off her feet seemed to have no affect, “That love is a bit too late, Worf.”

“Just last week you said you still loved me.  I know that I—“

“I have taken the Oath with Mobek.  We are to be married next month.”

Her words hit Worf like a ton a bricks, “You do not want to marry Mobek.  You said yourself that you do not love him as you love me. He is not right for you, I am.”

Kadar interjected, “Mobek is a good match for my daughter.  He comes form a fine house, he is an honored warrior, and she will not have to take second place in his heart.”

“If it is position you want for her, I am a Brother of Martok,” Worf said to him, “There is no more prestigious House than the Chancellor’s.  And I have proven myself in battle countless times, far more than Mobek.” Worf looked to Ktana, “And you would not be second in my heart.  I want you for my par’machi.  It is true, I loved my wife, but I have released her from my heart so that I can love you with all of it.”

Ktana stood firm, “It is of no consequence.  I have taken the Oath with Mobek, and I intend to marry him.”

“Then I will challenge him for you!” Worf declared.

“Challenge him if you must, but regardless of the outcome, I will not take the Oath with you.  Now please leave our home.”

Worf’s eyes darted back and forth between the two.  He was out of options, but this could not be it.  This could not be the end. 

“My daughter has asked you to leave.  I suggest you do so.”

Worf looked into Ktana’s eyes once more, searching for the feelings he hoped were still there.  Ktana did not want her eyes to meet his and turned her face from his gaze.  Worf drew in a deep breath as he left.  The fact that’s he could not look at him let him know that all was not yet lost.

After Worf left, Ktana went into her room to be alone.  Moments later, her father joined her there.

“Ktana…”

“Please, I don’t want to talk about any of this,” she said as she gazed out of her window.

“Is what Worf said true?  Do you love Worf more than Mobek?”

“Yes,” she admitted quietly.

“My daughter, all I have ever wanted is your happiness,” he began, “And all along I have felt that your relationship with Mobek was your way of getting back at Worf.”

“Father, how can you say that!  You wanted me with Mobek from the beginning.”

“I know.  But just listen to me for a moment.  From a small child you have heard the stories of Kahless and Lucara, of how their love vanquished enemies and transcended everything.  Nothing is stronger in a Klingon than the love they have for their par’machi.  If you marry Mobek, but Worf is the man that has your heart, you will never be able to break from that.  We are not like Humans that can turn these things on and off and a whim.  The force of a Klingon heart is very powerful.”

Ktana sighed, “I know father.”

“I saw the fire in Worf’s eyes just now.  He is going to challenge Mobek.”

“I thought didn’t like Worf.”

“Who I like is of no consequence.  It is your opinion that matters.  You know that is all I have ever cared about.”

“I need to think.”

Kadar kissed his daughter’s forehead and left the room.  Ktana knew that her father was right.  Worf would challenge Mobek, if for no other reason than to show her how serious he was, and to show her that she was marrying an inferior warrior.  She would have to warn Mobek.

She thought more on her father’s words.  There was no question that what she felt for Mobek was nothing like what she felt for Worf.  But Worf had hurt her and she could not easily overlook that.  For all that she did not feel for Mobek, she knew that she would always be first in his heart.  Ktana did not want to spend her life with Worf knowing that she’d never live up to Jadzia. 

But what made Worf come back?  What made him change his mind?  Was it just seeing her with Mobek?  Was it something more?  As her anger subsided, she decided to pay Worf a visit, and see what his intentions really were.

~~~~~

Worf went home and went straight to his room.  Ktana was making this more difficult than he’d hoped, but he wasn’t giving up yet.  He would challenge Mobek anyway, that way she would know that he was serious.  And when he stood victorious over Mobek, she would know that he’d go against any man that stood in his way of having her.

Worf took out a packing crate and began putting some things away.  Even if Ktana never returned to his home, these things needed to go.  All the things that he kept around to remind him of Jadzia were packed away.  All the things that kept him from moving on were put into the crate.  He would not throw them away, because this had been a part of his life.  Instead he packed it all up and put them at the back of his closet.

When that was done, Worf went down to his kitchen and found a bottle of blood wine.  He needed a drink, and badly.  He was starting to come to terms with the idea that Ktana may never come back to him, whether he defeated Mobek or not.  She was, after all, a Klingon woman.  And Klingon women do not take lightly to being betrayed. 

Worf took the bottle and sat outside.  The sky began to darken and Worf could hear the animals of the forest begin to call and howl.  This was a wonderful place, but he did not want to stay here alone.  He took another drink.

“Worf?”

Worf knew the unmistakable sound of the deep, velvety voice that emanated from behind him.  He quickly stood from his chair and spun around, “Ktana?”

“I want to talk to you,” she tried to keep her voice even and stern, but her true emotions came through.  She still couldn’t look into his eyes.  She knew that if she did that, she’s melt right there. 

“Of course,” Worf pulled over a chair and she sat.  The fact that she was even here meant that he still had a chance.  Worf decided then and there that she was not leaving tonight without taking the Oath with him, and he’d do whatever it took to see to that.

“I have to know some things and I need to hear the truth from you.  I trust your honor and whatever you say I will believe it based on that.”

“Ask me anything.”

“Did you come to me today out of jealousy?  Are you just jealous because you saw me with Mobek last week?”

Worf took a breath.  He had to be honest, “Yes.  I was envious when I saw you with him.  I felt like I was watching another man enjoy the company of my par’machi.  But seeing you with him made me realize that I had taken you for granted.  I realized that I want you with me and no one else.”

She seemed satisfied with that answer.  Ktana was almost afraid to ask this next question, but she knew she had to.  “Do you love me?”

Worf knelt down next to where she sat. Words such as these were usually difficult for Worf to say, but he knew that he had to if he wanted her back, “You have given me a reason to live again.  You have given me my life back.  I love you Ktana, and my heart beats only for you.”

She shook her head, “No, no, that’s not true.  Your heart beats for Jadzia.  She is your par’machi.  I would never be more than a substitute.  I cannot live like that.”

“I would be lying if I said that I could put Jadzia completely out of my heart,” he began, “She was my wife and that will always be a part of me.  But the mistake I made before was in thinking that I could not honor the memory of my wife if I loved you.  I now know that it is just the opposite.  I honor her more by continuing to live, by being happy and sharing my life with you.  She taught me so much about how to open up and love someone.  Before Jadzia I could never speak to you as I am now.  You are not a substitute.  I loved before and because of you I can continue to love again.”

Worf’s heartfelt words left Ktana speechless.  She searched Worf’s eyes for some hint of deception, some inkling that he was not being forthcoming so that she’d have reason to get up and leave.  Her heart wanted to trust him, wanted to believe what he said, but a part of her was still unsure.

For Worf, this was the moment of truth, “Take the Oath with me, Ktana,” he whispered.

Her strong voice wavered, “How can I be sure?”

Worf shook his head, “You cannot.  None of us can.  I thought that I had found the woman I would spend the rest of my life with once before.  But, she is gone and I had to learn to love again.  I now know that nothing is certain.  We can shield our hearts in attempt to stay safe, but in doing that we miss out on life.  I have done that for far too long.”

Worf paused for a moment, letting his words sink in.  Worf took her hand in his and spoke the words that she’d longed to hear from him, words that Klingons had spoken to one another for thousands of years.  Worf began the Oath of Marriage. 

“Jih dok (my blood)”

Ktana’s eyes widened.  She looked down at their joined hands.  Could she do this?  Could she take the Oath with Worf?  She looked up, finally looking into his eyes.  She though of her father’s words.  Kadar had been right. her heart beat for Worf, not Mobek.  To try to convince herself otherwise would have been futile.  Without hesitation, Ktana responded.

“Maj dok (our blood)”

Worf reached into his boot and withdrew a small knife.  He quickly sliced the blade across his palm and then turned Ktana’s over and sliced into hers as well.  Then he pressed their bleeding palms together, letting their blood mingle and make them one.

Still clasping hands, they stood together.  With his free hand, Worf pulled Ktana into him and they kissed, fiercely and passionately.

“I have missed you so much,” she whispered.

“As have I,” he responded, “But now we will never be parted again.”

“You know,” she began, “This is not yet quite over.”

He nodded, “I now have to challenge Mobek.”

She smirked at him, “Even if you lose to him, I will still marry you.”

Worf laughed, “I will not lose.”

“So, what happens next?” Ktana asked.

“Tomorrow, I challenge Mobek…”

“And what about tonight?” she teased.

Worf led her back into the house, “Tonight,” Worf lowered his voice, “Tonight we explore all the meanings of the word par’machi.”

~~~~~

(Finished May 20, 2005)

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