Author's note: I was inspired to write this after listening to
monty Python's "Medical Love Song."
Disclaimer: I don't own Psylocke or Angel or Gambit or Beast or
Cyclops. Marvel does, but they might not want to claim them after
this fic.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She was a slut.
That's what it boiled down to. Betsy read the list again: Herpes,
moenelial infection, gonorrhea, scrotal pustules, trichovaginitis
and syphilis.
It was the short list.
'Funny' she thought as she looked in the mirror, 'who'd guess it
with this body?'
She'd have to tell Warren. Damn that wasn't gonna be fun. She'd
have to tell him, and soon too. He was getting to be one horny
bird. His subtle hints stopped being subtle about two months ago.
He was practically begging her to fuck him. She sighed.
*X-Men to the ready room.*
'Just what I need right now,' she thought exasperated.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Warren you enter in through the roof with Storm. Remy and
Betsy will sneak in the back, while the rest of us hit the main
gate. This should give you two enough time to grab the files and
get out of there." Scott continued on about the mission's
details. She tried to pay attention but all she could think about
was getting out of there so she could scratch her crouch. It was
really annoying the hell out of her and the cream that Hank gave
her wasn't doing one damn thing to help.
"Bugger."
"You don like de plan chere?" Remy looked at her and
she had to stop herself from blushing. She hadn't meant to say
that outloud.
"Huh? No the plan's great, Gambit. My mind just
drifted." She wanted out of that room now.
"Well dey don seem like happy thoughts. You wanna talk about
it?" Betsy looked at him critically for a second.
Remy had the reputation of a ladies man. He had probably been
through at least one venereal disease by now. If any of the X-Men
could understand her dilemma, he could. She shook her head 'No.'
She was too humiliated to tell anyone, even Remy. Besides it
wasn't like she had just one disease, she was practically a
walking clinic.
Hell, she could handle one disease. She may have been brought up
in an aristocratic British family, but she still knew how to go
out and party. This was different. Apparently Kwannon was a very
popular girl in Madripoor. She managed to pick up a little
something from every man she met.
Oh well, now wasn't the time to think about it. They had a
mission to get through.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She had to pee. How had that happened? After the mission, they
all came back and had dinner. Everyone grabbed their own and she
managed to avoid Warren, instead munching on a sandwich in her
room. She was careful not to grab anything to drink, even though
she was thirsty. Still her bladder was full and she had to go.
What misery!
She had syphilitic sores down there. Not only was it a painful
experience, it tended to take a while too. She buried her face in
her hands, grabbed the recent Rolling Stone and headed to the
bathroom.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'Well that as fun,' she thought to herself and she headed back to
her room. Jubilee just had to be visiting right now. As if she
didn't have enough problems, the girl had decided to soap all the
toilet seats in the girls bathroom. Like her butt wasn't red and
sore enough as it was. It itched more now too. She didn't think
that was possible, but she walked into her room, slammed the door
and began scratching her backside with more vigor than she had
meant too. When she was done, she half sighed-half moaned and
leaned back on the door.
"Betsy are you okay?"
Her eyes shot open at the sound of his voice. Had she missed him
when she walked in or had he flown in through the window? Her
face grew crimson. Either way as a telepath she should have
noticed him there. She was just so distracted. Her butt itched so
god damn much. She wanted to groan in frustration, but she held
back.
"Warren what are you doing here?" She asked as she
tried to keep the impatience out of her voice.
"Well you've been avoiding me lately and I wanted to know
why."
"What? I haven't been avoiding you, it's just the team's
been so busy lately..."
"Stop it, you have. What's going on, please tell me."
He looked at her sternly, but with a definite amount of longing
in his face. She had to tell him.
"Well I'm very happy with you Warren. I like you a lot, but
I'm just not sure that we should become more intimate. I mean I'm
not sure I'm ready." Okay it was a lie, she just couldn't
say 'I'm a diseased cow and if you sleep with me, you're gonna
catch every sexually transmitted disease known to man, as well as
a few that have merged within me to become super diseases.'
"I think I understand. I've been worried about that
myself." Warren said.
"Huh?" She was confused.
"I want us to be more intimate, but well there's something I
should tell you first." Warren turned his head away from
her, but continued to look at her through the corner of his eye.
"You see Betsy, I think I'm in love with you and I want to
make love to you, but well I haven't always been such a committed
guy. What I'm trying to say is that I used to date a lot of women
and I used to treat sex as though it was only part of the date. I
have slept with a lot of women. Too many, I know now that I was
wrong. I..." He stopped, took a deep breath and turned back
to her so that his eyes met hers. She could see sorrow in them,
and even some shame. "I have penile warts and I understand
if you don't want to have sex with me, they're contagious if
you're not cautious."
Betsy smiled and practically jumped for joy. In the past,
something like that would have made her flee the room, but now
she was so happy. She looked at him with admiration. That had
been so courageous of him. She had to tell him.
"Oh Warren that's wonderful, not that you have them, but
that...Well you see Kwannon's body came with a few diseases of
its own. I have gonorrhea."
"You do?" He asked and smiled when she nodded. "So
do I. I found out about it when I went to get my scrotal postules
taken care of."
"You had scrotal postules? I have spirochetes."
"I have interstitial kerotitis and meningo myelitis."
"Really? I have gonnoccocal urethritis, auterior uveitis and
streptococcal ballinitis."
They talked the rest of the night, laughing about their
epididimitus and the snail tracts in their anuses. They even
kissed once or twice, but mostly they planned. They would have
sex, maybe not tonight, maybe not tomorrow night, but one night
when the swelling went down.