Standard Disclaimer: You know that I don't own Gundam Wing don't you? Well I don't. If I did I wouldn't spell the Cinq Kingdom that way.

Note for comprehension’s sake: Omae o korosu means I'll kill you.

Remembering Relena Peacecraft

"You see Dorothy, Relena Peacecraft isn't a person, but an idea. A memory of the past and a vision of the future."

'A memory of the past, well that is true.' Dorothy thought as she walked towards the meeting room. She was so dreading this meeting.

It had been two weeks since that day, that horrible day when the Cinq Kingdom was destroyed and Relena died. She recalled it all as if it were a dream. It didn't feel as though she had really heard those words from Relena, what did Relena mean when she had said that she wasn't a real person? 'Heero will know, but he won't tell me or anyone else.' Dorothy thought rather bitterly.

"Heero understands, he won't cry for me and neither should you. I have done all I can, now I must become a martyr, it is all that I can do to help my people now."

Dorothy had tried to argue with her, screamed at her, pleaded with her, but Relena refused to leave.

"I will suffer the same fate as the Cinq kingdom."

"But Miss Relena, the Cinq kingdom can be rebuilt after the war, but if you die, you will be gone forever."

Dorothy recalled the smile that Relena had given her. It was a sweet, sad smile and then she said something that Dorothy will never forget.

"I will live on forever, but only if I die."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"One day you'll understand, Dorothy. For now just keep believing in me."

"But Miss Relena…"

"Listen to me Dorothy. In ten minutes the Cinq Kingdom will be completely destroyed. In 5 minutes I will be dead. In two minutes you will carry out the last orders I will ever give you."

"I won't, I won't leave you behind." Dorothy recalled the tears that were in her voice, they had surprised her, she never thought that she would cry over the thought of someone's death. Especially not when that person was going to die in battle.

"You will, you will leave here and tell my brother Milliardo and the gundam pilots, what happened here. They must know who is responsible. Tell them who their enemy is. Tell Heero. Those are my orders to you Dorothy. Carry out these orders, it is the last thing I will ask you or anyone else to do for me. Will you do this for me, Dorothy?"

"Yes Miss Relena." Of course she couldn't refuse. So she left and watched from afar as the Cinq Kingdom's remaining edifices were razed, including the royal palace where Relena sat all alone.

The attack was well thought out. Milliardo was with Miss Noin, and the gundam pilots. They had gone to stop an attack on L4 from an unknown enemy. Too far away from Earth when the fighting started to be able to do anything, when the Cinq Kingdom was invaded. Dorothy had been left behind to watch after Relena. She knew that the gundam pilots still didn't trust her and so they didn't want her along on the mission. She didn't know who suggested leaving her in charge of Relena's safety, but when the suggestion came up, Heero and Milliardo had not so discreetly left the room. Dorothy knew that Heero didn't want her anywhere near Relena, especially not as her security officer. When they came back Milliardo said that he actually needed Dorothy to train new members of the security detail and that he was going to have Miss Noin stay behind and watch after Relena. Everyone in the room knew exactly what was going on and Relena wasn't going to have any of it. She stood up and told Milliardo that she trusted Dorothy completely and that Miss Noin was needed in the defense of L4.

"I believe that Dorothy has proven herself time and again to be an important ally. You of all people should know how drastically a person can change, Milliardo, and that Dorothy deserves a second chance. I trust her completely and I am more than willing to put my life in her hands."

That had ended things, Noin would go with Milliardo and the gundam pilots. Dorothy would watch after Relena. And now Relena was dead and she wasn't. Not yet anyway. She didn't have much faith that she would walk out of this meeting alive.

When Dorothy entered the room, the looks that greeted her varied from one person to the next, but none held anything that could give her hope. Some were filled with hate, many with sorrow. Wufei's held a look of disdain which almost made her smile. 'That's the look he always gives me.' She thought. She could only see one of Trowa's eyes, but it seemed to cut through her. Then there were Heero's eyes. They were cold and emotionless. They spoke to her. "Omae o korosu, Dorothy."

She sat down and when Milliardo asked her what happened, she related her tale. She told them of how the attack began and how they were overwhelmed. She told them of how Relena had refused to leave the palace and of her final orders for Dorothy. She told them who had attacked.

"It seemed pretty obvious that the attack on L4 was arranged as a diversion, to leave the Cinq Kingdom and Relena Peacecraft defenseless."

When she was done they seemed to accept her explanation. Milliardo even nodded.

"I thought as much. Well Dorothy I know you tried your best and I know that Relena can be stubborn when she wants, I don't blame you for her death."

"Thank you Mr. Milliardo, but I feel responsible."

"Don't it was a good plan, well laid out by an enemy who knew us too well and was able to strike at our weakest link. It was our fault for being ill-prepared."

Wufei's words surprised her, she never expected to receive support from him. Quatre also gave her his support.

"You did your best Miss Dorothy, you shouldn't blame yourself. Relena made a decision based on what she thought was best for everybody. I wish she hadn't decided to stay, we all miss her terribly, but Relena did what she thought was best for everybody, we have to respect that."

Trowa nodded his agreement.

"Yeah it sucks, but that's Relena for you, she sees things that other people don't. She obviously thought that her death would unite the people or something. Did she say anything before she, well you know, got offed?"

"Duo!"

"Yes she did say something…" I hesitated and then quoted what Relena had said to me.

"Relena Peacecraft isn't a person, but an idea. A memory of the past and a vision of the future."

"What do you think she meant by that?"

"I don't know Duo, but I think she was wrong, Relena was a wonderful person, you think she didn't know that?"

"She knew Quatre, I don't think she literally meant that she wasn't a person. I think she meant that she was more than just a person, she was an idea."

"Well duh Trowa, that is what Dorothy just said."

They continued their discussion further, but I didn't pay them any attention. I was looking at Heero and Heero was looking at me. He understood what she meant. I could see it in his eyes. They were still cold and emotionless, but there was understanding in those eyes. They spoke to me. They said, "Omae o korosu, Dorothy."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Heero stood behind her as she talked to the large crowd. She spoke of compassion and peace, while he scanned the crowd looking weapons. He watched as she raised her hands to the sky and the crowd cheered. They all loved her, he sympathized. He wanted to be alone with her, away from the crowds.

She stood in her room, her arms raised to the ceiling as she stretched out her kinks in the morning sun. Heero walked up to her from behind, hugging her close to him. He put his head on her shoulder and placed his hands over her heart.

"Relena."

He closed his eyes and heard her whisper, "Save me Heero."

Startled he opened his eyes and was horrified to find her bloody and bruised. She was strung up between two trees by her wrists. Heero felt warm liquid flow over his hands and realized she was bleeding to death.

"Relena!"

He tried to look at her face, but seemed rooted behind her. The blood on his hands felt dry and he realized that her blood had turned to sand and her body was like dirt crumbling away. He was helpless to stop it.

"RELENA!"

Heero's eyes snapped open. Stoic even in sleep he laid in his bed and didn't make a sound, but his heart was beating like crazy.

"I'll be with you soon, Relena." He whispered to the empty cell.

"No you won't."

"Quatre." If Heero was surprised by his early morning visitor, he didn't show it.

"The board of magistrates has informed Milliardo that right before Relena's death, she signed a law abolishing corporeal punishment. So you won't be put to death."

Heero didn't answer.

"Will you escape now? We both know that cell can't hold you."

"I won't escape, I killed Dorothy, I will take whatever punishment is handed to me."

"You don't want to be punished for Dorothy's death. You want to be punished for Relena's death, but there was nothing that you could do. She had her chance to flee and she didn't. She chose to die Heero. It wasn't your fault."

Heero still didn't respond.

"You can't stay here. We still have enemies to fight. You can't avenge her death rotting away in a jail cell."

"I've avenged her death. I killed Dorothy."

"Dorothy didn't kill Relena and you know it. I never thought I would see the day you turned away from a fight. Relena died so that people would find a reason to fight for peace again. She would be appalled to see you here."

Heero flinched inwardly at this. He could picture Relena looking upon him with sad eyes.

"Heero nobody wants you here. We need you and Milliardo realizes that. Killing Dorothy was wrong. But you've punished yourself enough already. There is only one guard assigned to watch you and that is only during the day. You were put here so that you could escape and help us. We can't wait much longer Heero."

Quatre left. Heero knew most of what he said was true. He also knew that he would leave here soon. He needed to fight. When he was fighting he could forget about her. Battle also held the possibility of an honorable death. He still wanted to die. Heero closed his eyes. He would leave tonight. He didn't want to hurt the guard.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Off to fight again, Heero?"

He sliced the Aries in two and took out three Leos with a single blast of his beam cannon.

"I understand now how you feel when you fight and that's because I'm on your side now."

Didn't she understand what her death would do to him?

"I didn't want to die without any answers."

She must have gotten her answers, or else she wouldn't have let them kill her. Well, he hadn't gotten his yet. He thrust forward, his beam saber held out in front of him. He destroyed his enemies.

"But, why?"

He didn't feel any better. And he had heard her voice during the enitre battle. He wasn't there for her death, but the Zero system and his own nightmares had made up for that.

"What's wrong with me?" He yelled in frustration. Her death had caused a wave of sorrow that swept over the earth and colonies. The people had called for an end to the fighting, horrified at the utter destruction of the Cinq Kingdom. He and the other pilots were just cleaning up the few remaining stragglers who didn't know when to quit. Or who didn't want to live without the ability to fight. Peace was so close now. It would last this time. There was something in the atmosphere, he could feel it. This overwhelming desire for peace. He wanted it. It had become his dream too, somewhere along the way. Something to fight for. Something for when the fighting was over.

"Heero I wanted to see you."

"Huh?" He shook his head. The image of her standing in a basketball court, the sun on her hair, the smile twinkling in her eyes, faded.

"I'm worried about you." Wufei worried?

"I'm fine Wufei."

"Yes I know. I was fine after Meriam died. At least that's what I told everybody else. I even managed to believe it myself for a time. But honestly Heero, your fighting skills today were subpar, had you been up against a worthy opponent...Well luckily you were not. Heero, I tell you this as a friend, you are too weak to fight."

'Too weak to fight.' If anybody else had said that to him..., but it wasn't anybody else it was Wufei. Heero stared at Wufei in disbelief. He had to fight, but "The enemies are all gone.There is no one left to fight anymore."

"Today, yes. Tomorrow, perhaps not. I will help you become stronger."

"Why?"

"You must become stronger, if you want to fight again."

"No, why are you helping me?"

"Because you are too weak to fight."

Circles, he was talking in circles. Heero was getting frustrated, but he didn't show it. "I'll get stronger on my own. I just need some time" to forget about her.

Wufei read his mind, or so it seemed. "I must help you because you don't understand. Trying to forget her is what is making you weak. You got your strength to fight from Relena." Heero nodded, shouldn't he feel embarrassed that Wufei knew this? "If you push her from your mind, where do you find your strength then?"

"But she's dead Wufei."

"She was never in the cockpit with you before. Does it matter now that she is dead?" Heero gave him a harsh look, but he continued. "Her ideals live on. She told Dorothy she would live forever, and she has. At least so far. Look how the people rally around her name. She is dead, but that doesn't mean you have to kill her in your mind. Use her words to give you hope. Use her vision to help you see. Use her heart to help you believe. Use her spirit to give you strength."

"I'll try."

"She's out there Heero. I will help you get stronger. You'll see." It was a promise, he realized then, to make him understand that he was not alone. He was skeptical, but he trusted Wufei.

When he got back to his room he laid down on the bed. He didn't pick up the picture frame that was on the dresser. Not this time. "Are you out there Relena?" The quiet room refused to breathe.

"Heero understands, he won't cry for me." He hadn't cried for her, but he wondered. If she was out there, was she crying for him?