Sunday Dinner
by Polka Dot
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+Publisher:Marvel +
+Comic:Uncanny X-Men +
+Main character:Robert Drake +
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Bobby paused at the doorway, collecting his thoughts and his courage, for he was about to enter into hell. A quick smile flitted over his lips as he chastised himself for such a hyperbole. It was just Sunday dinner after all. Still he needed to steel himself, for these were always brutal affairs.

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+Somewhere deep inside me , I hold a picture of a time long gone +
+A time of ease and simple pleasures and days in shadows not so long +
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Was it five minutes or ten minutes in this time? His heart hurt. It was pounding painfully in his chest. He just sat there, shocked and not shocked: hurt, bitterly so. Why was it always like this? And why did he never get used to it, never see it coming? The cruel words hung in the air waiting, for what? What could he say, how could he respond?

"Mutant, loser, diappointment, unfit-to-carry-the-name-Drake, useless."

He knew this man, knew the way he he sat in his chair and judged the world. Knew that he would be judged harshly, yet always he expected better, hoped for some kind of mercy. There was no mercy, there was never any mercy. It was a foolish hope and he was a fool for having ever wished for such a thing. Still he should say something, he should try to defend himself. He wasn't a failure. He wasn't trying to incite the world to riot, but he road his righteous horse last week. Defended his honor and had every argument shot down. He had ridden his horse into the ground.

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+Now with my mind I'm struggling, holding on to what I believe +
+Listen to the fragments of my thoughts that leave me broken and deceived+
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So time stretched on and he stood like the fool he was, completely wordless in the face of his father. No quick wit or burst of anger eased the tense silence. No impassioned plea or quiet dismissal was attempted to marshal his lost dignity. He stood shell shocked and wounded. The urge to argue,to scream or curse and fight had long been beaten out of him. He knew only surrender. Ennui locked his brain like inertia locked his knees. He could move neither backward nor forward in this world, for a man of twenty or forty was reduced to a battered child within these walls. He could not move freely, he could not defend himself nor his heart for all things about him were paltry.

It was at moments like these that he understood the cold. The cold was him and he was living, breathing ice. In the bitter winds of the Alberta clipper he was free. Now he could feel the numbness as blood flowed sluggishly through chilled extremities.

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+'cause I don't know the way he said "I can take you there I can show you places where our time has had no ware"+
+and as we walked the plains the skies they opened wide revealing all the shame for what's been left inside. +
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At last he spoke, though it was to the void not the man, for only the void seemed real, while the man seemed paper thin and hollow.

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+It's a day in the life +
+In my mind I've seen it all+
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It was a quiet speech and eloquent though he didn't practice it. It just flowed from somewhere deep inside.

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+Someday soon for all to see +
+The walls are slowly breaking down +
+Someday we'll be free +
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"I can't. I can't even pretend to be shocked. I'm standing here, thinking that I should be outraged or horrified, but I'm not because I knew that you were going to say that, or at least something equally insulting and bigotted. You're always like this. You never change. I keep coming here, trying to be honest and to make you and mom a part of my life, even though I know how much you loathe all that I do. I think to myself 'I have to try. I have to at least give them the opportunity.' But you don't want it. You don't want to know about me or my life or the people that I care about or anything."

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+We're searching for a message or so I thought +
+but so it seems the ignorance in the myths of others +
+is easier to redeem +
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"Bobby dear, don't say that. We care so much, too much. Your father may seem critical, but he's just concerned. We both are." The void answered in the voice of his mother, whom he used to treasure. He used to see her as the safe harbor but that was when he was young and dumb. Now he saw her for what she really was. She didn't demur away from the issues, she just quietly acquiesed. She was just like his father, only not nearly as forthright. She disapproved but she only did it in the background where it was quieter and much more damning. It was obvious, he was a lost cause.

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+I've never questioned the answers given to find the faith that's been lost within+
+cause where I lay my trust in others where it lies the ground is thin +
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He played the game, their game or his game, he wasn't sure, just that it was a game. Neither side could ever win, but both would be wounded and and still the kind words wouldn't come. 'Live and let live' was just a pretty phrase that applied to others and disappeared within this home. He was their son, expected to comply and be happy with the life they planned. It was painful to him to be thier disappointment. It was painful to them to see their failure.

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+It's a day in the life +
+In my mind I've seen it all+
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It was okay though, he could handle it. He was an X-Man after all, if there was pain and grief to bear, he was it's bearer.

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+Someday soon for all to see +
+The walls are slowly breaking down +
+Someday we'll be free +
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And so they sat down for dinner. Conversation ceased, the guns were withdrawn and awkward silence reigned. It was a comfort really, to be able to come home, where things never changed and he could feel that maybe the Magnetoes and Apocolyses of the world were just villians he had seen on tv. Yes it was both uncomfortable and comfortable at the same time. He never questioned it. Never turned down this unwritten invitation.

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+I know you say you love me if what you say is true +
+so show me something that's not deceiving 'cause I wouldn't lie to you +
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His family wasn't perfect. They hurt him, he hurt them back. Sometimes it was vicious, mostly it was sad. But they had each other. He thought of Remy who loved his family but couldn't go home. He thought of Scott who grew up in an orphanage all alone. He thought of Jubilee who latched onto Logan in her desperate lonliness after her parents were killed. He accepted his parents for what they were, for all their faults and felt thankful for this Sunday dinner.

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+Someday soon for all to see +
+The walls are slowly breaking down +
+Someday we'll be free +
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Maybe in the future there would be some better understanding between them. The possiblity was worth one evening a week, wasn't it?

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+Song: Trust +
+Artist: Sarah McLachlan +
+Album: Touch +
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