Disclaimer: I dadadadadon’t  tadatadata own Lalalalalalalala Gundam lalalala WING. (It’s a polka, get it?)

Weep for the Memory

By Polka Dot

Hilde waited for Duo to open the door, and then followed him up the cemetery path to the statue of an angel. It was white and clean. The new stone made it stand out against the other grayer crosses and slightly rounded tombstones. Heero was kneeling, but stoic. Almost stone himself. Duo walked over to him, said some words. Completely ignored he turned his back away and walked right past her. He didn’t even notice her there. She turned to call him back, but he was gone. She was left alone with Heero, who stared at the stone. She walked up. She had to. It was as though a force propelled her forward against her will. She had no words to say to him. He pulled out a gun from his coat pocket. He placed the barrel of the gun against his temple.

“Heero, no!” She screamed. Or did she? Her voice didn’t reach him. He pulled the trigger red blood stained the white angel and Relena’s name was covered in blood again.

“No!” 

Hilde woke up covered in her own sweat, but she was cold. Perhaps the cool air on her wet skin, but it wasn’t cool. It was mid-July.

“Ya okay babe?” Duo looked in the room. He was dressed already. She wondered if he had slept at all last night. She wondered how she had.

“Yeah, bad dream. I see you’re ready. How long before we leave?” She asked.

“About a half hour. I was just about to wake you. I made you breakfast.” Duo turned away and she got out of bed. She pulled on the black dress that was hanging on the door. She washed her face and brushed her teeth. She put on her makeup and brushed her hair. It was a funeral, but there would be cameras there. She wasn’t looking forward to this. She really didn’t even know Relena. She had only met her twice. Once on Libra during the war and then she had attended the wedding. But Duo had to go and she wouldn’t make him go alone.

It was a zoo. Luckily Quatre was leading them through the press. There was a private service that was being televised as well as a public service later for the thousands of mourners who were crowding Port City’s sidewalks and streets. The funeral procession’s circuit was set up to allow people to pay their respects. She should feel honored that she was allowed into the private ceremony. Instead she felt sick. She looked out at the grieving faces and felt like she didn’t belong. She respected Relena and her ideals. Admired the job she had done, but she didn’t worship her like these people did. Like he did. Heero was traveling in the hearse. It seemed absurd, but he refused to leave her body unprotected.

~*~*~

The angel was exactly as it appeared in her dream. She looked at Heero. He looked as though he was in a meeting instead of at his wife’s funeral. His face held no emotion. No hint of sorrow. None of his friends seemed surprised. Duo had explained in the car that it just wasn’t in Heero’s nature to show emotions. He was hurting though and Duo was concerned.  The funeral passed like a dream. None of it seemed real, it had all happened so fast and no one really seemed to be able to explain exactly why Relena was dead. Why now? She was no longer the Vice Foreign Minister. The Cinq Kingdom was more of a republic then a monarchy and she hadn’t been to the Colonies in years. It made no sense.

~*~*~

After the funeral there was a reception in the palace. She shivered as she walked through the doors. Shivered as she climbed the stairs to the living room. It was odd to be in this room on such a solemn occasion. They had restored it quickly, if she didn’t know better she never would have guessed what happened here. It looked just like it had after the wedding. The only other time she had been in the palace. It was overwhelming then and it was now. It was homier than the ballroom though. That’s where the wedding reception had been held. She felt a sudden urge to go see it. 

She excused herself and walked down the hall away from the others. She felt cold as she stood outside the large double doors. She shouldn’t be wondering around like this, but there was something guiding her. She had to go in, even though her instincts screamed at her not to.

It was dark despite the large windows. The sun wasn’t facing in the right direction and the light made weird shadows. The room was empty and then it wasn’t. She walked forward and her feet crunched on the broken glass. A vase had fallen to the floor and shattered, the table it had lain on was still rocking back and forth gently.

“Stop it, stop it please.”

“Let the others go. They aren’t a part of this. Their deaths will gain you nothing.”

“If I were you I’d worry more about my own neck, Queen Relena.”

The voices floated in and out of her head. They were everywhere and nowhere. She turned to leave, scared out of her wits and then she saw it.

Relena lay on the ground like a broken doll. Her arm was twisted at an impossible angle and her eyes were like jelly. Her suit was blood stained and the jacket had fallen away to reveal a solid red splotch on her chest. Her mouth hung open with blood staining the inside of her lips and her teeth. Her hand was flat against the smooth floor. The sun fell on her from a sharp angle making the shadows on her face appear deeper and blacker.

Relena’s eyes seemed to rest on Hilde. Her mouth opened and a crimson mouse crawled out of it and scurried across the floor. Hilde screamed.

Duo, Heero, Trowa and half a dozen guards burst through the door. Duo grabbed her shoulders and began to shake her.

“What happened Hilde?”

She couldn’t explain. She turned her head and stared at the spot on the ground where she had seen Relena. There was nothing there now. She turned back to Duo who looked at her worriedly. Heero’s eyes narrowed. He was gazing intently at the spot she had been staring at.

“It’s been a long day babe. I think you need some rest.” Duo placed his hand in the small of her back and began to guide her out of the room. She just nodded, happy to leave that place behind.

~*~*~

Relena’s mouth moved, but Hilde couldn’t understand the words. They were garbled somehow. She watched the men force Relena down. She wasn’t fighting them, but they wanted to hurt her. The man on her left was pushing her shoulder down. The man on her right was twisting her arm above her head. Relena gritted her teeth but said nothing. She didn’t beg or cry. Then the bone in her arm cracked and she couldn’t stop the scream that broke out of her throat. Both men laughed. Relena bit her lip and focused on the floor. The leader leaned down in front of her. He smiled wickedly and began to tap the barrel of his gun against her temple. He grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him. She said something and he brought the barrel up above his head and then brought it back down very quickly. He didn’t strike her though. He stopped inches from her face and laughed. He smiled and fired the gun. Relena slumped down and the man holding her arm threw it and her down. Her jacket fell aside revealing the crimson stain on her chest.

Somehow Hilde didn’t wake up screaming. She was covered in sweat and trembling. Sitting up in bed, she knew she wasn’t getting anymore sleep tonight. She saw a mouse in the corner of her room. It reminded her of the vision she had had earlier that day. She looked down at Duo and wished he hadn’t volunteered to stay. He and the other pilots vowed to help Heero find the identity of Relena’s killer. Staying in the palace would’ve been nice under other circumstances but it just gave her bad dreams and it was so drafty she’d probably get a cold. She watched the mouse crawl into a hole in the wall and gasped when she saw the crimson footprints it left behind.

She closed her eyes and shook her head. She breathed deeply. She thought about waking Duo up and seducing him, just to get her mind off things.

When she opened her eyes and looked down, her husband was gone. The bedroom was sunlit but it was midday causing the shadows to grow across the room. The white mouse skittered across the floor and someone else was watching it. Hilde saw Relena. Relena looked at Hilde. She was dressed in a white, simple flowing dress that Hilde had never seen her wear before. She looked away from Hilde and back at the mouse. It disappeared into the wall and Relena followed it.

Hilde sprung out of bed and sprinted to the door. When she opened it the hallway was empty, but a trail of tiny crimson footprints made its way down the hallway. She followed them. They led her into a room that looked like a study. It must’ve been Relena’s because the décor was slightly feminine. The footprints disappeared behind a bureau. She pushed the bureau away from the wall and looked at the tiny hole that was borne into the wall. The footprints were gone, but the mouse must be in there. Her hand was too big to fit into the hole so she took a book off the bureau and began to bash the base of its spine into the hole, widening the gap. She hit it a few more times until the hole was big enough for her to fit her hand into it. She reached in and began to feel around. The space was larger than she thought.  She was almost in up to her elbow when a familiar voice from behind her asked, “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

She looked to see Heero staring at her. He was expressionless as usual but he emitted an aura of rage nonetheless. She opened her mouth to answer, but just then her hand passed over something soft and warm. She yelped as she felt the mouse’s teeth sink into her. She pulled her hand out quickly and swept across something hard. It rolled a few inches away from the hole and came to a stop. It was a ring. A beautiful diamond and blue sapphire ring. She just stared down at it. A hand, Heero’s hand, reached down and grabbed it. He stared at it and Hilde was sure she saw something akin to anguish pass over his face.

“What’s going on? I heard banging.” Duo asked from the doorway. He was still half asleep.

“This ring belonged to Relena’s mother. After she died in the fire, it was one of the few things they were able to recover from the wreckage. She was so upset the night she lost it. How did you know it was there?” Heero gazed at Hilde suspiciously.

“I didn’t. I saw a mouse and followed it. It fell out when I yanked my arm out of the wall. See?” Hilde held up her bloody hand. Proof that a mouse had been in there and had bit her. She knew that she couldn’t tell them about seeing Relena and following the mouse’s bloody footprints. They would think that she was insane. She wasn’t so sure that she was sane.

“Hilde why on earth did you chase after a stupid mouse? Look at you. That thing could have rabies or something. You know they were responsible for the bubonic plague.” Duo said as he took her hand and pulled it in for inspection.

“Actually rats spread the bubonic plague, but Duo’s right. You should go to the doctor in the morning and make sure that you don’t get an infection.” Trowa said. He had taken over Duo’s place in the doorway. Leaning against the frame he yawned and turned his head back to the hall. “It’s okay. Hilde was just trying to kill a mouse.”

“No I wasn’t trying to kill it.” Hilde blurted out and then blushed. She shouldn’t have said that. It was true but it just made her actions seem more suspicious. “I mean I wanted to catch it and throw it outside. I didn’t want to hurt it.”

“I’ll call an exterminator in the morning, if they bother you that much.” Heero said and stood up. He brushed past Trowa and disappeared.

“I’m sorry I woke everyone. I didn’t think I was that loud.” Hilde said to everyone and no one  as Duo led her back to their room.

“It’s okay Hilde. I don’t think anyone’s sleeping very well anyway. Did you notice Heero was still in his shirt and pants?” Quatre said from his bedroom doorway. “Maybe I should talk to him.” He placed his hand over his chest and looked to the ground sadly.

“I don’t think he wants company. Not yet. It’s too soon.” Trowa replied as he turned Quatre back into their room. They talked some more, but Hilde couldn’t hear what they were saying.  Duo had closed the bedroom door and was now leading her into the bathroom.

After he cleaned and dressed her hand, they went back to bed. Hilde couldn’t sleep though. She lay in bed thinking about what she had seen. Was it a ghost? She didn’t believe in such things. The dreams were disturbing but dreams were dreams. It was Relena’s funeral so it made sense she was dreaming about her death. The moment in the ballroom was incredibly bizarre. She had never had visions or hallucinations before. Why now?

She had always had a sense of things, even if she refused to believe it. She dismissed it all in the past. The cold spots in a room that couldn’t be explained by drafts or vents, the voices that she sometimes caught, but then turned around to see that she was alone. The voices were never talking to her, so she figured she wasn’t crazy. That feeling like she wasn’t alone, even though she knew she was. The war had bred paranoia; she wasn’t alone there. Duo sometimes turned his head at odd times.

She thought about their little group. That’s what they were. Relena and her were connected even if she had never really spent any time with her. Relena couldn’t come to her and Duo’s wedding. Some world crisis had sprung up at the last minute that she had to take care of. None of them had any children so there was no reason to get together. Weddings and funerals, that was the only time they saw each other, but it didn’t matter the ties between the gundam pilots were unbreakable and her and Relena had become a part of that network when they said their vows to the men they loved.

Now that she thought about it, it seemed odd that none of them had any children. Wufei wasn’t married and obviously Quatre and Trowa weren’t going to have kids, but Hilde and Duo had been married for over seven years. They hadn’t tried to have kids, but they hadn’t taking any steps to prevent it and they were still young and healthy. She had heard that one of the reasons Relena decided to retire was to have a family.    

Hilde suddenly decided that she needed air. Now. She got out of bed and walked over to the glass doors. She opened them and walked out onto the balcony. It was a bit nippy, but not too bad. The night was beautiful and she could see a thousand stars shining above her. She had only been to earth a few other times. It was truly amazing.

She had a feeling that someone was watching her. She looked down to see Heero in the garden below. He turned away when she looked at him. She figured he wanted his privacy and was about to go in when she noticed something white out of the corner of her eye. About two balconies down stood Relena. She was gorgeous. She was dressed in the same flowing white gown she was wearing earlier and hair was loose. There was no wind, but her dress and hair swirled around her. She was semi-translucent and glowing. She was looking down at Heero and her face was so sad. Hilde gasped and blinked in surprise. When she opened her eyes Relena was gone.

~*~*~

Hilde managed to get a couple hours of sleep, but she woke up restless and weary. She couldn’t keep this to herself and she couldn’t tell Duo. He just wasn’t open to that sort of thing. After all he considered himself the God of Death, he probably wouldn’t be too happy to find out his wife was communicating with the dead. After breakfast she sought out Quatre. He was in the garden with Trowa.

Hilde heard Trowa and Quatre’s voices coming deep within the bushes. When she found them, they were in the midst of a row of rose bushes. 

“They’re all so lovely. I hope that someone will keep them up now that Miss Relena is gone.” Quatre fingered one of the rose blossoms. He blinked to stem the tears.

“Well I doubt Heero has much of a green thumb. They probably have a gardener here. I think Relena only tended the garden to relax.” Trowa placed his arm around Quatre and Hilde hated to disturb them, but her peace of mind was hanging by a thin thread.

“Hi guys, I’m sorry to bother you. I was wondering if I could speak with you alone Quatre.” Hilde smiled but wrung her hands in front of her.

“It’s no problem Hilde. We came out here to find Heero, so I’ll just look for him by myself.” Trowa left them without a second thought.

“I’m glad to see you Hilde. I heard about what happened in the ballroom yesterday and it’s obvious you’re not sleeping well. We’re all upset about Miss Relena’s death, but I must admit I am surprised that it is bothering you this much. I didn’t think you two were close.” Quatre said as he looked at her with great concern.

“To be honest we weren’t close at all. I barely knew her, but well…Quatre do you believe in ghosts?”

“Ghosts? Honestly, no I don’t. I believe in Nirvana, that’s where Allah takes all kind souls once they’ve passed on. I have heard of lost souls wandering the earth, but I have always had difficulty believing in such things. As an empath I think that if there were souls out there that needed help, I would feel and I never have.” Quatre looked very serious. “You’re upset Hilde, what’s wrong?”

“Well I don’t know if I have seen a ghost, but I did see what looked like Relena, twice last night. I’ve also had these dreams about her, both when I was asleep and once when I was awake.” Hilde watched his face. He didn’t think she was nuts, as far as she could tell so she continued.

“Before the funeral I dreamed that Heero killed himself over Relena’s grave. When we went to the graveyard, the statue on Relena’s tombstone was the same one I saw in my dream. Then when I went into the ballroom I saw Relena’s body after she had been shot. I saw a mouse covered in blood. Then last night I dreamed about Relena’s death. It was so real. When I awoke I saw a white mouse and then I saw Relena. She walked through the wall. When I went to investigate I saw the mouse’s footprints. They led me to the hole in the wall where Relena’s ring was hidden. After that I couldn’t sleep so I went out to the balcony and saw Heero in the garden. I looked away and saw Relena standing on the balcony. I’ve never had anything like this happen to me before Quatre and I don’t know what to make of all of it. When I went into the ballroom yesterday I didn’t think about it, I just found myself there. Like something was guiding me. It was the same with the mouse. I don’t normally go chasing rodents down in the middle of the night. I don’t know why I did it. I wasn’t looking for Relena’s ring and when I found it, I didn’t know what it was. Well I knew it was a ring, but I didn’t know it was a family heirloom. Yesterday and last night all I wanted to do was get out of this house, but now I feel that if I leave…Well I don’t know, I just don’t think that I can leave. It’s hard to explain but when I think about leaving I feel guilty for some unknown reason.”

Hilde was exasperated. She hadn’t meant to say so much, but it just poured out of her. Quatre could feel her anxiety. He placed his hand on her shoulder, drawing his attention to her.

“Hilde I don’t know what to say. I don’t know if ghosts exist, but I do believe that everything you said is true and I will help you discover why this is happening to you. Last night before we all went to sleep, Trowa and I were talking with Heero. He said that when you were in the ballroom you were staring at the floor. He said you were staring at the exact spot where he found Relena’s body. I know that the ring you found was special. I remember speaking with Relena after she lost it. It really meant a lot to her. She and Heero tore up the house looking for it, but couldn’t find it anywhere. You said that you haven’t seen her or had any visions since last night?”

Hilde nodded.

“Then maybe she just wanted you to find the ring.”

Hilde shook her head. That wasn’t it. She knew there was more to it than that. She and Quatre began walking back to the house. Quatre took off in search of Trowa and Heero. Hilde didn’t want to be alone so she went to track down Duo.

Out of the corner of her eye Hilde saw a white cat dart into Relena’s old room. As she walked past the room she could hear voices. The room became darker. The lights were on and it was night outside. She heard a woman crying and knew it was Relena’s voice. Of course she didn’t know how she knew, but she knew. Just like she knew the cat wasn’t real. Still it stared at her as it darted in and out from under the bed. It was waiting. She sighed, almost in defeat, and crawled half way under the bed searching for something. She was surprised at all the junk under the bed. Mostly boxes covered in dust, one of them wasn’t as dusty as the others. When she touched it the cat meowed.    

The room was back to normal. Hilde pulled the box out from under the bed and opened the lid. The box was full of photographs, photos of Heero and a woman. Some of the photos showed the couple in various stages of intimacy. Heero looked a little younger in the photos, but not much. Not enough, it was clear that these photos were recent enough to have been taken after the marriage.

“What are you doing in here?” Heero stood in the doorway and the usually stoic man looked angry, very angry.

“It’s a long story, that comes down to this: Relena’s ghost, spirit, soul, whatever is trying to tell me something. She’s basically haunting me. Why? I don’t know. Do you know Heero?” Hilde asked. She tried not to judge him, but right now she didn’t like Heero very much.

He knew why. He was looking at the box. It was obvious he knew what was in it. “What do you mean: she’s haunting you?”

“I see her. She’s leading me to something. She led me to this box.” It was the short version. She doubted he would believe her if she told him the whole story.  

Heero didn’t say anything. He was thinking. He looked so still sometimes; it was scary. Hilde wondered how Relena could stand it. “That box is none of your business.” He walked over and placed the lid back on it. He looked at it as though it was a poisonous snake coiled and ready to spring at him.

“Don’t bother, I already saw the photos. You were cheating on Relena. She must’ve been so heartbroken.” Hilde felt so sorry for Relena. She wouldn’t be able to handle it if Duo did something like that to her.

“She wasn’t, not that it’s any of your business.” Heero turned his back on Hilde and the room became dark again. Relena was curled up on the bed crying. She had the box beside her and was holding one photograph very tightly.

“Oh Heero how could you?” She wailed softly. Relena reached over to the nightstand and picked up a folder. She opened and read the paper inside. “You didn’t even try to hide it. Did you want me to find out? Are you trying to hurt me?” She asked the empty room.

“That’s not true. She cried all night. She wondered if you were trying to hurt her, because you didn’t even bother to hide the affair.” Hilde said as the room shifted back to normal.

“She told you about it? I didn’t think you two ever talked.” Heero started to walk out of the room, but Hilde felt like this was important. This might be what she needed to know to stop the dreams and visions.

“I never talked to Relena. I told you she’s haunting me.”

Heero turned on her quickly then. The anger on his face made her flinch. “That isn’t funny. Relena’s dead. She’s gone and I won’t have you making her death into a game.”

“That’s not what I’m doing! I don’t want to see her in my dreams, to see her dead body. I don’t enjoy watching her die!” Hilde shouted back in frustration.

“What? You saw her die? Does that mean that you saw who killed her?” Heero grabbed Hilde’s shoulders in a painful grip.

“Yes I saw the man that shot her.” Hilde said. Heero let her go and grabbed her hand, dragging her out of the room.

~*~*~

Hilde looked at the man on the screen. He looked just like the last guy Heero had showed her, who looked like the guy he’d shown her before that and so on and so on.

“Heero I don’t think I can take much more of this.” Hilde said. None of them had been a match, although they all looked capable of the job. Hilde considered it a miracle Relena had survived as long as she did, considering just how many known terrorists were out there. All of whom Heero had carefully evaluated, catalogued, kept tabs on and shown her in the last three hours. She wanted to find Relena’s killer but if she saw one more mug shot she was going to scream.

“You just have 57 more to go. Of course I’m only showing you those suspects that are known to work in groups, since this was a multi-person attack. If none of these pan out, we’ll start looking at free-lance mercenaries and disavowed government agents.” Heero clicked his mouse and a new face appeared on the screen.

“No! No, I’m sorry Heero, but I have to take a break. These faces are all beginning to run together on me. Besides we missed lunch, I’m starving.” Hilde got up from her seat and took a step towards the door. The lights in the room flickered and then turned off. There were no windows in the room, but Heero had the computer on an independent power supply so the screen still illuminated it enough for Hilde to see.

She turned back around and came face to face with Relena Peacecraft. Relena was pale and though she stood still, her image moved as though Hilde were looking at her from behind a wall of water.  The hairs on the arm of the black-haired woman stood up and her breath made a small cloud in front of her mouth. Relena’s nose was mere inches from her own. Her lips moved but Hilde couldn’t hear her words or read her lips. She tried not to scream, but when Relena reached out her hand and touched Hilde’s face, it was like being hit with a snowball: sudden, shocking cold. Relena placed her hand to her chest, which had been whole, but now was turning a deep crimson. Her hand came away covered in blood. She touched Hilde’s cheek again. The room morphed around them.

They were standing in a hotel room. Relena looked normal again. She was looking through the room, searching for something. Voices could be heard on the other side of the door. Relena looked around and darted into the bathroom, closing the door behind her. Heero and the woman from the photographs stepped into the room.

“I can’t stay.” Heero looked stoic as always.

“Why not? You always managed before. What’s wrong Odin or should I call you Heero? Your wife found out, didn’t she? Is that why you are leaving me?” The woman was fidgety, upset and having a hard time keeping control. Hilde knew she was holding back tears.

“Relena doesn’t know, yet. She will soon. I’m afraid you’ve totally misunderstood our relationship. I never had any intention of staying with you.” Heero seemed completely unbothered by the young woman’s obvious misery.

“So you used me. You were just in it for the sex? I figured that was what it was when you first asked me here, but I thought that things had changed. I’ve grown to love you Odin. I thought you at least cared for me too.” The woman didn’t hold anything back now. She cried pitifully.

“That is a shame for you. I’m sorry. I never cared. I was never in it for the sex. In fact I really didn’t care for that part of it at all.” Heero said. Hilde couldn’t believe what she was hearing. How could he be so cruel?

The woman was clearly shocked. “Then why?”

“For this. I feel too much around Relena. Every day she smiles and I feel her joy, she cries and I feel her pain. I wasn’t made to feel these things. With you I feel nothing. It was comforting, for awhile.” Heero stared at her, waiting for her reaction. Hilde could feel herself shaking. The woman looked like she might need medical assistance. She looked confused and her left hand was trembling. Her right hand held her left wrist in a vise-like grip.

“You never felt anything for me? Never cared, never felt a single emotion?” She asked him while looking at the wall.

“Yes, that’s correct. I don’t love you. I don’t hate you. I find you weak and therefore pathetic at times, but I don’t think you’re a bad person and I wish you well.” Heero’s face betrayed nothing.

“I don’t believe you! It’s not true! You’re cruel, evil. How could I ever love you? I hope you rot in hell!” The woman screamed at Heero and he frowned, slightly and briefly. “Get out! I don’t believe you, so just get out!”

“Alright, I need to collect something first. Relena.” Heero looked at the closed door. Slowly it opened and a very red-faced woman emerged. Relena looked at the woman with pity in her eyes.

“I should’ve jumped out the window.” She said when she reached Heero’s side.

Heero ignored her comment and took her hand, leading her out of the room. The woman’s mouth hung open and then she half-moaned, half-screamed and threw herself onto the bed, sobbing uncontrollably.

“Hilde!”

A stinging smack across her face brought her back to reality. Heero was looking at her curiously. She brought a hand up to her burning cheek and gave him an angry look.

“You weren’t responding to my other methods.” He explained.

“Your other methods?”

“I was screaming in your ear and when that didn’t work I began to shake you. I wasn’t sure if you were breathing.” He replied.

“Oh.”

“So what happened?” He asked.

Hilde’s face turned red. She needed to talk to Duo or Quatre. She couldn’t talk to Heero, even though he probably wouldn’t appreciate her newfound knowledge being spread around. “I don’t know. I do weird things when I get hungry.”

He didn’t look convinced, but he didn’t say anything either, so Hilde turned and walked out of the room. She noticed that the lights were still off.

~*~*~

Hilde loved her husbandly dearly, but she knew that telling him a secret was like entrusting a compulsive overeater with your favorite box of chocolates. It just wasn’t a good idea. So Hilde tracked down Quatre. She told him everything that had happened that day and was quite relieved to find out that Relena had confided in him before her death. Quatre knew all about Heero’s affair and wasn’t surprised by anything she had told him. He even told her that Trowa and Heero had once talked about the affair and that it had probably kept Trowa from committing a similar act.

“You see both Heero and Trowa suffer from feelings of worthlessness. As gundam pilots we were all taught that our lives were unimportant and that if completing the mission meant we had to sacrifice our lives, than that was acceptable. Wufei and I had families that gave our life meaning and made us more willing to open ourselves up to those we love, but Heero and Trowa never grew up with those things. I think Duo sometimes feels that he doesn’t deserve you, but he has such an unbelievable will to live and a desire for happiness that he has overcome his insecurities. Heero was trying to push Relena away subconciouslessly, but realized his deep need for her before it was too late. That affair ended up strengthening their marriage.”

“But what about the woman that Heero used? She said she loved him and he treated her so cruelly. What happened to her?” Hilde asked. She remembered the look of pity in Relena’s eyes.

“I don’t know. I don’t think Heero knows. I think he probably forgot about her the moment he closed the door on her. Heero has left behind many causalities on the battlefield. Soldiers are taught to never look back.” Quatre said. He looked distant, remembering his own demons for a minute.

Hilde noticed the young aristocrat was clutching his shirt. “Is something wrong Quatre?”

“No, nothing’s wrong. I am curious about that woman now. I along with the other pilots was too far away to help Relena when the palace was attacked, but I felt her pass away. It was like a warm blanket suddenly being snatched away. I had a brief feeling that she was right beside me and for a second I felt her emotions. She was angry but defiant and her heart was full of love. There was also a sense of acceptance, like she knew that this was coming or maybe she thought it would come to that...I don’t know it was so fleeting and I never really understood it.” Quatre trailed off for a moment, but then returned his gaze to Hilde. “Did Duo tell you about Heero’s scream?”

“Yes, he said that it was the sound of pure agony and that it had really shaken him up to hear something like that coming from Heero. Are you saying that Heero felt Relena’s death as well?”

“Yes, either I projected my feelings to him, or he sensed it like I did, but Heero knew the moment Relena died. When the other pilots called on him, he looked so cold on the comlink. He was like the perfect soldier from before. I don’t think that any of us realized how much Heero’s has changed over the years until we saw that blank look in his eye. We’re all worried that with her death, he will revert back to his old self. I know that you are angry with Heero. I sensed it during our conversation. When you spoke about his affair you were projecting a great amount of negative energy, but you shouldn’t be upset with Heero. He is suffering a great deal right now and he needs your help. He believes that you can help him find Relena’s killers and I am hoping that when he does it will give him some kind of peace that will allow him to move on. Relena forgave Heero. He’s always loved Relena and she knew that. I believe that if she is haunting you then it isn’t justice she is seeking, but peace for her husband. I know she’d want Heero to be happy and to move on with his life.”

Hilde thought about Quatre’s words. She didn’t want to spend the rest of the day looking at mug shots, but it was only one day out of her life. She could do that for Heero. If nothing else he was Duo’s best friend and in some odd way a part of her extended family now.

~*~*~

Wufei popped the last fuse in and all the lights in the palace turned back on. “Mission accomplished.” He smirked.

Duo laughed. “Hey don’t you start.” He teased. Usually Wufei wasn’t one to make wisecracks, but they had all been a little tense lately and even Wufei needed to relax. “Let’s head to the control center, maybe Heero and Hilde found something.”

“Do you really think your wife is communicating with the dead?” Wufei asked.

 “I don’t know. She’s never been into anything like this before. Doesn’t believe in psychics or tarot cards or any of that kinda stuff, so I figure she’s pretty serious. And I know she isn’t joking, because she wouldn’t do anything that cruel to Heero.” Duo looked at the ground as he spoke. He was still feeling bad for teasing Hilde the other night after she had told him. He thought she was joking then, and it was only after she had gotten really upset that he realized she was serious.

“I believe in ghosts. I don’t see why everyone is having such a hard time accepting that Relena may still be with us. In my culture it is generally believed that our ancestors watch over us and guide us from beyond. Some of my people even believe that they act as guardian angels protecting the ones they loved in life. I have a strong sense that my wife Meiran is with me, especially in times of great distress. She lends me strength. I believe that Relena is with Heero. That she is trying to guide him towards a path that will lead him to happiness. Just as she did when she was alive.” Wufei said.

“I don’t know. I have a hard time believing that there is any life after death.”

“You don’t believe in Heaven and Hell? But you wear that cross all the time. I assumed you were a Christian.” Wufei pointed towards the cross that dangled around Duo’s neck.

“I used to believe in that stuff, but it just didn’t make sense after all I’ve seen. I wear the cross out of respect for Father Maxwell and Sister Helen. They were the only two people who ever treated me decently as a kid, but after seeing them die for nothing I just couldn’t accept the old line ‘God works in mysterious ways.’ That didn’t cut it in my book. Besides if there is a heaven and a hell than I have a feeling that I won’t like where I’m heading, so I would just as soon believe that when it’s over, it’s over.”

“I see.” Wufei and Duo walked into the control room, but didn’t find Heero or Hilde there.

~*~*~

“There you are Heero, I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

“What is it Noin? I’m busy.” Heero didn’t look away from his computer.

“Zechs wants to see you. He found something that he thinks is important and may have to do with Relena’s death.” She said, ignoring his rude response to her. She was used to it by now.

Heero didn’t say anything. He just turned off his laptop and brushed past her as he left the room.

He walked into Zechs’ office without knocking. “What do you want Zechs?”

“Heero have seen this before?” He handed Heero a piece of paper that was on his desk.

Heero studied the paper for a minute and then tried to hand it back to Zechs. “Yes. It’s old and was dissolved when Relena left office.”

Zechs pushed it back towards him. “That’s what I thought too, but after close inspection it turns out that the writ was not dissolved and has been in effect all these years.”

“That’s not possible, someone would have realized it before now.” Heero said as he studied the paper more closely.

“Yes I think someone did realize it. I think that may be why Relena was killed. Think about it. This paper gives her the power to take control of any of the Colonies at her discretion. Of course Relena would never use such a power unless it was absolutely necessary, but what if someone found out that the writ was still in effect and tried to force Relena into using it…”

“She would refuse and her assailant would grow frustrated and kill her.” Heero finished Zechs thought.

“Exactly.”

“I see what you mean. This clause gives the power to declare martial law to the Vice Foreign Minister as declared in AC 195, thus giving power to the person and not the office. But this writ is a matter of public record. Anyone could have looked it up, it doesn’t narrow our search at all.” Heero glared at the paper as though it were a living person. 

“Doesn’t it? Who would want control of the Colonies? That’s  rather ambitious for the run of the mill terrorists that we usually deal with.” Zechs said.

“I suppose you’re right. Why were you proofing this paper Zechs? It’s so old, I’m surprised you would have bothered with it now.” Heero asked, he had a strange feeling about this.

“Actually it is a rather odd story. I was packing up the things in Relena’s office. I wanted to make sure that anything Top Secret was shredded or handed to the proper authority and I completely missed this document. It was stuck to the back of another. Anyway I was going toss them when the lights went out, so instead I went to get something to drink. After the lights came back on I returned to my office and found this piece of paper on the top of the stack.” 

Heero didn’t say anything at first. He looked at the paper again and told Zechs that he’d begin a search of the public records databases before he left.

~*~*~

Hilde looked around the room. It appeared to be some sort of cell. Relena was lying on the ground trying desperately to push the man on top of her off. It was no good. He was way too big. Hilde wanted to help, but found herself rooted to the ground. Nobody noticed when Heero walked in. He shoved the man off of Relena with the heel of his boot. He had his gun pointed at the man and both Hilde and Relena turned away as he fired. When Hilde looked back she could see that Relena was splattered with blood, but in relatively good condition. Her clothes were slightly torn, but when Heero grabbed her hand and pulled her up she had no trouble standing on her own.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, you got here just in time Heero. Thank you.” She said.

He looked her over and then led her out. Hilde followed.

When they got outside it was chaos, but everyone seemed too interested in saving their own skin to bother with Heero and Relena. The cavalry was awaiting them.

“There’s Noin, you’ll be safe with her, come on.” Heero tugged Relena along, but she resisted.

“Wait Heero, you aren’t going to stay with me?” She looked hurt.

“No.”

“Please Heero, I feel safer with you.”

He sighed. “You know I can’t.”

“Can’t or won’t? You know how I feel.” She looked like she might cry.

“Relena…”

“Heero I love you, why can’t you stay?”

He shook his head. “You know why. Now is not the time Relena.” He turned away from her and led her to Noin.

Hilde realized where they were now. Duo had told her about the time several years ago when Relena had been kidnapped by a neighboring country’s general, seeking water access from Cinq for his landlocked country. She wasn’t surprised when the scene changed and she found herself in Relena’s bedroom. Relena was preparing for bed when the balcony doors opened and a very pissed off Heero Yuy walked in.

“You ditched your guard detail? I can’t believe I spent the last 16 hours trying to save you because of your own stupidity.” He crossed the room as he talked, stopping just inches from Relena’s face. Hilde shuddered; she wouldn’t want to be on the end of Heero Yuy’s bad temper. 

“I know I screwed up. It won’t happen again.” Relena sounded bored and tried to turn around, but Heero grabbed her arm and held her in place.

“You’re damn right it won’t. Next time, you’ll probably be killed.”

“Maybe, but I’m not going to live my life without being able to enjoy the peace that I’ve created.”

“Relena be reasonable…” Heero’s voice was low so that Hilde had to strain to hear it.

“I am being reasonable! You’re the one who isn’t reasonable. None of you are.” She threw up her arms in anger and walked over to the bed where she sat down and stared at the floor. “Heero why won’t you stay with me?” She looked up and all the anger was gone replaced with sadness. She fidgeted nervously with her hands in her lap.

Heero just shook his head, but when he looked at Relena his resolve broke. Hilde could see it even if Relena couldn’t. He walked over and kneeled before her, placing his hands over hers. “I don’t belong here. You’re a princess, soon you’ll be a queen…”

Relena stopped him by taking his head in her hands and forcing his head up until their eyes met. “Heero I love you.”

“I don’t deserve your love. You should try to get over me and find someone better.”

“Heero nobody’s better. You’re the best pilot ever. You are the kindest, handsomest man I know and you’ve protected me better than my own brother. Please Heero stay with me. I need you.” Relena leaned foreward and kissed him. Hilde looked at the ceiling and wondered just how much longer this was going to go on. She turned her head back cautiously when she heard voices resume. Now Relena and Heero were both lying on the bed facing each other. His arms were wrapped tightly around her.

“I can’t be with you, I’m dangerous to be around.” He told her.

“Really, Heero? Who are your enemies now? Everyone gunning for you is already gunning for me. If you weren’t always around then they’d have no problem getting to me. So don’t leave me.”

He paused and nodded. “I won’t.”

Hilde awoke with Duo shaking her. She looked at her husband and he looked taken aback.

“Hey what’s with the evil eye? I just wanted to let you know dinner is ready.”  He said with his hands held up in a defensive posture.

“Sorry Duo, but I was having a dream and I didn’t get to see the end. I have a feeling it was important.” Hilde sat up and straightened her clothes. She was hungry.

“Was I in it? Cause if so I can show you how it ends later.” Duo grinned and Hilde couldn’t help but laugh.

“It wasn’t that kind of dream. It was more like a vision. I’ve been having visions of Relena, and of Heero and Relena. You know that. Anyway, I think that she’s trying to tell me something. I was dreaming of the night Heero had rescued Relena from that general. You remember? You told me about it. Anyway this was right after that.” Hilde explained.

“Oh well then I can tell you how it ends. Heero proposed to her the next morning.” Duo said as he extended a hand to his wife.

“Really? I never would’ve guessed that.” Hilde thought about what must’ve taken place in that bed between the time her dream left off and the proposal. She was all of a sudden very glad that Duo had awakened her when he did.

“Yeah, he had been carrying an engagement ring around with him for close to a year and that night they spent the whole night talking. In the morning she had convinced him that it would be better if he were with her all the time to protect her, so he whipped out the ring and proposed. At least that’s what Quatre told me. He pieced it together from conversations between Trowa and Relena. I was like the last to know and I’m the one who kept telling Heero to just go for it.” Duo led her down to the dining hall.

“They talked all night?” Hilde asked.

“Yep.”

Hilde thought about this. She wondered if there was something in that conversation that was important. That she was supposed to hear. “He carried the engagement ring around with him?” She asked thinking how romantic that must be.

“Yep.” Duo chuckled. “It’s funny everyone always thinks of Relena as the stalker because she followed Heero around after he left St. Gabriel’s, but Heero stalked her for much longer.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well technically he called it protecting her, but he followed her everywhere she went and watched over her from the shadows. He won’t fess up to it, but I’m pretty sure he bugged her phone line too. Heero was obsessed with Relena. Like I always said, they were perfect for each other. I don’t know how Heero’s going to get over her death.”

When they reached the dining hall it was conspicuously empty. Trowa and Quatre sat on one side of the table with Miss Noin. Heero, Zechs and Wufei were all absent.

“Hey where is everybody?” Duo asked as he led Hilde to her seat. He even pulled it out for her, which took everyone by surprise.

“Zechs found a document that he thinks may be responsible for Relena’s death. So Heero is hacking into some public records databases to see if he can find out who accessed the writ recently. Wufei took off earlier, because Sally found that somebody was illegally transporting Neo-Titanium. He said he would come back and help bring justice to Relena’s murderers when he was finished.” Noin explained, making a grand gesture on the last sentence that got a laugh from Duo. Wufei definitely had his own sense of justice, but even so Hilde pegged him as one of the more ‘normal’ pilots. He was honorable and even though he said a lot of chauvinistic things, he worked well with Sally and treated her decently.

“So it’s just us? That’s cool, more grub for me.” Duo said as he began to fill his plate.

Hilde looked at Quatre. She really wanted to talk to him. He had become her confidant in this whole bizarre scenario. He caught her glance and smiled reassuringly.

~*~*~

After dinner she had divulged her latest dream to Quatre. She was disappointed to find out that he really didn’t know more about that night than Duo. They didn’t get a chance to talk for long though. Heero found Hilde and dragged her back to the control room.

“I found some known aliases in the database and I want you to look at these surveillance shots and let me know if you recognize any of these men.” Heero said, his voice held an excited note to it.

Surprisingly it didn’t take long for Hilde to spot one of the men she had seen in her vision. She had only seen 3 men and by the end of the hour she had identified all of them. She was even able to tell Heero which man had shot Relena and which one had broken his wife’s arm. Of course Heero showed neither pleasure nor disappointment during the entire session, but he definitely left more quickly than usual. He was excited and Hilde was happy that she had been able to help. She was also hopeful that this meant an end to her dreams and visions.

She stood up and stretched out her back, walking up the stairs almost without any energy. ‘It’s still early, why am I so tired?’ She thought. She stopped when she felt a cold draft crawl across her skin. She was standing outside Relena’s room. She walked in the room and saw a white cat curled up on a chair in the corner. She walked over to it and bent down to pet it, but it jumped away. She noticed that it had been sitting on a shawl. It was beautiful shawl and Hilde picked it up for a better look.

Relena walked into the room and took off her shawl, dropping it into the chair. She stood in front of her mirror and took off her makeup. When she finished she sighed and began to unzip her dress, but at that moment the wind picked up and made her curtains billow out. She walked over to the balcony to close the door and then finished undressing. She slid into her nightgown and walked into the bathroom. After a couple of minutes she came back out and turned off the light. When she climbed into bed, Hilde noticed a figure sitting in the chair in the corner watching her. Heero waited until Relena drifted off to sleep and then he moved over to the bed. He laid down beside her and ran a hand just over her body not touching her. He removed the loose strands from her face and slipped one strap of her nightgown off her shoulder. He stayed for a half an hour more and then left. 

Hilde felt cold and wrapped the shawl around her for warmth. Heero had been younger in the vision. She was almost positive that this had taken place before that night when Relena was kidnapped by the general. She didn’t know what to think. She could feel eyes upon her. Was Relena watching her from beyond or was someone else watching her? Someone more concrete? Hilde took off the shawl and was ready to leave the room, but the feeling passed. She looked around and noticed that the cat was gone, again. She picked up the shawl to fold it back up and noticed the feeling of paranoia return to her. She got an idea and slipped the shawl back on. She definitely felt eyes watching her. She shivered.

‘I wonder if this shawl is imparting Relena’s feelings onto me.’ She thought. She took the shawl off and again the feeling disappeared.

Hilde walked over to Relena’s closet and ran her hand over the clothes she found there. Some of them sparked a response, others didn’t. One gown wrapped in plastic filled her with joy. When she pulled it out, she recognized Relena’s wedding dress. She smiled and placed it back in the closet carefully. She noticed a suit that looked familiar and pulled it out. She held it up in front of her and after a couple of moments she recognized it. This was the outfit Relena was wearing in the hotel room when Heero ended his affair. She fingered the fabric. A mix of feelings passed through her. They were faint and tangled. She slid the jacket off the hanger and slipped it over her shoulders. The feelings were stronger, but still very confused. Anger, joy, pity, hate, and sorrow. It had definitely been a difficult day for Relena.

“What the hell are you doing?” Heero’s voice held a hint of venom as he peered at Hilde from the doorway.

Hilde’s face turned crimson and she quickly took off the jacket. “Heero I know this looks odd, but well I had another vision and the clothes were helping me to understand what was going on in Relena’s head, because when I put them on I feel what she felt.” Hilde stammered out and placed the jacket on the hanger.

Heero didn’t look sympathetic. He walked over and grabbed the suit from Hilde and hung it back up in the closet. “You have no right to touch her things.” He looked over at the chair and then glared at her. “You were wearing her shawl too?” He asked.

“Well just for second. I saw the cat and came in to pet it and it was sitting on the shawl. I folded it back up.” She said as she watched Heero walk over to the chair and pick up the shawl.

“What cat? We don’t have a cat.” He said as he refolded the shawl and carefully placed it on the chair.

“The white cat, it was sitting on the chair.” Hilde pointed, but of course the cat was gone now.

Heero just glared at her. Trowa and Quatre walked into the room.

“Is everything alright in here?” Quatre asked. He looked concerned. He was picking up bad vibes from Heero.

“I came in and found Hilde trying on Relena’s clothes.” Heero said.

Both Trowa and Quatre looked a little surprised. “Why would you do that Hilde?” Quatre asked.

“Well as I was trying to explain to Heero, I can sort of pick up on Relena’s feelings when I touch her clothes.” Hilde looked over at Quatre for support.

“Really? That’s amazing, tell me more.” He said and motioned for her to follow him out of the room.

Hilde smiled, not only for the blonde pilot’s belief in her, but also for the rescue. She didn’t look at Heero as she left, but she did hear a small bit of conversation between him and Trowa.

“I thought you were going to pack up her stuff and give it to charity. You need to let go Heero.”

“I will. I’ve just been busy.”

“I know it’s hard, but you need to do it. I’ll help you.”

“No. I’ll do it myself later.”

~*~*~

Hilde woke up the next day feeling tired. She had slept through the night, but was plagued by dreams of Heero watching her from the shadows. When she and Duo went down to breakfast they found that Zechs was really upset and Noin’s attempts to calm him down weren’t working.

“What’s going on?” Duo asked Trowa.

“Heero found out the location of the men Hilde identified as Relena’s murderers. He left without telling anyone where he was going. Zechs is angry because he wanted to go along.”

“What’s Heero plan on doing?” Hilde asked. Trowa and Duo looked at her as if she were stupid.

“He’s going to kill them.” Duo said.

“Oh.” Hilde nodded. She should have realized that. “Where’s Quatre?” She asked.

“He’s in the garden meditating. He’s trying to reach out to Heero, but I don’t think it’s working.” Trowa said.

“I’m gonna go talk to him.” She told Duo as she headed out.

“You’re skipping breakfast?”

“More grub for you, babe.” She teased him.

~*~*~

“How’s it going Quatre?” She didn’t want to sneak up on him, since he seemed to be concentrating hard.

“I have managed to pick up on Heero’s feelings, but am unable to pass along any sense of peace or calm. I know that I can’t save those men, but I was hoping to impart some kind of mercy to Heero, so that he doesn’t torture them too badly.” He hung his head in failure and sorrow.

“I’m sorry Quatre. I am a little blown away that you can even sense Heero’s feelings let alone control them. I was always under the impression that he didn’t have any.” She said.

“He had feelings. He just doesn’t show them and I can’t control them, but I can try to influence them. Although that doesn’t seem to be working, right now he is feeling rather cold and mechanical, but there is a sense of pleasure there that I find disturbing. I worry about the kind of person Heero will be now that Relena is gone. The sad truth is that he is a killer. To those he cares for he is a kind and generous person, but he still has the ability to kill someone without remorse if it is something he considers necessary. I found out that the woman he was cheating with is dead.” Quatre sighed almost painfully.

Hilde gasped and held her hand to her chest. “Oh my God. He killed her? Why did he do that? I thought he didn’t care about her one way or the other.”

“He didn’t. That’s why it was so easy for him to kill her. He thought she might try to blackmail him or worse embarrass Relena. He also thought that her very presence was causing Relena discomfort so he killed her.”

“How did you find out?”

“He told Trowa. He had absolutely no regrets about it. In fact he was going to kill her in that hotel room when he ended the affair but didn’t because Relena was there and he knew that she wouldn’t approve.”

“Did Relena ever find out?”

“Yes, but Trowa says that Heero told him that she had always thought that Heero might kill the woman and since she didn’t tell him that he couldn’t, he figured it was her way of saying he could. Of course no one really knows what Relena thought. I doubt she was too happy with Heero when she found out.” Quatre looked terribly sad.

“Are you okay Quatre?”

He sighed. “I don’t know. I’ll be honest. I always thought that Relena had changed Heero, brought out his softer side. Now I think that maybe she didn’t do that at all. She just managed to rein him in for a while. I feel as though I still don’t know Heero at all. Yet he hasn’t changed so shouldn’t I know him at least little better by now?”

“Quatre you sound as if you’ve given up hope. Perhaps you’re wrong. Perhaps the cause of Heero’s madness was Relena. Perhaps now that she is gone, he will stop acting to such extremes. I mean everything he’s done was for her in order to protect her, right? I think that now he can finally stop acting like a solider and more like a human being. He may consider killing these men the completion of his mission and hence the end of his ‘career’.”

“No you don’t really think that do you Hilde?” Quatre looked grave suddenly. Hilde wondered what she had said to upset him so.

“Well I’m not as well acquainted with Heero as you are, but Duo told me that Heero sees almost everything as a mission to some degree or another and that Relena was his symbol of hope. That he kept fighting for her. So now that she’s dead, he doesn’t have to fight anymore and hence he won’t have to do the unpleasant things that he has had to do in the past.” 

“But Hilde if that’s true than Heero will die! He failed to protect Relena, hence he failed his mission which means he must die. There was never any room for failure in any of our missions. Didn’t Duo tell you that?” Quatre got up and ran into the house.

Hilde realized that he was right. Duo had mentioned something like that once and Heero wasn’t someone who had ever embraced life. She felt terrible that she had worried Quatre. ‘Probably they are all scrambling to find Heero now.’ She thought.

She stood up to go inside but the garden faded around her and soon she was standing in another garden near another mansion. It was the Dorlain’s family home. Relena was walking with her mother.

“He’s very quiet, but polite. He’s also as handsome as you said Relena, but I must be honest with you, I’m not happy about this marriage.”

Relena looked sad, but not surprised. “Why not mother?”

“Relena you are such a forgiving person. Perhaps you are too forgiving. I know that you love him, but this is the same boy who threatened to kill you. That broke your heart over and over. I can still recall seeing your tears when you told me that you had seen him and he had ignored you. Remember that? Surely you must for it happened several times. Remember all the times you showed him affection and he refused to return it, saying he felt none himself? It seems that he changed his mind quickly. I wonder why. I fear that your money or position may be more desirable to him than you are.”

“Oh mother that’s not true at all. Heero doesn’t care about my money. If he wanted it, he could hack into the bank and steal it. He doesn’t care that I’m a princess or that I’m Vice Foreign Minister beyond the fact that he wants me to bring peace to the Colonies. He’s actually making a great sacrifice by marrying me. Heero is a very private person and I know that he doesn’t want the notoriety that will come along with being my husband. He loves me. I know that. It’s hard to explain why Heero did the things he did in the past. I’m not sure I entirely understand myself, but he didn’t do it to be mean or because he didn’t care. He simply isn’t like other men. But he does love me and I know that I will be happy with him.” Relena was very persuasive, but her mother still looked doubtful. As they followed the path up to the house, Hilde noticed a familiar figure leaning up against the brick wall. Heero bent down to pet the white cat rubbing against his legs.

‘That’s the same cat!’ Hilde realized, ‘but Heero had said that he and Relena didn’t have a cat.’ Then it hit her. She remembered that at Relena’s wedding, her mother wasn’t there. She had died in a car accident just a few weeks earlier. Her brakes had given out. Relena was heartbroken, but couldn’t postpone the affair because of all the preparations already completed. Hilde recalled someone saying that Relena’s mother left behind a cat and Relena couldn’t take it in because Noin was allergic to them.

Hilde had a sinking suspicion. She wondered just how much Heero confessed to Trowa.

~*~*~

“I don’t know Hilde. I don’t think so. I mean Heero may have killed Rossalyn, but to kill Mrs. Dorlain? I don’t think he would ever do something that bad. From what Heero told me, Rossalyn didn’t like Relena and that’s why she seduced Heero in the first place. He tried to cover up his identity by using the name Odin, but she knew he was Relena’s husband. He was positive that she was going to go to the press. If she had done that Relena’s reputation would have been destroyed. Heero even tried to buy her off, but she wouldn’t bite.” Trowa told her after she had tracked him down. He had been comforting Quatre who was still upset. Hilde had asked Quatre to leave, because she didn’t want to upset him further.

“So he killed her to keep her quiet. That’s not much better.”

“He perceived her as a threat to Relena’s happiness. Heero would never do anything to make Relena unhappy.”

Hilde cut in. “Except sleep with another woman.”

“He didn’t want Relena to find out about that. She found out because Rossalyn sent her those pictures. Heero knew the affair was wrong, but he was overwhelmed by the position Relena had put him in. It was his way of regaining control over his emotions. It worked, but hurt Relena. It did have some positive affects on their relationship. Relena realized that she couldn’t use Heero as a sounding board for her problems like other women would with their husbands. He takes things to heart too much. He doesn’t understand the concept of venting one’s frustrations. When Relena had a problem he couldn’t solve it made him feel inadequate.” Trowa explained patiently.

“But Trowa wouldn’t Mrs. Dorlain’s disapproval of the marriage have upset Relena?” She asked, still unsure.

“I’m sure it did, but her death upset Relena much more. Mrs. Dorlain may have disapproved of the marriage but that wouldn’t stop Relena from marrying Heero. He knew that.”

“Well maybe he wasn’t trying to kill her. Maybe he was just trying to keep her from coming to the ceremony.”

“Heero’s a professional. He wouldn’t make a mistake like that.” Somehow that didn’t reassure Hilde one bit.   

~*~*~

“He’s back.” Zechs announced.

“Who Heero or Wufei?”

“Both actually.” And so they waited. Wufei reached them first, much to everyone’s disappointment.

“So what were you up to?” Duo asked to break the silence.

“Nothing much. The people transporting the Neo-Titanium were nothing but small-time bandits. No force was necessary to bring them to justice. We just cornered them and they surrendered. It was a big waste of my time. I would’ve preferred to go with Heero, but from what I understand he didn’t want any company.”

Zechs snorted but otherwise there was no response to Wufei’s remarks. “I don’t understand why you are all waiting around for him. He isn’t going to tell us what happened.” Wufei added.

Duo nodded in agreement. “Yeah you’re probably right, but we want to make sure he hasn’t gone over the edge if you know what I mean.”

“And how exactly will you be able to tell?” Wufei asked.

“I don’t know. I guess if he comes in here with a giant hole in his head, we’ll know.”

Quatre was fidgeting nervously and Trowa had to reach over and grab his hands to make him stop. “That isn’t funny Duo.”  

“Sorry Trowa, but I’m nervous. I mean what do you say to a guy you know just finished torturing some people to death.”

“How about ‘Welcome Home’?” Heero said as he walked into the room, eyeing everyone suspiciously.

“Heero how are you?” Quatre asked as he stood up and approached his fellow pilot.

“I’m fine Quatre.”

“Are you Heero? You know we not here to judge you so please be honest with us.”

“Really, I’m fine Quatre. Relena’s murderers are dead so you all can go home.”

“We don’t want to leave you alone.”

“I prefer to be alone. Besides once Zechs, Noin and I have finished disposing of Relena’s things, I’ll be leaving.”

“What? You can’t do that.” Zechs sat upright in his chair.

“There’s no reason for me to stay here now that Relena’s gone.”

“But then the palace will be empty. We can’t leave it unprotected.” Zechs said.

“It’s your country, not mine. You stay here if you want, but this place was never to my tastes.”

“Do you know where you’re going Heero? If you want you can stay with me and Trowa, we have plenty of room.” Quatre offered.

“Thanks, but I think I’m going to return to L1.”

“Heero you’re not going to do anything stupid are you?” Duo asked.

“Like put a giant hole in my head? No Duo, I’m not going to kill myself.”

“Oh you heard that huh?” Duo asked sheepishly. “You can’t blame us for worrying Heero. I know I wouldn’t want to live without Hilde.”

“Oh Duo, that’s so sweet.” Hilde said from the couch.

“Relena was strong, she would’ve carried on without me. I was never as strong as her, but I think she would be disappointed in me, if I didn’t try. I’m tired now. I’ll see you all off tomorrow.” It was a dismissal as much as a departure.

Hilde and Duo made their way upstairs after Heero, they still had a couple of hours before bed so they began to pack. It didn’t take long and Hilde headed back down to see the garden once more before they left earth. It truly was beautiful, especially this time of year. She thought about all the dreams and visions she had had concerning Relena. They really didn’t have much to do with her killers. She wondered why she had seen all the things she saw.

Relena stooped down to smell the white roses. She moved her hand over them, then through them. She turned her head towards Hilde and then began to walk, almost float, towards the young woman. She stopped inches in front of Hilde and began speaking, but no words were heard. Hilde couldn’t understand what she was trying to say and so Relena pointed. She pointed towards the balcony of Heero’s room. The lights were on and Hilde could see his shadow moving behind the curtains. She turned back to Relena and Relena was gone. A white cat jumped from a garden gnome onto the trellis and then onto the balcony.

 Hilde knew she had to get up there. She walked up to the trellis and began to climb carefully. She tried to be as quiet as possible as she carefully climbed onto the balcony railing and listened.

“At last my mission is complete. Forgive me love, for I failed in my mission to protect you, but know that I will protect your memory, for the rest of my life.” Heero spoke quietly and then Hilde heard a slight scraping noise, like a picture frame being dragged across a desktop. He turned out the lights and Hilde heard some springs squeak as he got into bed. She knew she’d have to wait until he fell asleep before she climbed back down or he would surely catch her.  

~*~*~

Hilde slept well that night for a change. She and Duo were all ready to go, as were Trowa, Quatre and Wufei. They still voiced some of their concerns to Heero at breakfast, but felt better knowing Zechs and Noin would watch over him for at least the next couple of days.

Duo was loading their bags into the car when Hilde saw Relena.

She was extremely agitated. She stood right beside Hilde and pointed towards the trees. She attempted to grab Hilde’s arm, but her hand passed through it causing the arm to go numb with cold.

Hilde shook her head. “I have to go.” She explained. Tears began to flow down Relena’s face. They sparkled as they left her chin, catching a light that Hilde couldn’t see.

“What now? Can’t you hold it babe? I’m sure they have a bathroom at the airport.”

Relena’s white gown began to grow stained with crimson again. Her face contorted in pain and again she pointed to the woods.

Hilde couldn’t stand it. She had to go. She took off running into the woods, following the white cat that suddenly appeared there.

“Dammit Hilde where the hell are you going? There’s a bathroom in the house.” Duo shouted after her.

The woods ended quickly and the cemetery gates were soon in front of her. She could see Heero kneeling in front of the white angel and Hilde recalled her dream in which Heero shot himself over Relena’s grave. She understood now that she had to stop him. That’s what Relena wanted. She wanted Heero to live.

She flung open the gate and ran up the path. He had his gun in his hand the barrel resting against his temple.

“Heero, No!” She screamed. Or did she? He didn’t seem to notice her. She screamed again. “Don’t do it!” Heero turned his head. Hilde launched herself at him. She tried to grab the gun and it went off. Pain exploded in her stomach, but she didn’t fall to the ground. She was being held up in the angelic arms of the statue on Relena’s grave. As she looked down she could she her blood falling onto the white stone. Relena’s name covered in blood again.

Heero lifted her and placed her on the ground. Duo came running into the cemetery just seconds too late. “Hilde!”

“I’m sorry Duo,” Heero sounded confused. “I don’t know what happened.”

“You… were going …(cough)…to kill yourself. (cough) Couldn’t…let you…do it.” Hilde explained. She was fading fast.

“Don’t talk Hilde. Heero call an ambulance!” Heero took off running. Duo cradled her head in his lap. “Don’t talk, just relax. Save your strength.” Duo whispered as he held her hand and stroked her face. He was crying silently and she felt some need to reassure him.

“I love you, Duo.” She smiled up at him, but he just looked more stricken.

“I love you too Hilde, now shut up. You’re not supposed to talk. You need to save your strength. The ambulance is going to be here soon, so just hold on.” He told her. His sobs were louder now.

Relena stood looking over the pair. She looked more real now. She looked sad and held her hand out to Hilde. This time when she grabbed Hilde’s hand, her hand didn’t pass through it. It wasn’t cold anymore.

~*~*~

Heero stood over the gravestone. “I’m so sorry.” He whispered.

“It’s not your fault. I don’t blame you so stop blaming yourself.” Duo said. He had said it before and it never seemed to have any effect. He just wasn’t getting through to the other pilot. “Look I’m going home. It’s too depressing here.” Duo said as he looked over the small cemetery where Hilde was buried. “I’ll see you soon babe.” He told her gravestone before leaving.

Heero watched Duo go. He admired him so much. He was still getting over Relena, but Duo was already dating other women. It wasn’t that he didn’t love Hilde, he just recognized when it was time to move on and did. They had been living together for almost a year. Heero moved into Duo’s place to try to help him. He felt guilty for Hilde’s death, but in truth it was Duo who helped Heero.

“I shouldn’t have taken you away from him.” He told the small gray stone. “It was just a spur of the moment decision. I haven’t killed anyone else since that day. I realized I was wrong after I killed you. I realized that you weren’t dishonoring Relena’s memory.” He sighed and looked up at the simulated sky.

A beautiful young woman with sandy blonde hair leaned against a large tombstone only a few feet away. She looked at her lover and winced at his pain.

“So that’s why he killed me, to honor your memory.” Hide said from above her. She had beautiful large golden wings that weren’t allowed to touch the ground.  She knew the moment his bullet hit her that it wasn’t an accident. Trowa had told her that Heero was too much of a professional for that.

“Sorry.” Relena said, looking at the lovely angel. The incredible creature that she too could have been.

 “Don’t be.” Hilde looked at her and said, “It’s not too late, Relena.” Relena shook her head. She had given up her chance to go to heaven. She knew that she’d never see her Heero again if she went. She couldn’t change him and he wasn’t getting in, so she chose to wander as a lost soul on this world until their spirits could come together once more. She was lonely, but she didn’t regret her decision.

“He’s leaving. I have to go.” Relena stood up and began to follow Heero back to Duo’s place.

“Look after my Duo!” Hilde yelled to her as she began to float upwards.

“I will. I promise.” Relena waved goodbye to her friend who was now soaring through L2’s massive hull. She wanted to get back to the apartment. Snowball was there and it was always fun to watch her chase around a mouse and then mew pitifully when she jumped on it and the mouse ran right through her.

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