Chapter 11
“Brian?” Justin asked softly.
“I’m really hungry. Can we eat now?” Brian’s eyes continued to stare at his hands.
Brian’s body language and tone conveyed his message loud and clear. The conversation was over and Paul wanted to quickly distance himself from what he’d just revealed.
“Sure.” Justin shook his head trying to clear it in order to focus on the here and now.
“Can we have pizza?” Paul asked politely.
“Yeah, do you want to go out or have one delivered?”
Paul gave Justin a puzzled look. “Delivered?”
“To the room we could eat here and watch tv.” Justin explained.
“’kay, Justin can we go to swim after?” Paul asked.
“Only if you promise to take a shower after.” Justin had suddenly realized that Brian hadn’t taken a shower since the hospital. He’d forgotten what it was like to be a kid and having to be told to do those things.
“’kay, I promise.” Paul smiled briefly and went to sit in his favorite spot by the window while Justin ordered their dinner.
Later…
Paul had decided he wasn’t keen on the idea of standing in a shower so Justin ran him a bath. Paul like Brian seemed to be a real water baby. While Paul was enjoying his bath Justin decided to quietly examine the contents of the tin box.
Inside he found two articles pertaining to Paul Smith’s
death and three regarding the arrest, trial and conviction of Brian’s Uncle
Robert. He also found an old key, a
hospital ID band with Brian’s name, date of birth dated 8/31/81 from St. Mary’s
Hospital in
The reality of what he was seeing dawned on him when he read the hospital arm band and medal that these were Brian’s things not Paul’s. He could understand the significance of the clippings and even the medal, but what was the key to and what was the significance of the hospital arm band?
“He’s snooping into our most private things. Make him stop you stupid little brat. Those things belong to us and if he figures out what the key fits then he’ll know everything. Do you want that? Huh? You think your precious Justin will even be able to look at you then?”
Paul had been lying back in the tub enjoying the water when the voice startled him, causing him to sit up so quickly that waves of water spilled over the side. The person talking was seated on the toilet in front of him. Paul’s body began to quake with fear.
“Jus… Justin wouldn’t snoop” Paul’s eyes widened and his voice trembled.
“You little dipshit can’t you hear him? He must have heard your splash ‘cause he’s stuffing everything back inside the tin now. How can you be so stupid? I told you not to let that tin out of your sight and like the dumb little piece of shit you are you totally forgot about it didn’t you?” The voice was harsh and unforgiving.
“I didn’t mean to forget, honest. I’ll hide it better… please don’t…”
“Paul?” Justin’s voice came from behind the closed bathroom door. “Paul are you okay in there?”
“Uh huh…I umm, I was pretending to swim and splashed a little. I’ll…umm, clean it up I promise.” Paul was grasping the side of the tub hoping Justin wouldn’t walk in. If he saw…if he knew he would turn away from him with disgust like everyone else did.
“That’s okay its only water.
Are you getting out soon I’d like to get a shower in before
Paul pushed away from the figure as it was now looming over him, dangerous eyes staring into his only inches away.
“If anyone finds out they’ll end up like your retarded little friend. You hear me little boy?”
The terror evoked by the ominous threat caused Brian’s bladder to involuntarily release its contents into the bath water.
After not hearing movement in the last five minutes Justin knocked on the bathroom door again, but got no response.
“Paul? Can you hear me?” Justin waited a few moments before opening the door. Paul was still in the tub and shaking as if it were filled with ice.
“Paul what’s wrong?”
After what Justin thought to be forever the man-boy looked up at him his face unreadable.
“The water got cold.” Was all he offered.
“Oh…well why didn’t you just get out?”
Paul answered with a slight shrug. Justin handed him a towel as he stood up.
“Dry off then and get into your night clothes. I’m sure you’ll be warm in no time under the bedcovers.” Justin reluctantly left the bathroom and waited for Paul to finish.
Paul exited the bathroom his dirty clothes neatly folded in his hands. Justin took the clothes and put them with the rest of the clothes needing to be washed.
“I need my box.”
“Sure, I’ll get it out of the safe.” Justin felt an eeriness in Paul’s tone and was surprised he was asking for his box. When Justin had first found it in Paul’s bag he’d acted as if he wasn’t sure he’d ever seen it before.
Justin handed Paul the tin box. He snatched it from his hands, scrambled to his bed and climbed under the covers clutching it to his chest with out uttering a word or offering a thank you.
“Are you okay?” Justin asked.
“Yes, I’m really tired. Goodnight.” The words rushed from Paul’s mouth then he turned on his side facing away from Justin still hugging the tin box and closed his eyes.
Justin was stunned by the sudden change in Paul’s behavior. He then quickly jotted down what he had found in the box and what Paul had told him in regards to Jack Kinney. Tomorrow the mystery would either be completely unraveled under hypnosis or backfire and they would get no where, but then maybe it would all just become and even more impossible puzzle to solve.
As the warm water flowed over his body he thought about the two personalities that had emerged. Each of them were as much apart of each other as they were separate. But as Justin went over the events of the past week in his head one thread came to the surface. Each personality also contained pieces of Brian Kinney they were obscure to anyone who didn’t really know the man, but not to Justin. And who was Paul talking to in the bathroom?
The following morning Paul continued to act as strange as he had the night before.
Justin also noticed Brian had dark circles under his eyes.
“Paul you look tired? Did you sleep last night?”
Paul responded with a slight nod then retreated to his chair near the window still gripping the tin box tightly to his chest.
“Let’s go downstairs to the restaurant for breakfast.” Justin offered cheerfully.
“Not hungry.” Paul answered flatly.
“Paul you should eat something. You may be too upset later and being hungry will just make things…”
“I said I’m not hungry!” Paul shouted.
Justin was taken aback by the sudden 380 in Paul’s usually obedient behavior.
“Paul what’s wrong?” Justin spoke calmly, walked to the edge of Paul’s bed and sat down.
Paul turned his entire body toward the window and ignored Justin’s question.
“I know you’re scared about what the doctor is going to do today, but its more than that isn’t it?”
Justin sat silently for a few moments when he knew Paul was not going to answer him he decided to ask the question that had been bothering him since last night.
“Does it have something to do with who you were talking to in the bathroom last night?”
Paul’s shoulders begin to shake. Justin wanted to rush over to offer comfort, but decided against it.
“Who was it Paul?” Justin kept his voice steady and calm.
“No…umm it was…it was no body. I was…I uh…was talking to me…out loud.” Paul’s voice stuttered and cracked nervously.
“I heard another voice. It was much deeper than yours. Did that person say something to scare you? Something to make you suddenly want to guard that box so closely?”
“It’s my box and I wanted it! It’s not yours. It’s mine and he said you were snooping.” Paul’s voice dropped off. He knew instantly that he’d been caught in a lie.
“Who is he?” Justin remained calm even though heart was racing and the voice in his head was screaming, telling him to demand an answer from Paul, but he knew if he showed any emotion the situation could get totally out of his control. It probably would anyway, but he’d already started it he wasn’t going to back away now.
“Nobody…I can’t tell you.” Paul’s voice was choked with emotion.
“Why? Are you afraid he’ll hurt you?”
“Not me he won’t hurt me. He hurts people I…” Paul stopped abruptly afraid to continue ‘he’ was probably listening to everything.
“What people does he hurt? Does he hurt people you care about?”
Paul bolted upright in the chair turning to Justin with a look of terror on his tear streaked face still clutching the tin box.
“Shhh, don’t say that Justin. Don’t…please you don’t know.”
“I don’t know what? Tell me. Its okay I promise I’ll protect you. I won’t let him hurt anyone.” Justin was reaching.
“You can’t I told you he won’t hurt me, but he will hurt you if I don’t do what he says. I don’t want to do that stuff anymore…please Justin don’t talk anymore.” Paul pleaded desperately.
“What stuff does he make you do?”
“No I didn’t mean…I don’t…he doesn’t. Please Justin you can’t know okay? You just can’t…I like you a lot and you won’t like me anymore if...” Paul again stopped abruptly.
“There is nothing you could say or do that would make me stop caring about you.” Justin slid off the bed and knelt next to the chair placing his hand gently on Brian’s forearm and looked up into his terrified eyes. He knew those eyes.
In a matter of seconds Brian’s eyes change. They darkened, his brow knitted together and his expression hardened. By the time Justin’s brain was able to process the change it was too late. Brian’s strong hand came across Justin’s and pinned it to his.
“Nothing huh? You little motherfucker.” The voice that came from Brian was deep, gravely and menacing in its intonation.
Justin tried to pull his hand back Brian clamped down harder. This new personality scared the shit out of him and all he wanted to do was retreat. As his mind whirled trying to decide how to handle the situation, if he coward then he’d be handing all the power to this personality…no good. He had to stand up to the threat, not back down, show no fear. He mentally kicked himself for being an idiot then straightened his posture and looked directly into the now cold hard eyes.
“Let go of my hand.” Justin stated firmly.
“Why? I thought you liked to be touched by little boys?” The voice spoke mockingly.
“I said let go.” Justin balled up his right fist. He didn’t want to fight this personality, but he wasn’t going to let the asshole get the better of him without one.
Brian looked at Justin’s balled up fist and snorted a laugh.
“What do you think you’re going to do with that little boy? You can barely draw a straight line with it or hold anything in it longer than a few minutes. You think you’ve got enough strength in that petite little frame of yours to do any real damage?”
“If you don’t let go of my hand you’ll feel how much.”
To his amazement Brian let him go and sat back laughing at him.
You always have been a scrappy little pup.
“Brian?” Justin shook his head. It didn’t sound like Brian, but he knew him or said he did.
“He’s who you want isn’t he? The big bad wolfie Brian Kinney.”
“I love Brian. So, who are you?”
“I’m not the bad guy.” The voice softened just slightly.
“Could’ve fooled me. Paul was talking to you last night wasn’t he?” Justin asked rubbing his hand.
“Paul? There’s no Paul that kid died, but you know that don’t you? You were snooping in the kids stuff.”
“But he said his name was Paul and that he’s ….”
“Seven and Brian’s bestest friend.” The personality’s words dripped with sarcasm.
“It was Brian. He must have changed when we talked about…”
“It’s always been Brian, al be it the younger version.”
“You’re lying. Why would Brian pretend to be Paul? You’re trying to confuse this whole thing even more aren’t you? Who the fuck are you!” Justin demanded, and then got to his feet distancing himself from Brian.
Brian got to his feet pointing a finger at Justin. “Look you little mutherfucker! I’m not trying to do anything except take care of him. That’s what I’ve always done and sometimes I gotta scare the shit out of him or get him loaded or high to do it, but that’s my job. The big man likes to call me pain management. The little shit thinks of me as the keeper of the key. Too many comic books and scifi flicks gave him that idea.”
“Wait you’re telling me that every time Brian goes out and binges, fucks till dawn or pushes me away that’s you?” Justin said skeptically.
“You’re a very perceptive little twink aren’t you? I was a little nervous when you said you were onto him, but now I see.”
“Why would that make you nervous and what do you see?”
“That maybe you weren’t full of shit. I told him you were just being arrogant because he’d let you get so close.”
“So why does that make you nervous?”
“Because if I let you in and you see it all, and run away I won’t be able to help the kid anymore.”
“I’d never run. Where is Brian? Is he okay?”
“I’m not sure I believe you. You did almost take off on him and then there’s the whole fiddler thing.”
“I apologized for all of that and it won’t happen again. Is Brian okay?”
“Yes, he’s fine. He’s resting. Not in the way you’re thinking. He’s in the place he used to go to when shit at home got really bad. You know I wanted to kill that bastard when he showed up again, but that wouldn’t have been good for Brian.”
“You mean his uncle?”
“Yeah the mutherfucking sonofabitch, piece of shit….”
“So you’ve been with him all his life?”
“Practically, I guess you could think of me as his imaginary friend.”
“You’re his imaginary friend?” Justin huffed a laugh.
“Why is that so funny?” Brian raised an eybrow.
“Because you’re so… you’re kinda scary.”
“I told you it’s the only way I can get the little shit to do what I tell him.”
“Why do I feel like we’re in the Twilight Zone?” Justin shook his head in confusion.
“Welcome to Brian Kinney’s fucked up brain.” Brian said as he stood up and took an exaggerated bow and then sat down again.
“But what about the other personalities, the older and younger Paul, you said it’s been Brian all along? Then you said Brian was in some safe place. What the fuck is really going on or is this just another line of bullshit?”
“Honestly, I don’t really know. When Uncle Bobby showed up everything got real hazy for awhile. It was such an unexpected shock that well…I…I dropped the ball and ol’ sonnyboy went off the deep end.”
“Explain that in terms that non-imaginary friends can understand please.”
“I’m not sure I can, but I suggest you take a seat first.”
Justin sat down on the edge of the bed and gave the keeper his full attention. Christ, this had to be another universe.
“Okay, you know Brian well enough to know he’s all about control.”
Justin nodded.
“The kid’s been like that forever and there’s plenty of reasons for it which I’m not going to get into right now. Anyway, as near as I can make sense of it Brian was totally thrown for a loop when that fucking uncle of his showed up at his office. The bastard just got out of prison, he’s dying of lung cancer…deservingly, and he actually thought Brian would forgive him for the shit he did to the kid. I’m not going into any more detail about that. That’s something you’re going to have to deal with later.” The keeper took a deep breath and continued. “ I haven’t been on my best game lately thanks to you, so I wasn’t able to keep the door locked and all those memories and emotions linked to the events associated with good old Uncle Bobby came spilling out all over the place and the kid basically short circuited.”
“He’s not a fucking robot.” Justin said defensively.
“Sorry my vocabulary choices bother your sensibilities. Look Justin there is a ton of guilt connected with Paul’s death and the kid’s uncle. I think the manifestations of Paul is Brian’s way of dealing with that guilt. You never saw the way he dealt with the guilt over your bashing. Not until he found a way to help you that is.”
“How did he?” Justin had always thought Brian just did the fucking, sucking, booze and drugs thing to deal with his being bashed.
“I’d rather you hear it from him. Just know that he never abandoned you like you thought.”
There was a knock at the door.
“Shit that’s the doctor. I hope you’ll stick around and explain all this to her. Maybe if we all work together we can bring Brian back and…”
“Don’t let her in here.”
“What? Why? She can help.”
“No she can’t. Her main objective is to turn Brian into a case study. Write a book about it and be a best selling author off of his misery. I’m not letting her turn Brian’s pain into a fucking novel.”
“And you dropped the fucking ball. You have a better way to bring Brian back in control of his own fucking life?”
“Take him home where he belongs, where he’s safe in his loft with no walls and big windows.”
The knocking continued.
“What do I tell her?” Justin pointed toward the door.
“Fuck her. Tell her you don’t trust her and you’re taking you’re beloved Brian home to his family.”
Justin looked at Brian and saw his trademark smirk. His heart flipped and he jumped toward him only to be stopped by a hand on his chest.
“Close but no cigar sonny boy. I’m gonna let the kid take over so you have more than a zombie to escort home. Big Brian still needs time to get his shit together.”
Justin could hear the theme song from the Twilight Zone ringing in his ears as he approached the door. He glanced at Brian before opening it and noticed he was once again curled up in the big chair staring out the window.
“Remember what I said
sonny boy. Next time I do more than just
cover you’re little ass. We need the twink’s help to get home, but after that you do what I told
you. Got it, you worthless shit. I’m tired of saving you’re ass. If he finds out it’s all over and you know
it, so suck it up and do what you’re
fucking told for once or you can kiss you’re beloved sunshine’s bubble butt
good bye. Do you understand?
“Yes, I promise I won’t mess up again.” Brian whispered and curled into himself as he stared out the window.