Second Chances Part III

It’s the ‘Big Night’ for Ethan. The awards ceremony is at the Pittsburgh Symphony Heinz Hall. It’s a huge black tie affair attended by Pittsburgh’s elite. Ethan exits a limo holding Justin’s hand as he exits after him. Reporters and tv cameras swarm around. Camera flashes going off randomly. Justin holds tight to Ethan’s hand and forces a smile.

"Jesus I had no idea it was going to be this big a deal. You okay?"

"Yeah...okay." Justin lied.

The whole day had been chaos. He’d ran late because he didn’t realize until he got to Deb’s that the tux they’d given him was the wrong size. Emmett was gracious enough to run the tux back for him and then help him get ready. All afternoon he’d been having flashes of ‘that’ night. Emmett buzzed around him trying ‘not’ to say anything about deja vu. Ethan had called a million times to make sure Justin was ready and fumed when Justin inadvertently mentioned the size mix up. It had been hard enough to keep his own nerves from going into overload and having to keep Ethan calm, as well, was proving to be hazardous to his already pounding head and queasy stomach. Deb had caught him gulping down antacids thus opening up an entire line of discussion he didn’t want to get into, at least not tonight.

Rewind two hours:

"You ‘can’ cancel on him." Deb stood next the kitchen table and had watched him chew a handful of Tums.

"What? No? I can’t... not at the last minute and why would I want to? This is ‘his’ night Deb. He needs me there."

"Justin, I know I shouldn’t butt into your life..."

"Deb you always butt into my life." Justin managed a weak smile then put the TUMS back in the cupboard.

"Sweetheart sit down for just a minute."

"Deb..."

"Just a minute. I promise."

They took chairs across from each other. Deb put her hand on top of Justin’s and patted it.

"That’s the third bottle of TUMS you’ve gone through in the last month and I know my cooking’s not that bad. Is this Ethan...is he..."

"Deb it was only once. He was mortified by it and it won’t happen again."

"That’s not what I was getting at. I’ve never seen you this tense before. Even when you lived with Brian, and I know how fucking aggravating he can be, but this is different. You seem on edge and jumpy all the time."

"It’s not because of Ethan, well not in the way you are probably thinking. Things are tense right now. After tonight it will be different. He’ll be able to relax and then we have only a few weeks together before he has to leave on tour."

"You need to step back and listen to yourself hon."

"I don’t understand."

"Everything in your life, since you left Brian, has revolved around this kid."

"It has not. And I’d appreciate if you didn’t always bring Brian into the conversation."

"You never ended it with him."

"I left Deb."

"You may have left, but neither of you were ready to end it. That’s why you’ve wrapped yourself up in this new guy."

"He didn’t want me. Ethan does."

"Is that how you base what you’re worth by who wants you?"

"No...I didn’t mean that. Deb I don’t have time to go into this." Flustered Justin got up from the table and went upstairs to finish getting ready.

*************************

Pittsburgh Symphony Heinz Hall. Justin is sitting in the front row. Ethan is on stage playing his heart out and reveling in the ardent attention from the audience as his body moves eloquently to Tchaikovsky’s Violin Concerto in D Major.

A young woman sitting next to Justin leaned over and whispered.

"He’s incredible. I’ve never seen the violin played with such passion. I’ll bet he loves with the same passion. You two are very beautiful together."

Justin couldn’t find his voice. The observation the woman had voiced made him feel self-conscious. He could feel his face redden then a flash of memory took him back in time. Emmett announcing him as he walked down the staircase; his mother’s gasp at seeing him in his tux and telling him he looked beautiful. When he regained his sense of the present Ethan was bowing. The audience was on their feet for a standing ovation. It was then he realized he was still seated. Justin got to his feet, but not in enough time. Ethan’s glare told him his inattention had been noted.

**********************************

Brian’s loft.

After five minutes and a phone call from Michael stating that he would continue to beat on the door, Brian gave in and opened the loft door for his friend.

"What’s going on?" Michael demanded.

"Lindsay called you." Brian turned away from the door and walked to the refrigerator for a beer.

"Of course she did Brian. She’s as worried about you as I am."

"Well don’t."

"You don’t really mean that."

"Since when have I ever said anything I didn’t mean?"

"You don’t, but I also know you need someone to care about you, especially now."

Brian took himself and his beer to the couch and sat down.

"And why is now so special, Mikey?" Brian took another swig of his beer then placed it on the coffee table.

"Because you’re falling apart." Michael took a seat next to his best friend.

"I see and you’re here to put humpty dumpty back together again." Brian snorted sarcastically and slumped further into the couch.

"I’m here because I don’t want you to hit bottom. I know this is about more than Justin leaving."

"Leave it alone Mikey." Brian got up and walked into the bedroom. Michael followed.

"Not this time. It’s time you started to face things in your life instead of pushing them away with all your various addictions."

Brian was at his dresser. He lifted the lid of a small wooden box, took out a joint and lit it.

"Like this one?" Brian made a show of taking in a huge lung full of the sweet smoke, then exhaled it slowly savoring the beginnings of the high.

"One day soon there won’t be enough pot, pills, coke or booze to get you through the next day. Then what Brian?"

"You already know that answer Mikey. It’s the one you’re so fucking piss in your pants afraid of." Brian lay down on his bed.

"Right. Life without Brian Kinney. Maybe I’m not so afraid of it anymore. It’s your life Brian. If you want to end it that’s your decision. Make sure you leave a note explaining to your son why you were such a fucking coward!" Michael knew there was nothing more he could say and hoped that he had given his best friend enough of a slap in the face to make him think.

****************************************

Pittsburgh Symphony Heinz Hall post-ceremony reception. Ethan is being congratulated and fawned over by members of the crowd. Justin steps away to get a small plate of appetizers finally feeling hungry after the day’s events. He is approached by an attractive middle-aged woman carrying a notebook and trailed by a photographer.

"Justin Taylor?" The woman held out her hand.

"Yes." They shook hands.

"I’m Maureen Stanhope. I’m with Pittsburgh Out. We’ve never met, but I had a nice chat with your mother last year. She generously gave me an exclusive interview regarding your..."

"Oh...yes. I believe my mom did mention it. Sorry, I didn’t read the article."

"Such a polite soul. Oh sweetie I didn’t expect you to. It is wonderful to see you here and looking so handsome."

Justin blushed and looked for a way out. He knew what she wanted.

"Can I just ask you a few questions? Nothing too invasive I promise. " Her smile was beautiful and she was quite an engaging woman. Not like some of the other reporters that had hounded him after his release from the hospital.

"Sure."

"First of all I want to tell you that I think you are an incredibly courageous young man."

"Thank you, but..."

"No need to be modest sweetie. And you’ve been able to return to drawing...doing art?"

"Yes. I’m a student at the institute."

"Is that where you met Ethan Gold or was he the mystery man who was at the prom with you?"

"Uh...he...uhmm." The question caught him off guard.

"Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to bring that up. Forgive me."

"Uh...no its okay. I met Ethan at PIFA."

"I can tell he simply adores you. Will you be going on tour with him?"

"No. I have school and a job here."

Ethan stepped in and put his arm around Justin then placed a kiss on his cheek.

"There you are. I’ve been missing my muse." Justin smiled through trembling lips, caused by the shift of focus from Ethan to him. He was terrified Maureen would spill about the bashing.

"Hi Ethan..."

"Maureen Stanhope right?"

"Yes. I was asking ‘your muse’ here a few questions. I did a story about him last year and it is really good to see him well and able to continue on with his life."

Ethan threw her a confused look. Maureen looked at Justin and her intuition told her to quickly shift away from the subject matter.

"May I get a picture of you two together?" Maureen stepped aside and let the photographer do his job.

"Of course." Ethan pulled Justin close and the photographer took a couple of quick shots.

"Justin I would love to see some of your art work? Do you have any shows coming up?"

"I’ve been invited to put a few pieces in the Winter Art Festival."

"Wonderful. That’s very exciting. It’s quite an honor for a student to me asked to enter their work. I look forward to seeing it then. Hope you grant me a few words before you become too famous." She was gushing, but she couldn’t help herself. Justin reminded her of her beloved Devon, as sweet, beautiful and graceful. He would have been 25 now had he survived his attack.

"I doubt I’ll ever be famous and yes, I’ll gladly give you an interview then. Thank you." Justin felt proud of the reaction Maureen had given him to his announcement. He hadn’t yet told anyone of the accolade that had been bestowed on him only a few days ago.

*************************************

Brian’s loft.

Brian still lay on his bed long after finishing the joint. Michael’s words swam around in his conscience.

"Coward." He said the word out loud. Michael had never used that one. Asshole, shithead, prick a few choice others he couldn’t remember at the moment.

"Coward." He repeated the word to himself. "It fits Mikey." Ironically, the word was comforting. At least now he had a reason.

Brian closed his eyes and drifted off to that place between wakefulness and sleep where his past always caught up with him and played out in living color.

"He was a fucking coward." Jack’s voice boomed in his head.

"He never talked to anyone. If he’d have only reached out to someone, anyone maybe he’d still be alive." This time the voice was female. His aunt Trudy.

A funeral. The casket is closed with a picture of his young uncle sitting on top. At eight years old Brian wasn’t sure what was going on, except he knew his favorite uncle had gone to heaven.

At the wake Jack stumbled around drunk, his usual state at any family gathering. His grandmother was weeping loudly on the sofa surrounded by most of her family. Daniel was her baby, she’d had big dreams for her youngest. He was in medical school. Had graduated with top honors from high school and was valedictorian of his graduation class. Daniel was nothing like his four older brothers. He never drank or had an angry word for anyone.

A cemetery. Brian, now 12 had made something special in art class to give to his uncle in memory of what would have been his 30^th birthday. It was a Celtic cross made of clay, painted moss green and fired.

"Mom will just throw it away." Claire’s nasally snotty voice boomed behind him as he placed the cross near the headstone.

"She won’t even see it. She never looks at Uncle Danny’s grave." Brian bit back. Claire was born a cunt. He’d just added that descriptive word to his vocabulary after hearing his old man whisper it behind Claire’s back.

"It’s ‘cause he doesn’t deserve anyone to remember him. Not after what he did." She punctuated the last sentence with her hands on her hips.

"Uncle Danny didn’t do anything except die young. Like that was his choice?"

Claire stared at him incredulously. He didn’t know.

"It was his choice, stupid. How do you think he died?"

"Aunt Trudy said he was sick."

"Yeah he was sick, alright. In the head!"

"He was not. Uncle Danny was going to be a doctor." She was really pissing him off now.

"And everyone thinks you’re so smart. He shot himself in the head you moron."

"He did not! Uncle Danny wouldn’t do that. Why would he? He had everything."

"Yeah everything including a huge hole in his head. That’s why they closed the casket, idiot!"

"Shut up!"

"What’s the matter sonnyboy; can’t handle the truth?"

"You are such a bitch!"

"Yeah well at least mom and dad wanted me."

Claire didn’t expect her little brother’s violent reaction. He was on top of her punching her before she had time to turn and run. Claire’s screams brought their mother running. Brian ignored her yells to get off of his sister and continued his attack until she reached down and grabbed a handful of hair and pulled him off.

"I hate you. Dad’s right Claire, you’re nothing but a fucking little cunt!" The outburst earned him the one and only strike he would ever receive from his mother. She slapped him across the face with such force it knocked him to the ground and bloodied his nose.

Brian opened his eyes, he could still feel the sting of that slap all these years later.

"He was a fucking coward." Jack’s voice drew him back to the present. Brian sat up and picked up the picture of him holding Gus he kept on his nightstand. Then he heard Michael’s voice again. "It’s time you started facing things..." He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to push the voice away, but one more voice chimed in only this one drowned out the other two. "You’re his father. Every kid needs a father. You love Gus." Christ, he missed Justin.

"Fuck you Michael." He spoke the words outloud to cement his decision.

‘Fuck, this is going to be hard’ Was his next thought and it came an adrenalin rush that sent him on an hour long trek on his tread mill.

************************************

Ethan’s car after the awards ceremony.

"You missed the turn."

"I want you to come home with me tonight." It was a command not a request.

"Ethan it’s been a really long day. I’ve got the early shift at the diner and the new issue arrives tomorrow."

"I won’t keep you up ‘all’ night sweetheart." Ethan crooned.

"Don’t call me that." Justin squirmed in his seat. He was tired and wanted to sleep. Besides the fact he knew Ethan would probe him about what the reporter had said.

"You don’t like that endearment or you don’t consider yourself my..."

"I simply don’t like the endearment. It’s too lesbionic." Again Justin was lying. He did like the endearment, just not coming from Ethan.

"I don’t think that’s a word either, but okay. Make a list of acceptable endearments and I’ll memorize them." Ethan’s mood became dark.

"Let’s not do this. We’re both exhausted and cranky. Take me home and we can meet for lunch tomorrow when we are both in a better mood." Justin knew the conversation was going to lead into a stupid nit picky argument over nothing.

"I am taking you home."

"Not your home Ethan. I want to go to my home."

"That’s not really your home Justin. You live with Michael’s mommy."

"Why are you being like this?"

"I’m not ‘being’ anything. I love you and I need you. And you need me."

"If you’re not going to take me to Deb’s, then stop the car. I’ll walk."

"It’s 2 a.m. and I will not drop you off in this neighborhood. Come home with me tonight. We’ll make love and fall asleep in each other’s arms. That has got to be a better offer than going to Deb’s and sleeping alone in Michael’s childhood room." Ethan reached over and stroked the inside of Justin’s thigh.

"Fine, but I have to get up early tomorrow." Justin was just to goddamn tired to fight about it any longer.

******************************************

Mel and Lindsay’s

There’s a knock on the door. Mel looks out the window, frowns then opens the door.

"Don’t start Mel. I just came by to check on my kid."

Brian steps past her into the foyer.

Lindsay enters from upstairs.

"Where’s sonny boy?" Brian glanced around the livingroom.

"He just went down for a nap."

"I’ll wait. He only naps for an hour." Brian sat down on the couch to wait.

"Since when do you feel such a need to see your son?" Melanie snarled.

"I just want to spend more time with my son."

"Is this because of the what happened with the swing?" Lindsay asked.

Brian decided it was now or never to drop his request on both parental units.

"It made me think. Not that I think what happened is your fault. I mentioned it when we got back from the hospital and since you’re both here I’d like to discuss it."

"You mean about taking Gus a couple of weekends?" Lindsay repeated it for her partner’s benefit.

"No fucking way!" Melanie yelled.

Brian pushed down his anger. He wouldn’t get anywhere if he lost his temper.

"Mel keep your voice down."

Brian stood up and cleared his throat. "I want regular visitation days with my son. Two weekends a month. It will give you two a little private lesbian time."

"No fucking way are you taking ‘my’ son to that ‘backroom with a view’ for an entire weekend! God knows what the poor kid would be exposed to."

"Like watching two munchers go down on each other is ‘fucking educational’!" Brian grimaced to himself. He had to keep calm.

"Please keep your voices down. And Mel, Brian is his father. We should at least talk about it."

Ignoring Lindsay, Melanie continued to rant.

"And since when do you get off constantly calling him ‘your’ son. You were the one who gave up your parental rights. Remember? You didn’t even want him! Did you? You just see him as a way to fuck with us...with me."

"I told you ‘why’ I gave up my rights and you both promised me it didn’t mean I couldn’t be his father."

Gus started crying. Lindsay ran up the stairs.

"Leave." Mel step back giving Brian a clear path to the door. He exits.

Lindsay comes back down stairs.

"He went back to sleep. Where’s Brian?"

"I told him to leave."

Lindsay sat down on the stairs and held her hand out for Melanie to join her.

"We did promise him."

"Maybe, but Gus can’t replace the hole Justin left in his life."

"I don’t think that’s what he’s doing." Lindsay argued.

"Sweetheart, you really need to pull your head out of the sand where Brian is concerned. I won’t let him use our son as a crutch for him to get over Justin."

********************************************

Diner next morning. Justin drags himself to the Michael’s booth to pour coffee.

"You look a little under the weather there sunshine." Michael snarked.

"You’re so funny Michael. Ever think of doing stand-up" Justin shot back. He was not in the mood for Michael’s pathetic attempt at being funny. "And don’t call me sunshine."

"Ohhh are we in a bad mood?" Michael teased some more.

Justin started to walk away after feeling an overwhelming urge to pour the entire coffee pot over Michael’s head.

"Wait. Sit down for a minute."

"Michael, I’m working."

"Just sit down for a minute."

Justin slid wearily into the seat across from Michael.

"I added a dedication to this issue."

"To whom? Captain Astro again?"

"To Brian."

"He’ll kill us!"

"I didn’t use his name. It says ‘this issue is dedicated to the invincible BK. Thanks for the inspiration. Michael and Justin’."

"Why does your name always go first?"

"Just deal. I thought it would be a nice thing. Brian’s been a little out of it lately. Pressure from his job and stuff."

Justin nodded even though he wasn’t exactly sure what ‘stuff’ Michael was referring to.

"You think he’ll even read it or care?"

"He’ll care."

"If you say so." Justin sighed loudly then returned to work.

Melanie and Ted enter in mid-conversation and join Michael.

"So are you going to allow it?"

"Put my kid in the hands of ‘Mr. I’m only responsible for myself Kinney’ four days out of every month? Fuck no. I want my kid to grow up somewhat normal." Melanie balked. Then caught site of Michael’s inquiring look and changed the subject. "How’s Ben?"

"Fine, away at a convention. What about Brian and Gus?" Michael inquired loudly to make sure Justin could clearly overhear the conversation.

Melanie looked up to see Justin coming toward the table with a coffee pot as his cover.

"Nothing. He came to see Gus yesterday that’s all." The look on Michael’s face let her know they knew she was full of shit.

"How is Gus? I heard he got a bump on the head." Justin asked while pouring coffee for her and Ted.

"He’s fine. How did you know?"

"Lindsay mentioned it when she called this morning. She also said that when it happened she was in a real panic about it so she called Brian, since you were out of town, and he was there in minutes. She said she was very grateful he was there for her and Gus." She had actually called him to ask his opinion about Brian wanting regular visitation times alone with Gus.

"Yeah well she got lucky to even catch him at home." Melanie became defensive she knew exactly where the little shit was going to take the conversation and purposely in front of Michael.

"Brian’s been there for Gus a lot more than you give him credit for Melanie." Justin was going in for the kill.

"With his checkbook. Money doesn’t make him a father Justin."

That statement set him off. Michael and Ted sat wide-eyed as Justin’s face turned red and he exploded all over Melanie. "Why can’t you give him a fucking inch? Are you so damn afraid he’s going to take something away from you that you can’t step back from your bullshit paranoia and give him a fucking break? He loves his son. And Gus deserves to have a dad who loves him and wants to spend time with him and be there for him. Don’t take ‘that’ away from your son because of the petty jealousy you have for Brian!" Justin finished his speech turned on his heels and went back to work.

"He’s right. Whatever the fuck he was talking about." Michael added and then left the booth and crossed to the counter.

"See you at the store."

Justin nodded. Michael exited.

"It’s only fair to give him a chance to prove himself." Ted offered quietly.

"Can it Ted!" Melanie shot back then got up and stormed out of the diner.

Deb entered seconds later curious to know why a pissed off Melanie just blew past her.

"What the hell got into her bonnet?" Deb directed her question at Ted.

"Long story Deb. I’ll tell you later." Justin answered before Ted could expound.

"Okay." Deb shrugged her amble shoulders and stowed her gear behind the counter. She then pulled the latest issue of ‘Pittsburgh Out’ from the large plastic ‘Disney World’ souvenir bag she used as a carryall.

"Did you see this Sunshine?" She opened the paper up to the fine arts section and handed it to Justin.

He took it looked at the page Deb was referring to and his expression fell.

"Fuck....me!"

"What honey? It’s a great picture even if it’s with that little rat faced...uh your boyfriend."

"Deb it’s not the picture. Did you read the headline and the story?"

"Of course I did. I can read ya know. That Maureen is a wonderful writer. She’s been good to PFLAG too. You know she had a gay son."

"Had?"

"Yeah....had. He wasn’t as lucky as you Justin. I won’t go into it, but that’s probably the reason she centered the story on you instead of...Efrum."

"Ethan and he’s going to be pissed about this."

"To hell with him. I’m sure he got plenty of attention in the other papers. You should be proud of this. And why didn’t you tell anyone about the Winter Art Festival?" Deb slapped him on the ass for good measure.

"I was going to wait until things settle down. Deb?"

"Yeah honey?"

"He doesn’t know. I’ve never told him about the bashing." Justin lowered his voice to a whisper.

"He will after he reads that."

Justin chewed is lower lip and scanned the story.

"Justin if you didn’t want to share it with him, tell him that."

"It’s not so easy as that Deb. I made up a story about my hand. He’s going to be pissed that I lied."

"Sweetheart, I could go into a long drawn out moral story about why you shouldn’t lie...but you’re probably already kicking yourself, so I’ll save it...this time."

"So, what do I do now?" Justin faced her with the innocence of a young kid caught crying wolf yet again.

"Tell him the truth."

"About the prom and Hobbs? I don’t want him to know all that. I don’t know why."

"I know why, but that’s another thing. Apologize for the lie. Tell him that it’s not a memory you want to share."

"He won’t accept that."

"Then dump him Justin. You don’t owe that little asshole a thing." That was Deb’s last words on the subject. She grabbed her apron, order pad and pen and began work.

****************************************

Brian walked up to the loft door to find a note attached to it. He opened it and chuckled to himself. It’s a drawing of ‘Rage’ holding a young child that just happened to look a lot like Gus. Zephyr and JT are both in the drawing. Zephyr asks ‘Rage’ "How did you get him away from those mean ol’ Lesbians?" Rage says, "It was JT’s idea. He suggested killing them with kindness."

Inside the loft Brian takes out his cell phone.

"Novotny residence." Vic answered.

"Hey Vic, Brian. I am in need of one of your delectable desserts for which you will be highly compensated."

"When do need it?"

"I’ll give you a hundred if I can get it by 8 tonight."

"That's only three hours...I'm not sure..."

"Okay...Three-hundred."

"Of course. Any requests?"

"Yeah. Remember that chocolate raspberry torte you used to make at Christmas."

"The one that you and Michael always ate before Christmas dinner?"

"That’s the one. You still have the recipe?"

"Memorized by heart." Vic spoke proudly. "What’s the occasion?"

"No...uh...It’s a peace offering." Brian admitted with a bit of effort.

"And a good choice. I’ll have it ready by 7:30."

"Thanks Vic."

Brian ended the call and dialed another number.

"Hi. Max. It’s Brian Kinney. Look I’ve got a proposition for you. No...not that kind..."

*************************************

At the comic book store. Justin enters. Michael is doing his closing paperwork.

"Where is it?"

"The publisher called and said one of their printers went down yesterday so there’s a one day delay."

"Good. I’m going home and get some sleep then."

Justin turned towards the door.

"Justin before you go..."

"If you want to know what my yelling at Melanie was all about, you’ll have to get it from Brian or Lindsay."

"Come on Justin. We’ve already broken the Brian rule like a hundred times. I’m really worried about him."

"Why are you so worried?"

"Because Brian’s been indulging a lot more than usual lately. There’s a ton of stress at his job and Lindsay said he freaked out the other day when Gus poured ketchup all over himself."

"Lindsay didn’t mention it when she called this morning. Actually, it sounds like Brian’s trying to change a little."

"Brian doesn’t do change. At least not in any prolific way"

"He told Mel and Linds he wants to take Gus two weekends a month. That sound’s pretty ‘prolific’ to me."

"You’re kidding?"

Justin gave him a look that assured him he was not kidding.

"I know how much he loves Gus and all he’s done for him, but you were there the last time he had him for a weekend."

"Maybe Brian is growing up. Getting tired of the club scene."

"Right...sure. Are you fucking delusional?"

"Whatever Michael. That’s what Brian wants and I think it’s a good sign."

Michael pulled out his cell phone. Justin grabbed it before he could make the call.

"If you’re not going to be completely supportive of this, then leave him alone."

Justin hands the phone back. "I mean it. He’ll need your support."

"You’re right, but I still think he’s getting in way over his head."

"Good-night Michael."

Justin exits. Michael stares at his cell phone. Deciding if he should call and talk some sense into his best friend before it’s too late.

******************************************

Mel and Lindsay’s

There’s a knock at the door and Melanie goes to answer it. Brian stands on the porch holding a bakery box.

"We’re not interested." Melanie says tersely then slams the door in his face and returns to the diningroom where Lindsay is setting the table.

"Another salesman?" Lindsay asked.

"Brian."

"Melanie stop being such a ...ohhh forget it." Lindsay huffs at her partner and goes to the door.

Brian is now sitting on the stoop smoking a cigarette. The box sits next to him.

"Brian I’m s..."

"Don’t apologize for her. She has the right to hate me." Brian said his voice monotone.

"She doesn’t ..."

"And don’t do that either. Melanie always speaks her mind."

"To you maybe." Lindsay always found Brian and Melanie alike in that aspect. Always telling everyone what they think about them, yet holding back from telling their true feelings to those closest to them.

Brian dropped his cigarette and stood up to grind it out with his foot. He picked up the box and handed it to Lindsay.

"What’s this?"

"It was a peace offering." Brian averted his eyes to the snuffed out cigarette butt near his boot.

"Come in and join us for dinner." Lindsay ever the peacemaker wanted her family to all make nice. A well-known WASP trait.

"I don’t think that would be a good idea."

"Brian you’re always welcome here. You know that." Lindsay prodded. If she could only get them in the same room and have them both be civil to each other maybe they could talk about all this. Right and the planets would align, world peace would reign and sickness and death would no longer be a part of life.

"When will you ever just tell me where I stand in all this?" The words came out before he even realized he was saying them.

"You’re his father Brian. That’s where you stand." Lindsay wasn’t sure what he was asking or how to really answer his question.

"Everyone keeps telling me that. He’s your son Brian. You’re his father Brian. But when I really try to be that for him then suddenly I’m just this huge fucking asshole trying to steal away your kid. I’m sure Melanie thinks I’m going to taint him, damage him. That he’ll end up turning out like me." Okay, he was letting go...this is good right? Why is it so goddamn scary then? Brian’s mind was reeling as his thoughts came rushing out of his mouth.

"She doesn’t think that."

"Will you stop thinking for her Lindsay! Ask her? You know exactly what she’s going to say. I know I’m doing the opposite of everything I said I would when you conceived Gus. What I’m trying to say is that everything changed the night he was born. When I held him for the first time. God...Lindsay I didn’t know ‘that’ would happen." Brian threw his arms out in a wide gesture and took a breath.

"What happened that night Brian?" Lindsay knew what he meant. She saw the light that went on in Brian’s eyes the minute he made contact with his son. But she wanted him to say it now while this unfamiliar personality was emerging. Now while Melanie stood at the door no doubt listening to their conversation.

Brian looked at her for a moment his hands, dropped to his sides, his lips quivered slightly and quietly he said "I fell in love."

They both heard Melanie’s gasp from the doorway. Lindsay turned to see Melanie step out onto the porch holding Gus.

"Dada...dada." Gus cried reaching his arms out towards his father. Melanie handed him over.

"Dinner’s ready and it’s dada’s turn to make sure Gus eats his supper." Melanie smiled...sarcastically, but she smiled.

"Dada eat. Dada eat." Brian gave his son a quick squeeze and got a sloppy kiss in return then followed the two mommies into the house. He’d made his first step and like his son he was still on pretty shaky legs, but with practice he’d be running in no time.

They all took their seats at the dinner table. Dada got the chair next to Gus’ high chair. Brian couldn’t help but feel excited about his new status and then Gus hit him in the head with his spoon. Dada took charge and told Gus’ that wasn’t nice, although he was laughing on the inside. He would definitely have to stop by the diner tomorrow and thank Justin for the little push.

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