Second Chances Part IV

Ethan enters the diner. Justin is busy with customers and doesn’t notice him. Instead of approaching him, Ethan sits at the counter and waits.

His eyes become dark and brooding as he watches his beautiful boyfriend flirt and tease with customers. ‘Workin it’ for the tips is how he described Justin’s over friendly demeanor with the patrons of this ‘greasy fag diner’.

When as Justin finished taking the table’s order, his body tensed when he turned toward the kitchen and saw Ethan. He wasn’t ready to deal with him yet, having already managed to buy himself a few days by telling Ethan he was swamped with projects and the comic book deadline. ‘Suck it up and get it over with,’ he told himself and went around the counter. Justin ignored Ethan until he put the table’s order in and then turned to face him.

"I thought you hated eating here?"

"I didn’t come to eat. We need to talk now." Ethan demanded raising his voice.

"This ‘is’ where I work. My shift is over in a half hour we can talk then." He wasn’t dealing with Ethan’s temperamental mood today.

"I’ve got rehearsal in two hours and I’m not waiting two more days to deal with this. It’s affecting my life too much. I can’t concentrate. I can’t sleep and I haven’t eaten in two days!"

Temperamental? Justin thought. He’d known full-tilt nelly queens that were only slightly less over dramatic than Ethan was being right now.

"What exactly do we have to ‘deal’ with?" Justin’s sarcastic tone caught Deb’s attention.

"I read the article. Why would you keep something like that from me? I thought we told each other everything. That we shared everything..."

"Please keep your voice down." Justin didn’t want a scene.

"Like this place isn’t used to scenes? Look, ask the red head if you can end your shift early. I’m sure she’ll cover for you."

"You are acting like a real shit Ethan. If you don’t calm down I’m not talking to you about anything." Why did he have to sound like his mother when Ethan got like this? He was always so calm and laid back during the early part of their relationship. But for the last month he’d watched his lover do a slow meltdown transforming into a pretentious, needy, temperamental...dickhead!

Deb came out of the kitchen laughing and trading barbs with the cook. The smile disappeared when she saw Justin’s friend. She refused to think of them as a couple.

"Hey sunshine. Your order is up."

She could tell all was not well in Efrem land when Justin warily approached her.

"Deb do mind if I leave early?"

"You’ve been avoiding him huh?" Deb crossed her arms and graced him with her ‘disapproving mom’ look normally reserved for Michael. "Go ahead, but I want to hear from you in an hour." Then she advanced on Ethan with a pointed finger. "You even attempt to harm a hair on that beautiful kids ass and the next thing you’ll see is a fucking jail cell."

"Stay out of it. Half of our problems have been because of Justin’s so-called family." Ethan was not going to be intimidated by this uneducated, self-righteous queen of all faghags. Where did she get off threatening him.

"Probably more family than you’ll ever have you little...."

"Deb!" Justin stepped between them. "It’s okay. This is my problem to handle...please stay out of it. I promise I’ll call you in one hour and I’ll be home tonight."

Deb backed off and gave Justin a hug before he left. "You better call me sunshine or I’ll kick that little bubble butt."

*************************************

Comic book store.

Brian enters and nonchalantly glances around hoping to find Justin. Michael is unpacking the new ‘Rage’ issue.

"Hey Mikey." Brian is all smiles and even a little bouncy.

"Wow, he must have been really good to put you in such a ‘happy’ mood."

"He was and I even got him to eat his broccoli."

"Oh that’s kinky."

"My son. I had dinner with the mommies. So the new issue finally come in? I hear the customers were practically begging." Brian stealthy changed the subject not wanting to talk about Gus with him at the moment. He just wanted to enjoy his progress for a little while before anyone had a chance to shit all over it.

"Yeah it was delayed at the printer for a few days."

Brian picked up an issue and thumbed through it quickly not really looking at it.

"Are you going to read it?" Michael’s question seemed a little too obvious.

"Not at the moment. I’m starving. You want to join me for dinner or do you and the prof have plans?" Brian curled the comic book and stuffed it into the inside pocket of his jacket.

"He’s cooking dinner."

"Well enjoy. See ya Mikey." Brian turned to leave.

"Brian?"

Brian turned back to face Michael and waited for the lecture, better to get it over with. Let Mikey feel like he was doing his duty as best friend.

"Are you sure about this?"

"Eating at the diner?"

"What you want with Gus? That’s a huge thing. I know two weekends a month doesn’t sound like a lot, but when you break it down it’s like 96 hours a month you have to be responsible for him. And he’s just a little kid and he’ll start to really expect to be with you and then when you get bored or it’s too hard...well you just can’t do that to a kid Brian. Gus can’t fill in the place Justin left in your life."

"Anything else?" Brian’s tone gave nothing away. On the outside he was sure he looked totally unaffected by Michael’s statement. Yet on the inside he felt like he’d had been kicked in the chest by and an extremely large foot.

"No." Michael knew his words hurt, but he didn’t think Brian was ready for this big of a commitment. Brian had never committed to anything in his life and Michael sadly didn’t believe his best friend ever could.

Brian left the store leaving Michael unsure if Brian had really heard him.

********************************

Ethan’s apartment.

Justin noticed when they walked in, that the place was looking even dirtier and dumpier than he’d remembered. Had it always looked this bad and he was only now really seeing it for what it was?

Justin sat on the trashy sofa he had helped Ethan drag up from the street. Ethan paced back and forth in front of him running his hands through his shaggy hair.

"Where’s Wolfram?" Justin was avoiding.

"How should I know. He’s a cat and don’t try to avoid the discussion we are going to have."

"About that. I had no idea that reporter was going to make that story about me."

"You think that’s what I’m upset about?"

"I just wanted to tell you it wasn’t my intention..."

"You lied to me!"

"I’m sorry about that. It’s...well, so many people have asked me about my hand or they’ve read about me in the papers and I got really tired of talking to strangers about it."

"Strangers? Do you consider me a stranger?"

"Of course not. I don’t really have a reason for not telling you that story. Maybe because it was just easier. Or maybe I was afraid you wouldn’t understand and then you’d get angry."

"Like now?" Ethan looked as if he’d jump out of his skin any second.

"Please sit down."

"No! I feel better when I pace."

"Fine." Justin sighed loudly and began. "You know most of the story from reading the article. What you don’t know is that Brian was there when it happened."

"I’m listening." Ethan stopped pacing and turned to face Justin folding his arms to keep them from shaking.

"I’d asked him to come with me to the prom a week before, but he refused. My mom and Deb and everyone said I should go anyway. That it was a rite of passage and I shouldn’t let the fact that I was gay make me think I didn’t belong."

"Then Mr. Rich Ad Exec showed up like prince charming." Ethan sarcastically interrupted.

"I told you, you wouldn’t understand." Justin got up to leave.

"Okay, okay. I’m sorry please continue. I’ll keep my mouth shut."

Justin started to pace. "Yes. Brian showed up. We danced and then I walked with him out to the parking garage. When I was walking away from him a kid from school who hated me came out of nowhere and hit me in the head with a bat."

Ethan winced.

"Brian saw Hobbs in his mirror and even though he couldn’t get to me in time he yelled my name to warn me. I turned around and took the hit to the right side of my head. The doctors told me that if I’d have taken that same blow to the back of my head I probably would have died instantly."

"Did he ever tell you why he showed up at your prom after turning you down?"

"He came because he cared about me."

"Did he tell you that?"

"No. Not in words. And why are you grilling me about Brian’s reasons? You wanted to know the truth. I told you. That’s all I want to say about it."

"All you ‘want’ to say? As if your getting bashed is just ‘something’ that happened and now its over?"

"It’s over in terms of this conversation." Justin side stepped to get past Ethan. "Now, I’m going home and getting a full night’s sleep." Ethan gripped him by the arm. "Let go!" Justin jerked away.

Ethan stepped in front of him to block his exit. His eyes grew dark; his features more intense with a look that bordered on intimidating. Justin was beyond exasperated. He was tired of the drama that seemed to continually be in the air when he was with Ethan.

"Get out of my way. I told you I’m not some pussy faggot you can push around!"

"Come on tour with me." His voice was steady and even not giving away the emotional turmoil that was brewing in his head.

The statement took Justin aback for a few moments. He took a few steps back to give Ethan the opportunity to explain.

"We could be together and away from everyone." It was the only way he knew that Justin might open up and give their relationship a chance. Staying here with the constant meddling of his loathsome friends and that fucking Brian Kinney, he didn’t stand a chance. "Please, give us a chance." He softened his voice and reached out to cup Justin’s cheek. Justin pulled back further to avoid the contact.

"I can’t go with you. I have school and my job. I’m not giving that up for you or anyone."

"You’d give it up for him if he asked." Ethan threw back vehemently.

The harshness of the comeback put Justin on high alert. He really didn’t feel like kicking his soon to be exboyfriend’s ass, but he would if he had to.

"I would not and he’d never ask me to do anything like that."

"Sure he would if he could have his little fuck toy 24/7 and you’d do it too. All he has to do is whistle and you’d come running back. That’s all you’re waiting for."

"Shut up! And ‘he’ has a name. It’s Brian!"

"Brian selfish prick Kinney!" Ethan shouted then took a menacing step toward Justin, desperately close to losing it.

"Selfish? You just ask me to put my life on hold to go on tour with you. Why Ethan? To be the pretty boyfriend with the tragic story so the media can find something remotely interesting about your life to write about!" Justin knew he was pushing the situation into a dangerous direction, but he didn’t care anymore. He was tired and this asshole was not going to intimidate him.

He caught Ethan’s arm in mid-swing then stepped through a self-defense movement that had become more instinctive than he ever thought it would. The move was one of several Brian had walked him through over and over just after he moved in with him the second time. Brian had told him it was both for self-defense and an excellent form of physical therapy. Why he hadn’t used it the first time he could only believe was because he was so naively trusting. Within two moves he had turned the tables and forced Ethan’s wrist behind his back. Any movement by ‘him’ only caused more pain in his right wrist. Justin knew he could snap it with very little effort thus putting Ethan’s musical career in jeopardy.

"Don’t break it!" Ethan pleaded through clenched teeth. "You’re acting insane! Let go!"

"I’m acting insane? A minute ago you wanted me to join you on tour. Then you start yelling at me like I’m a backroom slut! What happened to all those sweet words Ethan? ‘You’re all I want. I can’t stop thinking about you. I thought I was your muse?" He tightened his grip on Ethan’s wrist making him moan in pain. It felt good not to be afraid. Another loud groan made Justin realize he shouldn’t be enjoying this. He felt empowered, but his conscience wouldn’t let him hurt Ethan as much as his gut told him to just fucking snap the wrist. He loosened his grip and pushed Ethan onto the couch.

"I love you. Please believe that. I just wanted a chance. You never really gave us a chance. I’m crazy about you and I know you don’t feel the same. It’s not fair. You came to me. Wanted to make love with me...remember? It was because you couldn’t get what you needed from him." Ethan sobbed loudly and uncontrollably..

"I didn’t realize. I didn’t think about your feelings in all this. It was wrong for me to jump into a relationship while I was still so hung up on Brian." Justin willed himself not to breakdown. God he hated himself right now.

Ethan sat up and wiped his face on his sleeves. "That’s why I need you...want you to go on tour with me. I know if we could get away. We could start over. Give us a chance. I’m begging you. You won’t regret it. I’ll love you forever."

"It will be better for you to be on your own and not have to worry about someone else. You need to concentrate on your career. And so do I." Justin stood up and walked over to Ethan. He knelt down and wiped the tears from Ethan’s face and kissed him gently for the last time. This was right. The decision to walk away from Ethan gave him both a sense of relief and a feeling of regret.

"I’ll be back you know. The tour is only twelve months. We could..."

"I don’t think so. You got a second chance. I could never trust you again. Goodbye. I hope the tour turns out to be everything you expect." Justin squeezed Ethan’s shoulder as he exited.

****************************************

Michael is still busy at the comic book store. He is putting up the new display for ‘Rage’ and filling the bins nearby with the comic book. There’s a knock at the door. Michael doesn’t bother to look up he just continues with his work.

"Go away. I’m closed come back tomorrow."

"Okay...fine if you’re not hungry."

Michael recognized the voice and shuffled to the door with an arm full of comic books. He unlocked the door and let Ben in. A couple of teens tried to push in behind him whining about needing the new ‘Rage’ issue. Michael waved them away and Ben shut the door and relocked it. Michael hadn’t quite made it out of the way when Ben turned around and they bumped into each other causing Michael to drop most of his arm load of books.

They both knelt down at the same time to retrieve the books and comically knocked heads, sending Michael sprawling on his ass holding his forehead. Ben crawled over to his lover and kissed the bump.

"Sorry babe. You okay?"

"Yeah...that was kinda funny in a Three Stooges sorta way." Michael kissed Ben quickly and bent down to pick up the mess.

After picking up the books Ben noticed a copy that had fallen open behind Michael.

"There’s one behind you."

Michael moved around to grab it and gasped.

"What? Did you hurt your neck again?"

Michael set his stack down on the floor and picked up the open comic book. His features were frozen in shock.

"Michael, what is it?" Ben set his stack down next to Michael’s and slid over to peer over his shoulder. "Did the printer make a mistake?"

"Oh my god I am so fucked and so is that little goddamn blond haired....son of a bitch! Why would he do this? I didn’t think he’d... I thought he understood what I was trying to tell him. Fuck, this is sooo bad." Michael was almost beside himself.

"Let me see." Ben took the copy from Michael’s shaking hands. "I take it you didn’t look over the proof before you sent it?

"I didn’t have time! The little shit’s been spending too much time babying that fucking fiddle player to get them to me. As soon as I got the disk I had to Fedex it. He’s a grown up I didn’t think I had to check his work!

"I’m sure it was an accident on his part. He probably thought he copied those particular files to his hard disk."

"Yeah well calling it an accident doesn’t excuse the fuck up." Michael took out his cell and dialed Justin. There was no answer and he was sent to Justin’s voice mail. "It’s Michael. We are totally fucked. Call me ASAP!" Michael yelled into the phone.

"Calm down Michael. It’s not going to help to go emotionally overboard. Has Brian even seen this?"

"He left here an hour ago with a copy in his pocket." Michael got an idea and quickly dialed the diner.

"Liberty diner."

"Ma is Brian there?"

"No. Haven’t seen his majesty yet this evening."

"Fuck!"

"Michael what’s..."

"Ma. Listen if he comes in and starts to read a comic book get it away from him fast."

"Why? Does the hero’s dick fall off ?"

"Just listen to me! Please don’t let him read it." Michael is screeched into the phone.

"Okay, okay honey calm down. If I see him I’ll get it away from him."

"Thanks ma. Gotta go." Michael hangs up. "Maybe I should try the loft."

"Leave it for now Michael. How many of these copies got out?"

"Shit! At least thirty in just the hour before I closed."

"The damage isn’t that extensive. They were mostly kids right?"

"Mostly. God Ben, this is the worst day of my life. I basically told Brian earlier that I don’t think he’s up to the commitment he wants with Gus. And now he’s going to think that both Justin and I betrayed him. Somebody please shoot me." Michael cradled his head in his hands.

Ben pried Michael’s head from his hands and held his chin up to meet his eyes. "Feeling sorry for yourself isn’t going to help the situation. You messed up. It’s not like you’re the only one in history to make an error in judgment. What you need to do now is think of a way to fix it."

"Will you help me pry the foot from my mouth and unwedge the huge dildo up my ass?" Michael laughed a little at himself. Ben took him in his arms and held him tight.

"My pleasure."

"So what would you suggest be my first step?"

"Talk to Justin. Find out the whole story and then both of you go to Brian and apologize."

"It’s worth a try. I wouldn’t blame him for never forgiving me...us."

"He’ll forgive you. It wasn’t done maliciously, right?"

"Of course not!"

"Then don’t worry. It may take him some time to get over it, but he will. He loves both of you and Brian’s not the type of guy to hold a grudge."

Michael’s cell phone rings. It’s Justin.

"ASAP? Totally fucked? What’s the deal Michael?"

"Why did you draw them? I thought you understood it was just a way to get you to see."

"Draw them? See...." Justin sent silent for a few seconds. Michael waited until it sunk in. "Oh god! I saved them to the disk. Michael please tell me you checked the disk before sending it."

"There wasn’t time you little asshole. Vic got the disk to me the morning of the deadline and I had to get it to the publisher. I trusted that you had it together."

"They got into the issue?" Justin knew the answer, but he had to hear the words to actually believe that he’d made such a colossal fuck up.

"Yes! And Brian has a copy! Now get over here and help me figure out a way to fix this mess!" Michael yelled.

Justin pulled the cell phone away from his ear until Michael was done yelling. "Stop yelling. You at the store?"

"Yes." Michael lowered his voice to a normal level then hung up.

Justin stopped walking and slumped down onto the nearest bench which also happened to be a bus stop. He dropped his backpack between his legs and leaned back taking in a few ragged breaths. "Will this fucking week ever end?" Justin let the tears fall. He didn’t care who was around to see. It had been one of the worst weeks in his entire existence. And now he had to deal with unknowingly adding another twist to the dagger he had placed in Brian’s back the first time he broke his own rules.

As he waited for the cross town bus, Justin went over in his mind all the unintentional hurts he had caused in the last six months. He’d apologized to Ethan for his mistakes, that’s all he really could do. That was over and Ethan would soon be over him. In regards to Brian he knew an apology would be a lame attempt at trying to make things right. Part of him wanted to put the entire blame on Michael, but the more logical part of him knew it was entirely on him. Michael had called him ungrateful; although, he wasn’t at all. He really did appreciate everything Brian had done for him and was still doing even after he’d left. The art supplies that Lindsay got for him supposedly wholesale at prices that were only a quarter of the retail price. The extra money that showed up in his checking account every month disguised as interest payments. The, incredibly hot, teller had a guilty look on his face when Justin had inquired about the extra $200 that made its way into his account on the 28^th of each month. His first instinct was to tell Brian where he could put his money. Then common sense thankfully won over because the extra money had become necessary to make ends meet and kept both he and Ethan from truly being starving artists. It also allowed him to keep a balance in his checking account in case of an unforseen emergency.

Maybe Brian couldn’t give him what his heart seemed to crave so terribly, but what he had given him in the past two years was a place to belong. It was a reassuring feeling to know that Brian would always be there if he needed him. ‘God I hope I didn’t fuck that up.’ Was Justin’s last thought before the bus arrived.