Second Chances Part VII

Brian’s loft.

The intercom buzzer goes off. Brian dashes across the loft to answer it before it wakes Gus.

"Yeah?" Brian pushes out between breaths.

"It’s me. Can I come up?"

"Sure." Brian pushed the buzzer to let him in.

"Sneaky way to check up on me Lindsay." Brian laughed to himself. The girls had warned him they would take him up on his offer for unscheduled visits to make sure Brian was handling his time with Gus okay. Though he thought using Justin was a bit underhanded. It was probably Lindsay’s idea. A way to check up on him without putting him on the defensive; mixing it with a little matchmaking. Yeah, definitely Lindsay’s idea. Maybe he’d buy her that pearl necklace she’s been eyeing for Christmas.

A knock at the loft door brought him out of his thoughts. He felt his heart start to race as when he slid the door back.

Justin looked nervous as Brian stood aside to let him enter.

"Hey." Brian said as Justin passed him. He could smell the scent of Justin’s shampoo as he walked past. His heart beat faster. Every fiber of his being peaked to attention when Justin was close. It was all he could do not to reach out and grab the kid. His arms actually ached to hold him.

"How’s it going?" Justin asked looking around the loft.

"Good. We’ve had a great time today and he’s actually been a pretty good boy all day."

Justin looked at Brian for a moment. Taking in the differences in the loft and the fact that the front of Brian’s t-shirt was covered with what looked like tomato sauce.

"Gus? He’s here?"

"Yeah. He’s sleeping. Went right out after his bath. Who did you think I was talking about?"

"I just...what’s with the stains on your shirt?" As Justin finished his sentence he looked over Brian’s shoulder and noticed a large table cloth on the floor in the living room with a plate and the remains of a spaghetti dinner.

"We uh... had a picnic. Michael bought Gus a copy of ‘Lady and the Tramp’ which gave him the idea that he wanted to eat his dinner on the floor like the dogs in the movie." Brian spit the words out nervously then turned and picked up his video camera from the coffee table.

"You took video of Gus eating?" Justin wanted to laugh, but Brian was acting like a proud dad and he didn’t want to spoil anything so he stepped close to Brian as he rewound to the beginning and let Justin watch.

Brian had sat the recorder on the coffee table making sure it was aimed solely at Gus. In front of him was a heaping plate of spaghetti just like in the movie. He then watched Brian tie a dishtowel around Gus’ neck. Gus was making doggy sounds, sticking his tongue out and panting. On his knees holding his little hands up pretending he had paws. Brian tucked the bottom of the towel into the waistband of Gus’ pants and disappeared from view. Then Gus planted his entire face into the plate of spaghetti and began chowing away like the Tramp. Brian’s near hysterical laughter could be heard in the background. Brian’s laughter caused the little boy to completely fall into his roleplay. Gus looked up giggling loudly when he noticed his pretending was making dada laugh. Justin glanced up at Brian, their eyes connecting and Brian smiled brilliantly.

"He’s a ham." Justin laughed.

"The mommies would kill me if they saw this. I took it for my own personal collection."

Jesus, could the man get any more adorable. Justin could barely take his eyes off of Brian when he heard Gus’ little voice from the recorder.

"Dada eat." Gus was pointing at Brian’s plate. Then Brian came in to view again. Justin’s eyes went wide. Was he going to witness Brian Kinney being completely silly? Brian took a single strand of spaghetti from the heaping plate. Brian leaned in close to his son and took one end of the noodle and put it in his mouth the other end he put in Gus’ mouth. What Justin witnessed next sent him into a fit of giggles almost causing him to pee his pants. Dada and Gus reenacted the noodle scene between Lady and the Tramp. Each chewing the noodle until their lips met. Gus’ kissed his dada with a big wet smack then crawled into his arms.

Brian shut the recorder off and put his hand over Justin’s mouth. "Shhh, if you wake him up I’ll kick your little bubble ass out the door."

The touch was unexpected and Justin stopped laughing and kissed the palm of Brian’s hand and pulled it from his mouth. "Brian, that was the most adorable thing I have ever seen."

Brian tried to look embarrassed, but the truth was he wasn’t.

"I’m not sure the girls would see it that way, but if you feel you have to tell them I’ll understand."

"Why would I say anything?" Justin stepped back. He was confused.

"They didn’t send you to check up on me?"

"No. I didn’t even know Gus was here or I wouldn’t have come over."

"I thought..." The intercom buzzed again. Brian answered it.

"Bri? It’s Linds."

"Shit...shit...shit." Brian cursed. "If she finds you here she’ll think I needed help."

"I’ll just slip down the stairs."

"No. She might come up the stairs just to throw me off." Brian knew he sounded paranoid, but proving he could take care of Gus on his own was one of the conditions.

"I’ll hide."

Lindsay buzzed again. "Brian is everything okay? Buzz me in."

"Yeah fine." Brian pushed the button to release the downstairs door lock.

"Where the hell are you going to hide in here?" Brian was starting to panic. He ran over and picked up the tablecloth, dishes and all and stuffed them into the dishwasher.

Justin ran around the loft desperately trying to find a place to make himself invisible. He went into the bathroom.

"No. She’ll wonder why the door’s shut. Under my desk."

Justin ran across the loft and launched himself under the desk. Brian stood near the door and knew it wouldn’t work. Linds would see him when she walked in. A lightbulb went off and he ran to the kitchen. "Justin, under here." Brian unfastened the kid proof lock on the cabinet under the sink.

"No way I can get under there. I’m not ‘that’ flexible." Justin shook his head.

"Oh yes you are sunshine. I know first hand just how flexible you can be." Brian placed his hand on top of Justin’s head and pushed him downward. Justin somehow managed to fold himself in half and climb under the sink. Brian had just replaced the kid proof lock when a knock came at the door.

Lindsay burst through the door before Brian barely had it open enough for her to fit through.

"Where’s Gus?"

"Sleeping. You were right about the warm bath. He went out like a light after that."

"You put him in the portable crib, right?" Lindsay crossed to the bedroom to peek at her son.

"Of course." Brian trailed after her. He felt like he had taken a test and was now watching the teacher grade his paper.

"Brian he’s only in a diaper." Lindsay all but added ...tsk, tsk, to her comment.

"It’s warm in here. He was warm and he didn’t want his pj’s on." Brian quietly spoke his reason. "I’ll put them on him if you want."

Lindsay finally looked at Brian. Like Justin she took in his entire appearance. The stained shirt, disheveled hair and his nervousness. It hit her then that she was being overprotective. She had to let go a little. Gus was as precious to him as he was to her and Mel. Their son would be fine in dada’s care.

"No. Don’t wake him. You’re right, it is warm in here. His room at home is a little drafty at times and he usually kicks off his covers. Oh...here’s his teddy."

Brian took the bear and finally relaxed.

"Looks like you two had a good time at dinner?" Lindsay gestured to Brian’s t-shirt.

"He wanted a hug and kiss for eating all of his spaghetti." Brian smiled brightly.

Lindsay was about to say something when a loud flatulent noise interrupted her. She gave Brian a disgusted look. He put his hand over his mouth having to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. Then faked embarrassment for her benefit .

"I should get going. Mel and I are going to a movie."

"Good. You two deserve the alone time." Brian followed her to the door trying to keep a straight face.

At the door Lindsay turned around and almost slammed into him.

"How did you get him in there?"

Brian was so shocked at the statement he couldn’t answer.

Lindsay was able to keep a straight face for all of two seconds. "You’re not busted Brian. I know how important it is for you to do this on your own. It is nice to see you two talking or whatever again though. Now go get the poor kid out of there before he gases himself." Lindsay giggled, kissed Brian on the cheek "No fucking in front of our son.".

"Give me some credit. I sure as hell don't want to explain that shit to him, at least not yet." Brian winked at her and kissed her cheek. "bah bye." Then gently shoved her out the door and closed it before she could say anything else, then quickly went into to the kitchen.

"She’s gone." Brian spoke to the cupboard door.

"Then let me out." Justin yelled from inside.

"I don’t know Justin, your flatulence problem could be harmful to my kid’s health." Brian laughed, which turned into more of an uncontrolled belly laugh and he dropped to his knees next to the cupboard.

"Brian stop laughing and let me out of here...asshole!"

Brian heard a little desperation in Justin’s voice and unlocked the cupboard door. As soon as he opened both doors, Justin fell out on top of him.

"Jesus, mother of ...what the hell did you eat?" Brian pushed the words out between his fits of laughter.

"Let me bend you like a pretzel and shove you in a small dark space and see how ‘your’ body reacts!" Justin pushed Brian to the floor and climbed on straddling his hips.

"You gave me away."

"I’m sorry. Was she mad?" Justin got serious instantly.

"No. She’s happy we’re talking again." Brian’s laughter subsided. His body began to react to the contact.

"You’re getting hard." Justin smirked.

"My dick misses your ass."

"Is that all?" Justin knew Brian hated it when he fished for more than he was willing to admit. But it felt different now. Brian was different, so maybe....

"No, that’s not all." He told himself to relax and let the words out. It was easier than trying to keep them locked in his head.

"Tell me." Justin prodded gently. He slid his hands under Brian’s shirt and stroked his stomach.

"I...I miss all of it. All of you." Brian searched Justin’s face to see if what he said was enough.

Justin let the words embed themselves in his brain. Then bent down and pressed his lips to Brian’s to let him know it was enough for now.

The kiss turned to pure passion and the two men started tearing at clothing, touching and kissing exposed skin. Justin ground his ass harder and harder into Brian’s groin and then...Gus let out a wail that would wake the dead.

"Shit." Justin rolled off of Brian so he could go to Gus. The poor kid was standing up in his portable crib screaming and crying. Brian picked him up and held him tight.

"It’s okay sonny boy, dada’s here." He walked into the living room with him and sat on the couch and cradled the little boy in his arms.

"He probably woke up and didn’t know where he was." Justin offered. "That can be scary for a kid." He sat next to Brian.

"I should have put the crib out here so he would see me if he woke up."

"I should go." Justin picked up on the edginess in Brian’s voice. He stood up. Brian caught him by the hand.

"Wait. Don’t go...please."

Justin sat back down and watched Brian rock Gus in his arms. Sitting down again Justin suddenly realized how tired he was so he leaned back into the couch, closed his eyes and concentrated on Brian’s voice soothing Gus. At first Brian whispered light shooshing sounds as he rocked his son then magically the sounds turned into words. Not wanting to break the spell by opening his eyes, Justin stayed still and listened to Brian Kinney sing his son to sleep. 

Close your eyes,
Have no fear,
The monsters gone,
He's on the run and your daddy's here,

Beautiful,
Beautiful, beautiful,
Beautiful Boy,

Before you go to sleep,
Say a little prayer,
Every day in every way,
It's getting better and better,

Beautiful,
Beautiful, beautiful,
Beautiful Boy,

Out on the ocean sailing away,
I can hardly wait,
To see you to come of age,
But I guess we'll both, just have to be patient,
Yes it's a long way to go,
But in the meantime,

Before you cross the street,
Take my hand,
Life is just what happens to you,
While your busy making other plans,

Beautiful,
Beautiful, beautiful,
Beautiful Boy,
Darling,Darling,
Darling Gus.

(The song originally ends with Darling Sean and was written and performed by John Lennon)

When Brian was sure his son was asleep, he gingerly put him back in his crib.

"Justin would you come here?" Brian called softly.

Justin joined him in the bedroom and they both stood silently looking at Gus’ sleeping little form.

"I didn’t know you could sing. Brian that was really uhh...well beautiful."

"Yeah and with only 8 years of singing lessons." Brian smiled and nudged Justin with his elbow.

"You took singing lessons?"

"Mom’s idea." They both stood in silence again for a few moments. "He means more to me than I ever thought possible." Brian put his arm around Justin’s shoulders and leaned down near his ear. "And so do you." Brian sat down on the bed and patted the space next to him. Justin sat down keeping his eyes on the crib.

"There was something about you from the minute I saw you. I actually thought about you a lot the next day. Maybe it was because we met on the night Gus was born, or because I was your first. I’m not sure if it was either of those things or some weird glitch in the space time continuum." Brian laughed at himself. "You were definitely not the type I usually went for, but you did take my breath away when I saw you under that streetlight."

Justin took a sharp audible breath after hearing Brian’s confession. Brian placed his hand on Justin’s thigh and looked at him.

"You still do that to me."

Brian had said a hell of a lot more than he had planned to and didn’t know where to go from here, so he stopped talking. He’d hoped that Justin would ask him a question or continue the conversation or touch him. But he didn’t do anything except sit silently and stare at Gus. If this was going to go anywhere, Justin was leaving it up to him to take it there.

"Do you want to try again?" Brian asked hesitantly. "Wait." he held up his hand to stop Justin from answering. Justin closed his eyes, afraid Brian had suddenly changed his mind.

"Let me rephrase the question." Brian squeezed Justin’s thigh. "Do you want to give a real relationship a try?"

He placed his hand over Brian’s and nodded.

Brian pulled him into a hug. They found each other’s lips again and kissed, but before it could become full blown passion again Brian pulled away.

"You know that I want you?"

Justin blinked innocently and nodded.

"Thing is I’m being a dad right now and doing this thing with Gus is..."

"I understand Brian and I’m proud of you."

"You are?" Brian was surprised to hear that from anyone. Coming from Justin it meant so much more and made him feel pride in himself.

"Haven’t I always told you what a great father you are? Gus is a lucky kid."

"Thanks." Brian felt himself blush. Geez, this kid could always get to him.

"And I won’t interfere with your time with Gus." Justin kissed Brian on the cheek and stood up. "Call me...okay? We’ll talk and work on things, take it slow. Enjoy the rest of the weekend." Justin crossed to the landing whispered "Later." Then headed across the loft and out the door before it registered in Brian’s head that Justin was gone...again.

Justin was on the stairs as his cell phone rang. It was Brian.

"Did I forget something?"

"Gus."

"Gus?"

"Yeah you didn’t give him a goodnight kiss. He’ll be upset in the morning when I tell him you were here and he didn’t even get a goodnight kiss from you."

He thought Brian was joking, but he sounded sincere.

"He was asleep, except for his little nightmare and why would you tell him I was there?"

"He misses you too. The first thing he did when he got here this morning was look around the loft for Jusin."

"He did not."

"Do I lie?"

"No."

"Well, then get back up here and give Gus and me a goodnight kiss."

The kid turned and ran up the stairs twice as fast as he ever had before. When he got to Brian’s floor he was standing in the door waiting for him. Justin rushed up, threw his arms around Brian and they kissed.

**********************************

Next morning at the diner. Brian enters with Gus on his shoulders. The little boy is screeching loudly his little face turned up toward the ceiling, which gets the attention of the entire diner.

"Holy shit Brian, what'd ya do to the kid?" Deb yells over Gus' screeching.

"I didn't do anything. Blame it on your kid." Brian glided over to the booth where Michael, Ted and Emmett sat. Emmett has his hands over his ears.

"My kid?" Deb is right behind him. "Michael's been sitting here for a half an hour already." Deb insisted.

Brian lifts Gus from his shoulders and whispers something into his ear then puts his finger to his mouth and both of them make the shooshing sound together. Magically, Gus quiets down. Justin brings over a high chair.

"Jusin! Jusin." Gus throws out his arms and Justin takes the little boy until dada can get the high chair ready.

"Hey Gus." Justin bounced Gus in his arms a bit then kissed his soft chubby little cheek.

"Are you going to explain to me how your kids screeching is 'my' fault?"

"Because he wasn't screeching; he was 'howling' like the Tramp."

The light bulb goes off and Michael breaks into a huge goofy grin. "I told you he'd love that movie." Michael sounded like a proud uncle.

"Mitee...twamp....owwwww, owwwww." Gus repeated a rendition of the howling for his Uncle Mickey. Then immediately stopped when he saw dada give him the quiet sign.

"Wow, Brian he minds you better than he does Lindsay." Justin added as he put the little boy into the high chair.

"Don't say that too loud you'll break the spell." Brian winked at him as he strapped his son into the high chair and slid him up to the table.

"There's a tray for that Brian."

"It works better this way Deb. He's out of the aisle and it helps him learn to interact with people."

Brian slid into the booth next to Michael.

"Did you read that in one of those parenting books?" Emmett asked finally taking his hands away from his ears.

"Yes. I found a few really good child behavior books. I should give Ben the names of them they could help him understand Mikey better." Brian snickered and elbowed Michael lightly in the ribs.

"Oh yeah...well you better start looking for book that tells you how to explain the difference between a dildo and a pacifier." Michael snarked back sure he'd got Brian good while adding to the jocularity of the mood Brian was in. He was dead wrong.

Brian's smile faded and an angry flush made his face instantly red. "Shut the 'fuck up' Michael." Brian hissed under his breath while giving Michael a stare that should by all accounts cause him to drop over dead where he sat.

"Oh tell Michael, this has got to be good." Ted pushed. He was always up for seeing Brian Kinney humiliated, taken down a notch, knocked off his throne...etc.

Michael was oblivious to Brian's reaction and continued. "Well...when I stopped over last night, Gus had gotten into Brian's...."

"Michael you are such a twat sometimes. Leave it alone, for once, you don't have to spill every detail of Brian's life because your life is so boring."

Everyone at the table except Brian looked up at Justin's intense stare at Michael.

Justin broke his stare and looked directly at Gus."Gus you must be real hungry after all that howling. What can I get for you?"

Brian took a deep breath and looked at his son. "What'll it be, Sonnyboy? Pancakes?"

"Pantakes...nanas too." Gus yelled while nodding his head.

"Got that Sunshine?"

"Sure do and what about you?"

"Oh...we share so bring a double order, add a side of bacon and ummm. Gus what do you want to drink, milk or juice?"

"Appa juz...appa juz dada."

"Got it. Comin up Gus." Justin turned to go to the kitchen only to be stopped short when Gus called his name.

"Jusin...Jusin an nanas too." Gus put on a serious face and pointed his finger at Justin as if he would forget the most important part of Gus' order.

"And bananas too. Got it." Justin kissed Gus on the top of his head before going to the kitchen.

"The kid really knows what he wants." Deb interjected before going back to work.

"Just like his dada." Emmett chimed in.

"Brian I didn’t mean to piss you off. It’s a funny story."

"It’s okay Michael and it is funny, but I’m treading on thin ice right now and if that gets leaked to the mommies, I’m dead meat."

"Brian Kinney afraid of what two lesbians think of him? God...this ‘is’ a red letter day!" Ted threw out the barb then opened his paper to prevent any recourse. "Ow! Shit...fuck!" Ted yelled as he dropped his paper and grabbed his knee.

"Hey! Watch the language around my kid."

Gus started giggling amused by the faces Ted made with his outburst.

Ted took one look at the smirk spreading across Brian’s face.. "Why not, that stunt just set you back about 25 years!"

"You whack your leg on the table and you blame me because you’re uncoordinated?"

"You kicked me!"

"No I didn’t."

Gus giggled louder because Ted’s eyes were now bugging out of his head.

"Ow! Brian..." Gus’s giggle was even higher pitched now. When the realization sunk in that it wasn’t Brian who kicked him. "Did you read that in one of those books? How to use your kid to effect your revenge?"

"Ted, Gus is a very perceptive child and a lot smarter than you are." Justin remarked as he brought Gus and Brian’s breakfast.

"Nana’s...Jusin...pantakes." Gus squealed and clapped his hands.

Brian grabbed Gus’ exuberant legs under the table holding them in place. "No kicking. Only clapping at the table."

Gus nodded. "K...dada."

Brian let go of his son’s legs and they stayed still. Then he proceeded to cut up the banana over the top of the pancakes. Justin and the gang looked on as if watching an event of historic proportion unfold before their eyes. Brian continued at what looked to be a bit of a ritual while Gus patiently waited for his father to finish. After the banana, he cut up the pancakes into small squares. Then divided the contents of the plate into two sections one a bit smaller, but with noticeably more fruit. Next was the bacon, each slice broken in half and divided. After all the preparations, Brian asked the little boy if he wanted syrup. Gus intently shook his head no so dada only added a little to one side of the plate. The next step was to tuck a napkin into Gus’ shirt, then into his own. Next Brian held Gus’ juice to his mouth allowing him to drink a little and finally Brian handed Gus a small fork he had retrieved from the diaper bag.

"Okay sonnyboy, dig in." Brian picked up his own fork and both boys ate their breakfast sharing the same plate.

"What are you all gawking at?"

Michael, Emmett and Ted, who was still rubbing his knee, shook their heads and returned to their own breakfasts.

"He eats a lot more that way doesn’t he?" Justin asked.

"Yeah its amazing."

"Amading!" Gus held up his little fork full of banana and made a dramatic show of putting the fork in his mouth and pulling it out. Then gave his dada a huge banana filled grin.

****************************************