Not everyone will make the decision to go for therapy. But if you are considering it, I hope this article will help you in your search. The decision is a big one, there are so many factors involved. If you are feeling like your life is going nowhere, you don't like yourself inside, you can’t understand why you feel awful most of the time, you need a drink or drugs to help you forget, and you would just like things to change but don’t know how to change them then therapy can help. It has been the hardest thing I have done in my healing and the most fascinating, thrilling, frustrating, rewarding, wonderful and scary thing I have ever done in my life. I will not quit for anything because my healing has become the most important mission I have.

      It took a long time for me to make my decision. My father had just died and I was feeling like something had to happen. I could not go on feeling the way I had been for the past couple of years. I had remembered the fact of the abuse a year and a half before my father died. For the first 6 months after, I walked around in shock. Every waking moment was punctuated with the knowledge that he had abused me. It was like a fog sitting in front of my eyes and everything I looked at was through the knowledge of the abuse. At that point I only had one very clear memory of him touching me when I was younger. It took time and therapy to bring out more memories. Once my father died I felt I was now free to dig into the memories hidden away in my mind and find out about me. I had been thinking about going for therapy for a few months, but it was only a thought running around in my head. Finally I made the decision and thought the rest would be easy. Then I was faced with the task of finding a therapist. I only knew one other person who was going for therapy and did not want to go to her therapist as I could not afford the $90.00 a visit price. So my search began.

      At the time I did not know there were books which would help in my search. Two books that have great suggestions are:

Reach for Joy
      How to find the Right Therapist and Right Therapy for You - Lynne D Finney, JD, MSW. This book is full of all the important things to consider and it gives you some excellent questions to ask when interviewing. The book also describes the types of therapy available. But the best part of the book is how to assess if you have found the right therapist and questions to ask yourself once you have started therapy to assess if it is working for you.

The Courage to Heal
      A guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse - by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis. This book also has an excellent section on counselors.

So you decided to go for therapy! Now What?

• Get some referrals. You can phone local organizations like Rape Centres, Sexual abuse organizations; ask your doctor, your massage therapist, friends or the local Psychology Association. Or if you don’t know anyone who does therapy; or you are not ready to tell anyone you are thinking about therapy; you can do what I did:
  
• Check out the local new age magazines They are filled with Alternate types of therapies, for example; shiatsu practitioners, massage therapists, bodywork therapists, psychologists, councilors. Quite often these magazines have ads with pictures, and it can help in determining who to put on your interview list.

      If your city does not have any magazines like that try the phone book. It does not have pictures, but there will be some listings and the individual therapists listing can be quite informative.

So now you have some names or at least one name.

      At this point a part of you may be eager to get started and another part of you may be scared to bits, this is normal. You feel like you just want to phone and make an appointment and get going. Please remember the time spent on picking a therapist is time well spent. Picking a therapist is as important as picking a partner. You are going to be telling things to your therapist you have never told anyone before, and you are going to be spending a lot of time with this person. It is best to have questions and concerns worked out before you pick up the phone and start interviewing.

Things to consider:

• What kind of therapy do you want? A therapist who has a variety of methods is the best. For example: Gestalt, Jungian dreamwork, visualization, movement, music, and art therapy are some the methods you will find listed. If you do not have anyone to talk to about methods and you want some information before you make your phone calls you can do some research in the library to help your understanding.
• Is there any method you specifically do not want?
• Do you want a female or male therapist?
• How much are you willing to pay?

Questions, questions and more questions.

      So, you have some phone numbers, have a basic idea of what you want - female who does Jungian, Gestalt and art therapy. You have worked up the courage to phone, but have no idea what you are going to say. It’s time to think about some questions to ask. It is best to have all your questions written down, do not rely on your memory when doing phone or face to face interviews. You may be too nervous and you will forget. Having questions and concerns written down leaves you space to listen and get an idea of whether or not you want to meet the person. And when all is said and done the one most important question you will want to ask yourself at the end of the interviews is do I like this person.

Questions for the face to face interview or phone interview.

Basic Questions

• What is your educational background?
• Degrees?
• How long have you been in practice?
• Do you handle cases involving child sexual abuse? You can put in any other issues you have.
• How many cases have you handled?
• What particular issues interest you the most.

You can make up your own questions.

More Specific Questions

These questions are best asked once you have had a chance to talk about why you are looking for a therapist and have told your story.

• What do you think about the things I have just told you?
• What methods would you use to treat my issues.
• If you are particularly interested in bringing art or writing to your sessions ask if she/he would be willing to work with you in this way.
• How do you feel about me doing bodywork, joining a support group, taking workshops during the course of treatment?
• If I have an emergency at home or something comes up where I need to talk to you can I contact you between sessions? ***** This is a really important question. Even if you now think you will never have to do that, believe me it will come up and it is nice to know how to make contact between sessions before you need it.
• What do you charge?
• How long are the sessions?
• If I feel I need an extra session can I call you?
• Ask about insurance coverage.
• You can also include questions on issues that are particularly important to you, for example:
• Do you believe in reincarnation?
• Do you believe in God?
• Were you ever abused as a child?

Include as many questions as you need to get a good feeling about the person.

      Make detailed notes as they answer the questions. Once the interview is finished immediately make notes on how you feel. Mark down anything that made you feel good and things that bothered you. Impressions, everything. - The way the person answers the questions will tell you a great deal. How they act or react in the interview will give you very solid clues as to what it will be like working with this person.

      When you are finished making your notes ask yourself the following about each person you interview:

• DO I LIKE THIS PERSON?
• Do I feel like I was treated with respect?
• Do I feel like I have been listened to?
• Where they sensitive to what I need and to my feelings?
• Do I feel like I was not only listened to but understood?
• Did they make me feel at ease?
• Did she/he let me tell my story uninterrupted?
• DO I LIKE THIS PERSON?
• Did I feel safe with this person?
• Do I feel good about their responses to my questions?
• Do I like the methods this therapist will use?
• Do I feel he/she is flexible and will work with what I want in therapy, even if I don’t know what that is now?
• How am I feeling about this person and working with the person.

Before you make you choice keep in mind the following points.

If the therapist does any of the following during the interview strike them off your list:

• minimizes your pain or your experiences.
• indicates to you that children are responsible for the abuse.
• indicates that your memories are inaccurate.
• focuses on the abuser and not on you.
• talks about his or her person problems.
• indicates to you that you must be totally dependent on them and not look to any other resources.
• forces you to do anything you do not want to do.
• cannot admit they have made a mistake.
• is not willing to discuss problems that may come up in therapy.

      After reading this article I was quite amazed at how cool I sound, all the things in it are true, but I must confess I was not as cool when I interviewed my therapist. You may be nervous, tense and very scared. If you are it is very normal. A good therapist will understand this and try to help you feel comfortable.

      On a personal note: starting therapy two years ago was the best thing I could ever do. I was lucky enough to find a wonderful therapist. Even when I want to run in the other direction rather than go for therapy it is not from her I want to run. She has patiently worked at helping me to trust and let down my walls. She does not seem to mind having to say 500 times a year "It was not your fault, you were a little girl and you deserved love not abuse". She is there when I need a hug and she give me lots of space to let my process unfold and dictate the direction we are to go in. She understands how hard talking is for me, and she celebrates with me when I step through another wall.

      "The adventure I have called Therapy is an adventure inward. To search for the most precious gift one can ever find - yourself. You do not have to do it alone. The joy comes in realizing that asking for help and seeking help bring wholeness not dependence."

Diane...