December 30th
Mom was more than a handful yesterday, she didn't want to get her shot, which she did get anyway, she didn't want to get up but did around 4:00 or so, she was soaked and wouldn't let me change her until she got good and ready by then the mattress was soaked too. I was so glad when she did go back to bedI got mad just looking at her although I did hold it in. She was acting just like a spoiled little brat, I was ready to pull out my hair by time I got to bed. She has been better today, however, yesterday brought me into some crystal clarity. I have been with mom too much and too long, 24 hours a day since May 1st, 1995, living together, this doesn't include the entire days spent with her before she moved in with me. I have decided to get a job outside the home. I am going to begin my search Monday January 4th. I have made arrangements with my d-i-l to care for mom while I am looking, then other decisions will be made if I get hired on somewhere. I will try to keep mom home if possible, this will depend on how I do working and caring for her at night if it turns out that I can't I have a Foster Home picked out for her. At any rate she will be home when her time nears, this I promised her and will not break. At this point my mental and physical health is getting very bad, I am always worried about how the bills are going to get paid, am I doing the best for mom, what will I do when she is gone, how am I going to get this roof done,...etc....the stress is about to kill me and I can feel it and the depression is getting to be too much. So for my sake I must do something. This will affect my time online also but I will keep up with this site, have no fear I'll be here..Huh, a poet and didn't even know it. LOL. I hope each and everyone of you have a WONDERFUL and SAFE New Years.
December 31st
Mom continued in her attitude through the night, she was last up at 5:30 this morning, throwing her walker at me, she had tried to throw her commode at me but couldn't lift it, thank GOD, she didn't know who I was, ranting and raveing that she didn't have to go back to bed, asking for the supervisor, etc.......... She had removed her Depends in order to change them I think but forgot to replace it so she pee'd all over herself and the floor and would not allow me to wash her up. Mom went through this 'stage' back in 1995, when she came out of it her 'level of dementia' had increased so I am expecting the worse this time too. There are no medical causes for this change ie. UTI, blood pressure, illness etc... We had planned on going out to dinner tonight but that is cancelled. At this point I just want her to get up, have dinner and forget what tonight is.I didn't do anything but read, Robert and Crystal gave two books for Christmas and I finally started one. I had a very quiet night, watched the 'Ball' come down in Times Square and the fireworks from the Space Needle in Seattle. Mom didn't get up until 2:30 am, missed New Years Eve completely. When I told mom what time it was she decided that she didn't want to get up but did want something to eat so I fed her in her room, tucked her back into bed and got on here. Guess I'll go to bed now myself, maybe catch some sleep I have been missing.
Return to Top
Cooper Page Design © 1996, 1997, 1998
DO NOT use anything off this page without E-MAILING
ME