June 1
Well, I've changed the look again. Hope everyone likes it. This weekend has been really nice for me and mom. Robert and Crystal have been gone all weekend so it has been just us. We watched t.v. together last night, a comedian on HBO, mom laughed her butt off. She watched a Dodger game and really enjoyed it even though they lost. She remembers that we are going to one in a few weeks. I wish she could be like this more often, she almost seems like my old mom. Sometimes though, this makes it harder, you see a glimpse of the old person for awhile, then they are gone again and you have to go through all the acceptance all over again.

June 2
Happy Merv is here! Leena was sure in a bad mood today also. He is worried about money and his cows, one died yesterday. He has been talking about things this morning that are definately none of my business! Mom stayed in a good mood all weekend. She even slept through the night again. I think the increase in her Haldol is finally kicking in. A lady called about bringing her mom here for day care occassionally, she is 91 with late stage COMBATIVE AD. I told her we could try it. I was playing hearts in the Gaming Zone the other night, a person played with me who has a web page design company and offered me contracted work when it gets going more, also told me about his pastors wife just being diagonsed with AD. He is going to have his pastor contact me too. Looks like things are looking up for me, thank GOD.

June 3
Yesterday was another good day with mom. Merv got in a good mood after a god nap. Mom got up at 8:30 and was ready for bed at 11:00. She slept through again. I get a little paranoid though, is she really sleeping through the night or am I just sleeping SO soundly that I don't hear her? When you get used to having someone roaming around most all the time it gets hard to believe when they aren't. David came up for awhile last night, it was nice seeing he and my Kali bear. He is working so much that I don't see him often. Robert and Crystal came home too. I never realized how much I depend on THEM for companionship, two normal people to talk with.

June 4
Mom got up at 7:30am yesterday, on her own. I was sure surprised. She stayed in a fairly good mood all day too. She was pretty confused by late afternoon though. Merv left early for a doctor appointment which made mom happy. He is still being rude to her sometimes and she doesn't understand why. I spoke to Leena about it, hopefully she talked with Merv. If not I will. I'm getting pretty anxious about the wedding. It seems like time is flying by with so much to do. I am going to be changing the appearance of my site soon so don't think you have arrived at the wrong place. I get so bored sitting here watching Merv and mom sleep that I have to do something :-)

June 5
Gosh, I wish I could figure out what is up with Merv. He is getting rude with me now too. Mom has stopped talking to him completely. She got up around 8 and he started in on her, she said well I can go back in my room, don't you wish you could! He stopped then. Mom has always had a sharp tongue. She is just now getting up, 8:30, so we'll see how today goes with him. Mom has been doing pretty good the past week, the confusion is there but not all the mean stuff.

June 6
OOOPS, over slept again. At least Merv and Leena were in good moods this morning. She was even close to being on time picking him up yesterday. I'm glad it's Friday though. Hope it stops raining for the weekend. Mom is still doing good, not being mean or argumentative. Wish I knew what to give her this change, I'd keeep it up :-)We might go out to dinner again tonight, if I don't have my grand-daughters over night. Mom, a 7year old, almost 3year old and me, don't do too well all at the same time. The girls want to help Granny a little too much which scares her sometimes so, we'll have pizza instead.

June 7
My grand-daughters spent the night, the first time in a very long time. It was great. We had fun, even mom did. Mom said you could sure tell that Jaide is one of ours because she is a goof ball like her :-) We are waiting for the Belmont Stakes to come on. Mom really likes the races. My grandmother had horses on the track thoughout California, mom remembers this well and misses it. I do too. I started going to the track when I was a baby, horses were all I knew and God knows how much I miss those days. Mom picked Silver Charm to win because it is the 'grey' horse, some things never change.

June 8
I'm scrapping the wallpaper from the bathroom today. Can't stand the way it looks any longer. Mom is wanting to help, she is sweeping as I go. She thought she was in a nursing home this morning when she woke up, maybe she still does. We are going up to Seattle next Fri. , spending the night and going to the Dodger/Mariners game Saturday. Mom got a picture from Lasorda wishing her a Happy 82nd B'Day and the comp tickets yesterday. She is so excited. I hope she doesn't lose it by being away from home for so long. Oh well, we'll just have to deal with it if she does.

June 9
OOOH, OUCH, YIKES. Am I ever sore this morning. We got the bathroom paper off, which took all day, so the painting will have to wait until next Sunday. This house is so old that there is NO drywall anywhere, it is all plywood walls, built in '46. Mom was wondering all day why the maintenance man didn't come and do the work instead of me, 'after all that's what they get paid for'. Guess she did think she was in a home most of the day. She is going down to get her hair cut today, it should make it easier for her to groom herself. She knows she has to take a bath first and is willing, hope she doesn't change her mind, she really needs one!!

June 10
Well, mom didn't get her hair cut or a bath.. She decided that it was too cold for short hair. It was only 81 here yesterday. She hit herself in the head last night, out of the blue. She was talking about stuff that wasn't real and boom, smacked her head and cussed out the 'F*****g Alzheimer's', she sounded like an X-rated movie, it had her again and she couldn't stop it. Then she complained about a headache the rest of the night. I thought she was going to break her glasses. She did this another time, only hit her ear with the hearing aide in it!! Made her ear bleed and couldn't wear the aide for several days. Sometimes she reminds me of when she was drinking and got mean. She was a lady wrestler at one time, boy did the alcohol bring that out in her. It's like her meds. make her drunk or act like she is.

June 11
Mom still hasn't taken a bath. She says she doesn't feel good. I tild her that I hope she is better by Friday or she won't be able to go to Seattle, she doesn't care. This is the part of her disease that I really can't stand. There is nothing wrong with her, she is healthy, she just uses 'I'm not feeling well' for an excuse not to do something. She did this before the AD too. I can remember it when I was a little kid. If someone 3000 miles away had a cold she did too!! AHHHH. My greatest fault is not having any patience with people that feel sorry for themselves. I realized this yesterday with Merv and mom. Need to work on that!!

June 12
I give up. Mom isn't taking a bath until Friday, then she'll get her hair cut. So she says. She thinks we are going to the race track now. I'm clutching at straws here. I thought, as did my brother, that taking mom to something that she likes would help her remember things,well, it won't!! Great, Merv just got here and Leena informed me that he won't be back after this week!! Nothing like two days notice that your income is going to STOP. Now what to do?? Go outside and scream

June 13
HAPPY FRIDAY THE 13TH. I think I had my bad luck day yesterday! We aren't going to be able to go to Seattle tonight, can't afford it, but we are still going tomorrow. That way it is just gas and eats to pay for. It will be nice to just get away for a day. Mom is looking forward to going. She over-heard me talking about getting a job last night and started to worry. I really think I am going to have to go back to work and just hire someone to come in and watch her. I don't see any alternative at this point. I have too many bills and no income and little savings left.So...

June 14
Yesterday was a sad day. It was Merv's last one with me. He said I had become like a mother to him with all the care and treatment I had given him. I cried. Mom took a bath and got her hair cut :-)

June 15
Well, we survived the trip to Seattle. Mom had a hard time sleeping Friday night, she was up and ready to go at 5:30am. We left about 7:00 and made it in good time, little traffic. The game was good, although the Dodgers lost in the NINETH inning!! Mom was yelling and carrying on and having a great time. We had dinner afterwards and visited with my brother for awhile before heading back home. Again, we made good time. Mom went right to bed, even though she didn't know where she was. She remembers going to the game today, surprise! She is even in a good mood. Maybe the next time we will go to the horse races, she would like that.

June 16
It seemed funny not having Merv today. I even slept in :-), so did mom. I put the sealer coat on the bathroom and did some yard work today. Mom was asking me when everyone would be here for Thanksgiving dinner. Now she remembers it is June. It just occured to me, I have never mentioned my mom by name!! How strange. Her name is Dorothy, she was born in Cheyenne, Wyoming on May 17th, 1915. There, now you have been formally introduced. She is still going on about the game. I think our dinner up there had an effect on her stomache though. :-(

June 17
I got alot accomplished today. My garage is clean!! I am having a garage sale next weekend(maybe), now people can get through. I miss old Merv. Hope he is doing o.k. Mom is doing fine, although she is really being confused. She is certain that she moved this past weekend after we got back from the game. She wants to get her t.v. and clothes. Over and over again.

June 18
Well, I have become grandma/mom to my mother again. She thinks she is living with her mom now and wants to get her stuff moved down as soon as possible. It is strange how interchangeable I and my grandmother are when it comes to mom. One minute she will reference something I have done but rename me grandma/mom. For instance, I finished the bathroom last night, mom said grandma would be happy with the fine job I did, a little later she tells me to look at the fine job grandma did with the bathroom. The only part of me that resembles my grandma is the ol' English nose I have :-)Mom also tells that grandma has been visiting her at night alot lately.

June 19
Mom slept most of the day, didn't get up until 3pm., in a BAD mood at that. I hope she isn't getting back into the sleeping all the time pattern again. I didn't do much today, just cleaned house and played hearts.

June 20
I got everything ready for the garage sale tomorrow, crossed fingers I sell it all. Mom is wondering what in the world is going on. Mom has been doing preety good today. She even got up at noon :-) I have added a couple new names to the Sharing and Caring page. Please drop them a line thanking them for their involvment.

June 21
Hot Dog, I made $60 bucks today in the garage sale. I am going to do it again tomorrow because there are alot of others in the area. Mom was really good today,(I gave her her B12 shot yesterday, that's why) rooting for me to make lots of money and making sure that I was warm enough. It was cute. It rained so hard I couldn't see across the street very well, beautiful first day of summer ;-( Crystal got her wedding dress yesterday, it is beautiful. A little over two months!! Mom's appetite has increased again. Sometimes she doesn't eat much of anything, other times I can't feed her enough. I started her back on L-Lysin and Lecithin again. I had her on it when she first came to live with me and it seemed to help her appetite and had some memory improvement, so, her doctor said go ahead and try it can't hurt.

June 22
GOD, today was a terrible day for me. I woke up so very depressed that I cried most of the day. This has never happened to me before. Thank God mom slept until 1:00 and got up in a good mood. I couldn't have dealt with her otherwise.

June 23
Somehow I got messed up with doing my journal the day of instead of the day after, so, I will change back beginning today. It is easier for me to do it this way because the nights don't give me much opportunity to get on the computer, they are too hectic. I do feel better today, not depressed like yesterday. Maybe I needed a good cry???

June 24
Yesterday turned out to be terrible also. My Quincy Jones cat died. He had a girlfriend across the street and must have been hit by a car coming home. He made it to the front door and that was it. He was such a neat cat, my dogs loved him and he them. My grand-daughters are going to be heart broken when they find out. My mom keeps asking where he is? I can't tell her he's dead because that would upset her too much but, thinking that he is just gone isn't helping either. I hate this.

June 25
GOD, what a week. I found out yesterday that my friend, Kathy, has cancer again. It came back. There is nothing they can do now. The doctor said she needs four rounds of chemo. but, that it would kill her. Radiation would prolong her life awhile but, she doesn't want it. She is coming home, her mom and I will care for her to the end. They live right in back of me so it will be easy enough getting there with my mom. She is only 39, I hope God has a better plan for her than she had on earth.

June 26
Yesterday was good. Crystal watched mom for me so that I could go to a friends house, actually my older son's mother-in-laws house. The grand kids were there swimming and it was fun watching them and talking to Joyce and the rest of her family. Mom was in a bad mood when I got home because I wasn't here to care for her. Oh well. I am really considering getting a job outside the house. I think it would be easier on me and lessen my stress level. I have decided that I need to do what is good for me, not just what is best for mom. I know I can not go on this way much longer and in the long run it would be detrimental to all of us.

June 27
Yesterday Crystal and I got to go up town for awhile. Robert watched his grandma for me, she was nice to him for a change. We were able to get some things for the wedding and even had lunch out. God, I felt like a kid in a candy store for the first time. I haven't been out in so long. Of course mom was nasty as soon as I got back. Same ol' same ol'. She kind of mellowed out after we showed her what we got. Although she didn't remember that Robert was even getting married. She, I believe, is beginning to go down hill a little. The things that she has been saying lately are totally off the wall. Before they were at least based in some sort of reality, not now.

June 28
Mom woke up in a really weird mood yesterday. She came out of her room yelling asking when 'They'are going to call her in for her shot. She had been waiting all day for it. She wouldn't believe that there was no shot for her or that she was home. I finally pretended to give her a B12 shot but, she was mad at 'them' all day. She forgot how to put her depends on, couldn't remember how to button them or which way they went on. She had an accident in the chair because she didn't know if she could use the bathroom or where it was 'in this place'. Her dreams are definitely becoming her reality again.

June 29
I took mom with me, Robert and Crystal to my friend Jodies house yesterday. Mom had a good time. Jody is making the wedding cake for us, she also takes care of a couple seniors in her home. Mom enjoyed talking with them and kidding around. It was nice for all of us to get out together. We are going back more often. Jody understands how it is with mom, so it makes it easier for me to feel comfortable visiting.

A Favor - If anyone has info on Vancouver B.C. I would appreciate an e-mail. Robert and Crystal are going there for their honeymoon and we are totally in the dark about Canada. They will be driving up and staying 3days/2nights I think. Where is a good inexpensive place to stay, what is there to do, where to go, cost of dining, gas, stuff like that??Thanks

June 30
Mom slept most of yesterday. She was in a wonderful mood when she got up and it lasted all night!! I spent the day making bows for the wedding, cleaning my brass stuff and making 'TO DO' lists. I was also able to spend some time in the yard, my gosh is it ever over-grown. I got the doctor to Rx a wheelchair for mom. She is afraid to walk in public and can't very well anyway so, now maybe we can get out a little more often. She has been refusing to take all of her medication, she doesn't want her noon ones. She says that it just makes her tired right after she gets up and will not take them!! Crazy as it may sound, it seems to be doing her some good. Trazedone is what she gets a noon, without it she is more lively and less confused for a longer period of time. She takes one at dinner, her nerves seem to be about shot then and she takes two at bedtime with her Haldol to help her sleep, maybe that is all she needs now. I feel as long as she is capable of voicing her objection as well as she did that she has the right to refuse it.

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