May 17th, 1998
Mom's and my conversation, initiated by my mother:

* Denise, Do I really have Alzheimer's?
* Why do you ask mom?
* I remember Mimi when she came to live with you and the kids. She had Alzheimer's and she acted a lot different than I do. She didn't even know us and hell, she had known me since 1923. She knew you all your life and didn't know you. Sometimes I get confused about who you are and your name but most of the time I know you are my daughter, don't I?
* You're right mom. Mimi did act a lot different than you but she had very advanced Alzheimer's by the time she came to live with us. You know when you tell me that you have a strange headache, how does it feel when it happens?
* It starts in the back and comes over to the side in front of my head, feels like my whole damn brain, what I have left of it, is going to explode. I feel it coming on but can't stop it.
* Do you know that you get very confused when you get one of those headaches?
* That's because that damn Alzheimer's gets me and I can't stop that either. It feels like something is inside my head twisting it or something. Oh hell, it is hard to explain.
* Do you understand that most people with Alzheimer's can't remember what the symptoms are, let alone say they have it and that is why they get so confused?
* Well I know what the doctor told me and he said I have Alzheimer's so I must have it. But then they told me I had stomach cancer. That's why I had surgery in 1982, turned out to be a hernia.
* You remember your surgery?
* Well of course I do. I'm not that damn stupid.
* I don't think you are stupid mom. I just didn't think with the Alzheimer's you would remember that's all.
* I remember more than you think I do. It might take me awhile to get it all out but I do. Hell at my age do you think I can remember every detail? What until you get as old as me and see what you can remember. I never did have a good memory, you could ask grandma that if she were still around.
* I know you never had a good memory mom. Remember the time you went to the mall and you forgot where you parked the car? You had to take the bus home and get grandma to take us back to look for the car.
* Yeah, it was parked right in front of the door. If I could of remembered which door I came in I would have found it. I thought grandma never would stop laughing, I damn near peed my pants right there.

The conversation went on like this for over two hours. Mom remembering this or that, me bringing up this or that. We both were laughing and carrying on so. It was really fun. We hadn't had this kind of conversation for a long time, mom actually being there and holding her own.

This is the conversation as it wound down:

* Mom, I've had such a nice day and night. I miss all these talks and the reminiscing like we used to do.
* Baby, I love you so much. Thanks for a wonderful birthday, I such wish my mom could of been here. I guess her and grandpa are together now though and that is what she always wanted.
* I miss her too mom, but you're right. Her and grandpa are probably going the form right now for tomorrow's races.
* Least they could do is give us some tips don't you think.
* I want you to call the doctor tomorrow and make an appointment for me. I want another check up to see what is really wrong with me. I just know I don't have Alzheimer's Denise. I couldn't.
* I will do that mom. I don't think you really have Alzheimer's either. Maybe this new doctor that took over when yours retired will do some new tests on you.
* Make them. You have the power of attorney still don't you? To hell with it, I'll tell them myself.
* O.K., you do that mom maybe they will listen to you now.
* Maybe then I can stop taking this damn medicine. All it does is make me sleepy, dizzy and feel drunk.

At this point I had given mom her night time medication and got her ready for bed. The conversation ended and she went to sleep. I really DO NOT believe my mother has Alzheimer's and have made an appointment to have her re-evaluated. I think, not being an MD however, that she has Multi-Infarct Dementia. I have always thought so, relayed this to her other doctor who was just too comfortable in diagnosing Alzheimer's.