The Manager

Y.M.C.A- Hotel

LONDON

                                                                                      Roma 28 Sept. 1981

Dear Signore Direttore,

Now I am tella you story wot I was treted at your hotella.

I am comma from Roma as tourist to London and stay younga christian man at your hotella.

When I comma in my room I see there is pillows but no shit in the bed - how can I sleep with no shit in my bed? So I calla down to receptione and tella: 'I

want shit.' They tella me: 'Go to the toilet.' I say: 'No, no I wanta shit in my bed.' They say: 'You'd better not shit in your bed, you sonna-wa-bitch.'

What is sonna-wa-bitch?

I go down for breakfast into ristorante. I order bacon and egga and to pissiis of toast. I getta only one piss of toast. I tella waitress, and point at toast: 'I

wanta piss.' She tella me: 'Go to the toilet.' I say 'No, no, I wanta piss on my plate.' She then say to me: 'You'd bloody wella not piss on the plate, you

sonna-wa-bitch.'

That is the second person who do not know me calla me 'sonna-wa-bitch', and why is your staff replying 'go to the toilet', is that a modern tella? I do not

understand, please tella me!

Later I go for dinner in your ristorante. Spoon and knife is laid out, but no fock. I tella waitress: 'I wanta fock.' And she tella me: 'Sure, everyone wanta

fock.' I tella her: 'No, no you don't understanda me, I wanta fock on the table.' She tella me: 'So you sonna-wa-bitch wanta fock on the table? Get your

ass out of here!'

How comma this christian hotella tella the quest in such bed manner?

So I got to receptione and ask for bill. I no wanta stay in this hotella no more. When I have paid the a-billa the portier say to me: 'Thank you, and piss on

You.' I say: 'Piss on you too, you sonna-wa-bitch, I now go back to Italy.'

Direttore, I never gonna stay in your hotella no more, you sonna-wa-bitch.

Sincerly,

Dicci Elgre