In the program, I've heard you have to hit bottom before things can start getting better. I thought I'd hit bottom when I attended my first meeting, but apparently I hadn't. A few weeks later things got worse, and I reacted by becoming agoraphobic. It's awfully hard to attend a meeting when you have panic attacks every time you try to leave your house.

Finding Twelve Step meetings online was a blessing. Even though things had gotten much worse, I knew I'd hit bottom and needed the program more than ever. I'm so glad my Higher Power allowed me to know from my short stint with program that it was what I needed to survive. I persevered until I found meetings I could attend ... online. Then I wanted more. I wanted to be able to walk into a face-to-face meeting. With the help of a sponsor, I was able to see that what I wanted and needed was bigger than my phobia, and I walked into my first face-to-face meeting in two and a half years.

I've battled the agoraphobia. It's been more than a year since my last panic attack, and it was laughably minor, thanks to the tools I've learned in the program. I have plenty of other fears that the Steps have helped me to slay, one by one, and a few more I face daily. Just today I was shown I can ask for help, without fear, and feel worthy of that help. Just another miracle of the program.

One Day at a Time . . .
I will work my program to the best of my ability, remembering my fears can be overcome with the help of my Higher Power, my sponsors, and my fellow Twelve-Steppers.

~ Rhonda H ~

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