~ FILLING THE VOID ~

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

Steven Wright.

I brought little in the way of material things into my marriage 16 years ago. My husband had a house that was already overfilled with furniture, so my clothes, books, albums, linens, a chair and a TV were all that I had to be moved.

I'd thought marriage alone would heal all the hurts I'd gathered up in my life. My husband, also the product of a dysfunctional family, felt the same way. We quickly learned that our love for each other was not enough to fill the holes inside us. I was used to using food to temporarily fill the inner holes; he was used to abusing another substance to fill his inner holes. Neither worked well, and we soon discovered that buying things we didn't need, but merely wanted, would also help to fill some of our hurts temporarily. Pretty soon, we had a house that was full of things we'd bought that had only given a few moments of pleasure at best.

One of the benefits of program life is that I've learned to fill the holes within me in ways that really work. I want to make my life more simple and less cluttered. Three years later, I'm still getting rid of things we bought and never used again. But the best part is we can go to the mall when we really do need something and not feel the compulsion to buy something we don't need in every shop we pass.

One day at a time...
I will use the lessons I've learned working the program to finally heal the hurts within me instead of looking for material things to repair these inner holes.

~ Rhonda H. ~

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