~ LETTING GO ~

We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned,
so as to have the life that is waiting for us.

Joseph Campbell

It's hard to give up old habits. Although my former solutions to dealing with stress and anger, as well as emotional and physical pain, had never worked and only made the problems worse, they were familiar. I had high hopes the results would be different each time, that my eating would somehow solve the problem of how to pay the bills this month. I wasn't too surprised when it didn't happen because this was familiar ground.

Then I heard about this program, half-heartedly joined, and began working the Twelve Steps. It was scary! Things began happening to me that I'd never dreamed possible. I was given abstinence! I had not planned for that to happen. How could I, when I had no idea what abstinence would really be like?

At first I felt very anxious, sure the abstinence would be snatched from me just as I was beginning to feel comfortable with it. While I enjoyed abstinence and not having to focus on the food and my eating disorder's requirements anymore, I often felt like I was in foreign territory without a map or a clue. I couldn't plan my life like I had before because my life was busy evolving in ways I couldn't imagine.

But the longer I worked the program, the happier my life became. To my utter shock, I've recently discovered that I, the control freak and ultimate detailed planner of anything and everything, have begun to enjoy and even relish the unpredictability that my Higher Power has so graciously put in my life.

Before the program, I never appreciated spontaneity; I couldn't. Now, a day without plans is an opportunity.

One day at a time...
I will pray to let go of my will
and instead to be open to my Higher Power's will for me.

~ Rhonda ~

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