Time and time again I felt like I was suspended from two ropes, being flogged for my imperfections. The tragic fact of that vision was that I was the person wielding the whip!

Before my eyes, heart and mind were opened by the Twelve Steps and Traditions, I sought perfection in everything I attempted. A simple letter would be written and rewritten until I was satisfied that perfection had been achieved and the letter could be sent. Frequently the goal was not reached and I would abandon the project in frustration, bitterly disappointed with myself. Events that I organized had to be executed with the utmost precision. If, God forbid, a mistake was made, I would beat myself up over it for days until sheer mental and emotional exhaustion prevailed.

Ironically, I never sought perfection in others and accepted that it was okay for them to be human. However, seeking perfection within myself became an obsession tangled with the search for self-acceptance. Needless to say, a rainbow cannot be seen through closed eyes, and I never found that which I sought. Through the teachings of the Twelve Steps, I have come to appreciate that the beauty within myself is that I am not perfect. Through my mistakes I can grow, through my imperfections I can find serenity and release from the struggle.

One Day at a Time ...
I will accept that I am perfectly imperfect.

~ Sue G. ~

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