I think that many people, like myself, come into Twelve Step programs out of desperation. I had just begun to realize the price I was paying to continue eating and that it was way too high. For me, I noticed I was a very distracted and impatient mother. I saw my children getting more and more out of control because I had neither the time nor the energy to discipline myself, let alone them. I started to wonder what kind of lives I was training them to live. I saw my husband disappear more and more into books and work, and retreating from me. My body was beginning to rebel against what I was doing to it. I was sleeping in a recliner because I could not breathe well enough to sleep in my bed. My knees and my feet were beginning to hurt. I was unable to do even routine housework and shopping without great effort and discomfort.

I began to realize this was no way to live. I was consumed with fear of living and with fear of dying at the same time. I had a friend who was in a similar condition, and together we gathered up the courage to attend a few program meetings. I also discovered a wonderful community of program members online and here is where I found the courage to move forward and to begin my recovery journey. It was also online I found the fellow sufferer in recovery who became my sponsor.

I am so thankful my Higher Power made me realize that I could move through the fear I had about living life in the world and become a blossoming flower who did not die in the bud.

One day at a time...
I accept that fear may be in my life and that my Higher Power is stronger than anything I fear. I move forward today trusting my Higher Power to draw me to my highest good. I know that growth comes with action and I am willing to risk moving through the fear into positive action.

~ Janet H. ~

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