The world I created before finding the Twelve Steps of recovery was a world in which I had no responsibility. Everything bad in my life was someone else's fault: my parents', my husband's, society's, and when there was no one else to blame it on, it was God's fault.

As I worked Step 4, I learned that I had been a part of all of these things that I blamed others for. I learned that I had defects of character that kept me from taking part in my life. As I recognized these defects, I asked my Higher Power to remove them and that happened, some very quickly, and others much more slowly.

One of the things I had tried to do for many years was bury the feelings of grief and pain. I seemed to have managed that fairly well, but in doing so, I had also buried all the other feelings. There was no enjoyment anymore, a child's smile evoked no feeling, there was no pride in any thing I did, no feeling of the love that others gave to me. As I started dealing with the painful feelings, the other emotions emerged as well.

The promise the Big Book speaks of became true for me: I no longer regretted the past nor wished to shut the door on it. I was able to feel the hurt and grief. Now I am also able to feel love and happiness. I have learned how to change my thinking through the process of working these wonderful Steps.

One Day at a Time . . .
I do a daily 10th, 11th and 12th Step and am reminded that it is my responsibility to listen to my Higher Power and do my part in creating the world around me.

~ Nancy ~

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