When I was deep in the disease of compulsive eating, I didn't feel good about myself. I was ashamed at how much I ate, and how out of control I was when I was in the middle of a binge. I was ashamed of how my body looked, and how much I weighed.

Even when I found this Twelve Step recovery program, I battled low self-esteem. What I was seeing in the mirror wasn't what was really reflected there. The lie I saw in the mirror was a direct result of all those years of being at the mercy of a disease run rampant. It seemed that nothing could change the low opinion I had of myself.

Luckily, I continued to listen to others who'd been in program longer than I had. I learned that my recovery wasn't dependent on anyone but me and my Higher Power. I also learned that no one would think highly of me if I didn't think highly of myself. So, I had to begin to "act as if." My sponsor told me that if I only acted like I believed myself to be worthy of recovery, then I'd have it, that I would receive a miracle. So, I acted like I was a worthwhile human being, deserving of good things, even if I didn't believe it. Slowly but surely, I began to see good things come my way, and that bolstered my belief in my worthiness. It was a circle...the more I believed in myself, and loved myself, the more others believed in and love me. The more I thought I deserved recovery, the less hold my disease had on me. The more I loved myself, the more love I felt from my Higher Power and from all those around me.

One Day at a Time . . .
I will remember that I AM somebody worthy of love, recovery and all good things.

~ Jeff ~

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