Fear ruled my life up until two years ago. I was paralyzed with fear about the future and what would happen when "they" found out the truth about me ... how bad I really was ... how little they could trust me. I was terrified that the past would catch up with me and I'd be found out. The guilt and shame of the last binge came along for the ride, as I replayed the scene compulsively and beat myself up for screwing up yet again, making it impossible to stay in the present.

In program, I learned that I wasn't really paralyzed by the past or the future--I was paralyzed by fear of losing control. The only way to release that fear was to admit, every hour of every day, that I was powerless over the people, the past, the future and the food. When I wrote it down and put it in my God box, I could live in the present time. It was hard at first, and I'd grab it back when the fear crept in. But I'd let it go a little more each time, allowing me to be free of the fear and enjoy moments of the day. The moments turned into hours and soon I was experiencing a full day without fear. The fear of the past and the future held less sway over me, as I worked the Steps, surrendered my fears, and did service.

Service is the most important tool for me. The more service I do, the more I am fully alive in the present and the more I forget about the past and the future. The peace and serenity that replaced the fear is a blessed gift, allowing me to explore more of the present day, honestly sharing myself with others and rebuilding relationships. I now know the freedom of "giving all to what is present" and pray for the willingness to stay in the present and being generous toward my future.

One day at a time...
I live fully in the present, easily and effortlessly surrendering the past and the future to my Higher Power.

~ Anne L. ~

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