I am a compulsive overeater. When I first returned to program after years of relapse, that was all I was. I was a tortured body, filled with sugar and fat, anger and hate. I was a compulsive overeater out of control, obese and unhealthy. I was a compulsive overeater dying a slow, horrible, and, most sadly, a deliberate death. I was on my way to shutting myself off from the world, from my family, my husband, and myself. I was a compulsive overeater who was losing her grip on the will to live.

Then I came back to program, reached out again and said simply, "Help me." I found support and love, acceptance and friendship from people who had never seen me, never known me before, but did not care. They cared only about one thing: that I was a human being reaching out for help. That was all that mattered to them.

After about a month of recovery, something changed in me. I became a compulsive overeater in recovery. I was on a fantastic journey towards a new healthy and brighter life. I was a compulsive overeater with a future, although I did not, and still do not, know what that future is. Most importantly, I was a compulsive overeater who realized it's okay to not know what lies ahead. In fact, there is no choice in the matter; it was out of my control. In fact, I never had control in the first place. It was all an illusion. When I realized that many things are simply out of my control, I surrendered my useless struggling and accepted the help offered by my new program family and most importantly, my Higher Power.

Now, I am still a compulsive overeater in recovery, and I will always be that. But I am so very much more than that. I am one of those people who is reaching out to others who suffer from this disease in the hopes that I can be of help to them. I am a person of faith. I am a wildlife biologist and an intern in criminalistics. I am a movie buff, a wife, a woman trying to become a mother. I am a friend. Without this recovery program, all of those parts of me were fading away, consumed by my obsession; but with this program, I am BACK.

One Day at a Time . . .
I will celebrate the fact that I am on the journey to becoming a whole person again.

~ Claire ~

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