It’s now been almost been 11 months since my surgery. I find the changes in me constantly amazing. It has been hard to just sit down and take the time to do these updates.
For the first time, I am finally going to state the numbers. When I received the surgery I weighed 298 pounds, and the last time I weighed, which was a couple of weeks ago I weighed 177 pounds. I have lost 121 pounds in just under 11 months. When I started, I wore a 24 or a 26 depending upon the type of garment. Today I wear a size 12 through 16, again, depending on the type of garment. I wear a regular 38 C bra and size 6 or 7 panties. I continue to lose weight, though very slowly at this point I am surprised when I step on the scale and have lost anything.
When I began this journey I said that I didn’t really care about the numbers, and I still don’t. When I look in the mirror, I ask myself if I could live happily at the size I am today, and the answer is YES. So every new loss is a gift as far as I’m concerned.
The information from Dr. Fobi’s office indicates that I will still continue to lose until about 18 months, so it will be hard to know exactly where it will come out. One of life’s surprises I guess…
So this time last year I had learned that the insurance had agreed to pay for my surgery and I was preparing. Mostly, I was mentally preparing, though I couldn’t really know for what. I was getting my Pap test and mammogram, and visiting my therapist to make sure he would be there if I needed him afterward. I was also “last suppering” a lot. (Going to all my favorite restaurants and having my favorite meals). By the way, this is truly not a good thing to do, but each of us has to make their own decisions about what is important to us and at the time it was very important for me to go to those places.
Recently, I was taking stock of how much my eating has changed since then. There were many things, which were normal in my diet that I just don’t have anymore. I only occasionally miss them. And, I have been able to have them, but for any number of reasons I may have simply decided that it’s not worth the effort to eat it. For example I cook meats until they are very very tender now because it’s so much easier to eat it, not just the first time, but leftovers. Leftovers are a necessary part of life, especially when you can only eat very small portions. But I’ve discovered that some things change texture when they’ve been reheated (especially meat). So if I start with something extremely tender it’s just easier over the long run.
I’ve also thought a lot about how I “blend in” now. I also have spent some time thinking about how much people who are “normal” size take it for granted. They just get up and live their lives every day and don’t have to spend all that time and energy thinking about diets and all of the misery of being overweight. They take it for granted that they can walk into any store and be able to find something attractive to wear. They just don’t know, CAN'T ever know that they have been given this extraordinary gift of “normalcy” about their weight.
I recently sat at a Taco Bell and watched a young father with his 2 little girls. He was probably in his mid 20’s and I’m sure he weighed over 350 pounds. He had a beautiful face and had such a sweet way with his girls. I found myself trying to decide whether I should go over and talk to him about what I’d had done. I even found a flyer in my purse from Dr. Fobi’s office with stories of other patient’s successes. I wrote my website address on it, and when I stood up I just couldn’t bring myself to go over there to do it. This is the second time that this has happened to me recently and I can tell it’s something that I’ll just have to struggle with. Hilary and I have discussed it and her opinion (which I respect is that I’m already doing what I can by making myself available on this site to answer people’s questions. When they seek, I’m there to help if I can, but if they’re not seeking, don’t assume that my approaching them will be welcome. She reminded me to think about how I would have felt if someone had done it to me. She’s right of course, but as I said, it’s something that I’m going to have to struggle with.
During my one-year anniversary I will be celebrating on the Walt Disney Cruise!! I’m truly excited about this trip! That hasn’t happened in a long time, usually I’m worried about whether I’ll have the energy I need to get around and do the things I want, or whether I can find the right things to wear so I’ll feel comfortable. My husband and I took a cruise about 6 months before the surgery and I spent most of the time (when we weren’t eating) in the room – sleeping. Not too exciting.
I have been trying to answer the postings on the message board individually directly to the questioners email. I realize that this takes away the opportunity for others to see the answer, but it has made it much easier for me in the long run. The crush that I got after the 48 Hours program on CBS has died down. So I’m trying to get back to people who ask me questions recently. There have been some, which were missed. I have to hope that they moved on and found the information some other place. Or if they really needed it, they’d ask again.
I have been deeply moved by the opportunity to share some of the progress that people who have visited this sight have made. I’ve been privileged enough to talk to them before they’ve made their decision, after the decision, after the surgery and as they progress. Sometimes I just get tears in my eyes when someone shares their pain and their struggle. It’s a different journey for each of us, but the universalness of it is the PAIN.
I’m still writing in my journal, though not every night as in the beginning. I try not to beat myself up about it when I forget. But recently I wrote that within a 24 hour period both my husband and Hilary my daughter had someone say to them that they’re always smiling and happy. That makes me happy beyond imagination. I’m sure that I’m doing it too, but since I’m not working anymore I didn’t have anyone to tell me that they noticed. I go to the gym now at least 4 days each week and truly enjoy the challenge of going there and using the treadmill and weight training machines. I’ve discovered that I like the rowing machine best of all. I feel like I’m getting a good work out to arms, shoulders, back, legs, and butt, well you get the idea. Anyway I enjoy it.
I won’t write another update until after I have my one-year, and my celebration vacation. I’ll also have my one year check-up with Dr. Fobi.
Thank you all for your support and input. I can’t believe what an important part of my life this page has become.
