I remember being almost too excited to sleep the night before my surgery. I was grateful that Dr. Fobi had given me something to help me sleep. That’s how I felt then and even though the initial anticipation and excitement has worn off (I can certainly sleep at night) the underlying thrill of how this could and has changed my life is still there for me… even after two years.
My two year visit to Dr. Fobi’s office was this week. It was fun to see some of the staff. There are many new faces, but we (Hilary was with me) collected hugs and well wishes from those we recognized and made a few new acquaintances while there.
The check up went well. I had lost about 30 pounds or so since my one year check up, and I told them that I’ve stabilized at 145 pounds. On my scale at home, I fluctuate about 3 pounds up or down depending on lots of factors. I answered the usual questions about my appetite, dumping, vomiting, taking vitamins, energy level, and bowel movements. They pretty much ask the same questions every time you go there. I got a slip for my blood work and will have that done. The results are sent to them and they will call me to go over any problems.
Last month, Hilary and my husband surprised me for my birthday. Hilary came up from So. California arriving on a Friday night. My husband said he had to pick up some report or something that he’d forgotten at his office work and I didn’t suspect a thing when he was actually picking her up at the airport. She even called from her cell phone and told me she was calling from her car and having to be a designated driver for someone who’d had too much to drink after work. When she walked in my back door I almost fell over. That was the first part of my birthday present, the second was an appointment at Glamour Shots the following day. Another night of having trouble going to sleep, this time trying to decide what I’d take with me to wear. Just in case I didn’t like any of their things (they have a wardrobe there), I brought 2 bags of “stuff” with me. I looked like I was going there for a sleepover or something! I got the works, they did my hair and make-up and I changed clothes 4 times! I was worn out afterward, but the hardest part was choosing which photos I would get. I mention this because I took the photos with me to Dr. Fobi’s office and gave them over for their “calendar”. We’ll see if they actually decide to use them, I hope so.
This past week was my wedding anniversary (always comes the week before my Fobi anniversary). We had a wonderful time! Good friends came to visit from Washington and we went to a play, and other tourist type things. It was great fun to see them, they hadn’t seen us since before the surgery, so imagine the shock on their faces at how we look now. They had seen pictures, but to actually see us moving around is quite different I think (judging from reactions we’ve received).
There have been more changes for me than I can begin to put here. I’m back working again. I really hadn’t planned to go back to work, my husband will be retiring from his job in about 2 years and I just felt taking care of him, visiting Hilary, and putting our household in order so we can move when he retires seemed like enough. But an opportunity arose for me to do something and they’ve been wonderful about letting me work whenever I’m available. So if I want to come to visit Hilary and stay for 10 days, it’s not a problem. What I discovered about going back to work was how much I was craving human contact. As I put it to my husband, I feel I’m a lot less “needy” when you come home now. I’ve also noticed that my mind is sharper. I can remember phone numbers which gave me problems before. In discussing it with someone, he mentioned that the mind is like a muscle and it too needs to be exercised to be fit. Going back to work has been fun, and I certainly never imagined that could happen. Not to mention, it gives me a place to wear all those clothes I’ve gotten! I have lots of fun telling the people at work that most of my outfits have come from thrift stores (still my favorite place to shop). There are some people at my new job who know about my “other life”, I have actually shown them this site and watched as they are amazed at the before pictures. One woman said that she had assumed that “You have always been thin”. This has amazed me of course, my brain is still flashing back and forth from “fat person” mentality to “I’m thin now” thoughts. I had actually visited this office when I was big, so I assumed that everyone there knew me from then. Imagine my surprise that they didn’t remember me when I was big. Even though I tried to blend in, I think I always assumed that everyone was thinking “Wow is she FAT… what’s she doing out?” Obviously that wasn’t the case. The mental adjustments just keep coming. It HAS taken me some time to get back into the swing of working, shopping, fixing dinner, keeping up the house routine. So, thankfully Hilary has been answering the postings and emails we’ve gotten. I find that by the time I’ve gotten home and done everything I’m in bed asleep by 10. A far cry from my 2 a.m. prowlings on the internet!
We talked this past week about what things I’d like to say here. Good and bad.
Bad – I get cold easily. Since I don’t have that layer of fat anymore, I tend to get cold, even when it’s not too cold outside. I’m constantly dressing in layers.
Good – I’ve settled into a fairly simple routine. I would say I am eating about 1200 calories per day. Some days more, some less, so it averages out. I’ve learned the things that I can eat with little or no problem and tend to stick with those. Now that I have afternoons at my desk, I’ve improvised with raisins and sunflower seeds, or pretzels, or turkey jerky or sometimes just a Slim Fast bar (choc. Chip cookie dough) cut into tiny squares. My desk is a virtual snack fest. Since I don’t want to hit the door when I go home at night too hungry (that was an old issue for me… as I used to say “The light in the refrigerator goes on before the light in the overhead light.” What IS different from the old days is that I GET SATISFIED, easily. You know those old “sample diets” that we all tried which said to eat 2 tsp. Sunflower seeds, or 10 pretzels? Well, in my old life, that was an impossibility. My brain would go berserk and not leave me alone if there were any left. I remember thinking (often) that boxes and bags of cookies, chips, etc. came in single serving size… like when it was empty that equaled one serving whether that meant 24 cookies or 14 oz. Of pretzels. Now, I can actually portion out a certain amount and be satisfied with that amount. Sometimes I still have trouble with meal portions. If I’m really hungry, I’ll look at what is normal for me now and by brain starts doing the “that’s not enough!!!!” panic thing. To which I tell it, “If I’m still hungry after I eat this I can have more, it’s not going anywhere”. Very seldom do I need anything more. There is usually still food leftover on my plate in fact. So you see, I’m still working on the brain (big time).
Good – Discovered a fabulous product called “Mederma” which is to fade scars. It’s sort of an ointment (smells funny), and fairly expensive. But for me it worked great! I would say it faded my scar from a 10 to a 7 in less than a week and to a 4 in less than 3 weeks! I just love this stuff! Now, it doesn’t work for everyone, and there is a ton of literature which comes with it with warnings about use and skin types. They actually have a website I think, so if you’re interested, check it out. Like I said, “It worked for me”. Only you can decide for you. By the way, it’s an over the counter (no prescription needed) item.
Bad – Saggy, baggy skin. I’m truly regretting that I didn’t follow through and do more lifting with weights as I was losing. I’m not sure that it would have helped, but I definitely need to do something about the muscle tone underneath the sagging. By the way, for those of you who have asked over and over about how awful it is… my statement is still that I will take this problem any day over where I was before. So I don’t get to wear a revealing bikini. At age 52 I don’t think I’d be doing that anyway so it doesn’t matter much to me. I’m not fond of dressing rooms with those mirrors on 3 sides, but I don’t spend too much time in those. I AM considering having some “work” done to my neck and my eyes. Whether I do it or not is still a distant thing. It’s a very personal decision.
Bad – Along the same lines, but we get what we call “bleacher butt”. In the old days we had a sort of built in cushy seat. So sitting for a long period of time on a hard surface was not to difficult. It’s really uncomfortable now. I have to remember to take a cushion with me if I know I’m going to be sitting on anything hard for a long period of time. It feels like my bones are pushing through.
Those are the only things I could think of that seem like I haven’t said them before in a previous update.
I want to end with something about my visit to Dr. Fobi’s office. Hilary and I were interviewed for an upcoming newsletter. Julius was the person who interviewed us and he asked “Can you remember what it was like being overweight?” Now I want it understood that Julius has never had a weight problem. He is a very empathetic person, but admits that it is out of his personal realm of understanding. I just sat there and allowed myself to think about it and of course I could remember. It’s not something I think I can EVER truly forget. It was such a big part of my life for decades and affected almost every choice I made. I’ll be curious to see what he ends up printing. Poor guy, I think he felt as though he’d opened up the floodgates on me. I realized why he has the tissue box on his desk.
One part I want to mention here, just in case he doesn’t is about my relationship with my husband. He loved me when I was fat, he loves me now. I am easier to love now because I can like myself. It takes some determination to love someone when they don’t like themselves. He was very loyal that way. I pushed him away and he stuck around anyway. Now he has the benefit of a wife who doesn’t refuse to go to company functions because I think he’ll be ashamed of me (not his feelings – mine). He was a good husband before, and he’s even better now. He’s one of my biggest cheerleaders (though not always to my face) and I’m proud of the fact that we’ve stuck it out through “thick and thin” as they say for 34 years now.
The second part was to acknowledge Hilary for the work she’s done on this site. She managed to squeeze it in to her schedule, sometimes after a long day at work. When we were at Dr. Fobi’s office we got the full picture of how helpful it has been in directing people to get help from them. She’s worked hard on this and I am grateful that I had her to put this together. I think we make a pretty good team. Who knows someday maybe we will write that book we’ve talked about before. In the meantime I want to thank her for all her hard work and encouragement, for without her… this wouldn’t exist.
The last part is to thank those who take the time to let us know that it’s made a difference. Hopefully we’ve answered questions you may have had, or directed you to a place to get the answers for yourself. If no one ever read it, there wouldn’t have been a reason for us to do it. So thanks for taking the time to read our stories.
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