Some Common Myths About Abuse

1. "It’s not that big a problem." More women are injured by domestic violence than by car accidents, muggings, and stranger rapes combined. Because it’s one of the most under-reported crimes, people pretend it’s not as much of a problem as it is. For every case that is reported, hundreds are not. As such, women may feel that they are the only ones who have experienced abuse. It is a very lonely problem.

2. "Women deserve to be beaten." No one deserves, asks for, or enjoys abuse. Abuse is about power and control, not love or enjoyment.

3. "There is a type of women who are always battered." Many women who are able to leave their abusive relationship are extra-cautious when getting involved again. A lot of women decide to stay alone, for fear of choosing another abusive partner.

4. "A woman could just leave if she wanted to." Many abused women are too afraid, ashamed, financially insecure, or hopeless to even realize that there are better alternatives. Many have been so brain-washed by their spouses to feel that they deserve the treatment they are getting, that if they do leave, they go back.

5. "Abuse doesn’t happen where there is love." Abuse occurs in many relationships that are based on love - between partners, married couples, parents and children.

6. "Children don’t understand abuse." Children are aware of everything that goes on around them. Even if they don’t say anything, they are often observers of the abuse that occurs in their family. They learn from the behavior that they see, and either become abusive themselves, or afraid and vulnerable.

7. "Abuse is only the women’s problem." Abuse is a social problem which affects everybody. Unfortunately, in many cases abused women and abusive men don’t seek help. The cycle is allowed to continue.

8. "It only happens to poor/lower-class/minority women." Because it is so under-reported, we cannot know exactly who the abuse is happening to. Many social workers also feel that it is low-income women who are more likely to seek help, because women from higher-income families are more afraid of personal embarrassment and lack of financial ability to stay on their own.

9. "Alcohol causes abuse." Alcohol may trigger abuse, but abusers control their behavior. Blaming alcohol, drugs, circumstance, losing a job, the house not being clean - these are excuses, and they are all unacceptable. Violence is a behavior that is controlled by the abuser, not the other way around.

10. "Violence is a healthy release." Releasing emotions is healthy. Crying, laughing, arguing - all these are acceptable ways to vent. Violence is not acceptable. Hurting another person, destroying property, hurting pets - these are all criminal offenses and should be taken seriously, not as a way to blow off steam.

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Warning Signs of Abuse
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