I’m down to 189.5 this week. Unbelievable, isn’t it? That means that I am 49 pounds from goal. I’ve lost 37 pounds so far. Pretty soon I’ll be halfway to goal. I figure that I will be on this weightloss journey for another year. I figure the last half of the weightloss is going to occur very slowly, if not that will be a pleasant surprise. I found some new food items this week. I stopped at the World Market this past weekend and I picked up some Torni (Splenda flavored syrups) for my own diet Italian soda and I got some rye bread from Germany for a Tuna Sandwich. It has 110 calories and 8 grams of fiber. I haven’t tasted it just yet so I will let you if it’s good. I also secured two boxes of no pudge brownies. All I can say is that this was a big mistake because they are so so so so good! I had to hide the brownies so I wouldn’t over eat them. Folks, if you have excellent willpower grab a box, if you don’t, it would be advisable that you do not have these in your house unless company is company is coming over or you have a large family.
It’s been a strange week this week. Shawn and I had a nasty fight on Sunday about having a gun in the house. I’m against having a gun in the house at this time. I live in a small city and the crime rate is very low and I really don’t feel safe with it at this time. He then got really angry at me and started screaming at me calling me a coward and when a gun is going to be pointed at my head or when another “September 11” happens again, I’m going to wish I had one. I didn’t back down and told him that if he chose that, he’s out of the apartment. Then he called me the ultimate worst thing…the C word. Needless to say I was furious. Then the next day, he acts like nothing happened. Crazy. Still, I’m not allowing in guns in my household at this time. It just goes in waves with him…sometimes we do okay sometimes we don’t but it’s been months since I’ve felt that our relationship is okay. It’s not okay. I hoped him being back to work would be okay but so far it's not. On a better note, we saw Robert Plant and The Who yesterday. Ah, it was totally awesome Plant, Pete and Roger looked great and sounded awesome. It was probably one of the best concerts that I have ever been to. I would love to see the Stones in Detroit but the tickets are way too expensive so I’ll just have to make do.
I’m struggling with the school issue right now. I’m getting nervous about taking the GRE and going through the selection process. Those little demons in my head are stating “Oh, you’re not good enough for that, you’re not smart enough, you don’t have enough money, etc.” I’m just having one of those internal battles you know. Well that’s it for me today…take care all-Kellie
August 22, 2002
Who says seven months doesn’t do anything! Before I couldn’t even fit into these pants but now I have them on. They are not ready to wear out just yet but it’s looking pretty good. I figure another ten pounds and they will look perfect. I’ve been on this weightloss journey for a long time folks…some of you have been with me since I started back in 99…and here it’s taken this long for me to finally get things together. It honestly feels good to be where I’m at right now. Things are going nice and steady. I’m making wise food choices and I never feel deprived. Four things that work for me is that I drink my 10 glasses of water a day, I eat three meals a day, I exercise 4 – 5 times a week, and I journal. No funny tricks here, just being mentally prepared, physically prepared, and just sure determination. Hopefully you are all in the same place as I. Take care all-Kellie
August 19, 2002
This has been a rough two work weeks. Two weeks ago, a coworker was fired from the agency because his paper work was not fast enough. So for a week, we all sat around on eggshells wondering who would be next. Then last Monday, a coworker Nick, who was 47, was killed on his way home. He died instantly. He was in the southbound lane, a car clipped him at the intersection, and he spun into the northbound traffic lane. I was one minute a head of him. I saw him leave the building with another coworker. He took the long way with the light, I took the stop sign. I had no idea that he was in an accident until I got to work the next morning and everyone was crying. I started balling for two hours that morning. Scary how one’s life at risk every day. I was just a minute a head of him. Nick was the head of Quality Improvement, which was getting us ready for the aligning with the other CMH boards in November and getting us up to date with the government standards, and implementing new computer systems. Now the agency is going to be lost without him. I went to the visitation and funeral both were sad. Nick and his family were close and it was just so sad to see that. The visitation had no casket, just the remains in a plain box. Now that was strange but the personal touch was a lifetime of photos celebrating his life. That was very comforting. The funeral was nice until Nicks ex-wife got up to speak read a creepy poem titled “I wish you were dead”. They had this open mic for people to verbalize their memories of Nick. Then we she got up there, it was just like “argh!”. Needless to say, it was an emotionally rough week. The one thing this week has helped with is that I have finally realized that life is short and I have to start participating in it again!
Even though it was a rough week, I stayed on plan but I was unable to hit WW this week. So I know I’m down in weight but I’m not too sure how much. I’ve been working out diligently. Now complaints in that department. My body is really showing some improvement. I’m slowly fitting into some 16s. I keep on plugging away. Well sorry for such a short post, but I’ll try to get another one up here later…take care all-Kellie
August 4, 2002
Where the hell have I been? Well I actually just got way too busy in the past few weeks. It looks like things are going to settle down now. My past few weekends were spent with my folks and I just got back from Ann Arbor today. I had my final school social work certification class so I am now eligible for a temporary permit for school social work in the state of Michigan. So my back up plan is now complete…now I have to focus on the GRE and saving money. I only have about $1250 in the bank for school so I have to get right on it because that is my main plan. I applied for a job at the local community college but I doubt if I will hear from them because 500 applicants applied for the four positions as an academic counselor. Funny thing, I never thought about an administrative college position…now that is something to think about because the money is there. For instance the job I applied for starts out at $51,000 and tops out at $65,000 now that is unbelievable. Pray for me people, maybe by some fluke I will get an interview.
I’m down to 192.50 though I was unable to weigh in this week because of being in Ann Arbor and all of the meeting times in Warren were not flexible to the schedule I was on. This was the first time I ever missed a weigh in and you know what, it doesn’t feel good at all. I’m going to have to be very careful this week to be disciplined and aware of the choices I make. I can do it but the meetings and weigh in help a lot. I’m one of those people who need that type of accountability to the scale. The meetings are nice because they really affirm what you are supposed to be practicing as a weight watcher. The good thing that I did this week while I was in Ann Arbor was that I took a whole bunch of 2 mile walks so that really help out. I haven’t walked in so long that I completely forgot the joys of actual walking (especially in the ‘burbs because you can see the various houses). I’ll have to start walking around my neighborhood...well of course when I get some time…argh!
Of course, when I was in Detroit I got to hit the Salvation Army and I walked out with a ton of clothes. I got 2 pair of pants (Docker Khakis for $1.99 and Eddie Bauer Jeans for $2.99 both in mint condition), then I got a ton of tops from Eddie Bauer, Gap, Banana Republic, and Old Navy prices ranging from .99 – 2.99. I also found a few Ebay finds so I walked out of there spending $75! But enough tops to give me some variety for fall because I need to downsize my clothing. Just think, if I bought all of those clothes new, it would have probably would have cost me around $1000 and here I spent $75…I’m such a bargain hunter :)
Nothing is changing in the relationship area here. Shawn and I are still strained. Plus it doesn’t make matters worse when I hear what real relationships are like. What I mean by that is that I look around at these couples and see that they truly love each other. At times, I look at Shawn and I and think…we really are just putting up with each other. Heck, I can go without seeing him for 7 days and it doesn’t bother me. I’m totally confused. I love Shawn as a person but as a husband…? My sister pointed out that I always have to have something chaotic with my life. There has never been a time where everything was balanced and for the past 7 years, my unbalance was Shawn, before that it was Mike, combined with my body and school issues. She wants me to go see someone about it because she thinks it’s gotten to a sick point with me. I think she’s right but being a therapist I’m still reluctant. I know what I need to do but I’m just dragging me heels and to make matters worse, he’s living with me because I felt sorry for him and now he has 7 weeks left of unemployment with no job prospectives…there is just nothing for graphic design right now. I asked him if he would consider applying to some part time jobs but he stated “There’s no benefits in that Kellie” but I told him, at least it’s a job and he has no right to be choosy at this time because there is nothing out there. If he doesn’t have a job by September 15th, it’s got to be get a job or get the f*** out. Sorry just venting….not like anything is going to change but I need an outlet. I think I’m just frustrated by this whole situation.
I’m down to 189.5 this week. Unbelievable, isn’t it? That means that I am 49 pounds from goal. I’ve lost 37 pounds so far. Pretty soon I’ll be halfway to goal. I figure that I will be on this weightloss journey for another year. I figure the last half of the weightloss is going to occur very slowly, if not that will be a pleasant surprise. I found some new food items this week. I stopped at the World Market this past weekend and I picked up some Torni (Splenda flavored syrups) for my own diet Italian soda and I got some rye bread from Germany for a Tuna Sandwich. It has 110 calories and 8 grams of fiber. I haven’t tasted it just yet so I will let you if it’s good. I also secured two boxes of no pudge brownies. All I can say is that this was a big mistake because they are so so so so good! I had to hide the brownies so I wouldn’t over eat them. Folks, if you have excellent willpower grab a box, if you don’t, it would be advisable that you do not have these in your house unless company is company is coming over or you have a large family.
This has been a rough two work weeks. Two weeks ago, a coworker was fired from the agency because his paper work was not fast enough. So for a week, we all sat around on eggshells wondering who would be next. Then last Monday, a coworker Nick, who was 47, was killed on his way home. He died instantly. He was in the southbound lane, a car clipped him at the intersection, and he spun into the northbound traffic lane. I was one minute a head of him. I saw him leave the building with another coworker. He took the long way with the light, I took the stop sign. I had no idea that he was in an accident until I got to work the next morning and everyone was crying. I started balling for two hours that morning. Scary how one’s life at risk every day. I was just a minute a head of him. Nick was the head of Quality Improvement, which was getting us ready for the aligning with the other CMH boards in November and getting us up to date with the government standards, and implementing new computer systems. Now the agency is going to be lost without him. I went to the visitation and funeral both were sad. Nick and his family were close and it was just so sad to see that. The visitation had no casket, just the remains in a plain box. Now that was strange but the personal touch was a lifetime of photos celebrating his life. That was very comforting. The funeral was nice until Nicks ex-wife got up to speak read a creepy poem titled “I wish you were dead”. They had this open mic for people to verbalize their memories of Nick. Then we she got up there, it was just like “argh!”. Needless to say, it was an emotionally rough week. The one thing this week has helped with is that I have finally realized that life is short and I have to start participating in it again! 
Where the hell have I been? Well I actually just got way too busy in the past few weeks. It looks like things are going to settle down now. My past few weekends were spent with my folks and I just got back from Ann Arbor today. I had my final school social work certification class so I am now eligible for a temporary permit for school social work in the state of Michigan. So my back up plan is now complete…now I have to focus on the GRE and saving money. I only have about $1250 in the bank for school so I have to get right on it because that is my main plan. I applied for a job at the local community college but I doubt if I will hear from them because 500 applicants applied for the four positions as an academic counselor. Funny thing, I never thought about an administrative college position…now that is something to think about because the money is there. For instance the job I applied for starts out at $51,000 and tops out at $65,000 now that is unbelievable. Pray for me people, maybe by some fluke I will get an interview. 
My Vistors Since August 4, 2002
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