December 24, 2000

Merry Christmas Eve All! I’ve been totally lazy the last couple of weeks with this page…but I’m staying strong on the diet. I’m eating three meals and avoiding the holiday goodies and I am holding my own. I haven’t gained any weight. Currently, I am on vacation at my parent’s home in KY. Gosh I miss them and it’s great to spend some time with them. I have to go back home tomorrow so I will have a day to rest on the 26th. My sister and her husband came down here to celebrate Christmas too but they left today because Dennis (my brother in law) has to celebrate with his family. So our family had Christmas on Thursday. Which was nice. I got some nice gifts and the best gift of all was to be with my family…which is priceless.

Well I have some New Years Resolutions set…some of them are weight concerning and some of them are personal. First off, this is the year that I’m going to take it off. I’ve had one year of maintaining near the 200 mark so I’m going to take the rest off during the course of the year. I’m going to be committed to my treadmill and I’m going to join the gym near my workplace. I’m going to be more organized at my home and be neater. All plausible things I can work on. I’m also going to work on my relationship with Shawn…he’s been driving me nuts the last couple of months. He’s really beginning to piss me off. I thought moving to Michigan would give us a chance to work things out but when I’m away from him…I’m a much happier person. Does that make any sense? I swear that sometimes he isn’t the man for me. In fact, I swear there is someone else out there meant for me because I’m just so frustrated with the whole relationship. Being away from him for 12 days helped me think about it a lot. I guess I have been treating the relationship like an old shoe…hey, it’s comfortable but when you observe it a lot closer, the comfortable shoe does a lot more damage to you than you think…it makes your foot hurt and it does damage that you cannot see. I care about him as a person…but hell if I want to be his wife because he really does stress me out. I’ve been stressed the past couple of months, my mind has been clouded and I wasn’t seeing what I needed to do as a person to fulfill my journey through life. I’ve been lazy, complacent in the person I am, I have not been challenging myself to do better. In fact, I was not stepping out of my comfort box. Being overweight is more comforting than you think. It’s an insulation tool that protects you from the outside world and it keeps you safe and comfortable…yet you are not moving forward…you’re staying stuck and staying stuck can make you miserable. I am making myself miserable because I can move on. I can lose this weight…I can move away from this relationship but I haven’t because it is comfortable. Being fat is comforting because I have an excuse of not meeting new people…, which is, I’m fat. That’s my piss poor excuse. Which only drags me down into thinking I am a less desirable human being because I’m holing 55 more pounds on my body. In fact, it’s not the pounds that is holding me back, it’s just the crazy mental *hit I put on myself and it’s my excuse. I have to get out of my comfort box…it’s about time. Hum, I hope this is just not talk. Lets get it on and go after our goals in the new year! It’s the only time, we allow ourselves for a new beginnings, and I’m ready for that change. Take care all and have a merry Christmas! –Kellie

December 6, 2000

The weather was so bad out this afternoon work let us out early today. I'm finally getting adjusted to the blazer in driving it and I'm finding the joys of owning a SUV because that 4 x 4 is nice. I especially like it when I'm having to drive on slush and ice. Well, I got some really great news at work this week! Starting in the new year, everyone got a huge pay increase! What a grand surprise...man I love my agency. Everything is working out good there. My case load is relatively low, the benefits are great, the pay is excellent, and most of the people I work with are nice. So everything is working out for the best.

Concerning the weight, I lost 2.5 pounds this weekend. Not bad concerning the gain last week. I watched myself pretty closely this week to make sure that I was good. The only thing I need to be careful of this week is the egg nog. I had some in my fridge from the holiday and I had a couple of cups of it during the past few days so I think I'm going to pour it out. Humm, I just can't have that sitting in my fridge, it's just too tempting!

Well, I made a decision about the buddy board...unfortunately due to my laziness, it has caused a lack of participation so I think for now, I'm going to say goodbye to the weigh in board but I will keep the message board. It's just too much for me right now and my slacking was evident because I didn't update it since 11/9 and that is close to a month ago. How embarrassing is that? How am I supposed to motivate people if I can't even update the board. Maybe when I get adjust to my life, I will bring it back because, well, it's hard to see it go and I've struggled with this decision for sometime...humm...well that it for me today, take care all-Kellie

My Vistors Since December 6, 2000