February 26, 2004

Humm, I can’t believe I haven’t updated! I’m the same weight. Not bad. I’ve been admittedly eating out too much. My schedule has been extremely strange so I’ve been very lazy and eating out (good choices but with eating out, no matter how good the choices are they are usually high in points). So I can take being the same.

I’ve been extremely hormonal in the past two weeks. I would go so far to say that I was actually depressed. I honestly think it was the birth control I was on. I had midcylce bleeding that wouldn’t stop so the doctor switched my birth control from OrthoTricylen Low to Necon. Which I don’t mind at all because I finally stopped bleeding (after about 14 days it was getting old) and the new Necon is $20 at Sams as opposed to $35 for the Ortho. During the past two weeks, I was crying a lot, sad, withdrawn, for no apparent reason. I was really overwhelmed plus the bleeding was driving me nuts so I called the doctor. I just started the new pills on Sunday and I can tell you that I’m already feeling better. It’s like I’m back to my old self and that feels really good. That happened 10 years ago when I was on the birth control and I ended up d/c the bc because it was too much for me emotionally. So we’ll see how this new stuff works.

We went to Detroit this past weekend to visit Chris’s sister and her family. It was okay. I still have no clue on how to read the sister so I’m not going to even try. I just don’t know how to be myself around her nor even relate to her. One thing that annoyed me this weekend was when Chris and her were talking when I was down stairs in their basement and when I came up to join them, they stopped talking. On my way up I heard that they were talking about Chris and his current job and she was encouraging him to look for another. I just got annoyed when they completely stopped talking about it when I was there. This has happened before and I’ve finally asked why he doesn’t talk about it in front of me nor does his sister or mom. He said he didn’t relize that he was doing this. The bad thing is that he is now fired up again about getting a new job, which is now making him edgy...hopefully things will calm down.

My ankle was great until yesterday. I figured out what was triggering it and it’s when I’m crossing my ankles...ouch! I’ve got to stop that. I’ve been hitting CURVES 3 times a week now. I think I’m going to stick to that schedule because it seems to work.

So basically that’s all that has been going on. It’s been literally an emotional roller coaster for me. I’ve had a mentally exhausting two weeks and now I’m ready to feel good again. Well, you all have a great day and take care-Kellie

February 12, 2004

Opps, some how I went up 3/4 of a pound last week. I stuck to the plan but that super bowl Sunday was a killer. Even though I made amends all week, I wasn’t able to prevent a gain. Oh well, I’m keeping true to the plan this week. We’ll see what the scale says on Saturday. I pretty optimistic that it will be okay. Though, I’ve only been able to work out twice this week. My ankle has been aching so I’m wondering what is going on there. I’ve been trying to hang low on the major walking in place hoping it will be strong again. It just feels kind of weak.

You want to hear something horrible? I went out and bought some slimfast tonight. Before you cringe, I’ve got to explain this. Last night I went up to the cabin to visit my sister and brother in law who are working on their cabin. Anyways, this morning they offered me breakfast (which there was no choice, just slimfast) and I have to say, it was delicious and I was full until noon. So I thought, wow, what a good way to get my calcium and fiber. Okay, so I’m going to alternate between yogurt and slimfast in the morning. Not for losing the weight but I think it would be a good way for me to get the calcium in. We’ll see.

House hunting is a major drag. I actually put a bid on this house. They are asking 114,989 for the house and I put in 111000 bid and they countered at 114000. So I didn’t counter because their agent stated that they were firm at that. So I was kind of bummed but not that bummed. The way I’m looking at this house situation is that I’m not going to fall in love with any house but I will fall in like. The house had everything I wanted except a prior hx of termites (10 years ago) and a unfair asking price because that was high for that neighborhood. Oh well, I’ll keep looking. I really liked that house though. URGH!

I’ve been having trouble with my birth control this week. I’ve had break through bleeding for the past week and a half so I called the doctor the other day to address this issue so she’s putting me on some new birth control next time around. The nurse said that I needed some more progesterone in my system so that was the reason why I’m having the spotting.

No major plans for Valentines day. I’m debating if I should buy Chris some Metallica/Godsmack tickets. They are running about 57.50 a piece so I’m debating. We’ll see. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to track him down a decent card yet so I will have to hit the hallmark store tomorrow. I’m such a procrastinator! We’ll take care all! Kellie

February 4, 2004

I had that floppy feeling today when I was at CURVES. It happened when I was running in place on the boards and all of a sudden I feel my tummy flop back and forth. I hate that feeling. I don’t have a huge stomach so I don’t know why it was a flopping but my roll down there was a flopping. I also felt slow today. Like not my usual jumpy self. I wonder if the 5x per week is catching up to me. I’ve gone to CURVES Saturday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and planning on Thursday, Friday, Saturday. I keep on telling myself that I need 5-6 days of exercise but there’s a little voice in my head questioning whether I should be going to CURVES that often. I’m not too sure. Like should I go to CURVES 4 days a week and then do 2 days of WATP tape (Walk Away The Pounds)? Regardless, I need to exercise 45 minutes a day, I’m just confused a little if I should mix things up a bit. Humm, I think my whole body aches this week. My feet are even killing me. I don’t know why that is because I haven’t been on them a lot besides the exercising but maybe the culprit was a new pair of tennis shoes I bought this weekend. I got them at Kohls for ½ off but after trying to break them in and getting a huge blister I returned them. It’s always difficult to find decent tennis shoes. Usually it takes me a while to find something so I’ll keep on looking. I have flat feet so I usually have to find a tennis shoe that is orthodics friendly so that makes it a tad difficult. Oh well, the perfect shoe is out there for me..I know it is.

I picked a new outfit that I wanted to look better in. I must admit that I no longer buy smaller clothing so it makes “Goal Outfits” a little more challenging. I find that funny because I used to buy small clothes when I was heavier all the time. Now I’m more afraid of losing money on the outfits because I know now that everything does not look better on you when you get smaller. I would like to see these pants a tad less snugger. I don’t like wearing anything that feels like second skin to me. So I would like to see how I look in these pants when I’m 15 down. I got them at Kohls for a whopping $3!

As for eating this week, I’m still kicking butt after the Superbowl Free For All. I’ve been working out and banking my points. By Saturday I should have everything evened out. I’m hoping for at least a .5 loss. For the past 3 nights I have been getting home after 7:30 so I’ve been cooking a lot of egg white omelets. I know I’m going to burn out on these but oh, I get so hungry after a work out and all I want to do is to come home and eat. I want something quick and easy so I turn to the eggbeaters because I can whip up a full meal in 10 minutes or less and something that is low in points. Maybe next week I will do some more experimenting. Though, I found that I’m totally addicted to the 2 point Starbucks Mocha bars. They are so yummy and they have two grams of fiber! Not bad, er.

Kind of paranoid tonight about the journal. I noticed that I left it in my history. I’m hoping that Chris did not find it. Not that I have anything to be embarrassed of but this my journal and my thoughts. Funny thing is that no one in my personal life knows really about the journal. I think my mom knows but she’s not that internet savvy so I doubt if she found it. So people in my everyday life just don’t know about it. I don’t advertise it. It’s funny, when I was talking to my girl Anji, she asked me if Chris knew about it and I was like “no way”. I just showed him some of my larger photos on Sunday and he was like “wow, you were a lot bigger than I thought. You were a big girl” and then I was stupid and asked, “so, would you have liked me then” and he said “probably not”. So then I started to worry about it...is love contingent on looks? I said “Well there are going to be some times in my life that I’m going to be heavy, like when I get pregnant. Are you going to have some issues then”, he then stated “Kellie, that’s ridiculous because people get heavy when they are pregnant” but honestly, that statement made me feel a tad uneasy because I’m the same person on the inside whether it be 165 or 245.

Speaking of the body, I’ve been noticing changes in my skin a little more. My face is a tad dry right now. I have regular skin so does anyone have any girl tips on how to take care of that? My mom socialized me funny so that I don’t wear make up so I have no clue. I know what moisturizers are but what kind am I supposed to use? I swear I need someone to give me some skin care and make up hints but without trying to sell me a small fortune of stuff like Mary Kay. I’m talking help with drug store stuff. If anyone has any tips, send them my way. Well, that’s it for me tonight, take care all-Kellie

February 2, 2004

Wow...guess what????? Another 2 pounds down. Going back to the old winning points program was the best thing that I have down in months. I’ve been going to the meetings too..no more skipping and I have been Journaling everything so I’ve been a good little weight watcher. My goal for the week is to earn 24 exercise points. I’ve been doing Curves 5 times a week so it should get my shaped up pretty good. I’ve got a new rule now though, if I’m going to be getting home later than 7:15 pm, I have to stop at the Curves near work or in Sparta because I refuse to get home any later. Since the new rule, I’ve been hitting my usual Curves about twice a week. That’s okay because at least I’m hitting a Curves.

Speaking of Curves, you know the most annoying thing to me is when someone tries to get that whole extra 5 seconds into the machine. Today, it got so bad I said to a woman “come on...time to move on”. The woman looked at me like I was this demanding *itch but oh well. I could see if she was older but she wasn’t nor was she in poor shape, she just wanted extra work out time on the machine. This annoys me because there’s always someone behind you waiting for you to move. You know it interupts the flow. I make a mental note of people who do that continually and I actually will move when someone like that will jump in front of me. I take my time serious at Curves. I go around 3 times for a 45 minute workout and during that workout I’m pushing the body to the limit. 95% of the time, I hit the heart range needed for my whole workout so every second counts when I’m going around the circle. Humm, maybe I’m just odd but I just think it’s common courtesy for one to move when they are supposed to.

I have to admit I was a little loose yesterday with the food. I’m defiantly going to have to earn those 24 points so I have a loss this week. When I was working out, I began to think about those who are able to lose it quick. I have to admit that I actually got jealous tonight at a woman who lost her 30 pounds in 16 weeks. I thought, argh, how can she lose it so fast? That’s not fair. But then I had to remind myself it’s only natural to feel a pang of jealousy but you have to turn it inward and question yourself on how you could do better. So I thought for a second and realized that I wouldn’t have down it any other way. Maybe it’s embarrassing for me to say, “Yeah, I’ve been on WW for two years two months” but you know what, I’ve never been hungry, nor have I ever looked at this like a diet. I will continue to eat like this my whole life. Yeah, so I allowed myself to feel jealous for a minute but then thought...”I am going to meet my goal this year”...and I will.

Oh, I just was reading my own journal and I forgot to let you all know that something important has happened in my life...Chris and I are now living together. Yup, took the plunge 3 weeks ago. His apartment lease was up and we both decided “hey, why don’t we do it”. The funny thing is that after Shawn, I wanted nothing to do with shacking up again but I have to tell you that this feels right this time. Maybe it’s because I actually love the person but it feels good when I get to see him. Though, I don’t get to see him all that often during the week because he works at night. He usually goes in at 5pm and he gets home around 12:30/1:00 am so I might say a few words to him when he crawls into bed but beyond that, we really don’t cross paths until Friday night. Unfortunately, it’s been a mild mess around the apartment since it’s very difficult to combine two house holds into one but it’s looking better. It got to one point where I couldn’t walk in a straight line for more than a foot before hitting something. Chris and I’ve promised ourselves that it will be completely done within two more weeks.

They fired that guy at work. They said he resigned but usually that means that he was forced to resign. I swear the only way to survive at my job is to keep your mouth shut, see the clients, and fly low so that no one can find fault. I enjoy my job but I always say that there are aspects I don’t like about it. That’s true. Sometimes I feel like I run too much with my job but that’s my job. Luckily, since I’m very busy, I don’t have to pick up any of his case load. I feel bad for the guy but it was like he gave up at the end. Hopefully, he will find something that he likes to do and is happy because I get the feeling that he hates being a counselor.

Speaking of work, I took a mental health day today. I needed to get the Blazer running because a guy might buy it from Toledo. At this point, I hope he takes it. I’m tired of paying insurance on it. He’s offering me $3600 cash for it so I’m like, okay. Just get up here and take it ASAP because if he doesn’t my land lord is going to have a fit because it’s not plated so she does have a right to tow it. Hopefully she won’t. I can’t wait until I’m in a house!

Okay, so everything is now falling into place. I’m finally losing again! It’s about freakin time! Take care all-Kellie

My Vistors Since February 2, 2004