February 12, 2007

Wow, were we supposed to have a winter like this? I just cannot believe the snow. The one good things is that at least we don't live in New York! So when is spring going to happen because I am ready for it!

Things are going good here. I have a health admission that I would like to make. I have hypertension...yes, high blood pressure. I have been checking my BP since my last check up and last week it registered 144/100. My nurse at work started to freak out and stated that I needed to get in as soon as possible. I saw my doctor last Wednesday and she sat down with me and noted that my BP has always been high there and since my diet and excercise program has been positive, I need to go on medication. This sucks. I hate the thought of having to take medications but honestly, I need to do this so on Wednesday, I will be starting my new medication. This absolutely sucks though. No one in my family (besides my dad who it was situational with) has had high bloodpressure. Yup...I'm bummed! Funny thing that it is low in the morning but as the day begans, it gets higher. I joked with my boss today that my job is literally killing me. I can only imagine that it actually is. Being a therapist is extremely stressful. You never know what you are walking into when you have a session with someone or a family. My case load is getting bigger every year and the kids are getting more severe in nature. It's truly sad. I've always took pride in being able to handle any crisis situation but now, it appears that it is wreaking havoc on my body. Maybe I need to slow down or something. Unfortunately, I don't see myself doing that for a few years. My job is a great job with great benefits and a superior retirement benefits so I'm sticking with it. Besides, I'm good at what I do and every year I grow to be a stronger therapist but I know that inside, I do need to slow down at some point. Then that leaves me to the kid issue, I honestly don't see myself having kids because I don't know how life will be calmer with them. I see it being more chaotic with a lot less time know. It's like that internal fight know that life is going to change and you know what, I don't really want it to. Sometimes I think, wow, I was almost 7 when my mom was at my current age. That scares me. I know I will be an older mom and that scares me too. If I didn't love my husband as much as I do, I don't think that kids would be in my future, at least not babies. If I had it my way, I would adopt a 3 year old. I also fear that I would have a special needs child and I would so struggle with that. I don't know how the moms do that. Some of the biggest fears I have is the autism spectrum. I had severe pica as a child and worry that my eating the chemicals that I did would have some impact on my offspring. I know it's an irrational fear but heck, it is on my mind. I don't know...at least I have a few more years to think about it. It would be easier to think about it if I had a traditional 9-5 job...my 8-6? or later makes it much more difficult to plan for the future. I know that there is never the "right time" for a child but I've never pictured myself as a mom. Strange....

The eating is doing okay. I ate and drank too much while I was in Chicago. We stayed at the Drake Hotel one night and I had my share of white russians, comspolitans, wine, baileys, etc. I think I had about 70 points in liquor...and I'm not even a drinker! I'm back on plan so hopefully I can at least stay the same this week. I am disappointed in my choices but honestly, I had a great time and sometimes I need to do that. That's it for me tonight. Take care all-Kellie