JUNE 2001 Journal

June 26, 2001

BODY: I got my bathing suits yesterday from Lands End. The suit I am currently wearing is an 18w. I also bought a size 18 so when I lose the weight and get drag, I can downsize. I modeled them for you all…so if you don’t like seeing me in a bathing suit…touch luck. I really need to get in the pool because I stopped treadmilling last week. I don’t have any real excuse but I hate treadmilling in my apartment when it’s hot. I think I need to purchase a fan so I don’t feel like I’m going to pass out. My blood pressure continues to be high on the bottom. Normal for me was 95, which was high but the last couple of readings, it has been 100, which is really high. I bought a digital cuff one off ebay to aid in my monitoring of the blood pressure but I always hear that it is nearly impossible to get an accurate read. Urgh, hopefully it will go down naturally without medication. I bulked up on some oatmeal, wheat germ, at the grocery store tonight. The cashier sure noticed because she stated “You sure are eating healthy”. But the funny thing is that I always shop like that…healthy. Never is my cart filled with junk foods…so why in the hell am I still heavy? Overeating of “good stuff” and not enough exercise…Pool count down is 5 days!!! Yippy!!!

MIND: Started to read my new book “BOOKENDS” by Jane Green. My order came in from the UK on Monday so I was happy to start reading the book. I bought it from the UK because it is not released here in the US yet but it was released last year in England. Jane is such a wonderful author!

SPIRIT: Well honestly, it was kind of difficult to calm my spirit today. I kind of got freaked out about the blood pressure so I was kind of worried about that but to tell you the truth every time I see one of those cuffs, I get freaked out but still, my bp is high…it was high when I was a freshman in college @ 95 on the bottom, it was high last summer, and the summer before that so I don’t have a clue…maybe I’m nervous but it can’t just jump all those points. I know the exercise (which is a very good cardio work out) will help. That’s it for me today…take care all-Kellie

June 19, 2001

BODY: No exercise…I am a victim of the crotch short effect. This is where your shorts decide that they are going to ride up to your crotch area thus resulting in countless times of tugging your shorts out and I actually pulled some muscles in the back of my leg doing this so no exercise for me today. Hopefully tomorrow I will be fully recovered. I guess that’s what I get for not wearing my plates for my flat feet and constantly tugging at my shorts. Why do shorts do this? Is it because I’m fat? What’s up with that?!?!? I don’t remember having that much trouble but Argh it was seriously pissing me off this weekend and now I’m paying for it now because my legs are too sore for the treadmill and Curves. So I got this bright idea this weekend that I would wear skirts all summer instead shorts but then when I got to Target and started trying things on…well, I look awful in a skirt. As you can see in the above photos that my legs are not really good for a skirt. It just wouldn’t fly. So I have no idea what I’m going to do but I’m not going to put up with crotch ride all summer…it must stop! I’ve been eating in my point range for the last two days. I’m back to journaling and it’s amazing when you journal because things really do add up. Tommorrow is the agency wide meeting where we are bombarded by treaties and goodies. I’m going to pray tonight and wish for strength. I know I can do it…because I’m doing really well this week. Infact, this is the first week in a long time were I’m not struggling. Keep up the good work Kellie!

MIND: Reading…Reading…Reading. I’m almost done with Mr. Maybe and I picked up Bridget Jones: The edge of reason at a garage sale this weekend, then I’m still reading Intuitive Dieting, and I got some more books coming from Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

SPIRIT: Been a rough couple of days. The community lost a young boy from a drowning and I’ve had to do crisis counseling on Friday and Yesterday. I went to the visitation and it was so strange to look at the boy’s body. It’s like he was never in there…you know? Then everyone was crying and upset. I really felt for the family because they have been through so much and that just adds to the stuff they will have to deal with. I hate funerals. My stress level has been good. I haven’t had an anxiety attacks in months so that is a major plus. I think I’m getting things together now…slowly but surely. I bought 2 bathing suits from Land’s End (I love that catalog!) and I’m going to swim (Yeah Angie! I’ll be back in the pool) again starting July 2 when the high school pool is open. Things are looking up. Thanks everyone for your continued support! Take care all-Kellie

June 14, 2001

BODY: No exercise but I did eat well. Breakfast I had some puffed wheat and 1 cup of milk. Lunch: I had a lean pocket, a salad with Raspberry Dressing, and Dinner I had 2 thin pork chops no bones, baked potato, 1 tbsp. of sour cream and butter. Snack: Hot chocolate.

MIND: I’m still reading Mr. Maybe…it’s a wonderful book! It feels good to read again.

SPIRIT: Okay, I got the hair chopped again. I’m not too sure if I like it so I will have to get used to it. I just got sick of my long hair and I was looking for a change…change is good…right? Take care all-Kellie

June 11, 2001

BODY: Above is my favorite outfit….Okay as for eating, I did fair this weekend eating wise…could have been better, could have done worse. My family was up this week so we did some eating out and eating in but the TOM is coming around so I can’t totally evaluate if I did all that bad weight wise. Today I ate great and I even managed to get in 25 minutes on the treadmill, not bad eh?

MIND: I got my two books from Barnes and Noble…they are absolutely fabulous. I’m reading my favorite novelist Jane Green’s book “Mr. Maybe” and health wise I am ready “Intuitive Eating” which is a excellent book so far about health, eating, and avoiding the diet trap. Plus, I’m still on the “Get Rid of Him” book…can’t forget that! I can’t believe I’m actually reading again. It’s about time. I don’t watch too much TV. Once and a while I will watch Entertainment Tonight when I am eating dinner but that’s it. I kind of loathe ET but it’s like a train wreck…you just got to watch it.

SPIRIT: My family was here Thursday – this morning. Oh, did that feel good to be with the whole family. I miss my folks so much. I’m so corny but I can’t wait til I live closer again because Kentucky seems so far away right now. Everyone was just happy to be together. I love them all so much…I hope you all out there have a family bond similar to mine because it’s a really good feeling when you have that. Well that’s it for me today, take care all-Kellie

June 6, 2001

BODY: The attack of the killer breakfast pizza and the taco potluck lunch…need I say more? I hate it when I go to meetings or we have potlucks and I take it as an invitation to eat. Shame on me! I did do something right today, I got on the treadmill for 35 minutes. So does two wrongs make a right? We’ll see in the morning…wait I vowed not to weigh in every morning,, argh!

MIND: Okay if you have not checked out Barnes and noble online university yet…what are you waiting for? This is the excerpt from their page (it’s long but worth it)

The old traditional diet model works on the premise that diets are necessary because there is something wrong with you and your body. If you lose weight, all will be fine. The new premise works on the philosophy that eating what you need and forsaking diets is a cutting-edge philosophy and may be the next paradigm in this new century. In her book, Moving Away From Diets, Nancy King discusses the differences between the traditional weight-control models and the non-diet approach. Here's a closer look at the old vs. the new.

The Old Paradigm

The old weight-control paradigm states that:

The concept of being overweight can be measured on a chart

The cause of weight gain is gluttony, laziness, or both

The solution is to stop eating so much and exercise more

We can all be slim if we try hard enough; it's just a matter of willpower

To be healthy and happy, we all should strive for and achieve thinness

The New Paradigm

Under the new paradigm:

Each of us needs to decide on a comfortable and realistic weight because the causes of weight gain are complex and involve many factors besides food.

Health and vitality come in all different sizes and shapes

We can lead happy, healthy, and productive lives without trying to achieve a culturally determined idealistic shape

The solution is multidimensional

You aren't just a one-dimensional body. Having a healthy body size involves a multidimensional approach that addresses the following areas.

Physical Aspects

Feed the body healthfully through connected eating, which means eating out of internal hunger cues and awareness or mindful eating

Move the body pleasurably

Plan meals and activities that are conducive to your lifestyle

Cognitive, Emotional, and Spiritual Aspects

Having a healthy body with a size that is right for you involves a multi-dimensional approach that addresses the following areas:

Physical: This involves feeding the body healthfully through connected eating and pleasurable movement. Make sure any meal or activity plan is conducive to your lifestyle.

Emotional, mental, and spiritual: Having a healthy body also means being balanced in these areas of our lives as well. It may look different for each person, but some activities that help promote balance include yoga, prayer, massage, meditation, mental health therapy, and other alternative health support modalities.

By working on just one of the areas mentioned above, you can create a ripple effect that enhances other areas of your life. This is how change begins.

Quoted from Online Course "Un-Diet Your Way to a Healthy Body" page 6 locate www.barnesandnoble.com. Is that great or what? I ordered 6 books from them last night so that will expand my mind section because I will be reading. My favorite author, Jane Green came out with another book so I'm looking forward to reading "Mr. Maybe" (She was the author of Jemima G, the greatest fiction novel dealing with weight issues).

SPIRIT: Mom and dad are coming tomorrow! Yippy! I haven’t seen them since my vacation in April. I’m so happy that I have Friday off because it’s been a rough week at work. I had one little kid tell me that they didn’t want to see me anymore (which is the norm) but I told them as soon as they show me that they truly don’t want to see me anymore by showing progress, I’ll be more than happy to not see them anymore. My true goal is to work my way out of seeing them. Anyways, that’s what I’ve been dealing with at work this week. Those darn little punks!

June 4, 2001

BODY: Ate really good today. I had 3 square meals with no snacks. Breakfast I had a bowl of cereal with a cup of milk. Lunch: Michealina’s frozen lasagna for 99cents! And a salad with light raspberry vingerette top with Colby jack and croutons. Dinner: 1-½ breasts of boneless chicken done on George, potato, 1 cup of yogurt, and celery sticks. Not bad…eh? I have to start weighing in once a week now and not everyday. I know it’s too darn tempting to get on that scale every morning but it has to stop so I can get more of an accurate read. Exercise: 22 minutes on the treadmill…was going to make it to curves tonight but wanted to come home after work to manage my ebay “you are a winner emails” because it was a huge selling week last week.

MIND: I’m going to be participating in Barnes and Noble University series of: Un-Diet Your Way to a Healthy Body . The series lasts for 4 weeks so I’m going to give it a try. I’m on page 30 of Get Rid of Him. Had an insightful talk with a fellow co-worker about the relationship only because she met Shawn this weekend after we all went to an auction together. She gave me the “You have to do something about this relationship talk or you will be unhappy your whole life talk” . She thinks there is no passion there…and to tell you the truth, there isn’t…but I’m reading the book and attempting to work through these feels of being alone. Bonnie pointed out that I’m just waiting for someone else to come along and that’s not fair. She’s right and I can’t find him being attached.

Spirit: Had a good week on ebay so I’m doing good financially. Talked to God to give me strength and for my parents to have a safe journey to Michigan because they will be coming up here on Thursday. Their town of London, KY had a tornado this weekend and it ripped off the roofs of several business but they were not hurt because they live out of town. Overall, I’m feeling good and it’s been over a month since a panic attack has occurred. When I get that trigger, I start to breathe properly. Well that’s it for me today, take care all-Kellie
My Vistors Since June 4, 2001
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