June 29, 1999

Hi all…Yesterday, I went to Louisville to interview for two internship interviews. The only I really wanted turned out to be a bust. I wasn’t impressed with that agency; the man seemed cold and distant. Plus, they wanted me there a ton. The other interview was at a maternity center for women and I was completely impressed by it. I really like the social worker that headed it because she had spunk and was extremely friendly but not fake. So I am excited to have the opportunity to do the internship in the fall. I have exactly a month and a half before I move back. Around this time next month, I will start looking for a new apartment in Louisville. It will be nice to move back but it’s always so expensive to live on your own.

I did so-so on my diet yesterday. We stopped at this placed called Buckets which was a down home bar with excellent food. It was one of my favorite hangouts when I lived over there because they had the best cheeseburgers, fries, and slaw! (My mouth is even watering now writing about it). So instead of indulging in a burger I had a chicken salad with LITE dressing and water to drink. On the way home, I grabbed some snacks from the vending machines. I grabbed a regular coke and some pretzels. Though, the major error when I got home was that I had some leftover party food: turkey, pie, and stuffing. So I’m kind of afraid to go near a scale. But I’m back on track today. I did notice that when you have a food pattern (like when you eat at a certain time) it is hard to disrupt it. Well take care all-Kellie

Hi all…we had a big celebration dinner for my aunt today and boy am I stuffed (it’s a healthy stuffed that is). It was for her birthday. I ate some turkey breast, ¼ cup stuffing, green beans, ½ cup potatoes, and I had a 1/8 of a low-fat, 3.5 grams of fat, which had no sugar in it and it was chocolate. I made it from the cook and serve sugar free Jell-O pudding, and I must say it was excellent!

Wow, I was totally caught off guard when I jumped on the scale this morning! I am down three pounds for the week. When I took my weekly progress picture I could really see the difference. I’ve got to tell y’all I am glade I made the decision to lose the weight. It was the right time in my life…I can’t wait till I hit my milestone #2, which is to weigh 220 by July 20. It’s possible. Take care all-Kellie 237/227/140 87 more pounds to go!!

June 26, 1999

Hi All! Thanks for the emails that expressed concerns; I really did appreciate them. I’m doing better. Yesterday went smoothly so it put me in a good mood and today, it’s the WEEKEND!!! Yippy! The one important lesson I learned from this week is that I do not have to seek solace in food. You see, that was one important lesson I needed to learn. I don’t know about y’all but I am the type of person who will turn to potato chips when I get in the dump. Not this time, I turned to celery and dealt with the situation appropriately by talking it out with others. Sometimes problems, as little as they are, should be voiced/discussed with others instead of keeping them bottled up inside. So overall looking back at the week, I know I am on the right track to success!

A yummy treat I found today, it was an egg white omelet. It was so good! I took a ‘Pam like spray’ and sprayed a non-stick pan, and then I separated the yolks from the white and placed them in the pan to cook. After the whites were cooked, I put some cheese, a little bit of ham, and some onions on it and I let it cook until the cheese melted. Ah…it was great. Y’all should try it sometime.

I’m looking forward to weigh in day. Yesterday, I put on a pair of jeans that were usually tight and they were actually loose in the waist, now that is a sure sign of success! Well, take care-Kellie

June 24, 1999

Oh when is this week going to end??? I’m having a terrible emotional week and it’s not even that time of the month! The last day and a half, I’ve been stressed out. Nothing seems to be going right. Like today, I had an internship interview with a social service agency in Jeffersonville, Indiana. So my dad and me leave about an 1/2 an hour earlier than usual to allow for traffic. Everything was going okay for the first 20 minutes then we hit major traffic on I-75. Since it is usually not too busy, we thought it was either construction or an accident happened. It took 75 minutes to move 8 miles. Since that happened, I knew we didn’t have the time to make it to Jeffersonville because it was another 90 miles away. So when we were able to exit the freeway, I called the agency to reschedule. I hope this doesn’t look bad on me because I really want this internship for this fall.

Finally, I noticed how easy it is, in stressful times to turn to FOOD. I am so stressed right now and I am fighting myself tooth and nail not to eat anything extra. Food is my coping mechanism but I am learning to change that. So I am surrounding my self around celery, lots of celery so I don’t go for the high fat food. So far it’s working…hopefully I will perk up in a couple of days because I’m pretty down right now :( -Take care all, Kellie

June 23, 1999

Hi All, the Kellie is doing better today! Partly cause I have the day off. Enough about work though; I bored y’all with that yesterday. Today, I went out to eat with Victoria, a girl from work. We ate at Fazolli’s (it’s an Italian like fast food joint). I ate their boneless/skinless/breadless chicken Parmesan, 2 bread sticks, and a side salad with light dressing. So I used up a lot of points there but I did not over eat! So I think I’m going to pat myself on the back about that.

Another thing I am happy about is that I exercised today. This morning at 8:00 am, my mom and me took a walk. It was a great workout because some of the walk we were traveling up hill so it made me work up a sweat. If I could do this every morning it would be great! Well take care all-Kellie

June 22, 1999

Yesterday was the first day I felt tired….really tired. I think it had a combination of things: I did not eat right yesterday, work pissed me off, and I was really exhausted (5 hours of sleep). Even today, I feel kind of bad, almost like I have a cold or something?? But it also could be allergies, too.

First, I ate the minimum points on the weight watchers so that could be it. I usually try to eat around 30 points a day…yesterday I ate 25 so that could be it. The five hours of sleep came from not being tired enough and I went to bed at 2:00 am then I work up at 7:30, so that is another explanation. Thirdly, a co-worker last Thursday, everyone wanted to order a pizza but the telephone was locked so I volunteered my cell phone even though I didn’t want to eat any. So I called Papa Johns, gave them my order and stated that I did not have an available telephone (the bosses locked it up) so I could not receive callbacks. Anyways, after place the order the locked up phone started to ring. Being concerned I thought it was Papa John’s so I called them back. They put me on hold (I’m calling on my cell phone) then they told me everything was fine and the pizza was on its way. After waiting 35 minutes, the pizza was not there so I called back again. Then I spoke to the manager who was rude and nasty. So honestly, I got rude back, and then she hung up on me. So we didn’t know if the pizza was coming or not. So then my co-workers had me call dominos and have them deliver a pizza. Then Papa John’s pulled up…it was not the drivers fault so I gave him a tip for coming out (I’m not the one eating the pizza!) and I told him his manager was something that rhymed with witch. Then dominos comes and everyone’s happy. So then last night, Edith (the women who lost 85 pounds) told me in front of everyone that we need to create partnerships with the community and that the situation was handled poorly on my part. So I was pissed, here out in the open, in front of everyone she made me feel like a fool, and I am not going to let someone do that to me, this is not grade school or high school where I would let someone in a non management position try to put me down. If Edith had a problem with the pizza situation and me she should have talked to me in private on Thursday instead of doing it in front of everyone yesterday. So I said, hey, why can’t anyone confront issues with each other instead of doing it in a group format? Then I told her that I was not going to feel guilty about it because I did not do anything wrong and if she felt I did she should have came to me in the first place. Basically last night I was steamed, I’m still steamed so again I had trouble sleeping…ARGARG!!!! I want this work week to be over because all this silliness has got to stop..Sorry all I’m just venting. I hope you all are doing okay, so take care-Kellie

June 20, 1999

Funny thing that I forgot to share last week: I thought last Sunday was father’s day so I got my dad a pair of boots and a card. Later on that morning my mom went to the calendar and saw that it was indeed not fathers day but it was the next Sunday!!! So here today is fathers day but we celebrated it last week!! Funny, crazy, situation…I’m still laughing about it!

I was proud of myself yesterday. My family and I had to make a trip to West Virginia to visit an uncle who is in a nursing home because he was shot by a neighbor. Any ways, it was a three hour trip so we had to stop and eat out. I made my choices wisely. Instead of drinking pop (and boy was I tempted) I drank some bottled water. When we stopped at McD’s, I had half a bag of their cinnamon cookies. Then for dinner, we stopped at a steak house and I ate: salad with lite dressing, 14 peanuts, 6 oz steak, a baked potato with tsp. of butter and sour cream. So overall, I did ok!

Friday, I did make my way down to the basement and Gawd, do I have enough clothes to start a resale shop for people sizes 12 – 20!!! I have well over a 100 shirts, sweaters, and tops. I have 35 pairs of blue jeans. Since the clothes were getting musty smelling, I took them out of the boxes. I discovered then, I needed a better system to store the clothes because the basement would ruin them. So I went off to Wal-Mart and got some plastic garbage cans. Since they are larger than the 32-quart storage totes, I decided to store my old clothes in the garbage cans. Today, I’m washing the clothes (it’s going to take all week because just today I did 10 loads!!!) and I am inventorying them to what season, size, and weight I wore them at. My goal is to get into those clothes again. Until I get into them, they well be safely stored in the garbage pails. Well take care all-Kellie 237/230/140 90 more to go!!!!!

June 18, 1999

Hi all! Humm two more days till the weigh in day!!! I can feel that I have done really good this week. Hopefully, I met Melanies Challenge (a buddy who challenged us to lose 2 pounds this week! Go MELANIE!) Another thing that made it is easy is that fruit like peaches, cherries, and apples are in season so I have been snacking on that.

Well I’m going to do something that I hate today…I’m going to make my way to the basement to visit the ‘former self’, that is I am going to look over my skinny clothes. Yesterday my dad told me I better go down there and be sure that they are okay because he has not run the de-humidifier at all in the last two months. So my luck I’m going to find them moldy and unusable, which hopefully is not the case. When I see the old clothes sometimes, I just wish I could jump back into them. Sometimes I wonder if I thought the last time I wore them did I know that was going to be the actual last time that I put them on my body…ah, I’m talking Kellie language right there, if you know what I’m talkin’ about, you’re amazing. I know it took me a long time to get here to what I weigh but it’s going to take less time to lose it. It will be a joyful moment when I get to my goal. I’m just day dreaming right now! Take care all-Kellie

June 17, 1999

Hi all! I love this weather because here in KY country the high for the last two days has been a whopping 76 degrees, is that heaven or what??? I’m feeling much more energetic now since I have started to lose the weight. So I can’t wait till I weigh in on Sunday.

Usually I would put this on my side notes page but I guess I will share it with you all..my pet peeve: a skinny, I mean skinny, person *itchin about their weight. Usually I would not be so militant but at my job I am surrounded by individuals, women that is, who complain and moan about being 125 pounds. They are in perfect shape and we are talkin’ no cottage cheese legs there. They seem to chat about it in my presence at least once a day. They complain “oh, I got to lose 15 pounds so I can look better, blah, blah, blah” aka, be a skeleton. Maybe it’s none of my business but when they say they are so fat, then what does that make me? Heck, I know I’m overweight but are they? NO!!! Man, if only they could see themselves through my eyes because they look fine. I just don’t understand…Well that’s it for me, take care all!-Kellie

****Addition 11:25 PM *Oh…I got some rough emails on this one..To all of you, I was just venting about this girl at work named Stacey. It was just my way of venting…please do not take it the wrong way. I was just frustrated with her and her complaining about her weight because it makes me ‘feel bad’ at times. It seems like whenever she is around me all she has to talk about is how fat she is and she isn't. She lacks tack and common sense. I hope you understand-If you have any questions, TALK TO ME!!-Take care all, Kellie

June 16, 1999

Hi all! I haven’t stepped on the scale since Sunday but I feel a difference in my pants. They are getting loose. I can’t believe that I may have a chance to weigh 230 this week. I have not been 230 in a long time so I will be celebrating a milestone when I get to that point. It’s strange when I think that I am actually on a ‘diet’ that works. Though my ‘diet’ should be called me behavior modification program (aka finally re-learning how to eat because I did forget). Where I notice the difference is in my stomach. I have this huge patch of fat, sorry folks it’s true, and it is shrinking. Though, I wonder how it’s going to look when I lost it all, will I have any major lose skin or stretch marks? Well see but for now take care all!-Kellie

June 14, 1999

Yahoo, down 1.5 pounds!!! That was a good week. Funny thing is that I weighed in on Saturday night because I was just curious and the scale said 237. I was pretty ticked off about that but I assured myself that I would see a huge difference in the morning. And I did! I know I have to start exercising but I have not yet, formally that is. I am making all of these excuses not to. I know if I did, the pounds would melt off faster.

On a personal level that I am going to share, I had this strange conversation with my boyfriend last night. I’m going to share it because I just got to let it out somewhere. He asked me if I loved him enough to move back to Michigan. I wasn’t exactly happy in Michigan so I was thinking I wouldn’t but I stated I would. I think my weight issue has a lot to do with the relationship. I gained primarily most of my weight with him and I harbor bad feelings about it. I tend to blame him for me gaining weight. I know he didn’t push the food into my mouth but I do blame him for some aspects. Does anyone out there have these feelings about their mate or am I just trying to blame him? I’m just curious….take care all-Kellie 237/232.5/140

June 12, 1999

Wow, it’s really hot here. I’m talking 93 degrees out with 100 percent humidity. These types of days, all I want to do is stay in the house and lounge on the couch, it’s that couch potato in me! I especially hate to cook in this weather so I think I’ll pop in a microwave dinner and eat a salad tonight because to turn on the stove would be a no-no in heat like this.

I like to openly thank all my weightloss buddies! It’s so nice to have people around for support. This page really helps because it does keep me focused. Plus, I love looking at others pages to see their battles and rejoices concerning their weight. I’m telling you this is the best motivational tool around :). So take care all of you- Kellie

June 11, 1999

Hi all…I’m doing as good as ever. The diet is going excellent. One thing that I have noticed in looking at others pages is how each individual person loses the weight. Some lose it super fast and some are taking it slow. Right now, I know I am taking it slow. Diet after diet, I have lost weight but in the end, I didn’t change my habits. Maybe I physically lost the weight but mentally I did not change my habits. I believe that weightloss is something that should be tackled on a mental and physical level, for me that is, I am not making any generalizations here. I know that I found it easy to get lost in myself. When I went from 170 to 190, then to 240, I really did not care what I looked like or felt like. Looking back, I was blind to see what was going on because it was easy for me to deny what actually was happening. I know what I am doing now is going to change my life forever. Instead of my weight controlling me, I’m finally controlling it. Well, that’s enough of me getting philosophical about my weight, take care all- Kellie

June 9, 1999 pm

I’m pretty tired tonight. It’s around 11:00 PM and work was completely horrible today. We had to deep clean the facilities so some snobby psychiatrist could see it. We steamed cleaned the carpet, washed walls, dusted, vacuumed, etc. and it turns out he didn’t even want to see the facility. We even cooked him dinner but he didn’t want that either. Plus we had to clean out a half done moldy activities building with no air-conditioning and it was 103 degrees in there! I was sweating so bad that when I touched my back, my hand was drenched in sweat so I guess I got my exercise today.

What I had to eat tonight cost me a ton of points on WW 123. I had 3 pieces of garlic bread, 1 ½ cup of pasta, ½ cup of spaghetti sauce with meat, and a salad. I was so hungry at dinner it was difficult not to over eat.

The only problem that I don’t have with dieting is that I always drink plenty of water. Well, take care all- Kellie

June 8, 1999 am

Good morning to all. Yikes, I woke up about two hours ago (7 am) and I’m still tired! When my schedule changed yesterday, I must say that it changed my eating habits. I was so hungry yesterday…and when I got home at 10 PM all I wanted to do was eat. I try not to eat too late but in this situation I had to get a snack. I opted for pretzels. If anyone is interested in what I usually eat, well here it is.

Morning: 2 biscuits of shredded wheat, 1 or 2 cups of coffee, and 1 tsp. of half-n half

Lunch: It’s either tuna (small can), 2 pieces of bread, or 4 oz. of chicken breast or Michealina’s (frozen food dinner) Penne Arrabita low fat/low sod.!! It costs $ .88 Then I always eat 1 oz. of cheese, 1 pkg. of Melba toast, and an orange

Dinner: varies from chicken to chicken ha! Beef 1x a week, Pork 1x a week

Snack: Celery with hot sauce

I think I was really hungry yesterday because I didn’t eat a heavy dinner or lunch so of course I was hungry when I got home!

I saw an ad in the paper about a fitness center for women located in my small eastern Kentucky town. I was really surprised at that. They have an enrollment fee of $29 so I may call them on Friday to see what it is all about. My fear of going to places like this is the ‘hidden costs or come on deals’. I would really like to workout like that because I love workout machines. When September comes around, I hope to be around 200, I don’t know how realistic that is but I want to swim at the local YMCA when I move back to Louisville. I love to swim! Well take care all! -Kellie

June 7, 1999 a.m.

Yahoo down three pounds for the last three weeks! I was so scared that my metabolism was screwed up from my former lay attempts at losing weight! I still have to begin to exercise so I need to get off my butt and do so. Lately, I am finding every excuse not to!

Yesterday I was miss grumpy for some reason, I could possibly blame it on two reason #1 a chic thing. I will not go into that #2 I saw the movie Step Mom, which I will elaborate on that. It’s one of those movies that disguise itself as a haha funny movie but then it turned out to be a major tear jerkier and it put me into a huge bad mood after seeing it so to all of you that have not seen it, stay away from it!

I have two buddies that have joined me the journey to weightloss so I thank them for joining me so for all you out there that are thinking about losing the weight, why not join us on our journey?

I have to work today..bohoo. They switched my hours on me to 1 to 10 pm, which stinks because we have to simulate being kids today so we will be prepared when they come. Maybe it could be fun because I am simulating a kid. Well take care all-Kellie

June 5, 1999

Humm, I love lazy Saturdays…since it was way too hot and humid outside today, I stayed in and toyed with my web page. Though, I did go out to eat twice today! I watched myself though. My folks took me out to breakfast and I got some pancakes but the bacon was a callin’ my name! It was like ‘Kellie, don’t you want to have a bite?’ Luckily, I had some will power. Then for dinner I had two tacos at Taco Bell. Overall, today I got my points in but I felt I didn’t eat healthy. Plus after having breakfast, I really bloated up in my fingers for some reason? Maybe it was the food…though tomorrow is the weigh in day so I will find out how bad I’ve been. I’ll post my results. Take care all- Kellie

June 4, 1999

Hello all…I didn’t have an exciting day today but overall, it had it’s moments. Diet is doing great. I am embarking on my third week currently, that is I have been on it for a whole fifteen days and I’m still going strong. Though today, I saved up my points to have a steak house garden salad and a big baked potato. I figure this is my treat for the week. It was worth it!

SPM (safe physical management) ended today at work. In a way I was sad because there goes my perfect workout. On the other hand, I’m sick of being tossed around like a rag doll. Well, that’s it for me today. Take care-Kellie

June 3, 1999

Hello all… I’m unusually hungry today. I think it was because I had a grab and go breakfast today. I was running late for work because I was chatting with the folks and I didn’t get my usual shredded wheat so that threw off my whole day. So I’ve been downing the water and eating the celery sticks. Speaking of celery sticks, the funny thing is that I’ve just recently acquired the taste for it in the last few months. I found this out when I was gorging myself full of some hot wings at BW-3. There was some hot sauce still in the bottom of the basket and I took that horrible piece of celery in my hands and swiped the sauce and man, it tasted good! Weird, huh? But now I’m addicted to celery and hot sauce. Possibly the sodium content is bad but if it gets me to eat celery it’s worth it.

One thing that I’ve noticed I need some help on is exercising. Even though I’m going through that vigorous training at work, I know soon it will end and I will have to be on some sort of exercise program. Weight Watchers in their at home kit sent me a tape. When I popped it in, I couldn’t keep up. The leader was way to fast, so if anyone has any suggestions on tapes, PLEASE SEND IT MY WAY!!!! I used to have a real good Susan Powder tape but I’ve lost it.

*On a happy note * today, I met a woman at work who lost 85 pounds in the last year! It was so interesting to talk to her plus she’s a social worker too, so we had a ton of things to chat about. One thing in talking with her is that even though she lost all the weight, she still has a distorted body image of herself (which she told me she had no judgements on my part). At first I found to be strange, but then I thought when chatting to others who have lost the weight, I’ve found some women who had the same problem. So as we all are trying to lose the weight, how can we avoid this problem???? I know that dropping 80 pounds will change my life but how will it change me mentally? Well, let me ponder that. So that’s all folks, take care-Kellie

June 2, 1999

Greetings all...today was a battle of my strength because we had a potluck today at work. I knew it was going to be a battle but I thought ahead, and thank God I did. My trigger foods were there like lasagna, pasta salad drenched in Italian dressing, chips with dip, and all sorts of yummy stuff. So what I did was I brought some salsa, no fat tortilla chips, and my light dressing (There's no way I can eat fat-free dressing!). So I watched my portion size and enjoyed. I was full but not too full. It seemed like before, I would eat until I would burst! I wouldn't stop until I couldn't shove another piece of food into my mouth.

I love this WW123, it easy and simple, and I don't have to restrict myself. Before I would hate what I eat when I was trying to lose my weight but no more of that. Maybe that is why I failed. Another thing that adds to my success is that I only weigh once a week. I know if I got on the scale and it should a lack of progress I would be a tad bit disappointed but of course I can't lose every week...I guess you can say I'm on a diet high.

The only thing that is driving me nuts right now is work. I just started training to this place three weeks ago and I am finding my colleagues 'all little stars wanting to shine' everyone wants to look good in front of the boss. Plus we've been working on safe physical management (it's a cross between wrestling and judo) so I am dying from the workouts. I know it's good for me to workout like that but damn, the body is hurting because on the average I am lugging around 80 - 100 pounds more than the other women. Plus I have a lack of coordination, which it takes longer for me to learn the moves we need to know. That is for me today. Take care all- Kellie

My Vistors Since May 27, 1999

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