May 31, 2001

BODY: Okay…I fess up…I could have been worse but honestly I was pretty bad the past two days. Before the concert we zoomed up to Frakenmuth (Zenders World Famous Chicken) and basically coat me in some oil because folks, I rolled on out of there. Actually at Zenders, I was pretty good in a way. I had one serving of Chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy (about 2 TBSP), cranberry sauce, liver pate, and some garlic toast but I swear, they must add something to make you think that you are going to burst when you walk out of there. Today, I had for breakfast 3 pieces of bacon, 2 slices of buttered rye toast, and some hashbrowns. Lunch: Seafood and Crab 6” sub @ Subway, with some Wow Chips, and Vernors pop. Dinner: 1 c. of Moo Goo Gai Pan, ¼ c. Rice, and 1 egg roll. So it could have been worse but I could have eaten a hell of a lot better. I’m going to add in spoof pictures every entry to spice things up. I was mortified by my arms tonight…that’s what I get for not swimming…though I wish I could blame it on the top :)

MIND: NEED REST! Read Below! On page 12 of the book. It’s hidden under the bed!

SPIRIT: The U2 concert was awesome. They sang just about every song I wanted to hear. The atmosphere was awesome, the light show was impressive, and the band…well they sound even better live than on disc! Excellent show. Stayed the night at my sister’s place in Wixom, MI over by Detroit and we all went garage selling today. Dennis my brother in law cracks me up by talking everyone down on their prices. They actually found a major find today, a 40 piece china set of Homer Laughlin for an amazing $4. I guess people just have no clue of what they have because this China goes for a ton on ebay. Carrie and Dennis just found one of his teapots at a garage sale two weeks ago while staying at the cabin and they just sold it for $105 on ebay…and they only bought it for $4. Now that’s amazing! Anyways, a 5 hour night sleep and running to garage sales makes Kellie a tired one so I’m tuning out…take care all, Kellie

May 29, 2001

Okay…I think I’m going to try something new with the journal. I will have 3 sub categories in each entry stating “Mind, Body, and Spirit” and how I working on all three taking the more holistic approach. As you all know, this is not just a weightloss journal but it’s about me, my struggles and triumphs concerning my emotional & physical health, the weight, and of course my relationships. So you choose what to read…and what not too.

BODY: I actually ate okay today. Breakfast: I had a bowl of Quaker puff cereal with a cup of 2% milk. Lunch: I had a budget gourmet meal, a salad with 2tbsp. of light done right dressing topped with croutons, and a snack of 5 dried pineapple rings. Dinner: Taco salad with 10 chips, salsa (just a little), ¼ meat, a pinch of cheese, and a ton of lettuce, small 12oz cherry coke. Water intake…poor just two large sizes of a steak and shake cup because I was out on homevisits and I’m not into using my consumer’s bathrooms…no way! Balanced possibly but not too much protein in there. Got to work on that. Exercise: I actually made time for it! Pat me on the back because I work 12 hours today and worked out for 35 minutes on the treadmill. Overall an okay day.

MIND: I got my book in the mail I purchased from ebay titled: “GET RID OF HIM”…thanks Tracy for guiding me to the book (she sent me a link ) so I will try to read 10 pages a night. I’ll look into anything that will aid me in this.

SPIRIT: Going to U2 tomorrow and I’m looking forward to that. I just hope that I don’t run into anyone from my old hometown of Marine City…hate that place… I haven’t been to a good concert in years. Prince was a dud back in November because he was mixing his old stuff. Plus a day and half off of work…yippy, short workweek! Take care all, Kellie

May 28, 2001

Well, I didn’t do too much of anything this weekend. The weather was horrible Friday, Saturday, and Sunday and of course it was beautiful out today. I did my usual on Saturday…went to Goodwill. Yes, I have two addictions in life…one of course is to food but the other is to Goodwill. I’ve been resale-ing for 12+ years now but these Grand Rapids Goodwill’s are the best I have ever seen. We are talking Elisabeth, Liz Claiborne, Eddie Bauer, etc. galore. A month ago I came across a food dehydrator new for $4.99. As I write, I am drying some apples, blueberries, and some pineapple for tasty snack treats. So much for retail. Most of the clothing I wear comes from resale, clearance, or outlet malls. I’m a thrifty gal. Though if I pay full price for stuff, I usually shop at Lands End. I love their selection because I can actually fit into their XL which is an 18 – 20. I have 3 pairs of shorts coming from them that only cost $10 a piece. What can you say, I am a bargain hunter.

I was proud of myself last week, I worked out 4 times. Though this week it looks like I’m only going to be able to work out twice at curves if I am lucky. I have to work from 8:15 – 7:30 tomorrow because I have a late night visit so that means I leave home at 7:30 and get home at 8:15 p.m.…yuck..not looking forward to that. Then on Wednesday, I go in for a half day because I’m going to see U2 at the Palace of Auburn Hills. So in order to do that I have to go in early and leave at 2 then drive 2.5 hours to Detroit. Then I have Thursday off and then I work on Friday. So I’m going to have a busy week.

The diet is going okay but I’m staying the same. I have to sit down and re-read the WW books so I can get attuned again into the program. I swear I would be losing more weight if I would just sit down, read the books, and to journal. My laziness is the key to my non-success right now. I know it, you know it…so come on Kellie and do something about it. Take care all-Kellie

PS...Thanks to all of you out there for the advice...it helps to know that there are people in this world that go through the same thing...helps me think that I'm not all alone :)

May 10, 2001

Check out the new glasses!and my awful sunburn!

Thanks for the countless emails of where are you Kellie? I guess sometimes I just have no idea how the journal makes an impact with my life and all of you outthere in cyberworld. I miss it. I miss writing in it. Honestly, things have been difficult personally lately. Same old crap just magnified. Work is doing great but the personal life is crap. So I don’t need to go there to elaborate. You all know the story.

I’ve been keeping myself in a safe cocoon lately. Not talking about things, keep things bottled up inside and indulging in some self-medicating behavior (unhealthy food). The weight hasn’t changed and thank god I am still working out. I love the curves place. It’s totally awesome and if you have one near year, I suggest you run out and do a trial run through there. Anyways, I feel like I cannot talk to anyone right now in my life. Everything is such a secret…I keep stuff to myself, feelings to myself and I am showing physiological signs of stress. My sleep is screwy were I will wake up a half an hour after lying down and falling asleep only to wake with a racing heart and signs of a panic attack. So at my doctors appointment on Wednesday, I addressed my anxiety. After the doctor listened to me, she suggested that I begin to take 25mg of Zoloft for my anxiety . Then in a week up it up to 50mg a day. Okay, so needless to say, I am faced with a huge decision…to medicate or not to medicate that is the question. Should I go on these pills? I’m confused because yes, I am concerned about the attacks but the frequency of the actual attacks range from 2x a week to once every other month. I talked this over with Shawn, here is our conversation.

Shawn: “Something is wrong with you Kellie”

Me: “I don’t like how you phrased that something is WRONG with me. Lots of people have panic attacks…there’s nothing wrong with me.

Shawn: “If there wasn’t anything wrong with you, then why would she suggest that you take the pills?There’s something wrong with you”

Me: “God damn it Shawn there is nothing wrong with me. I’m just stressed at times and this is how I deal with stress sometimes. I knew I couldn’t talk about this with you”

Shawn: “Why are you attacking me? I don’t know if I can be with someone who can’t talk to me about their panic attacks. Besides, I don’t know why you asked me because your mind is made up. I know you are not going to take the meds.”.

Me: “I feel like I’m being attacked. I cannot talk to you about it…”

So that was the gist of my conversation about the meds. Maybe I’m just going through a stage but I’m honestly confused about the meds. Maybe this is what I need. All I know is that I need some clarity in my life. Humm, maybe I should see someone about what’s going on. Maybe that would aid me in changing some behaviors and getting rid of 300 pounds (in the male form). I’ll think about if. If anyone wants to share their story with me, I would be more than happy to listen. The only person who I can truly talk to about this stuff is Teresa, my best friend. Besides that…there’s no one in my daily life. Well sorry to depress y’all but that’s what’s going on. Take care all-Kellie

My Vistors Since May 10, 2001

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