May 4, 2004

In the history of having this journal, I’ve never have missed a month of journaling. I cringe about that now because my streak of faithful journaling ended last month. I didn’t mean for this to happen but it just did. So the month flew by and I had every intention to write but I didn’t. My month included getting sick with the flu for a week, a trip to KY, major garage saleing, and a Metallica concert. So I’ll give you all the juicy details...

To start off, I didn’t drop off the face of the earth because of a weight gain. The weight is still the same. Though the one thing that I discovered is that I’m larger this year than last year. My inconsistent working out has effected my body so that my shape is changing. I might be about the same weight but I’m a little a tad more flabbier this year than last. That’s a bummer. I haven’t been consistent with the working out since...well...I don’t know. I’ve been struggling to find a happy medium there. I thought joining the gym would have been a good answer but I just haven’t been able to go as much as I wanted. I need to find the perfect schedule for myself. Though, that continues to be a constant struggle for me. This week I’ve been able to go to the gym yesterday, went to Curves and the gym today, plan on Curves and the gym tomorrow, Thursday is out for Curves due to a late night appointment so the gym is the answer possibly then, Friday I have a late night appointment so maybe the gym, and Saturday...well I’m not too sure. I know that Curves keeps my thighs down, the gym does not. The gym has some added benefits but gaining inches in the thigh is scary as hell. So I have to find that happy medium with the gym and curves. I’ll find it but as soon as I do, I’ll go on vacation (which is good but a blow to the work out schedule). So needless to say, I’ve been a tad freaked out about the body thing lately even though the scale is not moving due to better or worse. Another thing that has been bothering me is that my time at the gym when I am there is a lot. I just have to get into a routine though. I’m actually finding myself getting home at 9:30 pm at night and that is crazy. I’m stopping to eat on the way home. Sometimes, I’ll eat my meal in the car even because I know have a rule again of no eating past 9:00 pm unless if it’s a Starbucks bar, I’m not eating anything past 9.

I fell ill on the Good Friday week. I had the flu for about a week. I had about a 102 temp. and had a lot of nasty upper respiratory stuff going on. I lost my voice for 12 days, coughed up a lung for five(where at times, I was actually coughing up blood, and my chest was hurting from the irration) and I missed three days of work that week. I would have missed more but it was Good Friday. I then drove to KY to vacation with the folks where I got totally pampered. Carrie and Dennis came down there for 4 days also so the whole family was together. The picture of us is in Lexington at the Clay Mansion Garden. Spent some time with Teresa and Chris. Got Chris in trouble (not my Chris, Teresa’s Chris) because I should her to check her detailed HX and she caught him being naughty. Came home and tried to rest up. I then took some time off to go garage saleing with some work friends and got some major deals. Then I took Chris to the Metallica concert here in Grand Rapids. I actually had a horrible time at the concert because the nice 260 pound man behind me fell on me, spilled his beer all over my back, and head butted me in his drunken stupor and then had the nerve to call me a stupid *itch. So that differently didn’t make my day. Though, I pretended to have a good time for Chris but if you asked me, I had a horrible time at it. So that’s basically been my month.

I messed up my left foots inside the middle in the heel area. Some how I might have pulled something in it, bruised it, or something to that extent. I know for a fact, I screwed it up at the gym. It’s been sensitive for three weeks. I initially thought it was my shoes so I went out and bought some new saucony’s and a pair of merrell trail shoes (man those are wonderful shoes though...I did spend a bundle) but it didn’t help so I’ve got a doctors appointment lined up for tomorrow just in case because it has to be healed by the end of the month because I’m out for 12 days for the Maine trip which includes some major trail walking and some biking Doesn’t my foot know that I’m going to Maine and how much I need it???

Chris and I are doing good. We’ve been doing a lot of outside activities like disc golf, biking, and walking. We’re trying to get in shape for Maine so it doesn’t kill us. We’ve changed our route so now we are staying at swanky hotel the first night in Niagara Falls, then we are off to New Hampshire to the state park that had the man on the mountain (who fell), and then we are off to Maine. We are spending 2 nights in Acadia then we are going to a B&B and then we are back at Acadia for two more nights and then we are heading slowly home. On the way back, I want to stop in Vermont to pick up my dad some grandma moses prints because he absolutely loves her work. So needless to say, I can’t wait until my vacation.

I actually got jealous last week again about someone losing weight. A gal at work lost 30 pounds and I allowed it to eat at me last week. I swear I allowed my self to get into that poor me thinking for a bit. I think I allowed it to eat at me because she was bragging how she just cut back, didn’t exercise, and just drank water. That drove me nuts. I thought here I’ve been struggling with my last 20 and she lost hers in four months with no exercise...how is that fair? That really ate at me on how much little effort it took her to lose. I know she should be a motivator but half of me inside thinks when am I going to get down to my goal? I’m happy now but when I look at her being 130, I get that little pang of jealously like “it’s been forever since I was there”. One day, I’ll be 12 pounds heavier than her and then it will be my day but until then I am what I am and that’s okay...as long as I get these thighs back into shape.

Well, I do have more to say but it’s approaching 11:45 pm and I need to get some sleep. I’ve missed you all and thanks for your emails. I just have to prioritize this because journaling is important to me and it keeps me accountable. So sorry about the delay and I will never miss a month again! Take care all-Kellie

My Vistors Since May 4, 2004