October 26, 2000

Oh Fudge! That freakin scale at weight watchers says I am 210! What the heck? Both of my scales in the morning that I weighed in said I was 199, so how can I weigh 210. I’ve utilized my one scale since starting the plan a year and a half ago so I guess I actually weighed around 247 when I started?!?! Urgh! How can that be? The scale is no longer my friend…it is my arch enemy! My eyes nearly popped out of my head when I saw the numbers, I was like what?!?! Anyways, I will stick with my old weight for the site purposes. Okay, the new weight watchers materials are crappy…the book is full of ads and the foods are more specific yes, but I find that to be a pain. Plus, I found the 10% thing a little bit overwhelming because I was wondering, how am I supposed to drop 21 pounds in 10 weeks…it’s not possible, is it? Dude, that would be great if I was 190 or 180 (by my scales standard) at Christmas time but I would then have to loose 2 pounds per week…even during my best times, this was not possible. But, I must be an optimist here…maybe it is possible, maybe I can get back to that 2 pounds a week loss. Now all I have to do is attack my socializing eating. Everyweek is the same…I make a stellar performance during the week but come the weekend, it’s party, party, party. For example, this weekend Shawn and I are invited to a anniversary party so I have to plan to be good and not overeat & no drinking! Argh…I’ll sip on water because come Tuesday I only want to lose 20 or 19 more pounds to make my 10%. This is going to be difficult but I am looking forward to it! I can do it!! That’s it for me today, take care all-Kellie

October 23, 2000

Teresa and Chris came up this weekend to visit me. Teresa is my best friend from Graduate School at the University of Louisville. She told me that she’s been in the dumps lately with not finding a job yet, getting her knee hurt (Chris, her fiancée put some pledge on his wood floors and she fell and ripped something in her knee), and it’s getting to be the anniversary of her sister’s murder so she is going through that re-traumatization stuff, which is extremely difficult for her. So I tried to be as supportive as I could this weekend. I worry about her and depression because she gets herself into that funk and it’s hard for her to pull herself up with her bootstraps. We had a great time this weekend. We went all over Grand Rapids and went shopping. I picked up a whole bunch of Elisabeth stuff for ebay this weekend. I’m going to store the stuff until next summer and sell it then. I got some really cute stuff for the summer. We went to see Bedazzled and it was the cutest movie…a must see if you like comedies. Shawn went hunting this weekend so he was gone until Sunday afternoon. I was primarily pretty good this weekend but I still have to work on my social eating issue because I made some wise choices but then I made some unwise choices. My official 1st day of the new weight watchers starts tommorrow. I’m not too sure how the group will work but I’m looking forward to the behavior modification and incentives. Plus the bragging rights help a little bit because you cannot help but to want to compete with others around you. Okay so I know this weight thing shouldn’t be a competition but I love to compete…I’ll try to be good! I swear!

Did anyone pick up the latest people magazine? On the cover they had the caption “DYING TO BE THIN” where they told the stories of individuals who died because of wanting to lose weight. The had one story where a girl was 26 and she took an ephedra pill which was labeled as natural and an artery in her heart collapsed. This is a shut out/warning to those who find faith in “miracle cures” and diet pills…PLEASE BE CAREFUL because you COULD DIE! Being thin isn’t worth dying folks, be careful and watch what you put into your body because nothing is natural accept regular food. I took some of that ephedra crap back in early 1998 and it made my had race and palpitate so I got off of it real quick because I didn’t feel good on it. Then in 1999, I played with those damn Atkins diet vitamins, and I landed in the hospital emergency room because my heart was beating 130 – 140 BPM…and the sad thing, I was stupid! Stupid for finding faith in pills…in losing weight, you have to look deep inside of yourself, and try to make those changes. Don’t rely on a pill, gather your strength from yourself because it’s worth it in the long run…and there’s no chance in dying if you rely on yourself. That’s it for me today, take care all – Kellie

October 17, 2000

I attend my second WW meeting today. Most of the people are older working folks. It appears that I am the youngest there by at least 7 years, which isn’t surprising because most of the people who are working for the county seem to be at least 40. Of what I seen so far the group seems pretty quick and reserved, I guess I was expecting these happy-happy joy joy members but it was the end of their ten weeks. The program lasts 10 weeks for $126 bucks. I figure it’s worth the money because I need that extra help…heck I will just look at it like group therapy because basically it is. You have a leader who facilitates like a therapist who is guiding us to better thinking or tools that we can utilize in everyday life. Basically WW is weight therapy. Weird but I never thought of that until today. They had everyone sit in a circle and the leader tried to draw people in inductively by tying in people’s personal experiences. Plus you have behavioral incentives when you lose because you get a start and a bookmark when you lose weight…is that not therapy?!?!

I’m doing the subway diet at night M – Th. I know it sounds stupid but really, I’m sick of throwing out food and spending money for food I don’t eat. I know I will get sick of this and I’m not learning to eat well but you what, I am sick of throwing at least $20 of food away each week…veggies I don’t make, leftovers I don’t use, etc. It’s more economical for me to buy a subway meal 4X a week than to do some grocery shopping. I’m sure this will die soon but for the next few weeks, I think I’m going to do this. If you have any other suggestions, let me know.

I’m slowly changing over my counters…Shame on freaking’ Yahoo! For making it so damn difficult! They are on my piss list this week because the change over will take forever! I posted my new outfit look so check me out to see if I have porked out or not since my last pic! :P

Oh, one last thanks to Pam F. for your supportive email…It brightened my day! My WW leader reported today that people on the average lose .5 pounds a week more than a non-journaler! So remember to journal folks! Take care all-Kellie 237/200/145 55 more pounds to lose!

October 15, 2000

I had an awesome week diet wise but I’m not going to go near that scale because TOM reared his ugly head this week. I’m back into the diet thing but now I just need to find the motivation to update the page. I can’t do it at work because I really don’t feel comfortable using the company’s computer to do that and when I get hope it’s like I spent half a day looking at the computer so I don’t even want to go near that thing at all. It’s like I have a computer burn out because I sit in front of the computer all day and then I come home and want to use it for leisure? NO WAY! But this page is a huge part of my diet loss and it will continue to be part of that loss because I haven’t given up my motivation, I may have lost my way for a little while but you know, that happens. It can’t always be a happy –happy weightloss. Weightloss is damn difficult and when you are trying to do it for a while, your motivation is going to wain because you’re human…and hell, you get off track sometimes but it’s up to you to get back on track to make things right…to be healthy. So my weightloss was not as smooth as I thought it would be. When I first got on the life style change I was rip roaring ready to go…I guess I was that way until things started to change like my graduation, moving back to Michigan, job hunting, working things out with Shawn, getting a job, moving again!, being away from my folks for the first time in my life, and becoming an adult. This week for the first time in six months, I felt in control again. I was in control of my food and no longer was in control of me.

I officially joined weight watchers on Tuesday and I was surprised at home many men were there. Well, they were actually cops from the state police that are part of the group. That was kind of strange because I just don’t picture men talking about weightloss like I do….that’s going to be interesting. Bad cop, no donut! (sorry I had to add that in)

Yahoo/Geo is pissing me off…like on my measurements page, 4 of my pics do not show up. Plus no they have added new counters so I have to change my old ones…thanks guys at yahoo, great thinking!

Well, I am off to a great week again. I think next week will be as good as this week. We’ll see. Take care all- (if anyone is still out there!)-Kellie

October 9, 2000

I was in a funk…it was like I was mildy depressed and lazy all combined into one. I’ve been a tad bit overwhelmed for the last month or so. I wouldn’t say I was unhappy but I wasn’t happy. It’s been mildly difficult for my adjustment up here, adjustment to my "new life". I guess I was just a tad bit shocked…work all day, come home to the ghetto overpriced apartment, empty…tired…aching…and overwhelmed…too much to do in too little time. It was like I was on cruise control and I wasn’t aware of the environment around me. I was exhausted…I’m still exhausted. Like I said before, I haven’t had a break since I got back to Michigan, its like run, run, run, every weekend. I want rest, I need rest. I’m finally getting my priorities back. I’ve been just lazy so unmotivated to do something about my life. So I’m finally seeing the light again…and I am getting things in order. It’s about time because this was ridiculous…not only did I let my body go, I let my apartment get so messy, it made me sick. It wasn’t dirty but things were everywhere, unorganized! So it’s time for me to get things back in order, time for me to take back my life.

Last Saturday, I went to homecoming at CMU. Michigan’s weather was horrible. It sleeted for the first quarter of the game so we left. I stayed with Sarah (my x-college roommate), her sister Amy, and her girlfriend Lisa. We all had a blast. We got in on the Homecoming Parade route with Sarah’s car and everyone thought we were part of the parade, which was a blast! We were yelling out of the window that we were the END GRAND MARSHALLS so it was a great laugh. Then we went to the Casino and visited the arcade, and then we saw the movie "Meet the parents". Overall it was a good weekend until Sunday when I was driving home and a pulley on my Blazer seized and I was out in the middle of nowhere! Luckily, I coasted into a marathon station. I called a tow truck man and he was able to put on a new pull and put a new belt on it. I was pretty lucky and good was smiling down at me. It could have been a bad situation but I was lucky.

Well, I’m sorry about my absence…and I’m going to kick this thing in the ass and get my life back so stick in there with me. Thanks & take care, Kellie