October 31, 2002

Happy Halloween! Are you staying away from that candy? I must admit that I have had a couple of pieces this week though not more than one a day. I was down a 1 ¼ last week so that makes me 182 ½. I’m only 42 ¼ away from goal. Not bad, erh?

There’s not too much stuff going on this week. It’s been pretty quiet here. I’ve just been studying for the GRE. I’m also freaking out about it but what can I do. My professor that I was close to in grad school hasn’t answered my email nor returned my call. I’m getting kind of concerned about that and I don’t know how to handle this situation. I’ve also been looking at career alternatives just in case. I’ve found a school psychologist program at MSU that could be an option for me to get a Ed.S (education specialist) degree. There’s not too many school social work jobs out there so I should try to make myself more marketable because I’m not going to last in my current position for more than 2 more years. I know, I just have to be patient here. I just wish things were falling into place a little better. Maybe this is a sign or something because it just doesn’t feel right at this time.

I dressed up for Halloween today. Funny thing I had to do a screening for an inpatient stay today. It was mildly amusing because people where trying to figure out what the heck I was…I was a waitress but people kept on thinking I was a nurse. It’s funny that no one in the schools that I visited today was dressed up. Instead of celebrating Halloween, they celebrated Fall Festival. Oh please! One of the highlights as a child I had was to dress up at school and have a party. The poor kids. People at the office think it’s because we like in the Northern Bible Belt, the CRC is a strong hold up here, I have no idea what they are because I was raised on the other side of the state, but they say it’s a very stringent religion. Regardless, it was nice on the way home tonight to see all the trick or treaters out there. In a way, Halloween is about giving. Heck, it’s one of the only times that you will see neighbors being neighborly. I trick or treated until I was in the 12th day. I would always go with my friend Jodie Ferriby. Funny thing, I always think about her on Halloween…I wonder if she thinks about me and our crazy escapades on Halloween and fighting ageism from people who refused to give us candy because we were too old. Nice memories…

Carrie and Dennis (sis and brother-in-law) are up north this weekend so I’m heading north. Once again Shawn is not coming but that seems to be the trend these days. He hardly ever shows his face around my family. That’s fine, I’ll enjoy the free time. Well stay away from the candy! (or at least use some moderation)-Take care all-Kellie

October 15, 2002

Drum roll please?!?!? I’m down 2 ¾ pounds which puts me at 183.75. I’ve reached my 2nd 10% goal exactly 5 months after meeting my first 10% goal. I figure that I should be around 165 in another 5 months so around March (God willing) 12th. Not bad, eh? I figure that I should be reaching my goal in around August of next year. I’m not racing towards the goal but I’m turtling my way towards it. I’m totally comfortable in losing an average of a pound a week because I’m enjoying myself. I know it’s going to get rougher on the points because the next point drop, I will be down to eating 20 –25. I know it doesn’t seem like a big deal to most but those 2 points are a skinny cow or some pretzels. I guess I just need to cross that bridge when I get to it. Okay, I got the nicest complement yesterday and today from a co-worker, Wendi. She gave me a card about confidence and she wrote a note stating how I’m an inspiration to her. I thanked her today and she just said that she has never really met anyone like me before because I display the air of confidence and I’m secure about myself. Wow…that was probably the nicest compliment that I have ever received. Thinking about it, my confidence has grown immensely since being a teenager. Funny thing is that it’s too bad I went through all of those years, letting people step on me, or allowing people to treat me like dirt. That reminds me, I have my 10 year reunion coming up next year and I’m more than willing to show everyone that Kellie I am today. A coworker Beth went to her 10 year reunion this past weekend and she had a blast. She did admit that everyone did look to see whose looks have changes in the past 10 years though. If I were 226, I would go regardless because the weight thing is just a state of mind, in a way. Funny thing about me was that even when I was 226, I didn’t feel 226 nor did I believe I was that weight. I was just me but more of me. I think that this weightloss thing is totally based on three things: mind control, the right plan, and exercise. The largest component of the weightloss journey is Your Relationship With Food. Food is for nourishment and fuel, plain and simple. I eat 3 meals a day, no snacking. Joy in life comes from everyday life events…not from a tasty cheesecake. I like what I eat but eating no longer causes me joy like it used to. I’ve deprogrammed myself from overeating. It’s not part of me anymore. Overeating it doesn’t have to be a part of your life either. You have options. Just focus on your goal, short or long term, what ever works and don’t forget you need to like yourself first because if you don’t like yourself or accept yourself, you have no building blocks/foundation for losing weight. Love/Acceptance comes first, weightloss comes second. It took me a long time to accept that and I’m not perfect, but I’m a heck of a lot better than I used to be. Okay that’s my inspiration for the week.

I signed up for the GRE test. I’m taking it on 11.17.02 in Grand Rapids so please pray for me. I’ve been averaging about an hour a night of studying for it. Getting into the Ph.D. social work programs depends on this stupid quantitative test. I’ve been psychological bolstering myself by saying “You are going to pass. You are going to get a 500”. I just need to prepare. So it’s going to be a challenging 35 days. Let the force be with me :) As for getting in the program, if I do, I’m going to pursue a residence hall director so that my tuition could be paid for. My savings account is growing now so I’ll be a little bit more secure. If I could wait another year, my financial aid would be paid off but I just cannot stomach another year of waiting for this. At least by March, I will know if I will be accepted and if I’m not, then comes in the back up plan, and I will attempt to get on with my life. I was thinking if I don’t get in, I might pursue another masters degree in school psychology at MSU. There program will accept 30 credit hours from my MSW and there is always an abundance of school psychologist jobs out there compared to school social workers.

Okay here’s my vent for the week. I thought MCI was bad but I have found the worse cell phone company ever...Alltel. I have had my cell phone for two years last month through Century Tel but then Alltel bought them out. I didn't get a bill last month and then got one this month so I sent out the payment promptly last week. I got a call at work this morning request that I pay my bill. I call them back and state that I paid my bill last week and I told him not to have his company call me at work because it's not professional. I try making a call tonight and the cell phone is turned off. So I call the company to see what's going on (waited 30 minutes to talk to them) and they turned it off because of lack of payment. They then ask if I want it reactivated and I said yes of course. Then after I said yes, I then asked is that free? They said, "No, it's a $35 charge". I then asked her why didn't she advise me of this and she stated that "It's in your contract" but I didn't have a contract. Then she refused to credit me my money so I asked to talk to a manager. Then she hung up on me. I was steamed so I called back. After another 35 minutes of waiting I get another customer service person so I asked to talk to a manager. I get one and I explain the situation calmly. I stated that the person who I had previously talked to hung up on me and then refused take off the charge of $25. The manager then said in a snotty tone of voice "Well then, I could cancel your account and charge you $200 for void of contract" and I said "No you can't I don't have a contract with you". After staying calm and questioning the Alltel's ethics and billing procedures, she credited my account. Next month, I'm canceling. I can't believe the rudeness of such a company. Nice, huh?

Is it me or is everyone getting sick? I hear the flu is going around so everyone should be getting their flu shots right about now. I have to get into the doctors office this week to get that done. I had one last year and it was the first time in 4 years where I didn’t get the flu. Speaking of doctors, I bought the sonic care toothbrush last week. . I bought it because at the last dentist’s appointment, she suggested that I invest in one because I have a high level of tarter build up. Oh man, my teeth love it. After using this toothbrush, I highly doubt if I will ever have any more teeth problems again. Well that’s it for me today, take care all-Kellie

October 11, 2002

Whoa…has it been that long since I’ve had an entry??? I attempted to weigh-in in Kentucky but they don’t have any walk in hours so I was unable to weigh in. But tommorrow is my regular meeting so hopefully the scale will be nice to me. Last time I weighed in I was 186.5 so I’m hoping to be at least 1 pound down.

Vacation was wonderful! I had a great time with my folks. I relaxed a bit, took in some scenery, and sold some of my old ebay stuff at the local flea market where I made $400. Can’t beat that, huh? We also went to Liberty, KY where they have an Amish home for children and ate at the bread of life café, which is excellent. You all would be proud of me, it was a buffet and I actually kept on track with my points. While I was down there, I walked 3 out of 5 days. I actually walked an average of two miles for those days. My mom is down 10 pounds and my dad is down 12 pounds. They don’t have too much weight to lose but my dad likes to weigh around 200 and my mom would like to weigh around 133 (she’s 5’3). Teresa and I did some hanging out in Louisville/Bardstown. We saw the movie “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” and I absolutely loved it. It was just an overall great movie. The funny thing is that I could really relate to the movie because in the summer of ’94, I worked as a waitress at a Greek restaurant and Argh, that was something. Lets just say when I saw the lamb hanging in the freezer, I was more than freaked out. So I laughed hard when I saw one in the movie. Then on Saturday, we went to the St. James Art Fair and walked around. It was way too crowded to really shop but I really enjoyed the people watching. I visited my old apartment in the Cherokee triangle section of Louisville. One of the apartments is up for rent and I was so tempted to call the Management Company to see what it was going for. As usual, I cried when I left the city because Louisville is home. I just keep on telling myself that Michigan is a means to an end. I will eventually go home.

I think I’m actually getting more confidence. Not that I was lacking any before but my inside is showing on my outside and I’m actually feeling sexy. Now folks, this is a new feeling to me again because it’s been a damn 7 years since I’ve felt this way. It’s kind of like a Sassy feeling where I feel ontop of the clouds. I just can’t believe the changes that my body is going through…definitely for the better. Oh, what a feeling. Well that’s it for me tonight, take care all-Kellie

My Vistors Since October 11, 2002