September 30, 1999

Exercise: 1 hour of swimming

If I was looking at the glass half-empty, this month was very blah…I mean I had a lot of difficulties this month. I had my first binge earlier in the month and my loss has been very small. But if I look at the situation half full, I started to exercise and at least I didn’t gain any weight nor did I fall into my old habits, even though I was tempted to at times. I think most of my difficulties stemmed from me adjusting back to school and I was under some stress. October is a new month, with a new month comes new changes. My focus next month will be on exercising and monitoring my food intake closer. I know sometimes I make unwise choices about food so I want to be sure that I am eating my veggies and fruits. My favorite foods are usually proteins and starchy foods. I’m going to try to eat more fish. I like Pollock because it doesn’t have that fishy taste. Overall, this month was the most challenging month I had. Hopefully, I won’t have another one like this because it wasn’t all that great.

A van almost hit me today. I was stopped at a y shaped intersection and to the right of me a construction worker was flagging traffic. A van in the incoming traffic wanted to turn onto the street where the construction worker was but he couldn’t because the worker was flag him to go on. The man then was driving but looking at the worker so he was going to hit me head on. I started to scream because he was coming straight at me. I couldn’t go anywhere cause I was stuck. Luckily 4 feet in front of my car he noticed that he was going to hit me then he veered back. Oh, I was so scared…Thank Goodness God was watching out for me! Well that’s it for me today, take care all-Kellie

September 28, 1999

Exercise: 45 minutes of swimming

Did well today I think. For lunch today I had a cup of Moo Goo Gai Pan from a Chinese restaurant. Since I had eaten a little more points than usual for lunch, I had a low point fish dinner. I figured that would balance me out a bit. I took one of my clients out to lunch so I tried to eat as healthy as possible. I skipped the egg roll and fried rice because it wasn’t worth it.

On a bad note today, my car failed it’s emission test. Even though I live in Louisville part time, I still have to get it tested. Now I have to get my car fixed so it can pass the inspection. If it doesn’t I don’t know what to do. It should be at 220 something but it was 234. I hate this testing because if I were living back in London, I wouldn’t have to get it tested. What a hassle!

Exercising went okay tonight but the pool was packed with swimmer leagues so it was had to get a lap line. Then when I did get a line, 20 minutes later some little kids jump in and the lifeguard gives them my lane so I have to jump out of the pool until a lap line opened up. I should know better than to swim at night! Well take care all-Kellie

September 27, 1999

Exercise: 45 minutes of swimming

Hi all! Ahahah another busy day. I can’t wait ‘til things settle down so I get some free time during the week. I think it was because I have been busy on the weekend so it gets busy during the week. This weekend looks good because I’m just staying home to get caught up. In 3 weeks I get to go to Mt. Pleasant, MI for Homecoming Weekend at Central Michigan University. I can’t wait till I get up there because I miss Mt. P so much. It was a great college to go to and by the end of my 5th year, I knew a ton of people. Plus, my sister, Carrie, is going to check out CMU so she can get her Doctorate in Audiology there. My sister really applies herself in school. She has a 3.988 GPA, could you imagine having a GPA like that? Sometimes I think I could have a GPA like that but I accept being average. I’m fine with a 3.0 – 3.5 GPA. It tends to really stress me out when I am pulling 4.0’s. I’m strange I guess…

Speaking of my sister, she’s getting married in January. She’s 21, and been with her fiancée since her junior year in high school. They are perfect for each other so I’m happy to see that they get married. Though, this prompts me to want to lose a lot of weight fast (I’m not going to get in that mode of thinking but I don’t want to be forever immortalized in her pictures and not looking my best). Speaking of looking your best, I am just now getting comfortable seeing me in family pictures. For the last three years, I have avoided the camera completely because it was so painful seeing me the way I was. I think I felt that way because in my head, I was still skinny, if that makes any since. I guess it was my coping mechanism to think like that. Though, that is sad because I don’t have any pics of me with the family really. I won’t be doing that anymore. Well, that’s it for me today, take care all-Kellie

September 26, 1999

I’m the same this week. It didn’t surprise me at all this week for some reason. I just felt like I wasn’t losing. I think I have to include more green veggies and fresh fruits. I’m fine with not losing, at least I am the same. Though, maybe this is a plateau but inches wise I can see me losing some, which is just as great. My body isn’t used to working out so I’m going to continue to swim because I enjoy it so much. Maybe I have to sit down and re-evaluate what I’m eating too, to see if I am eating more than usual. If I am, I’m going to make some changes. I know I have been eating thin pork loan with the fat trimmed 3x a week instead of chicken that might be it. Oh, I have to stop analyzing that.

On a good note for school, I got a $6000 scholarship because of academic merit and financial need. That is so awesome! I found out on Friday when I went home to my folks. They sent the letter there instead of the apartment. I started freaking out because it’s going to make a major difference in how much I pay back when I am out in the real world. I’m still floating on cloud nine!

My action plan for this week: Re-evaluate what I am eating, continue to swim 5x – 6x a week, eat more veggies and salads. Hopefully doing this will get me out of my rut! Wish me luck all-Kellie 237/209/140 69 more pounds to go!!!

September 23, 1999

Exercise: 45 minutes of swimming (light work out)

Happy Fall all! Ah, I swear I had every moment scheduled today! I work up this morning at 7:45. I thought it was 8:45 because I must have hit a button to bump it ahead. I went to bed at 2:00 last night because I got chatting with a friend at 12:00 and we stayed on the phone until 2:00! I haven’t seen her too much this semester because we have different schedules. So I was dragging today but I still exercised tonight so I’m proud of myself, I knew had to exercise. I’m going home this weekend so I figure that I’ll take tomorrow off. But on Saturday, I might go to the YMCA in London so I can get my swimming in.

I went out to eat today and I had the best salad. It was a half portion of a house salad that had greens, celery, carrots, cheese, bacon, smashed egg whites, one avocado slice, and to top it off with fat free dressing…it was great but I estimated with all the sides it was about 8 points but it was so worth it.

Well, I am going home this weekend so wish me a safe trip. I will update the page on Monday morning so take care all and good luck with your weighins-Kellie

September 22, 1999

Exercise: 1 mile treadmill, 1 hour 15 minutes of swimming

Hi all, I went swimming again today. When I was doing my laps they had this cardiac class going on and it looked great. They got a full hour of aqua aerobics and it looked challenging because there was never any down time while they were working out. Maybe I might try that twice a week to have a change from just ordinary lap swim.

You know, I hate SCALES! I swear each one is unique and different. I jumped on one at work and it said I was 204, then I jumped on mine this morning and it said 207, then I jumped on one at the gym and it said 220! Now is there every any consistency to them? Two of the scales were doctor’s scales and I know for a fact that I cannot humanly soar from 204 to 220 in less than one day. So exactly how much do I weigh? I have no idea but I’m sticking with my home scale because that’s the one I used to measure my weight when I started the diet. Craziness!

I have this huge problem with procrastination. I have a 3-page paper due in my social work advance practice class and I still haven’t started it. I swear I am addict to two things in life: food and procrastination. I’ve been getting away with procrastination for years and I get such a high off it because I can pull it off and still get a good grade…I better start working on it today because it’s due on Friday. I’m going back home to London, KY for the weekend on Friday because my uncle is playing the piano at the Worlds Largest Chicken Festival…yes folks, a chicken festival. If you are wondering where that came from well Corbin, KY (10 miles away) is the home of the first Kentucky Fried Chicken. My sister and my brother in law are coming from Michigan to visit us. I’ve never been to the festival but I hear it’s a great sociological event because the hill people come out…hummm, interesting, I love people watching. Take care all, Kellie

September 21, 1999

Execise: 1 mile tread mill, 1 hour swimming

I found that working out in the morning is better if that makes any sense because I am a lot less tired. It seemed like when I worked out at night, I was just ready to hit the sack. But when I worked out this morning, I was a bit tired but I felt really good today. I swam a 125 (5 lengths of the pool) continuously, I am slowly working up my stamina for swimming. After the 125, I used the kick board for 5 lengths of the pool, then I swam another 100 yards, and so on. I try not to stop at all until my cool down which entails walking the pool for 100 yards. Then I went on the treadmill to walk a mile.

Eating today was fair. I made my bean soup yesterday so I have been living off of that but I caught dinner at my internship. They had ribs (I removed the fat), baked potatoes, a roll, and a sliver of a piece of cake. So I ate the maximum amount of points. Well, take care all-Kellie

September 20, 1999

I’m finally exercising and it feels great!!! Oh, how I missed swimming these past years. At first I was embarrassed to go into the pool…you know that “I’m a fat girl syndrome and everyone will look at me”. Well, no one bad any notice to me and I got over it. I was nervous when I was driving over to the pool, my hands began to sweat and I was getting that sinking gut feeling but I kept on telling myself that this is how I am going to get the body I want. I got there and purchased my month pass for $34 dollars. I went into the locker room, changed then I faced the pool. Hardly no one was there, I picked a lane and jumped in the cool water. It felt so good, I missed that feeling. I swam a 50 and by then I was worn out. So I grabbed a kick board and then I did that for 200 yards and I went back to lap swim. So it was a good work out. Then today I went and the pool was a bit busier so I decided to visit the weight room and I got on the treadmill and walked a mile. By then the pool was near empty and I swam a 100 continuously without stopping. I think each time I will add 25 yards every other day I workout. By the end of the month I should be getting back into the swing of things. For the longest time, I accepted the fact that I would probably never swim again because of my weight and fear of “exposing” myself. Ah, what an accomplishment for me. I’m so excited that I could bounce off my ceiling. I know my weightloss will go smoother now that I am exercising because those who combine diet and exercise are very successful. Ah, I can’t wait till tomorrow so I can have another good workout! Take care all-Kellie

September 19, 1999

I’m back!!!! Well folks, the computer had a slight glitch and I had to get it repaired. Thank goodness to the nice people over at the Gateway Country store or I would be totally lost. It happened on Wednesday and it wouldn’t turn on, it got stuck in the sleep mode. I’m just happy I got back my computer.

On Wednesday night Shawn called me and he wanted to come down so he did. I guess at work they got a couple of days off unexpectedly so he decided to spend it with me. So on Thursday, he got here and we spent the weekend together. On Friday, we went to Caesars of Indiana (a gambling casino boat) and for dinner we ate at the Old Spaghetti Factory. On Saturday, we hung out and just went shopping. He went home this morning.

Overall, I’m afraid to say that I went 50% on the diet so it reflected that way on the scale. At least I stayed the same but my goal was not met for the first time. That’s okay, because I’m just glad I stayed the same. I have to be more displined when it comes to social eating so I need help with that. I don’t know how to socially eat and it’s difficult.

Well, I’m going over to the gym today. There’s this place near my home and they have open swim so I think I will check them out because the YMCA has not called me and I am getting tired of waiting to hear from them. Well, wish me luck this week because I need to kick it in gear! Take care all-Kellie 237/209/140 69 MORE TO GO!!!

*****Wow, I made it over to the pool! I went to the Louisville Metro Parks Pool Center. It’s only about 8 minutes away from my place. The facility was brand new and it was beautiful! Another good thing was that there hardly was anyone there, maybe only 15 people. They had a ton of lanes too. It was so refreshing to get back into the pool because I really did miss that feeling in the water. I did some continuous laps and I did some with the paddleboard. I can’t wait till I go back tomorrow. Now this was an accomplishment for me because I was afraid to start working out in a way. I had that embarrassed feeling but I got over it real quick because in order to look like I should I need to incorporate exercise into my life.

September 13, 1999

I had a great day today so far…I took a walk to enjoy the weather out. I can’t wait till the fall because the weather gets a little cooler then. I had some free time at my internship so I went to the library. While I was there I checked out some Weight Watchers Magazines. The best part about them is that they have feature stories on successful weightlosses. A picture is definitely worth 1000 words in reading the success stories because the change is overwhelming. It’s amazing to see what a 35, 50, 75, 100-pound loss does for someone. It not only changes their physical outside but their mental inside about life. In losing this weight, I can honestly say that I feel mentally healthier. I will always love myself for who I am but I wasn’t comfortable weighing 237. I often let my weight boggle me down, I was heavy and I felt heavy from the burden of it. It feels good to be losing, really good. Each morning I wake up I feel lighter (even if I don’t weigh less, I feel airy…I know it’s a tad corny but it’s true!) Anyways, another thing I came to realize was that one should not do something during this time of losing that they cannot commit to for the rest of their life. Okay, I’m speaking in Kellie-lingo but for example look at Oprah, I love Oprah but she was extending herself unpratically while she was losing the weight. She was exercising 3 to 4 hours a day plus she had a personal cook. I’m not criticizing but in reality, is it possible to exercise 3 to 4 hours a day for the rest of your life, 5 to 6 times a week, with her schedule? No, not really. I know I am making lifetime changes here, not just short term solutions because like I always say this weightloss thing isn’t going to last too long. One thing I noted in reading one of the articles in the magazines is that if you are losing weight you should journal your food intake and thoughts during this time because it helps re-affirm your commitment to losing and overall, people who do lose the weight. I hope this to be true…We’ll see! Take care all-Kellie

*****Oh, I got to wear this shirt today for the first time in 2 years, and it was paired with a size 18 jeans. I love this pic of me...I was 20 then and weighed about 160. I'll be there again...some day!

September 12, 1999

A girl from one of my classes called me this afternoon to see if I wanted to take a walk, which was great because I wanted to get out and walk some today. She seems to be really nice. She’s over here in the states from Berlin so it’s nice to hang out with someone who has been all over the world because I have only a few travelling experiences and she has been everywhere. We have a lot of things in common so I found it relatively easy to chat with her. The walk was good but it was hot out today. I guess they are saying that it is supposed to dip in the mid 70s this week but it was around 85 today. Everything is dying/burnt around here because of the drought. I guess they are saying that we are not going to see all the beautiful fall colors because of the drought, which is sad because that’s what marks the passing into fall. My favorite time in fall is in the beginning of October when the apple cider is in. When I went to school at Central Michigan University, there was this cute Cider Mill in St. Johns which was near Lansing, 60 miles from Mt. Pleasant, I would go there every year religiously. I would buy 3 gallons of cider and wolf down about 3 donuts when I was at the mill (they had the best donuts in the mill, they were freshly made and still warm from the frying..yummy). It’s stuff like that I really miss about Michigan…oh, well my life is better here in Louisville but I guess it’s just human to miss some things.

I’ve been watching the Emmys for the last hour and I am finding Genna Elfman(excuse me if I butcher her name) mildly annoying. It seems like she is really like her character Dharma…I don’t know. I find it amusing that Brad Pitt is finally being seen with Jennifer Aniston…I hear that Gwenth dumped Brad because he wasn’t that intelligent. I guess if it’s just all looks, after time goes bye, you just get sick of it.

WOW, I am almost down to 200!!! Another month and a half and I will be there!!! Okay, I had a great dieting week this week. I’m so proud of myself because for a while there I was having so major problems. I wanted to snack all the time but this week I didn’t even have the urge to snack. This weekend I lived off the bean soup that I made on Friday. The funny thing about that is that I feel like I had a ton of energy from eating it. I don’t know how to explain it but I felt really good this weekend and I was filled with energy! So maybe I should add that to my diet a little more often. Over the last week, I have also gotten my body on a schedule. You see I try to get up at the same time and I try to go to bed at the same time. I think it’s important for your body to be on some sort of schedule. This week I am supposed to hear back from the YMCA so I can start to workout out. I’m sitting by my phone waiting for ‘em. Well, I hope I have a great week this week…so y’all take care now-Kellie 237/209/140 69 MORE TO GO!!!

*****UPDATE: Wow, I made it over to the pool! I went to the Louisville Metro Parks Pool Center. It’s only about 8 minutes away from my place. The facility was brand new and it was beautiful! Another good thing was that there hardly was anyone there, maybe only 15 people. They had a ton of lanes too. It was so refreshing to get back into the pool because I really did miss that feeling in the water. I did some continuous laps and I did some with the paddleboard. I can’t wait till I go back tomorrow. Now this was an accomplishment for me because I was afraid to start working out in a way. I had that embarrassed feeling but I got over it real quick because in order to look like I should I need to incorporate exercise into my life.

September 11, 1999

Ah, a lazy Saturday! I love it. I got up this morning and cleaned my apartment. I figure if I deep clean once a week, it will stay clean. I hate having a huge mess around my place. So I slept in until 8:30 am then I ate some breakfast and after that I cleaned for an hour. My place is spotless now. Then it was getting to be around 1:30 p.m. and the post man still had not shown up so I had a bill that needed to get out today so I drove out to the post office to mail it out. On the way back to my apartment there was an arts and craft fair at a local church so I stopped by to see if there was anything to buy, there wasn’t. So I journeyed home and toyed on the computer a bit, checking out some other weightloss sights and wow are there so good ones out there. Then I got addicted to watching the Women’s US Open…talk about a great tennis match!

Speaking of randomness thoughts, I am hesitant to get involved in any new fall television show. The new shows on the stations are coming out next week and every fall that I tend to watch a show regularly they take it off. Like last fall, I loved Hyperion Bay on the WB and Cupid on ABC. Both of these shows had great plots, excellent characters but for some reason the networks took them off. You know when a show is about to be cancelled when they start moving them around concerning day and times. The best show that was taken off after a few shows was Dark Shadows (the 90s version) back in 91 I think. I loved Ben Cross as Barnbas Collins. I guess it always happens but don’t you find it annoying when new shoes get cancelled before their run? Enough of that!

I ate leftovers today for lunch and dinner. I had some shredded wheat for breakfast and some bean soup for lunch and dinner with some corn bread so overall I ate healthy today. Hopefully when I step on the scale tomorrow, I will show a great loss. So take care all-Kellie

September 10, 1999

I’m just going to chill out this weekend. I have a lot of catching up to do for my classes because I have a ton of readings to do for my classes. The one thing that bugs me about graduate school is how much reading I do, yet when I go to my classes, is the material ever covered? No, of course not. There is one class that the reading is reviewed but the rest of the classes really don't touch on the 100+plus readings per class. The most interesting class I have is my social work practice class. We are learning about Narrative Therapy. This is a new technique for me so it’s interesting. So far, what I get about narrative therapy is the problems are de-constructed (taken apart) and viewed from an outside looking glass where as, the problem is not apart of a person but it is an entity existing outside of the self. It’s confusing but it’s a good challenge because I am learning something new.

I made some bean soup today…oh, it was very yummy! I just had a craving for it so I soaked the beans last night and threw the ingredients in the crock-pot this morning. In figuring the points, I had a difficult time. I figured it was around 3 points per serving. I put lite salt in it instead of regular to cut down the sodium content. So, I think it’s a healthy food. One food that I must say I love to have around the house is FIBAR’S. They are granola bars and they are so yummy but they are 3 points. I have one every other day if I need that boost. Plus, it’s a great thing to carry around in my backpack. Well folks, that’s it for me today! Take care all-Kellie

September 9, 1999

Well, Happy Birthday to me! I am a whopping 24 years old so am I in my middle 20s or in my early 20s? For my sake, I will look at the glass half full so I am in my early 20s! :) I had a great birthday today, 1st being that I am alive! 2nd being that I am losing weight, a goal for myself that I had for myself for years 3rd being that it was a nice day. My parents called me up this morning at 8:00 am to wish me happy birthday. Which was really sweet because they sang to me. Then I went out to lunch with some classmates. Then my little sister called to wish me happy birthday so overall it was an A++ day. Oh, and I can’t forget my buddies who sent me an ICQ card, so thank you all! In speaking about my birthdays, I’ve had some pretty crappy birthdays. The two worst being the milestone birthdays: 18 and 21. My 18th was a disaster because it was my first year at CMU. It was a mess that day, I was so depressed because I really didn’t know how to handle being away from my parents and I was slow at making new friends so I didn’t really have anyone to celebrate it with expect my former best friend Tracey (I’m not going to go into much detail about her but she was extremely EVIL and she did considerable damage to my teenage self esteem, I swear if I ever saw her again I would KUNG FU HER @SS!…and I’m going to be a social worker one day..hey, I can have some flaws..). Since I was hurting so much, I projected my anger onto my parents when they called and I was very rude, disrespectful to them, and I hung up the phone on them! So I ended the birthday by sitting in my dorm room, gorging on some cupcakes, and crying (because I knew it was rude to treat my parents that way). So that was horrible! Then on my 21st birthday, I was set to go out with all my friends but at the last minute they back out. I had to beg Shawn to go out to dinner with me and then we went out to this restaurant in Mt. Pleasant called La Senorita’s and I got stuck with the bill/tip and NO FUN. So thank goodness I made it through those instances because I always thought then that birthdays were a big deal and it was strange to have those milestones be depressing. At least I can think back and say my 24th birthday was nice because I was happy and I did things for me today.

Well, I had a slice and half of pizza today. It tasted good but I was so proud of my willpower. I quit after I was full. Folks, this normally doesn’t happen so I am really proud of myself. It was a hand tossed pizza with toppings galore and cheese piled on top of it. Then for dinner, I had some shrimp cocktail (a birthday gift for myself) and some boneless pork chops and a baked potato. So I was in my point range today!

I went grocery shopping at Meijers today (for all of you not in the central/northern states it’s a super huge grocery store and it is a department store. I picked up some workout wear so I can have something to workout in. I picked up some shorts, a tee, and 2 sports bra’s. Sport bra’s are strange…I tried one on and I have no boobs, they are extremely flat! So that is a different experience for me because I haven’t been flat chested in years!

I turned in my application to the YMCA yesterday so I should be hearing from them within a weeks time to hear about how much they will pay for my membership there. Wow, when I went to turn in my form yesterday there are a ton of HOT MEN working out…no that’s a perk. Well take care all-Kellie

September 8, 1999

Yesterday, I went into YMCA and got a tour. It was a pretty nice place. Though, I was surprised to see that they only had a four-lane pool, which is odd at the Y because they are usually bigger. When I was walking around, I hardly saw any women. Most of the people were men in their 40s. Not that I am bothered by this but it’s kind of odd to see business men working out at lunch in the middle of the day. I got their financial assistance form and I filled it out yesterday. Now I just have to make copies of my loan papers and my tax form from last year. They said that I should here about how much they would pay by sometime next week so I should be in the pool then. What I really liked was the track on the 7th floor. It’s a 20-lap track and surrounding it they have a treadmills and other workout machines. Overall, I think it’s going to be a good place to work out at.

Wow, it’s amazing 114 days till the New Year so I have been on the diet for as many days we have until the New Year. Amazing because it feels like I have not been on it for very long.

The last couple of days, I’ve been eating really well. I know I’m losing weight this week so I’m going to have a great weigh in on Sunday. Last night, I had dinner at my internship, which was a pork chop, a potato, and some rice. I had my usual water intake, which is a little less than a gallon. I’ve been buying distilled water at Wal-Mart because the water is so bad here in Louisville. Well, that’s it for me today, take care all-Kellie

September 7, 1999

Folks, I had a great Labor Day weekend. It was just the weekend I needed to get things in focus again. For a time, I felt like things were slipping last week. I mean I binged for the first time, I was feeling lonely, and I had the diet blues. I swear I was so negative last week in that I was thinking oh I have 73 more pounds to loss, there’s no way I can do it before May. But I am back…Maybe I can’t lose all my weight before May but I am going to walk down that graduation aisle a trim 160 or less. I’m making a change every day for the better and that’s what counts.

My friends’ wedding was really nice. Kim looked great. Her church actually paid for the whole wedding. Can you believe that? It blew my mind. What a great congregation. Kim and her husband will not have to lose any more money over just getting married. I bet we all wished that we could go to a church like that!

When I went home this weekend, I got to go shopping! Yehaw…my mom paid for half of a pair of jeans and guess what size they were? An 18!! They are a bit snug but they will look great in about 10 more pounds. I also got some shoe and boots too. I bought some Hush Puppies and some Harley Davidson Boots (oh these are some really nice boots…they zip up the sides and I can’t wait ‘til I wear them!). Speaking of clothes, I was trying to find a dress to wear to the wedding so I hit my closet. I tried on my favorite black dress and it no longer fits me. I looked like I was swarming in it. I couldn’t believe it because two months ago it fit snug and now it’s too big! What a great feeling!

I ate well all weekend, even at the wedding. At the wedding I had some pasta salad, veggies, and a sliver of cake. For the rest of the meals, I had very nutritious foods like corn, green beans, a salad, and some chicken. So I should be expecting a big loss this weekend. I also expect a big loss because it was TOM so I knew that I wasn’t going to lose much of anything but a .5 of a pound isn’t bad. Well that’s it for me, take care all-Kellie 237/212.5/140 72.5 pounds

September 3, 1999

It’s been a really odd day today. I had classes today and I have about a 1 ½ hour break between one class, so me and my friend Theresa decided to grab lunch at McDonalds. It was a rather busy lunch hour in there. We sat down and started to eat our lunches. Directly behind me sat a mother and a daughter. The mother appeared to be about 70 years old and the daughter around 45. The daughter starts asking the mother “Do you know who I am?” the mother tries to reply to the daughter but she is unable to speak. Then the daughter starts to ask the mother if she wants to go to the hospital and then the mother says “No…that would make me upset”. Then a few moments lapse and it’s causing people to notice the situation. Then the mother is able to say who she is and where she lives but she is trembling and she still refuses to go to the dr. so then the mother is unable to recall what is going on. So the daughter goes out and gets the cell phone so she can call the doctor. Meanwhile, I go and chat with the woman. I tell her my name and I inquire about how is she enjoying lunch (I figured this might calm her down if she is anxious). The daughter comes back in and tells her mother that they are going to go to the doctors. So some others and me help her get out to the car. The daughter thought her mother was having a mild stroke. Meanwhile during this whole situation the daughter wass very calm, cool, and collective. I thought what strength it must have took to be so calm because if it were my mother/father, I would be hysterical. That’s so scary..the whole situation. It’s like you live in one body your whole life then BAM! It wants you out…enough of that. I will pray tonight for the woman in Mc Donald’s, I hope she is all right.

We’ll Shawn called last night and I was screening my calls so he got my voice mail. He was like “Hi Kellie, it’s me Shawn…pick up..we’ll I guess you are not there so give me a call when you get home…love you, Shawn”. I was too mad to call him back last night so I called him today when I got home but I got his machine and I left a message asking him to call me back. But he hasn’t called so I am not going to stress about it too much! I’ll keep you posted on the developments.

I’m going to a wedding tomorrow, my friend Kim from school is getting married. I am so happy for her. She just got engaged this summer and she wanted to get married ASAP. So they are going to have a reception after the wedding. She is an Apsolistic Pentecostal so I think it’s going to be an interesting event in seeing how people interact. I’m taking along a fried named Yvette from school too so I will have someone to talk to. I figure I’m going to give her some $$$ instead of a gift because money is always utilized well. When it comes to the food part, my goal is to stick with some veggies and safe foods (no high fat foods for me!!)

Well, I’m not expecting too much of a loss this week because its that time folks, yes where all women gain water if ya know what I mean. After the wedding, I’m heading home for the weekend so I will update the page on Monday when I get back to Louisville. So if I don’t make another entry tomorrow, to all the Americans out there enjoy the Labor Day Weekend! Take care all and be safe!-Kellie

September 2, 1999

I’ve haven’t had a b**** session about Shawn in a while so I here I go. I got in a fight with Shawn last night over something very stupid, so here’s the story…I called Shawn around 8:30 pm last night. We go on to chat about what’s going on with each others life then he starts to chat about wrestling. I absolutely hate wrestling folks (please don’t be offend folks if you are a wrestling fan but I’m not so try to empathize with me here) So he starts going on and on about the UPN has a new wrestling show and how he doesn’t get that station so I make a smart @ss comment, like “Oh you poor poor baby” and he said “Oh, that was cold Kel…”, then I said, “Wait, did I say that out loud?” then he HUNG UP ON ME!!! Now, I wasn’t expecting that response and I really got angry because he hung up on me. I don’t think that anyone should hang up on someone because that is so rude. So I call him up and say some vulgar things like “Hey jack a** when you f***in grow up call me back”, so basically I haven’t heard from him. You know, I am just sick of sitting and listening to his verbal diarrhea about wrestling all the time…I can recount countless hours of me just going “uh-huh, and yeah”. In a way I am happy, could this be a way out of the relationship that I am just holding onto??? I think it stems from my wanting to always please people that are close to me. Once Shawn said something insightful about me as a person, he was like “Kellie, you always want to do the right thing, even if it’s not the right thing for you”…maybe he’s right. Enough of that! Sorry to boggle you all down with that but I had to have some outlet!

The last couple of days, I’ve been catching dinner at the maternity center I intern at so I’ve been eating very nutritiously. They fix usually low fat meals, for example today they made spicy chicken, baked potatoes, and cottage cheese. It was great! Plus eating there helps me save on the food bill…now that has it’s perks!

I called the YMCA yesterday and it looks like I can get some financial aid from them, which will make it cheaper on me. Can you believe it costs $110 to join and then $40 each month!?!?! My budget cannot afford that but they will let me have a reduced rate because I am a student. Now, I just have to go down there and fill out the papers. Maybe next Tuesday, I will be able to go there and finally join! Well that’s it for me today, take care all-Kellie

September 1, 1999

Wow, it’s September all ready! Can you believe it? I’ve been on the diet for almost for four months and mostly I have been good. I am really happy with my results but the one thing I need to do is to start working out. This morning I want to call the YMCA to see about getting a membership. In a way I am kind of scared to give them a call but I will get over it. They offer a lot of great programs but what I really am interested in is the swimming. I was a swimmer in high school and I really enjoyed it (but I hated the other girls on my team…my high school sucked and so did the people). Anyways, I thought it was a great feeling back then to be in the water and workout. I attempted to swim leisurely in college and I was successful until I met Shawn, then I got lazy because I thought “Hey, I don’t need to take care of myself like that any more” so needless to say I haven’t worked out since then. So I need to get off my butt and start to swim.

My strategies to make it for the day are to avoid the munchies and control my urges. If I can stop having so much down time I will be better. I am the type of person that needs to be busy at all times. I can do it! Take care all-Kellie

My Vistors Since September 1, 1999